Star Tours: The Adventures Continue Queue and Pre-Show (Disneyland/Disney’s Hollywood Studios)

Click here to skip the queue and pre-show and go straight to the ride.

(Guests enter queue area and pass C-3PO and R2-D2 making final adjustments to the StarSpeeder 1000. Large screen displays flight status and plays ads for various destinations.)

(Queue passes G2-9T, the luggage inspection droid.)

G2-9T LOOP

G2-9T
Do I have the best job or what? (Scans a case with WALL-E inside.) If someone had told me I would wind up standing in one place, all day, every day — oh, excuse me… (Clears the suitcase.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
…checking the contents of one bag after another on a seemingly endless conveyor belt, day in and day out, I’d have said, “How can I get that job?!” (Laughs.) And here I am! It’s a dream come true, let me tell you. Oh — (Clears next suitcase.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

SUPERVISOR
G2-9T, what exactly are you doing down there?

G2-9T
Oh, um, uh… I was just seeing if any of these passengers might want to apply for a job in the exciting world of spaceport security.

SUPERVISOR
Ah, I may have one available.

G2-9T
Really? What job is that?

SUPERVISOR
Yours, if you don’t get back to work!!

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
(Laughs.) He is such a kidder… I hope. (Scans and clears next case, which has a droid in it.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Hey, who’s going to Mustafar? Anyone? I just have one question — why?!

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
That is one hot planet — it’s something like 373 degrees Kelvin. (Scans a bag with a Stitch/Figment plush inside.) Well, well, well… (Chuckles.) Well, what have we here? Seems like someone ignored the fact that animals are not allowed in checked baggage. (Presses button for case to be removed.)

COMPUTER
Quarantine. (Beeping.) All clear.

G2-9T
(To PASSENGER.) I’m sorry — no droids are allowed in this line. What? You’re not a droid? Oh. Well, my apologies. (Clears bag.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Actually, that was a compliment. (Next bag has an Ewok inside.) What a cute toy Ewok! Some lucky youngling is getting a very nice present. (The Ewok moves, but G2-9T isn’t paying attention and clears the case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next bag contains Mickey’s sorcerer hat and a broomstick.)

G2-9T
Hey, you know how I got this job? I apprenticed! Oh yeah, you have to. (Case is cleared.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(The next case is filled with blasters.)

G2-9T
Oh boy, look at this! Someone packed a lot of hairdryers. Hm. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Huh, must belong to a Wookiee. Yeah, Wookiees have a lot of hair. (Chuckles.) Remember, at Star Tours, safety is always number one. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Or number three… Wait, wait, wait… No, I think fun should be number one. You know the best thing about working at Star Tours? Nothing ever goes wrong — wrong — (Glitches.) wr – wr— wr — wrong! (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

Anyway… Where you all off to today? Well, safe travels, my friends, and — (Boxer shorts covered in hearts appear in next case.) Whoa!! Ho, ho… Fashion alert! Look at these beauties! (To PASSENGER.) Excuse me, sir — yes, you. Are these yours? I thought so. A little honeymoon on Tatooine, have we? Hmm? Well you have a lovely trip. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

SUPERVISOR
G2-9T, stop talking to the passengers, and get back to work!

G2-9T
Yes sir! Right away sir! (Next case contains a droid.) Anyway… where were we? Oh yes. Tatooine. Mm-hm! Tatooine is lovely this time of year. You will have the time of your life. But, little tip: don’t forget the sunscreen. Twin suns. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case has another droid, this time with Mickey Mouse ears.)

G2-9T
Wow, that’s something you don’t see every day! Actually, I do… every day. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
It’s a mouse droid. (Stormtrooper helmet appears in the next case.) Hold it right there! Yep. I know what this means — someone’s going to a costume party! I see a lot of these these days. Must be a lot of parties in the galaxy. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case contains what looks like an open bear trap.)

G2-9T
Huh, I wonder what that is. (The trap snaps shut.) Oh, huh, it’s a trap. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Here comes another one! (A football helmet/tennis racquet and other gear are in the next case.) Wow, I don’t know what that is… but it looks like foul play to me. I’m not gonna play around… Computer, destroy. (Football helmet/tennis racquet is destroyed.)

COMPUTER
Destruction complete. (G2-9T clears case.) Cleared.

G2-9T
I’m getting a message from Lost and Found, excuse me. (Repeating message.) Mr. Hutt, we’ve located your gold bikinis. Mr. Jabba the Hutt. (Clears next case without looking, even though it is filled with swords, a hook, and other pirate gear.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Uh, are you Mr. Hutt? You have nothing to fear with me on the job! (Next case contains blasters.) I am ever-vigilant. I’ve been programmed to ensure that nothing escapes my notice. My sensors are on constant alert for the slightest sign of danger. You can all fly easy knowing that I am your last line of defense. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Oops! I forgot to check that last bag… (Next case is full of droid parts, which look a lot like G2-9T, including eyes that blink.) Oh well I’m sure it was fine. I wonder what happened to G2-5T — my relief droid. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Good looking! Looked just like me… Gosh, I hope he didn’t get sacked(Next case contains droid arms.) Yep, I am always on the lookout for illegal arms. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
(To PASSENGER.) Hey, you — yeah, you! You remind me of someone really famous — Jar Jar Binks. (Next case contains Wookiee crossbow.) Meesa thinks you must hear that all the time! (Laughs and clears case without looking.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case contains musical instruments.)

G2-9T
Ever get a song stuck in your circuits? (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
I’ve got one. (Hums the first two phrases of the Mos Eisley Cantina Theme. Next case has a lightsaber inside.) Oh, look — a flashlight! Hmm… yup. Always good to have one of those in case the power goes out. (Lightsaber turns on.) And you think about that next time, ’cause I bet you didn’t pack one. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next suitcase is full of mechanical gloves.)

G2-9T
Whew, sure are a lot of bags today… I could really use a hand(Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
What do you know? It’s break time! (Next case contains a PIT DROID playing on a tablet.) Good thing, though, ’cause all this working is a real drain of my batteries. I’ll just take five and be as good as new. (Powers down as alarm sounds.)

COMPUTER
Scanner alert! (PIT DROID drops the tablet and curls into a ball. G2-9T stays powered down.) Scanner alert! Alert! Alert! Alert! (G2-9T powers back up and yawns.)

G2-9T
Hey, I didn’t miss anything, did I? I hope not. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Alarm goes off again, as several bags in a row go by without being scanned.)

G2-9T
Oh no! Now they won’t stop!

SUPERVISOR
G2-9T, what’s going on down there?

(G2-9T frantically presses buttons until the conveyor belt reverses and begins scanning again.)

G2-9T
Uh… everything’s under control. Situation normal. (Awkward chuckle.)

SUPERVISOR
What happened?

(Next case contains a Jedi training ball, which shoots around the case.)

G2-9T
Uh, everything’s perfectly all right now, we’re — we’re fine. We’re all fine here now, thank you. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
(To SUPERVISOR.) Uh, how are you?

SUPERVISOR
G2-9T, I’m getting all kinds of warning signals that bags are not being checked — (Wall-E appears in the next case.)

G2-9T
(Turning off communication with SUPERVISOR.) Boring conversation anyway. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case contains Mad Hatter’s hat and a stack of teacups.)

G2-9T
Wow, whoever packed this bag is mad! (Shakes head and clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case contains a pair of R2-D2 Mickey Mouse ears.)

G2-9T
Appears we have a satellite receiver here. Mm-hm. Well, satellite receivers are not allowed in checked baggage… But I’m gonna let it slide this time because it’s so cute. Just don’t tell my supervisor okay? Our little secret! (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
(To PASSENGERS.) Uh, is anyone here traveling to Yavin 4 — home of the (Stage whisper.) secret Rebel base. Oops… home of the previously secret Rebel base. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
(Laughs uncomfortably.) Have a nice flight… (Next case contains tourist gear, including a camera.) Well, what have we here? Clearly some sort of alien weapon technology. (Camera flash goes off several times.) Ah! It’s shooting at us! We’re under attack! Everyone duck! Don’t worry. Don’t worry, everyone! I’ll save the day! Destroy!

COMPUTER
Destroy. (Targets and destroys camera.) Camera destruction complete.

G2-9T
What? A what?!

COMPUTER
A camera.

G2-9T
A camera — what’s a camera? Oh you’re kidding me… someone would actually take one of those on a vacation?! Well, that’s a first. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
(To various PASSENGERS.) You have your boarding pass? You all have your boarding pass? Please make sure you have your boarding pass handy. (Beat.) I’m kidding! You don’t need a boarding pass… (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Welcome to Star Tours… (Next case contains various PIXAR souvenirs.) So, where are you all flying to today? Don’t — don’t shout it out all at once, okay? How ’bout you. Where are you — oh, hold on a second. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
I would love to see the universe. Yeah… but, as you can see, I have this very important job… (Next case contains a magic wand, a large bumble bee, a net, a crustal ball, a set of skeleton keys, and a Boston Red Sox hat.) And this restraining bolt. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Yep, I’m not going anywhere. (Chuckles.) Anyone heading to Kashyyyk for the big holo-chess tournament? Well, a little bit of advice: let the Wookiee win. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Hey, who here is flying for the first time? Anyone? (Next case contains pieces of Rex the RX-24 pilot droid.) Is this your first flight? Don’t worry — there’s no need to be nervous wrecks. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Have a great flight. I’m sure it’ll be a smooth one. (Next case contains Goofy plush.) Is that a dog or a man?! Hm, I have no idea… It looks pretty goofy to me. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
I love this job… and I’m good at it too! (Next case contains a cowboy hat and fiddle.) I am always vigilant. That’s right — I don’t fiddle around. No sir. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Hey… here comes another bag! They never stop. Never. Isn’t that great? (Case contains R2-D2. He turns his head.) I don’t know what I’d do if the bags stopped coming. Why, I’d have no purpose in life! (R2-D2 whistles.) Oh, that’s a scary thought… Let’s clear it, shall we? (Clears case without looking at it.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Oh, I didn’t mean the bag… Oh, oh well — let it go. Clear the thought; clear the bag. Who’s gonna know? (Next bag contains a Jawa.)

