The Little Mermaid: Ariel’s Undersea Adventure (Disney California Adventure)

*Sung lyrics in bold.

(Queue Safety Announcement)

SEBASTIAN
Hello there, my friends! You are about to go under the sea. So for your safety, please remain seated with you hands, arms, feet, legs, flippers, and fins inside your clamshell—and keep an eye on your little ones. I can’t be everywhere, you know.

(Spanish safety spiel)

(Guests board clamshells and enter attraction.)

SCUTTLE
Let me start at the middle. Wait no—what am I thinking? That’s a terrible place to start a story. I’ll just tell you how it ends. No, wait. I got an idea: I’ll start at the beginning. I was born from a small, blue egg. Wait, wait. Too far. My story’s not near as interesting as Ariel’s. You know Ariel—the mermaid? Ah, what a voice. What a beautiful voice. But let me tell you how that evil sea witch tricked Ariel’s voice away from her. Oh, this is a great story! First, Ariel fell in love with a human. Then, King Triton got all mad and told Sebastian the crab to watch over her. Then, there was lots of dancing and singing—caw! Caw! Well, that was fun. And then—oh, I’m getting ahead of myself. The story began when Ariel fell head-over-fins in love. Wait, no—it began when King Triton asked Sebastian to keep an eye on Ariel. Wait, no—it began when King Triton got all mad, and Ursula took Ariel’s voice and—whoa, this story’s getting away from me. Gotta slow down. I’m getting ahead of myself. This is a great tale. And speaking of tails, Ariel traded hers in for a pair of… um, What do you call those? Those little thingies that make you not a fish? Legs! That’s what this story’s all about. Oh, this is such a great story about how Ariel became a human. But that Ursula. Oooh, she’s so mean. “I’ll make you human if you give me your voice,” she says. And Ariel gets all filibustered, and don’t know what she’s signing. Wait. Hold your seahorses.

(Clamshells go “under the sea” into Ariel’s Grotto.)

ARIEL
I’ve got gadgets and gizmos aplenty,
I’ve got whozits and whatzits galore.
You want thingamabobs? I’ve got twenty!
But who cares? No big deal.
I want more

I wanna be where the people are.
I wanna see, wanna see ’em dancing,
Walking around on those—
What do you call ’em? Oh, feet.

Flippin’ your fins you don’t get too far.
Legs are required for jumping, dancing,
Strolling along down the—
What’s that word again? “Street!”

Up where they walk, up where they run,
Up where they stay all day in the sun.
Wandering free,
Wish I could be, part of that world.

(Clamshells move to ocean floor.)

SEBASTIAN
Ariel, listen to me. Get your head out of the clouds and back in the water where it belongs. We got so much down here, there’s no reason to go up there! Don’t you understand, Ariel? This is where you belong! You may think the water’s always bluer in someone else’s lagoon, but down here is your home. Believe me, Ariel—the human world, it’s a mess. Life under the sea is better than anything they got up there.

Under the sea.
Under the sea.
Darling it’s better
Down where it’s wetter,
Take it from me!
Up on the shore, they work all day;
Out in the sun, they slave away;
While we devoting
Full time to floating
Under the sea.

Down here all the fish is happy,
As off through the waves they roll.
The fish on the land ain’t happy;
They sad ’cause they in the bowl.
But fish in the bowl is lucky—
They in for a worser fate.
One day when the boss get hungry,

BIG FISH
Guess who’s gon’ be on the plate?

SEBASTIAN
Oh no!
Under the sea.
Under the sea.
Nobody beat us,
Fry us, and eat us in fricassee.
We what the land folks loves to cook;
Under the sea, we off the hook!
We got no troubles;
Life is the bubbles!
Under the sea.

FISH CHORUS
Under the sea.

SEBASTAIN
Under the sea.

FISH CHORUS
Under the sea. 

SEBASTIAN
Since life is sweet here,
We got the beat here, naturally.

FISH CHORUS
Ooh, ooh, naturally-y-y.

SEBASTIAN
Even the sturgeon an’ the ray,
They get the urge ‘n’ start to play.
We got the spirit,
You got to hear it
Under the sea

The newt play the flute,
The carp play the harp,
The plaice play the bass,
And they soundin’ sharp!
The bass play the brass,
The chub play the tub,
The fluke is the duke of soul.

FLUKE
Yeah!

SEBASTIAN
The ray he can play
The lings on the strings.
The trout rockin’ out,
The blackfish, she sings.
The smelt and the sprat,
They know where it’s at,
An’ oh, that blowfish blow!

(Clamshells move into Ursula’s cave.)

JETSAM
Poor Ariel. In love with a human… We sent her to the right place.

FLOTSAM
Yes. Ursula will help her.

JETSAM
Poor Ariel.

FLOTSAM
She swam this way. Said something about being in love with a human.

FLOTSAM
We sent her to Ursula.

JETSAM
Yes, Ursula has great powers. See for yourself.

FLOTSAM
Ooh, yes. See for yourself. Poor child. We told her that Ursula could help her and her prince be together…

JETSAM
Forever. Ursula has great powers.

FLOTSAM
So Ariel is with Ursula.

JETSAM
Wants to live happily ever after with her prince.

FLOTSAM AND JETSAM
Happily ever after!

FLOTSAM
Ursula will help her.

JETSAM
Yes. See for yourself.

FLOTSAM
And Ursula’s powers are greater even than Triton’s. She’ll help Ariel all right.

URSULA
I admit that in the past I’ve been a nasty.
They weren’t kidding when they called me, well, “a witch.”
But you’ll find that nowadays
I’ve mended all my ways.
Repented, seen the light, and made a switch.
True? Yes.

Poor unfortunate souls.
In pain. In need.
This one longing to be thinner,
That one wants to get the girl—
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed.

Those poor unfortunate souls.
So sad! So true!
They come flocking to my cauldron,
Crying, “Spells, Ursula, please!”
And I help them—
Yes I do!

Beluga sevruga,
Come winds of the Caspian Sea!
Larynxes glossitis,
Et max laryngitis.
La voce to me!

(Clamshells climb out of the “water” as Ariel turns into a human. They move alongside the marsh.)

SEBASTIAN
There you see her,
Sitting there across the way.
She don’t got a lot to say,
But there’s something about her!
And you don’t know why, 
But you’re dying to try; 
You wanna kiss the girl.

Sha-la-la-la-la-la
My oh my,
Look like the boy too shy.
Ain’t gonna kiss the girl.
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Ain’t that sad?
Ain’t it a shame? Too bad—
He gonna miss the girl!