SUPERVISOR
G2-9T, are you checking every bag?

G2-9T
Uh, yes sir! (Laughs uncomfortably. To PASSENGERS, sotto voce.) Wow, he is good. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Oh, just heard this: why do hands always travel in pairs? (Next case is full of droid hands and arms.) Because, you never see hands solo! (Laughs.) Get it? “Hands solo?!” (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case contains Chip n’ Dale.)

G2-9T
Oh, would you look at that — clones! Yeah, we get them from time to time, although these are not identical. I see a different in their noses, hm? (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
You know, you’ve got to have a head for this kind of job. (Next case contains Madame Leota’s head in her crystal ball.) Mm-hm. This one offers a chilling challenge… to find out what it is! Of course, there’s always my way. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case contains several bluegrass instruments, including a banjo.)

G2-9T
I have no idea what this is. Not at all. But I fear it could cause a lot of pain and suffering. Therefore… (Pushes a button.)

COMPUTER
Destroy. (Banjo is destroyed.)

G2-9T
That’s music to my ears!

COMPUTER
Destruction complete.

G2-9T
Sounds good to me! (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next bag contains roller blades, a skateboard a hat, sunglasses, and flip-flops.)

G2-9T
Now, this bag belongs to a strange alien creature — I believe you call it… a teenager! (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next suitcase has a stormtrooper helmet and gear inside.)

G2-9T
Computer, whose bag is this?

COMPUTER
TK-421.

G2-9T
TK-421? Why isn’t he at his post? Hmm… must have a good reason. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
(Singing to the tune of “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad.”) I’ve been looking at the same bag, all the live-long day! (Spoken.) Clear! (Clears case, which contains droid parts.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Catchy tune… (Next case has a Goofy ear hat inside. Laughs.) Look at this. I see a lot of these — souvenir hats in the shape of Jar Jar Binks. How goofy is that? (Laughs and clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Oh, you humans and the stuff you pack. I’ll never understand it. (Next case contains snow gear.) Who’s going to Hoth? I have one word for you: layers. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
This security job is the best! It’s so much better than — oh, I don’t know — like, like being stuck welding old droids back together. (Next case contains a microscope and floating particles, reminiscent of Adventures Thru Inner Space.) Just reprogram me before that ever happens, right? As if it ever would! (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
You know, all Star Tours flights are non-smoking… (Next case contains Aladdin’s lamp.) And, just so you know, that applies to luggage as well. (Lamp lets out a puff of smoke as he clears the case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Oh, I see it’s my break time! Excuse me for a moment, while I shut down… (G2-9T shuts down as PIT DROID appears in the next case, playing with toys. Alarm sounds.)

COMPUTER
Scanner alert! Scanner alert! Alert! Alert! (PIT DROID hides behind a tennis racquet.)

(G2-9T powers up and yawns.)

G2-9T
Where’s the snooze bar on this thing? (Turns off alarm.)

SUPERVISOR
G2-9T?!

G2-9T
Oh, I’m on the job! (Clears case without looking.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

SUPERVISOR
Listen up — we have reports of droids being smuggled in checked bags.

G2-9T
Oh… (Astromech droid appears in the next case.) I can honestly say that I have not seen a thing. Honestly. As if anything would ever get past me, ha! (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case contains Mickey Mouse ears.)

G2-9T
Oh, I know I’ve seen this bag before… Maybe it has a twin! (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
You would not believe how many people try to sneak droids through in their luggage, just so they won’t have to pay the duty fee. (Next case contains three BATTLE DROID heads.) But in the battle against smuggling nothing gets past me.

BATTLE DROID HEAD
Roger, roger.

G2-9T
What was that?! Oh, and my name isn’t Roger — it’s G2-9T.

BATTLE DROID HEAD
Roger, roger.

G2-9T
Okay, you can call me “Roger” if you want to. I’m easy! (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Just a reminder: no living creatures are allowed in luggage. (Next case contains an Ewok, drumming on a Stormtrooper helmet.) And — it goes without saying — no dead ones, either. (Clears case without looking.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Oops! (Chuckles.) I forgot to check that last bag. Oh well, I’m sure it’s fine. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Hello, people?! Hello! We’re not here to change the world. (Next case contains Majordomo from Captain EO.) But I am here to tell you that droids are not permitted in checked baggage. Thank you. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case contains a laptop computer.)

G2-9T
Well what have we here? Computer, identify please.

COMPUTER
Computer.

G2-9T
I know you are, but what is that?

COMPUTER
Computer.

G2-9T
Ugh, I don’t have time for this. Destroy!

COMPUTER
Destroy. (Computer is destroyed.) Computer destruction complete. Cleared.

G2-9T
What? Oh… it was a computer. Well, why didn’t you say so in the first place?

COMPUTER
I did.

G2-9T
Oh. Well, I hope it wasn’t yours. My bad! (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case contains a Buzz Lightyear toy.)

G2-9T
Wait a second, what is this?! Do you know? I certainly don’t. But I can tell you one thing — (Buzz Lightyear wings extend.) That is not a toy. But I’ll clear it anyway. It’s cute. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
To Tatooine and beyond! (Next case contains boots.) Just so ya know, there are no photos allowed in this area. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
But, I’m willing to bend the rules… for you. Go ahead — take as many as you want! (Next bag contains droid parts.)

SUPERVISOR
G2-9T, are you checking every bag?!

G2-9T
Uh, yes sir! (Clears bag without looking.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case contains blasters and boots.)

G2-9T
Now what have we got here? Hm. Computer: identity scan please.

COMPUTER
Scanning. Scan complete.

G2-9T
(Reading.) Lando Calrissian… hm. Wanted in seven star systems?! Wow… (To PASSENGER.) I bet you’re wanted. I want to be wanted. I want this bag to be cleared. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case contains Incredibles suit.)

G2-9T
Wow. Now this is what I call an incredible packing job. Take note. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case has podracing gear.)

G2-9T
Computer: destination scan, please?

COMPUTER
Tattooine.

G2-9T
Why are so many people going to Tatooine today? Oh, I know — it’s the Boonta Eve Classic! (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
That’s the annual podrace, for those of you who’ve never been before. It’s really exciting! (Next case has various limb coverings.) And if you’re going, here’s a little tip — bet all your credits on the pilot named “Sebulba.” You can’t lose. Don’t ask me how I know. (Stage whisper.) He cheats! (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
We droids aren’t allowed to wager on such things. Oh, no. (Next case contains the head and various body parts of a PROTOCOL DROID.) And the last thing I want to do is get into trouble… ’cause I love it here. And I really want to get ahead.

PROTOCOL DROID HEAD
Shut up!

G2-9T
Oh, how rude! Who said that? Please watch your language. There are younglings here. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
(Singing to the Star Wars theme, à la Bill Murray.) Star Tours, nothing but Star Tours, doo-doo-doo-doo… (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Loop begins again. Guests continue toward G2-4T, the security droid.)

G2-4T LOOP

G2-4T
(Checking screen.) Looking good here. (To PASSENGERS.) I would like to thank you all for your cooperation, but since your cooperation is mandatory, no thanks seems necessary. Keep it moving… that’s it! I see you’ve flown a million miles with us… you don’t fly very often, do you? Keep it moving, there you go. Let’s keep it moving. Keep in mind that all carry-ons must fit in the overhead compartment. (Beat.) I have just been informed that there are no overhead compartments. Well… carry on. (Checking screen.) Good. (To PASSENGERS.) Nothin’ to see here! That screen is for me to look at, not you, so keep it movin’ and stop lookin’! That’s right. To those traveling with small children… good luck with that. (Checking his monitors.) No. No. (To PASSENGERS.) In order to keep you safe, I have been programmed to recognize all forms of suspicious human behaviors, including sweating, blinking, talking, laughing, and breathing. Hm, you’re all acting very suspicious… Okay, okay, let’s keep it movin’! Keep it movin’ — unless they’ve stopped the line again. What are they doing up there? You’ll get there… I promise you. (Checking his monitors.) No.(Checking screen.) Looking good, here. (To PASSENGERS.) Thanks for stoppin’ by! Good to see ya. How are the kids? Fine game last night, huh? Nice weather we’re having. (Beat.) Just trying out my new “small talk” program — seems to be working. (Chuckles.) Honestly, I don’t know how you humans do it. How you doin’? Keep movin’. Hey, I’m afraid your flight has been canceled. I’m kidding. It’s just delayed. Indefinitely. Totally kidding. It’s on time. I guess. What flight are you? All right, keep it movin’. Excuse me! Um, uh, excuse me — did anyone drive here today in a brown landspeeder, model X-34? If you did, an angry little green guy just handed me a note for you. It says, “Parked in my space, you are. Have you towed, I will.” Okay, check. (Beat.) You would not believe what some humans try to get away with. The other day, a woman tried to waltz past me with two cinnamon buns in her hair! Everyone knows there’s no food allowed past this point. They know that. And, you’re movin’! Keepin’ it movin’! Always movin’! Sometimes stoppin’, but better when movin’. All right, keep it movin’ — one foot in front of the other… if that’s the way you’re built. That’s it. Wait! Please direct your attention to the scanner. (Indicates screen behind him.) The blue scan indicates that you’ve contracted Dagobah Smallpox. Don’t panic — droids are immune. I’ll be fine. Keep moving. Keep it movin’, humans — and try to act less suspicious. Thank you. Hm, you have that wild-eyed look of a Corellian smuggler… or even worse — a tourist. Are you sure you’re not a Rodian, because you’re coming up green on my scanner. Keep walkin’ in the same direction, that’s right. Parents, you may be asked to prove that your small children are not Jawas — thank you in advance for your cooperation. (Beat.) Hi there! How are you doing? I hope you have a nice tour! I hear the cold vacuum of space is beautiful this time of year. Enjoy it! (Beat.) Uh, ma’am, your Wookiee will have to enter in a separate line. Oh — that’s your husband. I apologize. Let’s keep it movin’, let’s keep it tight. Security is a very serious business. I do not have time to joke around. But if I did, I would tell you a very funny one about a Tusken raider, a Jawa, and an Aqualish, who was walkin’ into a cantina — but I don’t. So I won’t. So move it along. Good. As you walk through the scanner, just act natural… not like you’re acting right now. Thank you. All right, keep the line movin’. Don’t even think about trying to get away with anything. I watchin’ you — always watchin’ you. Especially you… and you. Not you, but now I am. That’s right. There you go. Switching to complimentary mode. Well don’t you look nice. That is a great outfit! Is that your original head? It’s quite becoming. Move along. Please refrain from waving — this disrupts the circuitry, as well as possibly the nose of the person standing near you. Thank you. Keep it moving. Where you headin’ — as far as you know? Well, have a nice flight… (Chuckles.) You look confused. I’ve heard you humans carry a lot of baggage… I’m not programmed to deal with your personal problems, so keep it movin’! Hey, I may look like I’m looking directly at you, but I’m actually looking at that over there. One of my many skills. Yes — I totally saw that. Keep it moving. Good. Okay. I’m sorry, but you may not bring your Jawa through here. Oh, those are your younglings… move along! Oh, wow! Wow, just when you think you’ve seen it all — one of those! (Chuckles.) Carry on. (Beat.) The ultimate job security is a job in security. Yup, that’s why I’m always here. Always. Attention, humans: there are no liquids allowed inflight. The shuttle was built by droids, who didn’t think to put in a bathroom. Keep it movin’. I know we’re all thinking about heading into space, but right now, I want you thinking about the space between you and the person in front of you — tighten it up, people! All right, keep movin’, keep movin’! When you bump in to the person in front of you, then you can stop. (Checking screen.) Good. Check. (To PASSENGERS.) According to my scanner, you have a colorful personality. Move along. Everything is moving smoothly, and that’s the way I like it. Yes, yessir. Well, look at you — you look strong enough to pull the ears off a gundark! Nah, that’s just an expression. Most creatures — including gundarks — get very mad if you pull their ears. You, uh, look confused. Keep it movin’, no funny business! If there’s one kind of business I don’t like, it’s the funny kind. (Checking his monitors.) Good. Good. (To PASSENGERS.) Wait. Put your food away! No, that’s not food — put your lightsaber away! Oh, that’s a churro… Then put your churro away! (Chuckles.) “Churro.” That’s one of those funny words that just puts a smile on my face. Hey! What are you lookin’ at? Move along! That’s it. Move along. Moving slowly… there ya go. If you are in the Coruscant system, stop at Dexter’s Diner. I get a case of oil for mentioning it. If you eat there, you might get a case of something else… Keep it movin’. (Beat.) Ladies and gentlemen… and droids… put a cap on those liquids. Last time my wires got wet, I short-circuited and wound up repeating myself every 20 minutes. It was a nightmare! Keep it movin’, keep it movin’! You don’t wanna miss the Boonta Eve podrace for this… I must really love my job… They tell me I need a vacation, but vacations are for the weak! Sorry, enjoy your vacation… You know, for a lot of security droids, it’s just a job. But for me… it’s just a job. Keep it movin’. There ya go. Humans and humanoids: I’d like to report that all flights are on time today! I’d like to report that, but I actually have no information regarding your flights. Sorry. I’m supposed to report any suspicious-looking humanoids, but you all look suspicious to me. (Checking screen.) Okay. Human. Human. Human. (To PASSENGERS.) Wait! How do I know you’re not a shapeshifting Clawdite? Seriously — how do I know?! I don’t. So move along now. That’s it. There you go. (Checking screen.) Nice. (To PASSENGERS.) Sometimes powerful brainwave activity can interfere with my scanners, so make sure to clear your mind as you are being scanned. Excellent job, sir. Your mind is a complete blank. Okay. If you are an alien species, this is not the line you are looking for. Yes, I’m talking to you. And you. All right. Hey, great robot joke: what did the droid say to the human? 1001101001! (Laughs.) Right? Right? What, you don’t speak binary? All right, let’s move it along. Keep it movin’. You remind me of someone… except he’s green, but shorter than you, and speaks backwards. Other than that, you could be his twin. Keep it movin’, that’s it. I hope you enjoy your tour. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, and I wouldn’t do anything. That’s it. Keep it movin’. You’re in the correct line… for you. Hi there! Nice to scan ya. Long time, no see. My optic circuits have been out. They’re back now, and I see everything. That’s it. Move along. (Laughs.) How are ya? How ya doin’? How ’bout you? How’s it goin’ there, pal? Keep moving. How are ya? You look familiar to me. Have I scanned you somewhere before? Let’s keep it movin’. Let’s keep it close. (Checking his monitors.) Good. Good. Check. (To PASSENGERS.) Keep it movin’, humans! Those of you traveling with domesticated creatures, this is not your line. I’m talking to you, miss. Oh, is that your boyfriend? I’m terribly sorry. Keep it moving. Hold it right there — do you know who I am? Seriously, I just accidentally wiped my memory… I could use a little help here. I’m kidding! Or am I…? Keep it moving. Are you hot… or not? Because you’re coming up red on my scanner. Okay. Let’s keep it moving, let’s keep it close. Keep it tight. Right. All passengers must have flight glasses. Pick them up around the corner. They’re complimentary… but they’re not yours. Just give them back when the flight’s over. That’s all. Keep it movin’. Keep it movin’. So, are you traveling alone? Enjoy the peace and quiet… with the other 39 passengers. Yes, sir? You wanna know what time your flight is leaving? I have no idea. Move along. Keep it moving, there ya go. Keep moving. All right, keep it moving — nothing to see here… except that large, colorful projection of yourself being scanned. (Checking his monitors.) Good. Check. (To PASSENGERS.) Go about your business. Move along. Ah, it’s you again! About that little incident you caused last time you were here… don’t worry! Just keep that our little secret. (Aside.) Security, Sector 5. (To PASSENGERS.) No boarding passes are required; my scanner tells me who you are and what you are, and if you’re not who you are… what are you? (Beat.) How you doin’? Keep movin’. My name is G2-4T. That’s short for G2-4TT45579982DWP-403ST. That’s just my first name. I’d tell you my last name, but I don’t wanna hold up the line, so move along. That’s it. Move along. I just want you to know that the wait time from this point is currently 75 minutes. I’m just kidding! You should have seen your face! Gate’s right around the corner. All right, give me five. That’s how long my relationships last… five seconds. Good to see you again. Okay… I can’t think of anything more fun than scanning you people — wait, I just thought of something. (Checking his monitors.) Yeah. Good. (To PASSENGERS.) Thank you for flying with us today. We know that you have a choice in space flights. Well, actually, you don’t. You’re at a Star Tours terminal, so that’s what you’re flying today… like it or not. Keep it movin’. I love security — especially the part where I catch humans doing things they shouldn’t. Makes my day. You wanna be next? No? All right, then keep it movin’! I got my eyes on you. Not just these two — I’ve got others… but I’m not telling you where. Oh! That’s just what you’d like me to do, isn’t it? Well, I’m not doing it, so move along. Sir, I know what you’re up to. I can see right through you, and it’s not a pretty picture. (Checking his monitors.) Where do these humans get this stuff? (To PASSENGERS.) Here at Star Tours, we have a very specific boarding process… but I’m not going to tell you what it is. I’m not programmed for that, so keep it moving. There ya go. (Checking his monitors.) Good. (To PASSENGERS.) It’s been my pleasure scanning you today. And you. Not you. Move along. (Beat.) Are you sure you’re not Togruta, ’cause you’re coming up orange on my scanner. You, uh, look confused. Let’s keep it moving, let’s keep it close. My sensors tell me that some of you have been through here before. Don’t worry, we fixed the scanner problem, and I’m happy to see it hasn’t affected you. Or you. (Beat.) Movin’. Movin’ slowly. How’s the weather out there? You don’t need to answer — I don’t really care. I don’t get out that much. Okay, now, where was I? Oh, right. This thing is extremely sensitive, so don’t do a thing. (Alarm goes off.) Nothing to see here! Just keep moving! (Alarm fades out.) How you doin’? Keep movin’. All passengers must wear trans-dimensional optic-enhancement units… or as I like to call them, “flight glasses.” You can pick them up around the corner. Remember, you must return your glasses after your flight. Don’t make me come after you, because I will. Keep it movin’. Let’s keep it tight. All right, stay together, humans! Whoa, not too close! Okay, closer than that. Closer. Aaand, not that close. (Checks monitor. To PASSENGERS.) Attention: if you’re going to Alderaan today… you’re not. All flights to Alderaan have been canceled. Please see a gate attendant for rebooking — I’m sure everything is fine. Oh, I’ve seen you before. Sure, good to see you again. (Aside.) I’m programmed to say that. (To PASSENGERS.) Keep moving. Keep your party together… unless you’re not crazy about your party, and then feel free to take separate flights. (Checking his monitors.) No. Good. (To PASSENGERS.) Keep it movin’! Keep it movin’, one step in front of the other. Nice job, ma’am. Move along. Move along. Nicely done. You’ve done this before, haven’t you? You people seem to know what you’re doing… almost like you’ve been doing it all day long. I’m impressed. Move along. Keep it tight. Keep it close together — not too close! Greetings, sir and/or madam. We know that you have a choice of space lines and — ah, who are we kidding? You really haven’t. So move along. Just keep it moving. My scanner is able to identify over 14,000 different species of lifeforms. Human. Human. Wookiee…? Oh, I’m sorry. Human? Are you sure you aren’t a smart Wookiee? Okay. (Checking his monitors.) Check. Looking good.