Now’s your moment,
Floating in a blue lagoon.
Boy, you better do it soon,
No time will be better.
She don’t say a word,
And she won’t say a word
Until you kiss the girl!

Sha-la-la-la-la-la
My oh my,
Look like the boy too shy.
Ain’t gonna kiss the girl.
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Ain’t that sad?
Ain’t it a shame? Too bad—
He gonna miss the girl!

(Ariel sings as she stands with Eric. Ursula burns in the distance.)

ARIEL
Ah, ah, ah, etc.

(Clamshells move to finale room. Sea and land creatures dance. King Triton smiles. Ariel and Eric wave.)

SCUTTLE
As you can see, everything worked out swell for Ariel. Of course, sometimes I get a little confounded and confabralated, but otherwise I’m—what’s the word—nuts! Ah, it’ll come to me… But anyway, that’s the story of our little mermaid. Of course she ain’t a mermaid no more—she’s a pretzel now! I mean a princess… a human princess. Well, that’s the way I remember it anyway. Yeah… Where was I? Oh, right! And they all lived—now how does that go—happily ever after! They also all lived in a big castle, which ain’t so bad either! That’s my favorite kind of story—right? Am I right? I’m not such a birdbrain after all!

(Clamshells return to unload area.)

SEBASTIAN
Hahaha, it was so good to see you! We hope you had a wonderful time. Step out to your left now. Hahaha, there you are. Hope you had a wonderful time. Now, please step out to your left. Goodbye!

(Attraction ends.)

(Safety announcements heard when attraction vehicles stop unexpectedly.)

SEBASTIAN
What’s this? You’ve come to a stop! Hmm, maybe it’s that sea witch. Listen to me—stay seated in your clamshell while I get to the bottom of this.

I bring good news! Your clamshells will begin moving immediately. Stay in your seats now.

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Snow White’s Scary Adventures (Disneyland)

(Queue Audio)

OLD HAG
A special sort of death for one so fair. What shall it be, hmm? Oh, the poisoned apple! One taste of the poisoned apple, and the victim’s eyes close forever in the sleeping death. Then I’ll be fairest in the land! (Evil cackle)

(Safety Spiel)

Looking for Snow White, dearie? Then sit still in your seat! And remember, you’re safely in the mine cart ride if your hands, arms, feet, and legs are kept inside—and watch your children! And beware of any apples you may find on the way (Evil cackle).

(Spanish safety spiel)

On the path to see Snow White, hmm? To be sure you arrive safely, stay in your seat; keep your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside; and, oh yes, watch those precious children of yours. On your way now!

(Ride vehicles enter the attraction)

(DWARFS yodel “The Silly Song”)

EVIL QUEEN
These dwarfs can’t hide Snow White from me. Soon I’ll be fairest in the land! (Evil laugh)

(Vehicles pass through the mine, under the two carrion birds, and into the Evil Queen’s castle. Crow caws.)

EVIL QUEEN
Magic mirror on the wall…

(She turns around to reveal the OLD HAG.)

OLD HAG
With this disguise, I’ll fool them all!

(Vehicles pass by OLD HAG standing at her cauldron.)

Have an apple, dearie? (Evil cackle) Apples! Fresh apples!

(Vehicles pass through dark forest. Wicked laughs are heard all around.)

Tasty apple! (Evil cackle)

(Vehicle pass by DWARFS trying to defeat the OLD HAG.)

DWARF
There she goes!

(OLD HAG is struck by lightning and screams as she falls. Vehicles exit into “Happily Ever After.”)

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Mark Twain Riverboat (Disneyland)

(Boarding Announcement)

CAPTAIN
Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking to ya from the wheelhouse. I’d like to welcome all of you aboard the Mark Twain Riverboat. For safe passage on our trip, please do not sit or climb on the outside rails, and be sure to watch your children. The waters can be unpredictable in these parts, and we’d sure hate to lose any of ya. Also, there should be no fires or smoking on board. Thanks, and now, a few words from the first mate.

FIRST MATE
(Spanish safety spiel)

NAVIGATOR
Secure all cargo! All passengers aboard!

Bowman, cast off bow lines. Engine room, ahead one quarter. Engine room, ahead three quarters. Ledge man, sound off.

LEDGE MAN (Singing)
By the mark. Mark one! Mark twain! Half-twain. Mark three. Mark four. Deep four. Ocean Deep.

CAPTAIN
We’re embarking on a steam-powered journey along the Rivers of America. On our trip, we’ll visit the magnificent Columbia in the great Northwest, the powerful Potomac in the mid-Atlantic, and the rugged Rio Grande along the border of Texas and Mexico. We’ll hear the voices of the pioneers, the native peoples, and a mischievous character or two, telling the unique stories and legends of life along America’s great rivers. We begin our trip on the mighty Mississippi, headin’ south, and ending up down in New Orleans.

(Music begins for “Down in New Orleans”)

SINGER
In the South Land, there’s a city
Way down on the river,
Where the women are very pretty,
And all the men deliver.

They got music, it’s always playin’.
Start in the day time, go all through the night.
When you hear that music playin’,
Hear what I’m saying, it make you feel alright.

Grab somebody, come on down!
Bring your paintbrush, we’re paintin’ the town!
Honey, there’s some sweetness goin’ ’round,
Catch it down in New Orleans.

CAPTAIN
New Orleans is rich in music, history, good food, and ghost stories. How else do you explain all those rumors of a mansion bein’ haunted? Folks say the place is filled with 999 happy haunts, and they’re lookin’ for someone to make it 1,000. Go ahead and find out for yourself, but don’t expect me to go with ya!

We’re now passing Fowler’s Harbor, home port for the three-masted windjammer, the Columbia. And there’s the most famous landmark in these parts. The critters call it Splash Mountain—and watchin’ folks plungin’ over its falls, I think you can see why! I’m at a loss to understand what’s going on here. Perhaps Br’er Frog can shed some light on the situation.

BR’ER FROG
I told Br’er Rabbit he better mend his ways! I told him Br’er Fox and Br’er Bear gonna toss him over the falls, all the way to that there briar patch. Huh, funny thing is, folks seem to love splashin’ down that big old drop.

LEDGE MAN (Singing)
Mark three! Mark three! Quarter left three! Half-twain. Half mark twain! Quarter list. Left flag. Mid-flag and touching!

CAPTAIN
If you’re new to the river, you’re probably wondering about those calls! That’s the ledge man, callin’ out the depth markings so we can avoid runnin’ aground.

LEDGE MAIN (Singing)
Mark twain!