(Loop begins again. Guests continue toward gates and get flight glasses from a cast member.)

PRESHOW VIDEO

C-3PO
R2-D2, thank goodness I caught you! I just received word that the captain is having some sort of technical problem.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
And that’s why I’m the systems analyst and you are the astromech.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
Don’t you tell me to hurry, you overgrown glob of grease! I know exactly what time you depart. You just do your job and I’ll do mine.

(PIT DROIDS attempt to clean the viewport but get frustrated. C-3PO enters the StarSpeeder 1000. An AC-38 droid, aka ACE, sits in the cockpit.)

C-3PO
Ah, excuse me captain.

ACE
Who are you?

C-3PO
C-3PO, systems analyst.

ACE
It’s about time. The binary motivator is acting up.

C-3PO
Well, binary is like a second language to me… but I can’t fix the motivator from here.

ACE
Just make it quick. We’re scheduled to depart in a few minutes. (He gets down from the cockpit and exits the StarSpeeder 1000.)

C-3PO
There’s no time to lose! Off with you. Go on. Shoo! Shoo! Tour droids… really. (He sits in the cockpit and the viewport door closes him in. Computer beeping.) What? Now this is malfunctioning too! This could take longer than I thought…

(Back outside, PIT DROIDS continue arguing. ACE exits the StarSpeeder 1000.)

MECHANIC
Hey AC-38!

ACE
Hey, wait! We’re scheduled to depart in a few minutes.

(MECHANIC uses a remote control to open the viewport from the outside. Star Tours logo appears on screen, followed by safety droid ALY SAN SAN.)

ALY SAN SAN
Please pay attention to the following safety information. When the automatic doors have opened, please proceed directly across the ramp, into the cabin. Continue to move all the way across your aisle, filling in every available seat. Galactic Regulations require that all carry-on items be safely stowed beneath your seats. To fasten your restraint, use the yellow strap to pull the belt out from the right side of the seat, and snap the belt into the buckle on your left. For your safety, remain seated throughout your flight, with your restraint securely fastened. And please, watch your children.

(Glitch. Spanish safety spiel. Glitch.)

Do not put on your flight glasses until instructed to do so by a crew member. One final reminder: smoking and photography are never permitted on any Star Tours flight. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask a Star Tours agent. You’ll be boarding in just a few moments! Thank you!

(Star Tours chime. On the screen, the StarSpeeder 1000 raises toward the boarding area. Doors open on screen and in the boarding area. Star Tours chime.)

COMPUTER
All passengers, please prepare for immediate boarding.

(Guests board the Star Speeder 1000 and the ride begins.)

(Pre-show video transcript contributed by Brendan Warski.)

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Star Tours: The Adventures Continue (Disneyland/Disney’s Hollywood Studios)

(Guests board the StarSpeeder 1000 from the Pre-Show Area.)

(Flight begins.)

OPENING SEGMENT #1
DARTH VADER

MALE ANNOUNCER
Star Tours 1401, you are cleared for departure.

C-3PO
1401? That’s us! We can’t take off. The captain isn’t onboard.

COMPUTER
Auto takeoff sequence initiated.

C-3PO
Oh no! Um, excuse me, you don’t seem to understand. I am not the captain. I am C-3PO.

(Viewport opens.)

MALE ANNOUNCER
1401, cleared for takeoff. Contact frequency on four-two-niner.

C-3PO
Wait!

SIGNAL DROID
Follow me.

C-3PO
Wait!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(SIGNAL DROID directs StarSpeeder 1000 forward.)

C-3PO
R2-D2, I am not programmed to fly these things. Now, just turn us around this instant before we get into trouble!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(DARTH VADER flies in, flanked by four STORMTROOPERS. DARTH VADER breathing sound.)

C-3PO
I knew it!

(DARTH VADER stops the StarSpeeder 1000 with Force Hold.)

DARTH VADER
Halt!

C-3PO
Don’t shoot!

DARTH VADER
Prepare to be boarded, Captain.

C-3PO
I’m afraid there’s been a terrible mistake. I am C-3P —

DARTH VADER
We know you have this Rebel spy onboard.

(Picture of random guest is shown onscreen.)

C-3PO
I’ve never seen that man/woman/person before. Oh dear. Gotta go!

DARTH VADER
Don’t underestimate my power.

(DARTH VADER uses Force Hold to rock the StarSpeeder 1000 back and forth while two TIE fighters enter the takeoff zone.)

C-3PO
Oh no! Ah!

DARTH VADER
I want that spy!

(StarSpeeder 1000 begins shooting while moving backwards and DARTH VADER deflects the shots with his lightsaber.)

C-3PO
Goodness, R2! Someone could get hurt! (StarSpeeder 1000 clears the ship and enters open space, pursued by TIE fighters. StarSpeeder 1000 begins moving forward.) Lightspeed, R2! Now!

(StarSpeeder 1000 makes the jump to lightspeed.)

OPENING SEGMENT #2
STORMTROOPERS 

MALE ANNOUNCER
Star Tours 1401, you are cleared for departure. Initiate takeoff sequence.

C-3PO
What?

COMPUTER
Auto takeoff sequence initiated.

C-3PO
R2-D2, what’s going on here? We are not ready for take off.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
The captain isn’t on board yet.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
You know I can’t fly this thing.

(Viewport opens.)

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
No neither can you. We need a proper pilot!

FEMALE ANNOUNCER
Attention: All transports hold for security clearance.

(StarSpeeder 1000 is noticed and stopped by two STORMTROOPERS.)

C-3PO
Oh, stormtroopers. We’ll be deactivated for sure.

STORMTROOPER
Hold it right there, Captain.

(Imperial PROBE DROID attaches to the viewport and scans the passengers.)

C-3PO
Oh, um, I’m not actually the captain.

STORMTROOPER
We’re looking for this rebel spy. Have you seen him/her/them?

(Picture of random guest is shown onscreen.)

C-3PO
No one on this transport could possibly be a… spy? Oh dear.

STORMTROOPER
This is the speeder we’re looking for! Blast ’em!

(STORMTROOPERS begin shooting at the StarSpeeder 1000. PROBE DROID tries to shake free from the viewport.)

C-3PO
Bring us up, R2! (StarSpeeder 1000 escapes the ship, following closely behind the Millennium Falcon.) Where are we going?! (After dodging Imperial Destroyers, the StarSpeeder encounters several TIE fighters, firing on the transport.) This is madness! R2, don’t you dare make the jump to lightspeed.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(StarSpeeder 1000 enters lightspeed.)

C-3PO
Ah!

OPENING SEGMENT #3
KYLO REN

MALE ANNOUNCER
Star Tours 1401, you are cleared for departure.

C-3PO
1401? That’s us! We can’t take off. The captain isn’t onboard.

COMPUTER
Auto takeoff sequence initiated.

C-3PO
Oh no, uh. Excuse me, you don’t seem to understand. I am not the captain. I am C-3PO.

(Viewport opens.)

MALE ANNOUNCER
1401, cleared for takeoff. Contact departure on frequency four-two-niner.

C-3PO
Wait!

SIGNAL DROID
Follow me.

C-3PO
Wait!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(SIGNAL DROID directs StarSpeeder 1000 forward.)

C-3PO
R2-D2, I am not programmed to fly these things. Now, just turn us around this instant before we get into trouble!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(KYLO REN flies in, flanked by four STORMTROOPERS and stops the StarSpeeder 1000.)

C-3PO
I knew it!

KYLO REN
Stop right there!

C-3PO
Don’t shoot!

KYLO REN
I know you have a spy onboard.

C-3PO
I’m afraid there’s been a terrible mistake.

KYLO REN
He’s/She’s/They’re a spy, and a traitor to the First Order!

(Picture of random guest is shown onscreen.)

C-3PO
I’ve never seen that man/woman/person before. Oh dear. Gotta go!

(KYLO REN uses Force Hold to rock the StarSpeeder 1000 back and forth while two TIE fighters enter the takeoff zone.)

KYLO REN
Don’t be a fool!

C-3PO
Oh no! Ah!

KYLO REN
You are no match for the power of the Dark Side!

(Star Speeder 1000 begins shooting while moving backwards and KYLO REN deflects the shots.)

C-3PO
Goodness, R2! Someone could get hurt! (StarSpeeder 1000 clears the ship and enters open space, pursued by TIE fighters. StarSpeeder 1000 begins moving forward.) Lightspeed, R2! Now!

(Star Speeder 1000 enters lightspeed.)

PRIMARY DESTINATION SEGMENT #1
HOTH

(StarSpeeder 1000 enters the atmosphere of Hoth and descends toward the snowy mountains.)

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(StarSpeeder 1000 hits the snow and bounces.)

COMPUTER
Warning. Pull up. Pull up. Thruster malfunctioning.

C-3PO
Thrusters? Are they important?

AIR SPEEDER PILOT
Star Tours, this is a restricted area. What are you doing here?

C-3PO
I have no idea!

AIR SPEEDER PILOT
Stay clear of the combat zone.

C-3PO
Combat zone? Oh no! (StarSpeeder 1000 enters the combat zone, full of AT-ATs. AT-ATs shoot canons and hit the StarSpeeder 1000.) We’ve been hit! Brace yourselves! (StarSpeeder 1000 lands on the edge of a cliff.) Nobody move! I mean, everybody move! Lean back! (StarSpeeder 1000 falls down the cliff.) Oh dear! Please! R2, do something!

(R2-D2 initiates the thrusters and the StarSpeeder 1000 goes back to orbit.)

PRIMARY DESTINATION SEGMENT #2
TATOOINE

(StarSpeeder 1000 flies across the deserts of Tatooine and is passed by several pod racers.)

C-3PO
Now what?

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
A pod race! I’ve always wanted to do this. (StarSpeeder 1000 dodges various pieces of shrapnel, including one that explodes.) Hang on everyone! (StarSpeeder 1000 is nudged by another pod racer.) You ruffian! We’ll show him.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(After a fight with SEBULBA, another pilot loses control of his pod racer, which ends up straddling the StarSpeeder 1000.)

C-3PO
We’ve snagged a pod racer, which gives us twice the power!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(StarSpeeder 1000 passes SEBULBA to cross the finish line first.)

C-3PO
Ah! We won! Now cut the pod and let’s get out of here. (StarSpeeder 1000 hurtles toward the stands but pulls up just in time.) Watch out!

(StarSpeeder 1000 pulls up and leaves Tatooine’s atmosphere.)

PRIMARY DESTINATION SEGMENT #3
KASHYYYK

(StarSpeeder 1000 enters the atmosphere of Kashyyyk and descends into a forest.)

C-3PO
Where are we now?

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
The Wookiee planet. (The StarSpeeder 1000 follows two STORMTROOPERS on Speeder Bikes.) Imperial Troopers? What are they doing here? (CHEWBACCA falls on the viewport.) I’m afraid you’re not allowed to be there. (One STORMTROOPER runs into a branch and gets knocked off of his bike.) R2, hit the brakes! (The other STORMTROOPER passes the StarSpeeder 1000 and gets destroyed.) It worked!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
Not this way, R2!

(WOOKIEES roar.)

C-3PO
I’m sorry! Hang on!

(StarSpeeder 1000 pulls up and out of the Kashyyyk atmosphere, passing a WOOKIEE atop a guard tower, who shakes its fist at the ship.)

PRIMARY DESTINATION SEGMENT #4
JAKKU

(StarSpeeder 1000 enters the atmosphere of Jakku and flies above the desert. The Millennium Falcon appears, pursued by a First Order fighter.)

C-3PO
R2, I don’t like the look of this. It just got worse!

FINN
Star Tours! What are you doing here?!

C-3PO
I have no idea!

FINN
Well, stay low.

C-3PO
Why?

FINN
It confuses their tracking. Now, put your shields up — if they work.

C-3PO
R2, this is no time for heroics. (The StarSpeeder 1000 flies inside a crashed Star Destroyer.) Ah! (The StarSpeeder 1000 stops and scavengers begin taking parts off of the ship.) Oh, thank the maker! Shoo! And you! Put that back this instant! R2, let’s go!

(StarSpeeder 1000 exits the Star Destroyer wreckage and flies out of Jakku’s atmosphere.)

HOLOGRAM MESSAGE #1
ADMIRAL ACKBAR

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
What transmission?

(ADMIRAL ACKBAR appears via hologram.)

ADMIRAL ACKBAR
This is Admiral Ackbar. By now you know that your StarSpeeder is carrying an agent vital to our Rebel cause.

C-3PO
The spy.

ADMIRAL ACKBAR
Precisely. Deliver him/her/them safely to the rendezvous point I am transmitting to your R2 unit. Good luck, and may the Force be with you.

(Hologram disappears.)

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
What are you saying? This is madness!

(StarSpeeder 1000 jumps to lightspeed.)

HOLOGRAM MESSAGE #2
PRINCESS LEIA ORGANA

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
A transmission?

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(PRINCESS LEIA ORGANA appears via hologram.)

PRINCESS LEIA ORGANA
I am Princess Leia of Alderaan. We’ve placed a Rebel spy vital to the survival of the Rebellion into your Star Speeder. You must see him/her/them safely delivered to the coordinates in transmitting to your R2 unit. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Star Tours. You’re my only hope.

(Hologram disappears.)

C-3PO
Her only hope.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
What do you mean we’ll be making a slight detour?

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
We’ll do no such thing. Wait! Wait!

(StarSpeeder 1000 jumps to lightspeed.)

HOLOGRAM MESSAGE #3
YODA

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
A transmission?

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(YODA appears via hologram.)

YODA
Yoda, I am. On your ship, one loyal to our cause, you carry.

C-3PO
The spy.

YODA
Mmm. Deliver him/her/them, you must, or all will be lost. To your R2 unit, coordinates I will send. May the Force be with you.

(Hologram disappears.)

C-3PO
I’m afraid we’ve all just joined the Rebel Alliance.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(Star Speeder 1000 jumps to Lightspeed.)

C-3PO
Oh, oh. Where are we going?! Woah!

HOLOGRAM MESSAGE #4
BB-8

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
A transmission? (BB-8 hologram appears.) BB-8!

BB-8
(Beeps.)

C-3PO
A mission? What mission?

BB-8
(Beeps.)

C-3PO
He says he has vital information to deliver and needs our help.

BB-8
(Beeps.)

C-3PO
Well, we’re not going on any mission — it’s bound to be dangerous.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
R2, we are not going.

BB-8
(Beeps.)

C-3PO
Good luck? (Hologram disappears.) Wait! Where are we going?! (StarSpeeder 1000 jumps to lightspeed.) Woah!

HOLOGRAM MESSAGE #5
MAZ KANATA

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
A transmission?

(Hologram of MAZ KANATA appears. She is being shot at while she talks.)

MAZ KANATA
I am Maz Kanata, and I come to you with an urgent message. The shadow of the dark side is spreading across the galaxy. My friends in the Resistance need your help. Even you! Head to the coordinates I’m sending you. We must face them and fight them. Now, go!

(MAZ KANATA rockets away as the hologram disappears.)

C-3PO
R2, we are not going. (StarSpeeder 1000 jumps to lightspeed.) Yes we are!

HOLOGRAM MESSAGE #6
POE DAMERON

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
A transmission?

(Hologram of POE DAMERON appears.)

POE DAMERON
This is Poe Dameron with the Resistance.

C-3PO
Commander Dameron.

POE DAMERON
3PO? R2, what are you doing there?

C-3PO
Well, sir it all —

POE DAMERON
Rhetorical question. Listen up. There’s someone aboard your ship vital to our mission.

C-3PO
The spy. Is this mission sanctioned?

POE DAMERON
Let’s say it is. Anyway, rendezvous at the coordinates I’m transmitting to R2. Good luck and —  you know the rest.

(Hologram disappears.)

C-3PO
“The rest” sounds rather perilous to me.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
I don’t even (StarSpeeder 1000 jumps to Lightspeed.) know!

ENDING DESTINATION SEGMENT #1
CORUSCANT

(StarSpeeder 1000 comes out of lightspeed in the midst of a battle above Cosruscant. The ship dodges to avoid fire.)

C-3PO
Shields up, R2! (BUZZ DROIDS land on the viewport and begin tearing the ship apart.) Buzz droids! R2, get them off before they rip us apart! They’ve severed the controls!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(The StarSpeeder 1000 flies into a fireball from an exploding ship, which dislodges the BUZZ DROIDS, then it goes straight down towards Coruscant.)

C-3PO
Pull up, R2! Pull up!!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(StarSpeeder 1000 comes out of the dive and begins flying amidst busy metropolitan traffic.)

C-3PO
Well done, R2!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(StarSpeeder 1000 is nearly hit head-on by several ships.)

C-3PO
Are you sure this is the right way?

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
They’re not going the wrong way! We are, you nitwit! (StarSpeeder 1000 dodges oncoming traffic and veers toward a platform.) Look R2! A platform! Let’s land there.

(The StarSpeeder 1000 lands at speed and crashes into the SIGNAL DROID.)