CAPTAIN
Mark twain. Those are the two sweetest words a river man can hear. It means the water is two fathoms deep—safe enough for riverboats like ours to travel through. But Mark Twain means somethin’ else these days. It’s also the name of an author—a witty fella who used to pilot a sternwheeler himself in his day.

MARK TWAIN
When I was a boy, there was but one ambition among my comrades in our village. That was to be a steamboatman. We had ambitions of other sorts—to become clowns or pirates. These ambitions faded out, but the ambition to be a steamboatman always remained. Of course, when I was younger, I could remember everything, whether it happened or not…

CAPTAIN
We’re now travelin’ into the real backwoods country. There’s plenty of wildlife in these parts, but none wilder than Mike Fink. He’s the captain of that Gullywhumper keel boat, and he lives right over yonder in that cabin. And I believe he’s home right now. It sounds as if he’s got visitors. Must be the king of the wild frontier, Davy Crockett, with his good friend Georgie Russell.

Up on the ridge is an Indian chief, giving up a sign of peace. Seems appropriate, given how peaceful the waters are here in the backwoods.

FIRST MATE
Indian village ahead, captain!

CAPTAIN
Ahead, a tribe of plains Indians has set up camp along the river. And there’s the wise old shaman, sharin’ his knowledge with the young braves. If I’m translatin’ properly, he’s tellin’ the story of how a woodpecker taught young tribesmen to carve holes in a hollowed out branch. Blowin’ air through the branch, they created a strange and beautiful sound. That’s how the Lakota discovered the flute.

SHAMAN
(Speaks in Lakota language)

CAPTAIN
As we continue on, keep a close eye on the riverbanks. There’s a good chance we might catch a glimpse of moose, beavers, mountain lions, and other wildlife.

That’s Pirates Lair on Tom Sawyer Island on the starboard side. I tell ya, if there was one thing young Tom Sawyer always said he wanted to be, it was a pirate.

TOM SAWYER
It’s just the life for me! You don’t have to get up mornin’s. And you don’t have to go to school, and wash, and all that blame foolishness. You see, a pirate don’t have to do anything!

CAPTAIN
As we steam back into civilization along the Rio Grande, you can see the towering buttes of Big Thunder Mountain off in the distance. That mountain was the site of the biggest gold strike in these parts, and a railroad was built to haul the riches out. They say that train’s now the wildest ride in the wilderness—and from the screams I always hear comin’ from over there, I’d have to agree!

Well folks, we’re now comin’ up on the Frontier Landing, where our journey ends. On behalf of our entire crew, I’d like to thank you for visiting us aboard the Mark Twain. When exiting our riverboat, you may find the stairways to the right side and back of the boat provide easier passage. We hope you enjoyed your voyage with us, and that you’ll visit us again real soon!

NAVIGATOR
Engine room, approach levy at one quarter steam! Man the bowlines. All passengers, stand by to go ashore!

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Spaceship Earth (Epcot) – Dame Judi Dench Version (2008-Present)

(Loading area announcements.)

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
The sliding doors of your Time Machine will close automatically. For your safety, remain seated with your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the vehicle, and please watch your children. Please take small children by the hand, and watch your step on the moving platform. The platform is moving at the same speed as your Time Machine vehicle. Please take small children by the hand, and watch your step onto the moving platform. The platform and your time machine vehicle are moving at the same speed.
(Guests board time machine vehicles)
During your slow-moving journey, your Time Machine will slowly rotate backwards and may stop momentarily. For your safety, remain seated at all times.

COMPUTER ANNOUNCER
This is Spaceship Earth control. On behalf of Siemens, welcome aboard! On the map in front of you, please show us where you’re from while we input your time-travel coordinates.
(Guests select language, hometown on computer.)
Now locate the monitor overhead to the right.  Make sure your face is clearly visible, and wait for the flash.
(Guests are photographed.)
Good! Sending photo to the future. All systems are go. Linking you now to your guide.

NARRATOR (DAME JUDI DENCH)
Like a grand and miraculous spaceship, our planet has sailed through the universe of time; and for a brief moment we have been among it’s passengers. But where are we going? And what kind of future will we discover there? Surprisingly, the answers lie in our past. Since the dawn of recorded history, we’ve been inventing the future one step at a time. So let’s travel back in time together. I’ll show you how our ancestors created the world we know today, and then it will be your turn to create the world of tomorrow.

Here, in this hostile world, is where our story begins. We are alone, struggling to survive until we learn to communicate with one another. Now we can hunt as a team and survive together.

It takes 15,000 years to come up with the next bright idea: recording our knowledge on cave walls. There was only one small problem, when we moved, the recorded knowledge stayed behind.

Now, let’s move ahead to ancient Egypt, because something is about to happen here that will change the future forever. This unknown Egyptian pounding reeds flat is inventing papyrus—a sort of paper. Papyrus, in turn, creates better record keeping of plans, designs, and unfortunately taxes. But it also brings with it the dawn of great civilizations.

At this point, each civilization has its own form of writing, which none of the others can understand. But the Phoenicians, who trade with all of them, have a solution. They create a simple, common alphabet, adaptable to most languages. Remember how easy it was to learn your ABC’s? Thank the Phoenicians—they invented them.

The ancient Greeks were great inventors of the future. First, they established public schools, and then begin teaching an intriguing new subject called mathematics. And with math comes mechanical technology and the birth of a high-tech life we enjoy today.

GREEK SCHOLAR
(Speaking Greek)

NARRATOR
With lessons learned from the Greeks, the Romans create a powerful empire. To move their armies around, they build a system of roads all over the known world. Rome built the first “world wide web,” and it’s leading us into the future.

ROMAN MERCHANT
(Speaking Latin)

NARRATOR
But then we hit a roadblock—Rome falls, and the great Library of Alexandria in Egypt is burned. Much of our learning is destroyed—lost forever… or so we think.

THREE MEN
(Speaking Arabic)

It turns out there are copies of some of these books in the libraries of the Middle East, being watched over by Arab and Jewish scholars. Call it the first backup system. The books are saved, and with them our dreams of the future.

In the meantime, here in Europe, monks toil endlessly, recording books by hand—but that is about to change.

In 1450, Gutenberg invents the movable type printing press. Now knowledge can travel as fast as these new books… and travel they do.

Books make it easier to invent the future in every field, and the result is an incredible explosion of innovation that we call the Renaissance.

TWO MEN
(Reading from book in Italian)

CHOIR (Singing)
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah, etc.