SIGNAL DROID
(Recovering from collision.) Stop.

(StarSpeeder 1000 descends toward unload area.)

REBEL OFFICER
Welcome, Star Tours. I trust our colleague is safe?

C-3PO
Safe? Have you any idea what we’ve been through?

REBEL OFFICER
We’re in your debt, Captain.

(Dazed SIGNAL DROID bumps into the viewport and flies off in a random direction.)

C-3PO
Captain? Oh… glad to be of service. We’re all in the Rebel Alliance now, so may the Force be with us. (Viewport closes.) Oh, and uh, thank you for flying Star Tours!

ENDING DESTINATION SEGMENT #2
NABOO

(StarSpeeder 1000 comes out of Lightspeed above Naboo and encounters a swarm of VULTURE DROIDS.)

VULTURE DROID
Incoming vessel: identify yourself or be destroyed.

C-3PO
Destroyed?!

REBEL N-1 PILOT
Star Tours, follow us down to the Rebel hangar. You’ll be safe there.

C-3PO
Thank the maker! (StarSpeeder 1000 enters Naboo’s atmosphere and descends. VULTURE DROIDS destroy the three N-1 Starfighters and hit the StarSpeeder 1000.) We’re hit! R2, send out a distress signal!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
Oh! (The StarSpeeder 1000 crashes into the water. It almost hits JAR JAR BINKS) Look out, R2!

JAR JAR BINKS
Ah!

C-3PO
We nearly hit that poor Gungan.

GUNGAN PILOT
Star Tours, follow the ship! It’sa gonna lead you to the planet’s core.

(StarSpeeder 1000 follows Gungan ship into darker water.)

C-3PO
Any help would be appreciated.

GUNGAN PILOT
Weesa picking up some strange readings. Stay close. (An OPEE SEA KILLER attacks the Gungan ship.) Mayday! Weesa under attack! Ah! (SANDO AQUA MONSTER attacks the OPEE SEA KILLER.) Good luck, Star Tours. Yousa on your own, now.

C-3PO
On our own?! (COLO CLAW FISH attacks the StarSpeeder 1000.) Wait! R2, do something! (R2-D2 electrifies the COLO CLAW FISH and the StarSpeeder 1000 manages to get away.) And I thought I hated space travel! (The StarSpeeder 1000 goes above the water and crashes into the Rebel hangar.) Brakes! Brakes! Where are the brakes?!

(The pointed front of an N-1 Starfighter with a PIT DROID repairing it breaks the viewport of the Star Speeder 1000.)

PIT DROID
(Angry beeps.)

C-3PO
What do you mean we broke your ship? You broke our viewport. (PIT DROID falls inside the Star Speeder 1000.) And I did not give you permission to come aboard. So sorry for the inconvenience. (Viewport closes.) We hope you enjoyed your flight and we look forward to seeing you again soon! Goodbye!

ENDING DESTINATION SEGMENT #3
GEONOSIS

(StarSpeeder 1000 comes out of lightspeed above Geonosis and immediate finds itself amidst a asteroid field. The Death Star is half built in the distance.)

C-3PO
This can’t be right.

BOBA FETT
You can run, but you can’t hide—not from me.

(BOBA FETT’s Slave I begins shooting at the Star Speeder 1000.)

C-3PO
That dreadful bounty hunter… (StarSpeeder 1000 dodges shots from BOBA FETT as it navigates amongst the asteroids.) Woah! Ah! Oh my! Woah! Hang on! Ah!

(Sound of DARTH VADER breathing as his TIE Advanced X1 flies by, flanked by two TIE fighters.)

DARTH VADER
I have you now!

(StarSpeeder 1000 starts approaching the Death Star and enters through the trenches.)

C-3PO
I have a bad feeling about this… (StarSpeeder 1000 flies through the Death Star, avoiding obstacles.) I’m getting us out of here.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
I know exactly what I’m doing.

(StarSpeeder 1000 successfully escapes the Death Star. BOBA FETT’s Slave I appears)

BOBA FETT
Say goodbye, Rebel spy…

(BOBA FETT’s Slave I releases a Seismic Charge.)

C-3PO
A sonic bomb!

(R2-D2 shoots the charge in the right spot and sends it back to BOBA FETT, which blasts him away.)

C-3PO
Good shot, R2! Now, get us out of here!

(The StarSpeeder 1000 jumps to lightspeed and exits at a Rebel fleet.)

ADMIRAL ACKBAR
Star Tours, we were concerned about you. Is our agent safe?

C-3PO
Safe, but perhaps a little shaken.

ADMIRAL ACKBAR
We are grateful you made it. You are all heroes of the Rebellion.

(StarSpeeder lands on a Rebel ship. An applauding and waving group of Rebel fighters greets the transport.)

C-3PO
I rather like the sound of that. Be careful out there, all of you. The Empire is watching. (Viewport closes.) Pardon me, but how do we get back to a Star Tours terminal?! Hello?!

ENDING SEGMENT #4
CRAIT

(StarSpeeder 1000 comes out of lightspeed and enters Crait’s atmosphere.)

C-3PO
R2, are you sure these are the right coordinates?

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(StarSpeeder 1000 rounds a corner into the middle of a battle.)

C-3PO
Ah! Hang on everyone! (StarSpeeder 1000 dives into a salt cave.) I wasn’t programmed for this!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(StarSpeeder 1000 dodges stalactites and stalagmites, shooting the ones it can’t avoid.)

C-3PO
Watch out! Ah! (The StarSpeeder 1000 breaks out of the cave enters the Battle of Crait alongside Ski Speeders.) We’re done for.

POE DAMERON
Glad you made it, Star Tours.

C-3PO
Here we go again!

POE DAMERON
Ok fighters! Keep it tight!

(Red dust covers the viewport.)

C-3PO
I can’t see a thing. R2, do something!

(Three squeegees clean off the viewport. StarSpeeder 1000 dodges amidst the legs of AT-M6 walkers.)

GENERAL HUX
Star Tours, you shouldn’t have come.

C-3PO
I heartily concur.

GENERAL HUX
Execute them.

C-3PO
We’re leaving this instant! R2, where are you going?

(The StarSpeeder 1000 turns around and fires at an AT-M6, destroying it.)

POE DAMERON
Nice job, Star Tours! Alright, we’ll take it from here.

C-3PO
Well done, R2. Now, let’s go!

(The StarSpeeder 1000 enters lightspeed and exits at the planet Batuu.)

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
Oh, we’ll be safe here on Batuu. I hope.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
Yes, R2. I believe this adventure is just beginning. (StarSpeeder 1000 lands. FLYING DROID looks through the viewport.) What are you looking at? (Viewport closes.) Go away! Go away!

ENDING MESSAGE

ALY SAN SAN
Please remain seated until the captain has opened the exit doors. You may then unlatch your safety restraints by pressing the release button on your left. Make sure you have all your personal belongings as you exit. Thank you for flying Star Tours! Buh-Bye!

(Transcript contributed by Brendan Warski.)

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Red Car News Boys (Disney California Adventure)

*Sung lyrics in bold.

(Trolley comes down Sunset Blvd. carrying NEWS BOYS. They sing as it makes its way toward Carthay Circle.)

NEWS BOYS
California, here we come.
Right back where we started from.
Where bowers of flowers bloom in the spring.
Each morning at dawning,
Birdies sing at everything.
A sun-kissed miss said don’t be late,
(Don’t be late)
And that is why we can hardly wait
(Hardly wait)
To open up that golden gate.
California, here we come!

Extra! Extra! etc.

California!
Here we come now!
California!
Here we come now!
Let’s go!

California, here we come.
Right back where we started from.
Where bowers of flowers bloom in the spring.
Each morning at dawning,
Gotta love those birdies singing!
A sun-kissed miss said don’t be late,
(Don’t be late)
And that’s why we can hardly wait
(Hardly wait)
To open up that golden gate.
California, here we come!

Extra! Read all about it!, etc.

(Trolley arrives at Carthay Circle and stops. Doors open on JOHNNY.)

JOHNNY
All right, News Boys — time for roll call! Feets!

FEETS
Here!

JOHNNY
Shorty!

SHORTY
Present!

JOHNNY
Tacks!

TACKS
Bingo!

JOHNNY
Sal!

SAL
Yesiree!

JOHNNY
Annnnd Kip!

(KIP ad libs a bad joke at JOHNNY’s expense.)

NEWS BOYS
A sun-kissed miss said don’t be late,
(Don’t be late)
And that’s why we can hardly wait
(Hardly wait)
To open up that golden gate.
California (California, California)
California (California, California)

California, here we come!
Yeah!

(Applause.)

JOHNNY
All right, fellas, you know what to do. Let’s sell some papers!

NEWS BOYS
Yeah! Extra! Extra! etc.

Extra! Extra!
Hey there, we’re the News Boys,
And we got to pay our dues!
Sellin’ late editions,
And singin’ ’bout the news!

(JOHNNY gets up on stack of papers stage right.)

JOHNNY
Let me show you how to sell a headline: Extra! Extra! “Can-Do Spirit Sweeps California!” Looks like the bad days are behind us, eh?

Happy days are here again.

NEWS BOYS
Talk about those happy, happy days!

JOHNNY
The skies above are clear again.

NEWS BOYS
Talk about those happy, happy days!

JOHNNY
So let’s sing a song of cheer again.

NEWS BOYS
Happy days are here again!

(FEETS and TACKS lift SAL onto their shoulders.)

SAL
You want some news? Here’s some big news! “Charles Lindbergh Crosses the Atlantic!” Lucky Lindy lands in Paris. All I can say about that Lucky Lindy is, “Attaboy, Charlie!”

NEWS BOYS
Clap hands!

SAL
Here comes Charlie!

NEWS BOYS
Clap hands!

SAL
Join the party!

NEWS BOYS
Clap hands,
Here comes Charlie now!

Here comes Charlie now!

(SAL stands on top of stacks of papers stage left. The NEWS BOYS dance around her like airplanes.)

NEWS BOYS
Clap hands,
Yeah, Charlie.
This way,
Join the party!
Clap hands,
Here comes Charlie now!

(JOHNNY gets baseball bats out of the trolley and throws them to the boys. SHORTY gets on the stacks of papers stage left and waves his paper in the air.)

SHORTY
Hey, “Babe Ruth Breaks Record!” Just think — maybe California will have a team of their own one day.

KIP
Yeah, right!

JOHNNY AND KIP
Take me out to the ballgame!

NEWS BOYS
Strike one!

JOHNNY AND KIP
Take me out to the crowd!

NEWS BOYS
Strike two!

KIP
Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack.

JOHNNY
I don’t care if I never get back!

JOHNNY AND KIP
So lets…

NEWS BOYS
Root! Root! Root!

JOHNNY AND KIP
For the home team.

NEWS BOYS
Rah! Rah! Rah!

JOHNNY AND KIP
If they don’t win, it’s a shame.

NEWS BOYS
Hey, batter, batter!
Hey, batter, batter!

JOHNNY AND KIP
For it’s one, two,
Three strikes you’re out

NEWS BOYS
At the old ballgame!

TACKS
Oh, I just love the funny pages! Barney Google always makes me bust out laughin’!

NEWS BOYS
Make ’em laugh, make ’em laugh!
Don’t you know, everyone wants to laugh?

TACKS
My dad said, “Be an actor, my son,
But be a comical one!”

NEWS BOYS
They’ll be standing in lines,
For those old honky tonk monkey shines!

TACKS
Oh, you could study Shakespeare and be quite elite,
Or you could charm the critics and have nothing to eat,
Just slip on a banana peel, the world’s at your feet.

NEWS BOYS
Make ’em laugh,
Make ’em laugh,
Make ’em laugh!

(NEWS BOYS collapse on paper stacks left. FEETS jumps on stacks right and waves his paper in the air.)

FEETS
Hey guys, look: “Dance Craze Sweeps Country!” It’s a good thing I’ve been brushing up on my dance steps. (Does the Charleston.)

NEWS BOYS
Oh, the Charleston!

(They all dance the Charleston.)

NEWS BOYS
Here we go! Here we go!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Yeah!

(KIP grabs a paper and stands on the papers stage right.)

KIP
Hey fellas, if you want a big scoop, check out the business page! Extra! Extra! “Market Grows by Leaps and Bounds!”

We’re in the money!

NEWS BOYS
Money!

KIP
We’re in the money!

NEWS BOYS
Money!

KIP
We got a lot of what it takes to get along.

NEWS BOYS
We’re in the money!

KIP
Money!

NEWS BOYS
The skies are sunny!

KIP
Sunny!

NEWS BOYS
Working together means our troubles all are gone!

KIP
We never see a headline ’bout a breadline today.
And when we see the landlord,

NEWS BOYS
We can look that guy right in the eye!

We’re in the money!
We’re in the money!
Let’s spend it, lend it, send it
Rolling along!
Yeah!

Let’s spend it, lend it, send it…

KIP
Let’s spend it, lend it, send it…

NEWS BOYS
Let’s spend it, lend it, send it
Rolling…
Send it rolling along!

Latest edition — two cents!

(Applause. NEWS BOYS make general selling noises.)

KIP
Hey guys! Y’know, a lot of these headlines are about people who started out with nothing and made it big.

JOHNNY
Oh, hey, Kip’s right. Here’s a story about a guy named Walt Disney, who packed up everything he owned into a cardboard suitcase and headed out here to make his dreams come true.

FEETS
Good for him!

JOHNNY
Yep! Just goes to show — everybody who’s anybody started off as a nobody before they became a somebody.

NEWS BOYS
Huh?

JOHNNY
You know, like Thomas Edison?

NEWS BOYS
Who?

JOHNNY
Henry Ford…

SAL
Ooh ooh, the Wright Brothers!

JOHNNY
Exactly! They all had a suitcase and a dream.

Plenty of people, they started with nothing.

NEWS BOYS
Just a suitcase and a dream.

JOHNNY
They packed up their cases and went to new places.

NEWS BOYS
With a suitcase and a dream.

JOHNNY
They made this world into a place
Like you have never seen.
It’s like they hit the jackpot
On a slot machine!

NEWS BOYS
Yeah!

JOHNNY
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

NEWS BOYS
Got a suitcase and a dream,
A suitcase and a dream.
A suitcase and a dream,
A suitcase and a dream!

JOHNNY
You and me, we got our ideas.

NEWS BOYS
Other people got theirs too!

JOHNNY
So pack up your suitcase,
And start your dreamin’!

NEWS BOYS
The rest is up to you!

It don’t matter if you’re rich or broke.
It don’t matter if you’ve given up hope.
All you need is a little drive,
To make your dreams begin to come alive!

KIP
Hey fellas, Walt Disney didn’t come out here all by himself. It says here…

(MICKEY MOUSE enters the trolley from behind. He carries a suitcase and stands in the doorway.)

KIP
Mr. Disney traveled west with just a few bucks to his name.
Along the way, he met Mickey Mouse,
And the world will never be the same!

(MICKEY wanders out of the trolley and looks around.)

NEWS BOYS
He got a suitcase and a dream,
A suitcase and a dream.
Suitcase… and a dream!

(NEWS BOYS shake hands with MICKEY and pose. Applause.)

FEETS
Hey, you’re the mouse Kip was just reading about. It says right here, you’re gonna be the next big thing!

MICKEY MOUSE
Gosh, really? That sure would be… swell!

KIP
Wait a minute, fellas. He just stepped off the trolley. How do we know he’s got what it takes to be the cat’s meow?

NEWS BOYS (ad lib)
Hey! He’s a mouse, etc.

JOHNNY
Only one way to find out — show us what you got, Mickey!

NEWS BOYS (ad lib)
Yeah, show us, etc.

MICKEY MOUSE
Who, me? Aw, gee fellas. I dunno.

JOHNNY
Oh, c’mon. All these folks wanna see — right, folks?

(Audience cheers. NEWS BOYS lead MICKEY to stand on top of papers stage left.)

MICKEY MOUSE
Aw, gosh. Well, all right… Here goes. (Clears throat.)

It don’t matter if you’re rich or broke.
It don’t matter if you’ve given up hope.
All you need is a little drive…

MICKEY MOUSE AND NEWS BOYS
To make your dreams begin to come alive!

NEWS BOYS
Everybody’s got their ideas,

MICKEY MOUSE
And me, I’ve got mine too.
So I took out my suitcase and packed up my dream.

MICKEY MOUSE AND NEWS BOYS
Now it’s time to follow through!

NEWS BOYS
Got a suitcase

MICKEY MOUSE AND NEWS BOYS
And a dream!
A suitcase and a dream.

NEWS BOYS
A suitcase

MICKEY MOUSE
Yeah!

MICKEY MOUSE AND NEWS BOYS
And a dream!
A suitcase and a dream.
Suitcase… and a dream!
Yeah!

(Applause.)

JOHNNY
Hey Mickey, we can see you’ve got your suitcase. Now what’s your dream?

NEWS BOYS (ad lib)
Yeah, Mickey, what’s your dream? etc.

MICKEY MOUSE
Well, let me tell ya.

I wanna be in pictures,
On the silver screen!
And learn to do some magic —

SHORTY
Do what?

NEWS BOYS
Now that’s a dream!

MICKEY MOUSE
I want to drive a steamboat,
And be the front page news!

SAL
Well, you’re gonna need to buy a suit!

MICKEY MOUSE
And wear some yellow shoes!

If you can dream it, you can do it.
You see, there’s really nothing to it.
Just take that dream and make it true.
It’s really up to you!

I’ll live inside a castle!

KIP
Just listen to him yak…

SAL
Why can’t he have a castle?

KIP
Okay… I take it back!

MICKEY MOUSE
Oh, I’ll get myself a dog,
And I’ll dream for all I’m worth!

FEETS
Where does dreamin’ get ya?

MICKEY MOUSE
The Happiest Place on Earth!

If you can dream it, you can do it.
You see there’s really nothing to it.
Just take that dream and make it true.
It’s really up to you!

KIP
Wait a minute…

No, it ain’t so easy
To make your dreams come true!

JOHNNY
You wind up sellin’ papers…

KIP
Like me and Johnny do-oo-oo.

MICKEY MOUSE
I don’t mind selling papers!

JOHNNY
Well, here’s your stack right here.

SAL
You know what we should call him?

NEWS BOYS
Our News Boy Mouseketeer!

(MILLY the messenger enters with a telegram.)

MILLY
Mickey Mouse? I have a telegram for Mickey.

MICKEY MOUSE
Right here!

NEWS BOYS (ad lib)
What’s the scoop?, etc.