NARRATOR
Books, it seems, were just the beginning. Now communication technology races headlong into the future, and soon people all over the world are sharing life’s most important moments faster than ever before.

PAPER BOY
Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Lee surrenders at Appomattox! Civil War is over! Extra! Extra!

SWITCHBOARD OPERATOR
I’m sorry, that line is busy. One moment please. One moment, I’ll transfer you.

RADIO ANNOUNCER
And today, we received word that Amelia Earhart has landed safe and sound in Wales. Today, July 19th, 1948, will forever be known as the day that she flew across the Atlantic and into the hearts of people around the world. Amelia Earhart has gone where no other woman has gone before!

NARRATOR
By now, we’re all communicating from anywhere on Earth—and in 1969, from somewhere else.

NEIL ARMSTRONG
It’s one small step for man; one giant leap for mankind.

NARRATOR
To send a man to the moon, we had to invent a new language, spoken not by man, but by computers—at first very large, very expensive computers—but we see the potential.

What if everyone could have one of these amazing machines in their own house? There’s just one problem: they’re as big as a house. The solution comes in, of all places, a garage in California. Young people with a passion for shaping the future put the power of the computer in everyone’s hands. Together, we form a super network that goes with billions of interactions, and once again we stand on the brink of a new Renaissance.

After 30,000 years of time travel, here we are—a truly global community, poised to shape the future of this, our Spaceship Earth.

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Please remain seated. Your Time Machine will be rotating backward for your return to Earth. In preparation for your return to Earth, your Time Machine will be rotating backward. Please remain seated.

NARRATOR
For the first time in history, all of us can have a say about the kind of world we want to live in. The choices we have made for the past 30,000 years have been inventing the future one day at a time. And now, it’s your turn.

Let’s have some fun creating the future, shall we? On your computer screen, answer a few questions for us. Then, we’ll show you a new world, custom made just for you. Ready?

Well done! Now along with your answers let’s add in some amazing new technology that we happen to know about.

And now, I believe your future is just about ready. Let’s take a look, shall we?

VIDEO ANNOUNCER
Welcome to the future! Or should I say your future!
(Video customized based on guest selections.)
The end. Or should I say “the beginning”… of your future!

NARRATOR
So here’s to the next 30,000 years on Spaceship Earth. While no one knows for sure what we’ll see or do, I do know it will be quite an adventure—an adventure that we’ll take and make together. See you in the future!

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Welcome back, time travelers. Now, Siemens invites you to visit Project Tomorrow—an exciting world of new ideas and innovations, made possible by Siemens’ ingenuity.

Your vehicle doors will open automatically. Please keep your hands  away from the doors, and step carefully onto the moving platform.

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Soarin’ Over California (Disney California Adventure)

(Preshow Safety Video)

PATRICK
Hello, and welcome to Soarin’ Over California. My name is Patrick, and I’ll be your chief flight attendant today. We’ll begin boarding in a few minutes, but first, I’d like to acquaint you with some important safety information. When the doors to your flight open, please take a seat and store all carry-on items in the under-seat compartment. This includes cameras, purses, hats, and of course, these little beauties. Next, fasten your seatbelts, inserting them into the buckle on your right. If smaller aviators don’t measure up to the height indicator on the seat, just put the belt through the loop in the center strap before buckling. Nice work pal! Soon you will be airborne, so if you or your little aviators have a fear of flying or of heights, you might wanna wait for your party at the arrival gate. Okay, let’s review: that is seat, seatbelt, carry-on items, safety strap, fear of heights, keep your hands and arms inside at all times—anything else…? Oh yeah, have a nice flight!

(Video ends)

Soarin’ Over California is now ready for immediate boarding. All passengers in gate A may now proceed to the aircraft. We will now continue our boarding process with all passengers in gate B. We would now like to welcome aboard all passengers in gate C.

(Guests move into theatre)

PATRICK
We are now conducting our final systems check. Please stow all carry-on items in the under-seat compartment. For your safety, remain seated with your seatbelt fastened during your flight. And watch your children.

(Spanish safety spiel)

PATRICK
Soarin’ to Tower: we are ready for takeoff.

(Attraction begins and ends)

PATRICK
On behalf of our entire flight crew, thanks for soarin’ over California with us. To unfasten your seatbelt, just push down on the red button on your right. Be sure to gather all your carry-on items from the under-seat compartment and exit to your right.

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DINOSAUR (Disney’s Animal Kingdom)

(Preshow Video)

DR. MARSH
Hello. I’m Dr. Marsh, Director of the Dino Institute, and I hope you enjoyed those quaint exhibits in the Old Wing. That’s how dinosaurs have been presented to the public since the study of fossils began, over 150 years ago. Today, that barebones approach is about to become extinct. In a perfect blending of science and technology, the Dino Institute has created the Time Rover—an amazing vehicle that will literally transport you to the age of the dinosaurs. How? That’s proprietary; but the result is a breathtaking journey through a prehistoric world where you’ll witness the most spectacular creatures to ever walk the Earth. In a moment, you’ll be going live to our control center for a comprehensive safety briefing, and then it’s on to the tour that will convince you forever that the future is truly in the past.

(Static.)

DR. GRANT SEEKER
Hello there! Welcome to our little trans-dimensional joyride, folks. I’m Dr. Seeker, your friendly controller, and a heck of a paleontologist if I do say so myself. But let’s not talk about me; let’s talk about you, and how you can help me make history today with the Time Rover. It’s like this: if I can bring you back from the Cretaceous Period, it stands to reason that I can bring back a live dinosaur with you. And not just any dinosaur; take a look at this guy. It’s an iguanodon, and I’m certain that he is the key to understanding these magnificent creatures. I tagged him with a locator during an “unauthorized” field trip. Otherwise, I’d be traveling with you. Right now, our dino should be about here—at the very end of the Cretaceous Period. That’s where you’re going today—

DR. MARSH (Appearing onscreen)
I’ve arrived, it seems, just in time to correct a little misstatement.

DR. SEEKER
Dr. Marsh…

DR. MARSH (to Seeker)
That is impossibly close to the giant asteroid impact that destroyed most lifeforms on Earth.
(to audience)
Our tours are designed to take you to the early Cretaceous Period…
(to Seeker)
…and I can assure you that all Time Rovers have been securely locked on those coordinates.

DR. SEEKER
That’s right. See.

COMPUTER (flashing “Access Denied” on screen)
Access denied. Access denied. Access denied.

DR. SEEKER
Securely locked. Access denied.

DR. MARSH
Continue.

DR. SEEKER
Of course. We were just talking about seatbelts. Plug them in. Use them. It can get kinda choppy out there, so keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle at all times. Flash photography? I wouldn’t. It alters the homing signal, and that’s not good. Oh, and one more thing. Those “locked coordinates”?
(Types on computer, which starts flashing “Access Granted”)
We’re in! Now, here’s the drill: you follow the homing signal to the iguanodon. Then, I’ll enlarge the transport field, and boom—you’re back with one additional passenger, extra large. And don’t worry about that asteroid. You’ll be in and out of there before it even breaks the atmosphere. Trust me—what could go wrong?

(Static.)

DR. SEEKER (Voiceover)
Hey, it’s me again. Remember, only you guys are going on this special mission. So don’t tell anyone… okay?

(Guests continue to loading area and board ride vehicles.)

COMPUTER (Voiceover)
Time travelers: place all loose items in the pouch in front of you, fasten your seatbelt, and remain seated with your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the Time Rover. And please watch children.

(Spanish safety spiel)

(Ride vehicle begins to move.)

COMPUTER
Time travel commencing in T minus 10 seconds and counting.

DR. SEEKER (Voiceover)
This is Seeker. Listen up: we’ve gotta get in, grab the iguanodon, and get out before that asteroid hits. Let’s roll!
(Vehicle travels back in time.)
Okay. Now, let’s go get that dino. Computer, what’re you tracking?

COMPUTER
Styracosaurus.

DR. SEEKER
Not our dino.

COMPUTER
(Beeps)
Warning. Meteor shower in range.

DR. SEEKER
Just little ones.

COMPUTER
(Beeps)
Alioramus.
(Beep)
Hadrosaur.
(Beep)
Raptor.

DR. SEEKER
Time to get serious. Locking autopilot on homing signal—now! Hang on! I’m tracking a big dino on the scope. Could be ours. Computer: full stop. Identify.

CARNOTAURUS
(Roar)

COMPUTER
(Beep)
Carnotaurus.

DR. SEEKER
Definitely not our dino. Go! Go! Go! Another big guy comin’ up. Computer, slow and identify.

COMPUTER
(Beep)
Sauropod.

DR. SEEKER
Still not our dino, but at least this one’s a vegetarian…
(Sauropod sneezes on vehicle.)
Whoops!

COMPUTER
(Beeps)
Asteroid impact in 90 seconds.

DR. SEEKER
We’d better move it.

COMPUTER
(Beep)
Pterodactyl.

DR. SEEKER
Incoming!

COMPUTER
(Beeps)
Asteroid impact in 60 seconds.

DR. SEEKER
We can’t stop now. Keep going, keep going!

COMPUTER
(Beep)
Compsognathus.

DR. SEEKER
Computer, what’s happening?

COMPUTER
Loss of traction.

DR. SEEKER
Four-wheel drive! Move it!

COMPUTER
(Beeps)
Warning. Meteor strike.

DR. SEEKER
Evasive maneuver! Right! Left! Right! Left! That was close.
(Computer beeps)
Computer, now what?

COMPUTER
(Beeps)
Carnotaurus.

(Carnotaurus roars.)

DR. SEEKER
That’s it. Abort mission. Abort! Abort!

COMPUTER
Iguanodon.

DR. SEEKER
Forget it! Get them out now!

COMPUTER
Asteroid impact.
(Several alarm beeps)

DR. SEEKER
Brace yourselves! This is it! They’re not gonna make it! They’re not gonna make it!

(Bright flash as you return to the present day.)

COMPUTER
Mission accomplished.

DR. SEEKER
You made it! I knew you would. And guess who made it back with you?
(The iguanodon can be seen on the TV)
I better find him before security does. Thanks for everything!

COMPUTER
Please gather personal belongings from the pouch in front of you, and remain seated until the Rover comes to a complete stop.

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Soarin’ (Epcot)

(Preshow Safety Video)

PATRICK
Hello, and welcome to Soarin’. My name is Patrick, and I’ll be your chief flight attendant today. We’ll begin boarding in a few minutes, but first, I’d like to acquaint you with some important safety information. When the doors to your flight open, please take a seat and store all carry-on items in the under-seat compartment. This includes cameras, purses, hats, and of course, these little beauties. Next, fasten your seatbelts, inserting them into the buckle on your right. If smaller aviators don’t measure up to the height indicator on the seat, just put the belt through the loop in the center strap before buckling. Nice work pal! Soon you will be airborne, so if you or your little aviators have a fear of flying or of heights, you might wanna wait for your party at the arrival gate. Okay, let’s review: that is seat, seatbelt, carry-on items, safety strap, fear of heights, keep your hands and arms inside at all times—anything else…? Oh yeah, have a nice flight!

(Video ends)

Attention passengers, we are now ready for boarding: beginning with row one, followed by two, and then three. Welcome aboard!

(Guests move into theatre)

PATRICK
We are now conducting our final systems check. Please stow all carry-on items in the under-seat compartment. For your safety, remain seated with your seatbelt fastened during your flight. And watch your children.

(Spanish safety spiel)

PATRICK
Soarin’ to Tower: we are ready for takeoff.

(Attraction begins and ends)

PATRICK
On behalf of our entire flight crew, thanks for soarin’ with us. To unfasten your seatbelt, just push down on the red button on your right. Be sure to gather all your carry-on items from the under-seat compartment and exit to your right. Have a great stay here in Epcot, or wherever your final destination may take you.

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Splash Mountain (Magic Kingdom)

*Sung lyrics in bold.

(Queue Audio Loop)

CHILD #1 (Voiceover)
Grandpa. Grandpa!

BR’ER FROG (Voiceover)
Hmm?

CHILD #1
Oh, please tell us the Br’er Rabbit story.

CHILD #2 (Voiceover)
Oh yes! The Br’er Rabbit Splash Mountain story!

BR’ER FROG
Br’er Rabbit, eh? Well, now… I recollect there was this one time on Splash Mountain, where it was just one of those zip-a-dee-doo-dah days.

(Children laugh.)

CHILD #2
Grandpa, would you pretty-please tell us the story about Br’er Rabbit?

CHILD #1
Grandpa, Grandpa—please tell us the Br’er Rabbit story.

BR’ER FROG
Br’er Rabbit, eh? Hmm, well now… Br’er Rabbit’s adventures didn’t happen just yesterday, nor the day before. They happened a long, long time ago.

(Children laugh.)

CHILD #2
Grandpa, Grandpa—tell us a tale about Br’er Rabbit please.

CHILD #1
Yes, about Br’er Rabbit’s adventures in Splash Mountain! Pretty please…

BR’ER FROG
Br’er Rabbit? Hmm, well this here Br’er Rabbit tale didn’t happen yesterday, nor the day before.  It was a long time ago. In them days, everything was mighty satisfactual!

(Children laugh.)

(Guests board logs, which leave the loading area.)

ANNOUNCER
For your safety, please stay seated with your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the log. And be sure to watch your kids! Have a zip-a-dee-doo-dah ride!

(Logs start climbing first hill.)

BR’ER FROG
Folks hereabouts say Br’er Rabbit’s leavin’ home. I say he’s headin’ for trouble. Mark my words—Br’er Rabbit’s gonna put his foot in Br’er Fox’s mouth one of these days. Sooner than later, Br’er Fox and Br’er Bear gonna catch that Br’er Rabbit for sure.

(Logs go over first hill and around bend. Logs climb second hill.)

(Music changes to banjo version of “How Do You Do?” Bees buzz and then Br’er Rabbit begins singing. Logs go down another hill into The Fishing Place, where frogs and fishing birds take over singing.)

BR’ER RABBIT/FROGS/FISHING BIRDS
“How do you do?” Mighty pleasant greetin’.
“How do you do?” Say it when you’re meetin’.
“How do you do?” With every one repeatin’
“Pretty good, sure as you’re born.” (Howdy!)

What goes up is sure to come down.
A penny lost is a penny found.
“How do you do?”
And you “howdy” back.
A little bit of this and a little bit of that.

How do you do? (Pleased to meet ya!)
Fine, how are you? (Nice seein’ ya!)
How you come on? (How you come on?)
Pretty good, sure as you’re born.

Stop jumpin’ around,
You’ll run out of breath!
Why don’t you sit back
And calm yourself?

You can hurry on now if you must.
We’ll do what we like, ’cause
That suits us.
(Howdy!)

How do you do? Mighty pleasant greetin’.
Pretty good, sure as you’re born. (Howdy!)
Pretty good, sure as you’re born. (Howdy do!)

How do you do? Mighty pleasant greetin’.
How do you do? Say it when you’re meetin’.
How do you do? With every one repeatin’
Pretty good, sure as you’re born.
Pretty good, sure as you’re born.

The weather is good, the fishin’ is fine.
Oh, what do we do with all of our time?
Well, we sit and we think and we wiggle our toes.
That’s what you ask us, that’s what we know!

Pretty good, sure as you’re born.
Pretty good, sure as you’re born.

How do you do? (Hi there!)
Fine, how are you? (Howdy do?)
How you come on? (Nice seein’ ya!)
Pretty good, sure as you’re born.
Pretty good, sure as you’re born.
Pretty good, sure as you’re born.

BR’ER RABBIT
I’m lookin’ for a little more adventure.

MR. BLUEBIRD
He’s headin’ for a little bit of fun now.

BR’ER RABBIT
I’m hopin’ for a little more excitement.

BR’ER RABBIT AND MR. BLUEBIRD
Time to be movin’ along!

BR’ER RABBIT
I’ve had enough of this ol’ briar patch.

MR. BLUEBIRD
He thinks an adventure’s about to hatch.
He’s movin’ on,

BR’ER RABBIT
Say goodbye to me.
Down at the Laughin’ Place is where I’ll be!

MR. BLUEBIRD
He’s lookin’ for a little more adventure.

BR’ER RABBIT
I’m headin’ for a little bit of fun now.

MR. BLUEBIRD
I’m hopin’ for a little more excitement,

BR’ER RABBIT AND MR. BLUEBIRD
Time to be movin’ along!

MR. BLUEBIRD
Stop jumpin’, Br’er Rabbit, you’ll run out of breath!
Why don’t you sit back and calm yourself?

BR’ER RABBIT
Well, the grasshopper jump, so do the flea.
I do what I likes, and I suits me.
I’m heading for—

MR. BLUEBIRD
A little bit of fun now.

BR’ER RABBIT AND MR. BLUEBIRD
Time to be movin’ along!
It’s time to be movin’ along!

MR. BLUEBIRD
The weather is good, and the fishin’ is fine.
Now what’ll you do with all of your time?

BR’ER RABBIT
Oh I zigs and I zags, I tos and I fros.
That’s what you asked me, and that’s what you know!

BR’ER RABBIT AND MR. BLUEBIRD
Time to be movin’ along!
Time to be movin’ along!

BR’ER FOX
Now’s our chance to set a trap for Br’er Rabbit.

BR’ER BEAR
(Guffaws.)

BR’ER FOX
So Br’er Rabbit’s looking for adventure, eh?

BR’ER BEAR
(Guffaws.)

BR’ER FOX
I’m gonna catch that Br’er Rabbit this time, for sure!

BR’ER BEAR
(Guffaws.)

BR’ER PORCUPINE
He’s lookin’ for a little more adventure,
But he’s headin’ for a little bit of trouble.
He’s headin’ for a little bit of danger.
Time to be turnin’ around!

Hey, Br’er Rabbit, better mend your ways.
You’re headed for trouble one of these days!
Warnin’ this rabbit, I’m afraid, is a waste,
He’s makin’ his way to the Laughing Place.

He’s lookin’ for a little more adventure,
But he’s headin’ for a little bit of trouble.
He’s headin’ for a little bit of danger.
Time to be turnin’ around!

Careful, Br’er Rabbit, better mend your ways.
You’re headed for trouble one of these days!
Warnin’ this rabbit, I’m afraid, is a waste,
He’s makin’ his way to the Laughing Place.

He’s headin’ for a little bit of danger.
Time to be turnin’ around.
Time to be turnin’ around.

YOUNG RABBIT
There goes that Br’er Rabbit, being chased by Br’er Fox and Br’er Bear.

BR’ER BEAR
Everybody’s got a Laughing Place, a Laughing Place…

BR’ER FOX
Look here, Brother Bear—this has gone far enough. Now get down from that tree! We gotta catch that rabbit what’s makin’ a fool outta you!

BR’ER BEAR
He is?

BR’ER RABBIT
Haha, you boys can’t catch me! Why, my Laughin’ Place is where I’m bound!

BR’ER BEAR
Everybody got a Laughing Place, ho ho ho…

BR’ER FOX
You sure done made a fool of yourself, Br’er Bear. You done sprung my Br’er Rabbit trap, and now he’s laughin’ at you!

BR’ER BEAR
He is?

BR’ER RABBIT
Br’er Fox! No need to get hung up over Br’er Bear! You need a good dose of my Laughin’ Place.

BR’ER ROADRUNNER
Where is this secret Laughin’ Place Br’er Rabbit’s talkin’ about? Can I go too? Hey y’all—hold up there! I wants to see this here Laughin’ Place old Br’er Rabbit’s talkin’ about.

(Logs go into the Laughing Place.)

POSSUMS/FROGS/TURTLES
Everybody’s got a Laughing Place,
A Laughing Place to go-ho-ho.
Take your frown, turn it upside-down,
And you’ll find yours we know-ho-ho!

Honey and rainbows on our way.
We laugh because our work is play.
Boy are we in luck!
We’re visiting our Laughing Place,
Yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk!
Yuk yuk yuk!

Everybody’s got a Laughing Place,
A Laughing Place to go-ho-ho.
Take a smile there, for a while,
And you’ll find yours, we know-ho-ho!

Honey and rainbows on your way.
Take that frown, turn it upside-dow,n
And soon you’ll find you’re here to stay.

Everybody’s got a Laughing Place,
A Laughing Place to go-ho-ho.
Come on in, give us all a grin,
And you’ll find yours, I know-ho-ho!

Laughing is how we spend our day.
Plenty o’ fun is what we make.
Boy are we in luck!
We’re visiting our Laughing Place.
Yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk!

Everybody’s got a Laughing Place,
A Laughing Place to go-ho-ho.
We’ve found one that’s filled with fun,
And you’ll find yours we know-ho-ho.

Everybody’s got a Laughing Place,
A Laughing Place to go-ho-ho!
Take that frown, turn it upside down,
And you’ll find yours we say-hey-hey.
And soon you’ll find you’re here to stay!

BR’ER BEAR
What Laughin’ Place? There’s just bees in here.

BR’ER FOX
Ow! Ow!

BR’ER RABBIT
(Squeals and laughs.)

BR’ER FOX
Ow! Ooh! Oh, oh, oh, etc.

BR’ER BEAR
I don’t see no Laughin’ Place. Just bees!

BR’ER RABBIT
Hee, hahahaha!

(Logs go down big hill with sign pointing “To the Laughin’ Place”)

(Bees buzz Everybody’s Got a Laughing Place.)

BR’ER BEAR AND BR’ER FOX
Ow, ooh, ooh, oh, etc.

BR’ER RABBIT
(Laughing)
I do declare, Br’er Bear, my Laughin’ Place sure gonna give you hives! Ha! I didn’t say this was your Laughin’ Place, Br’er Bear—I said it was mine! And I’m laughin’!

GOPHERS
Wee! Wow! Woo, etc.

(Music turns ominous as BR’ER FOX has caught BR’ER RABBIT)

BR’ER FOX
I bet you wish you’d never been born, huh, Br’er Rabbit? Well, you mine! You mine (Laughs)! And you’ll not be gettin’ away this time!

BR’ER RABBIT
Ohhh, what are you doin’, Br’er Fox? Let me go!!

BR’ER FOX
Say, Br’er Rabbit, how ’bout I take you to my Laughin’ Place (Laugh)? ‘Cept I don’t expect you’ll be doin’ much laughin’ (Laughs)!

BR’ER RABBIT
Ohh, where you takin’ me, Br’er Fox? Let me go!

VULTURE #1
Everybody’s got a Laughing Place.

VULTURE #2
Maybe this one is yours…

VULTURE #1
And wait till you see that old Br’er Rabbit!

VULTURE #2
He sure ain’t laughin’ no more!

VULTURE #1
If you finally found your Laughing Place…

VULTURE #2
How come you aren’t laughing?

VULTURE #1
That Br’er Rabbit, he learned his lesson all right.

VULTURE #2
But I’m afraid he learned it too late!

VULTURE #1
Laughing Place?

VULTURE #2
We’ve got your Laughing Place. Right up here.

VULTURE #1
So, you’re looking for a Laughing Place, eh?

VULTURE #2
We’ll show you a Laughing Place!

VULTURE #1
Time to be turnin’ around.

VULTURE #2
If only you could!

BR’ER FOX
Well, Br’er Rabbit, I expect I’ll just have to skin ya!

BR’ER RABBIT
Go ahead, Br’er Fox, skin me if you like. Please don’t fling me in that briar patch!

BR’ER FOX
Well, now, Br’er Rabbit, maybe I’ll just have to roast ya!

BR’ER RABBIT
Yessir, Br’er Fox. But whatever you do, please don’t fling me in that briar patch!

BR’ER FOX
You know, Br’er Rabbit, I think I’ll have to hang ya!

BR’ER RABBIT
That’s all right, Br’er Fox—hang me if you gotta! But please, please don’t fling me in that briar patch!

BR’ER BEAR
Briar patch? Briar patch!

(Logs go down the big drop.)

(Music changes to “Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah.”)

CHORUS
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!
My oh my, what a wonderful day!
Welcoming back Br’er Rabbit today.
We always knew that he’d get away!

He’s had enough of movin’ on now.
It’s where he’s born and bred in.
The briar patch is where he’s headin’!
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!
Wonderful feeling, wonderful day!

Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!
My oh my, what a wonderful day!
Plenty of sunshine heading our way.
We never doubted he’d get away!

Moving on taught him a lesson.
You’ve learned it well, Br’er Rabbit.
Gettin’ caught’s a nasty habit.
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!
Wonderful feeling, feeling this way!

Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!
Br’er Fox and Br’er Bear are gonna get it today.
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!
That hungry gator’s gettin’ his way!

Mr. Bluebird on my shoulder.
It’s the truth, it’s actual.
Everything is satisfactual.

Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!
Wonderful feelling, wonderful day!

BR’ER FOX
This is all your fault, Br’er Bear. So stop that singing! Ow! Ow!

BR’ER BEAR
My oh my, what a wonderful… Zip-a-dee-doo-dah…

BR’ER FOX
Br’er Bear, this is your fault! You flung us into this here predicament. Now stop that singing! Ow! Ow!

BR’ER RABBIT
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!
Home sweet home is the lesson today.
My, oh my! Born and bred in the briar patch, and I’m here to stay!

Oh, I’m thru with moving on now.
It’s where I’m born and bred in.
Briar patch is where I’m headin’!

BR’ER RABBIT AND MR. BLUEBIRD
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!

BR’ER RABBIT
I’m back in my home now, and I’m sure gonna stay!

MR. BLUEBIRD
I told you, Br’er Rabbit! There ain’t no place further from trouble.

BR’ER RABBIT AND MR. BLUEBIRD
Home sweet home is the lesson today.

BR’ER RABBIT
Don’t you worry, Mr. Bluebird! I learned my lesson.

MR. BLUEBIRD
The briar patch is where you were born, and the briar patch is where you’re gonna stay.

BR’ER RABBIT
One of these days, I gotta thank Br’er Fox and Br’er Bear for flingin’ me back home to my briar patch.

BR’ER RABBIT AND MR. BLUEBIRD
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!

BR’ER RABBIT
I’m back in my home now, and I’m gonna stay.
My, oh my! Born and bred in the briar patch, and I’m here to stay!

MR. BLUEBIRD
I’m glad you made it home safe and sound this time, Br’er Rabbit!

BR’ER RABBIT AND MR. BLUEBIRD
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!

BR’ER RABBIT
I’m sure glad to be here…

MR. BLUEBIRD
And he’s here to stay!

BR’ER RABBIT AND MR. BLUEBIRD
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!

BR’ER RABBIT
Home sweet home—

MR. BLUEBIRD
Is the lesson today.

BR’ER RABBIT
Don’t you worry, Mr. Bluebird! I learned my lesson.

MR. BLUEBIRD
I’m glad you made it home safe and sound this time, Br’er Rabbit.

BR’ER RABBIT
Mr. Bluebird on my shoulder,
It’s the truth!

MR. BLUEBIRD
It’s the truth!

BR’ER RABBIT
It’s actual!

MR. BLUEBIRD
It’s actual!

BR’ER RABBIT AND MR. BLUEBIRD
Everything is satisfactual!
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!
Wonderful feelin’, wonderful day.

(Logs return to unload area.)

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Haunted Mansion (Magic Kingdom)

(Narration begins when guests enter the Mansion foyer.)

GHOST HOST
When hinges creak in doorless chambers, and strange and frightening sounds echo through the halls. Whenever candlelights flicker where the air is deathly still — that is the time when ghosts are present, practicing their terror with ghoulish delight!

(Guests move into Stretching Room.)

Welcome, foolish mortals, to the Haunted Mansion. I am your host, your ghost host. Our tour begins here in this gallery. Here, where you see paintings of some of our guests as they appeared in their corruptible, mortal state. Kindly step all the way in please, and make room for everyone. There’s no turning back now.

CAST MEMBER (Exact wording varies)
Please drag your bodies away from the walls and into the dead center of the room.

GHOST HOST
Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding, almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis. Is this haunted room actually stretching? Or is it your imagination — hmm? And consider this dismaying observation: this chamber has no windows and no doors… which offers you this chilling challenge: to find a way out! Of course, there’s always my way.

(Thunder claps, lights go out, someone screams. Doors begin to open and lights come back on.)

Oh, I didn’t mean to frighten you prematurely. The real chills come later. Now, as they say, “look alive,” and we’ll continue our little tour. And let’s all stay together, please.

(Guests move into hallway.)

And now, a carriage approaches to carry you into the boundless realm of the supernatural. Once on board, remain safely seated with your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside. And watch your children, please.

(Guests board Doom Buggies.)

Do not pull down on the safety bar, please. I will lower it for you. And heed this warning: the spirits will materialize only if you remain quietly seated at all times. Oh yes, and no flash pictures, please. We spirits are frightfully sensitive to bright lights.

(Spanish safety spiel)

(Doom Buggies pass into Library.)

Our library is well-stocked with priceless first editions — only ghost stories, of course — and marble busts of the greatest ghost writers the literary world has ever known. They have all retired here, to the Haunted Mansion.

Actually, we have 999 happy haunts here. But there’s room for 1,000. Any volunteers?

(Doom Buggies move into Esher Staircase Room.)

If you should decide to join us, final arrangements may be made at the end of the tour.

(Doom Buggies move into Corridor of Doors.)

We find it delightfully unlivable here in this ghostly retreat. Every room has wall-to-wall creeps, and hot and cold running chills. Shhh, listen!

MAN IN COFFIN
Let me out, let me out of here!

(Door knockers clang, clock ticks. Doom Buggies move into Madame Leota’s Room.)

MADAME LEOTA
Serpents and spiders, tail of a rat, call in the spirits, wherever they’re at!

(Sounds of ghosts.)

Rap on a table — it’s time to respond. Send us a message from somewhere beyond…

(Knock on table.)

Goblins and ghoulies from last Halloween, awaken the spirits with your tambourine!

(Sound of a tambourine.)

Creepies and crawlies, toads in a pond, let there be music from regions beyond!

(A brass instrument plays part of “Grim Grinning Ghosts.”)

Wizards and witches, wherever you dwell, give us a hint, by ringing a bell!

(A bell rings.)

(Doom Buggies pass into Ballroom.)

The happy haunts have received your sympathetic vibrations and are beginning to materialize. They’re assembling for a swinging wake, and they’ll be expecting me… I’ll see you all a little later.

(Organ plays theme music. Two portraits shoot at each other.)

(Doom Buggies move into Attic.)

BRIDE
In sickness and in… wealth. You may now kiss the bride. We’ll live happily ever after. Till death do us part. Here comes the bride. As long as we both shall live. For better or for… worse. I do. I did.

(Doom Buggies move out of Attic window and into Graveyard.)

VARIOUS GHOSTS (Sung)
When the crypt doors creak and the tombstones quake,
Spooks come out for a swinging wake.
Happy haunts materialize and begin to vocalize.
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize!

Now, don’t close your eyes and don’t try to hide,
For a silly spook may sit by your side.
Shrouded in a daft disguise, they pretend to terrorize.
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize!

As the moon climbs high o’er the dead oak tree,
Spooks arrive for the midnight spree.
Creepy creeps with eerie eyes start to shriek and harmonize.
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize!

When you hear the knell of a requiem bell,
Weird glows gleam where spirits dwell.
Restless bones etherealize, rise as spooks of every size!

(Doom Buggies pass into Hitchhiking Ghosts Corridor.)

GHOST HOST
Ah, there you are! And just in time… there’s a little matter I forgot to mention — beware of hitchhiking ghosts! They have selected you to fill our quota, and they’ll haunt you until you return!

LITTLE LEOTA
Hurry back! Hurry back! Be sure to bring your death certificate… if you decide to join us. Make final arrangements now! We’ve been dying to have you…

GHOST HOST
Now I will raise the safety bar, and a ghost will follow you home!

GHOSTS VOICEOVER (Sung)
If would like to join our jamboree,
There’s a simple rule that’s compulsory.
Mortals pay a token fee;
Rest in peace, the haunting’s free.
So hurry back, we would like your company.

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