MILLY (reading)
Dear Mickey. Stop. Come to Walt Disney Studios at 9am tomorrow to audition for new film, Steamboat Willie. Stop. Thinking of you for leading role! Stop. Regards, Walt Disney.

(NEWS BOYS cheer.)

MICKEY MOUSE
Oh, gosh! I had a feeling this would work out!

You’ve got your own dreams,
And yours can happen too.

SHORTY
Like playin’ in the Series!

FEETS
And doin’ my soft-shoe!

MICKEY MOUSE
And while I’m living all my dreams,
I’m gonna meet a gal
Who’s sweet, and kind, and pretty.

(MINNIE MOUSE has entered through the trolley.)

NEWS BOYS
His one and only gal!

(MINNIE breaks through the line of NEWS BOYS.)

NEWS BOYS (ad lib)
Hey, it’s her!, etc.

(MINNIE blows MICKEY a kiss.)

MICKEY MOUSE
Told ya!

MICKEY MOUSE AND NEWS BOYS
If you can dream it, you can do it.
You see there’s really nothing to it.
Just take that dream and make it true.
It’s really up to you!

MICKEY MOUSE
If you can dream it, you’re gonna do it!

(Applause.)

SAL
Hey, Mickey — it’s time to get ready for your big audition with Mr. Disney!

MICKEY MOUSE
Oh boy, I’ll say!

JOHNNY
You’re right, Mick! You gotta go after your dream and seize the day!

(NEWS BOYS cheer in agreement. JOHNNY shakes MICKEY’s hand. The others hug MICKEY during the next song.)

NEWS BOYS
Now is the time to seize the day!
Stare down the odds, and don’t delay!
Minute by minute,
That’s how you win it.
You will find a way!
Now go and seize the day!

(NEWS BOYS get back on the trolley. MICKEY poses out front.)

MICKEY MOUSE AND NEWS BOYS
Seize the day!

NEWS BOYS (ad lib)
Okay, c’mon Mickey, we gotta go, etc.

(MICKEY climbs aboard the trolley. Doors close.)

MICKEY MOUSE
Let’s go!

NEWS BOYS
We ain’t got a barrel of money,
Maybe we’re ragged and funny.
But we’ll travel along,
Singing a song, side by side.

MICKEY MOUSE
This is fun!

NEWS BOYS
Oh, we don’t know what’s coming tomorrow.
Maybe it’s trouble and sorrow.
But we’ll travel the road,
Sharing our load, side by side.

(Trolley begins to go back up Sunset Blvd.)

Through all kinds of weather.
What if the sky should fall?
Just as long as we’re together,
It really, really, really doesn’t matter at all.

When they’ve all had their quarrels and parted,
We’ll be the same as we started.
Just traveling along,
Singing a song, side by side!

Just a travelin’, travelin’ along.
And we’re singin’, singing a song.
Side by side!
Side by side!

MICKEY MOUSE
Hiya, folks! Hi, everybody! My gosh, this is fun!

NEWS BOYS
California, here we come.
Right back where we started from.
Where bowers of flowers bloom in the spring.
Each morning at dawning,
Birdies sing at everything.
A sun-kissed miss said don’t be late,
(Don’t be late)
And that is why we can hardly wait
(Hardly wait)
To open up that golden gate.
California, here we come!

Here we come now!
California!
Here we come now!
Let’s go!

California, here we come.
Right back where we started from.
Where bowers of flowers bloom in the spring.
Each morning at dawning,
Gotta love those birdies singing!
A sun-kissed miss said don’t be late,
(Don’t be late)
And that’s why we can hardly wait
(Hardly wait)
To open up that golden gate.
California, here we come!

All right!

California, here we come.
Right back where we started from.
Where bowers of flowers bloom in the spring.
Each morning at dawning,
Birdies sing at everything.
A sun-kissed miss said don’t be late,
(Don’t be late)
And that’s why we can hardly wait
(Hardly wait)
To open up that golden gate.
California (California, California)
California (California, California)

California, here we come!

MICKEY MOUSE
Yeah!

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Flik’s Flyers (Disney California Adventure)

(Safety announcement.)

FLIK
Hi there! This is Flik — and welcome aboard my flyers! N-now I want you to have a safe ride, right? So, please, please, everyone, stay seated with your hands, arms, feet, legs, and antennae inside my flying invention at all times. Oh, and grownups, please, watch your kids, okay? Okay! Oh, Spanish, right…

(Spanish safety spiel.)

(Ride begins.)

FLIK
Hey, you fabulous flyers — it’s time to fly home now. So please, stay in your seats until your flyer comes to a complete stop. Then one of my friends will come to open your door. Enjoy the rest of your day! Bye now!

(Ride ends. Guests unload and new guests board.)

FLIK
Hi, everyone, it’s me, Flik — and welcome aboard my invention! I invented it ’cause ants can’t fly. Well, queen ants can — b-b-but anyway… now everyone can! So, to be safe, please stay seated with your hands, arms, feet, legs, and antennae inside. Okay! And grownups, please watch your kids. Oh, in Spanish…

(Spanish safety spiel.)

(Ride begins.)

FLIK
Okay, everyone, we’re coming in for a landing — so please stay seated until your flyer comes to a complete stop. Then wait for one of my friends to open your door. Well, I hope you had a fun flight on my flyers. See ya!

(Ride ends.)

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Indiana Jones Adventure (Disneyland)

(Queue area.)

ARCHEOLOGIST (When guests pull the rope)

Uh, oh… Oh, no! Oh blimey!!

Careful! It’s an insightful artifact down here. Now, “fifty years of sorrow shall befall the destroyer of this, uh, vessel.”

Oh, no!

Blast it all — don’t pull the rope! You don’t want to break an art — (Crash.) Oh, dear…

I say, stop mucking about up there!

Oh, blast. Not again! Ahhhhhhh! (Thud.)

Leave off the rope, old chap. Please, old fellow, I’ve a frightfully valuable artifact down here. Oh no, I had a terribly valuable artifact down here.

I say, leave off the rope, old chap. Be a jolly good sport there.

(Preshow and safety video.)

(Onscreen text reads “Eye on the Globe,” and then “Top Stories: Tourists Flock to Mysterious Temple. Eye on the Globe.”)

VIDEO ANNOUNCER
In the remote jungles of India’s Lost Delta — from all over the world, they are flocking here, following the strange story of the mysterious temple and gifts from the gods. The story begins one year ago. World-famous archeologist Indiana Jones follows a tattered map to an ancient edifice. Could this be the fabled Temple of the Forbidden Eye? According to Jones, the temple contains a Chamber of Destiny, where an ancient idol lured visitors with promises of gifts: eternal youth, earthly riches, or visions of the future. But any who looked into the eyes of this double-dealing deity took a detour to doom. A chilling tale indeed, but not chilling enough to cool off the hot pursuit of thousands of greedy globetrotters. They’re ready for a supernatural shopping spree.

(Onscreen text reads “Keep your Eye on the Globe. The End.”)

SALLAH
Welcome, my friends, to the Temple of the Forbidden Eye. I, Sallah, shall now give you counsel to seek out a miraculous journey. Here in your transportation devices are ingenious pouches for safekeeping all earthly treasures when the journey becomes, uh, bumpy. And to keep you safe and sound, here are special belts attached into the seats. Simply pull it from the right, inserting it into the left, like so. You see the excellence of this invention? Your off-road journey is high-speed and turbulent — going over rough and rugged terrain, and then suddenly you are turning sharply, and dropping suddenly! It is unlike anything you have ever experienced, I assure you. Now, my friends, one final word of advice: once you have entered the Chamber of Destiny, look not into the eyes of the idol. That would be dangerous… very dangerous. Well, my friends, the moment is drawing near. Already I am envious of the wonders that await you — if you avoid the eyes of Mara, that is.

(Onscreen text reads “Eye on the Globe,” and then “Newswire: Riddle of the Lost Tourists. Eye on the Globe.”)

VIDEO ANNOUNCER
The Temple of the Forbidden Eye continues to beckon visitors from around the globe! They’ve all heard the tantalizing tales — the matronly movie star made young again; the paupers who became Rockefellers in these ruins. But a darker tale has surfaced. Many visitors are claiming loved ones have disappeared inside. Could it be they looked into the eyes of the idol? The reports reach Indiana Jones, who returns to the site of his great discovery. Our newsreel camera follows Dr. Jones as he enters the temple. One week later, and still no Indiana Jones. Could Jones himself have locked eyes with the idol? Or will he solve the riddle of the lost tourists? When, and if, he does, Eye on the Globe will be there.

(Onscreen text reads “Keep your Eye on the Globe. The End.”)

SALLAH
Welcome, my friends, to the Temple of the Forbidden Eye. I, Sallah, shall now give you counsel to seek out a miraculous journey. Here in your transportation devices are ingenious pouches for safekeeping all earthly treasures when the journey becomes, uh, bumpy. And to keep you safe and sound, here are special belts attached into the seats. Simply pull it from the right, inserting it into the left, like so. You see the excellence of this invention? Your off-road journey is high-speed and turbulent — going over rough and rugged terrain, and then suddenly you are turning sharply, and dropping suddenly! It is unlike anything you have ever experienced, I assure you. Now, my friends, one final word of advice: once you have entered the Chamber of Destiny, look not into the eyes of the idol. That would be dangerous… very dangerous. Well, my friends, the moment is drawing near. Already I am envious of the wonders that await you — if you avoid the eyes of Mara, that is.

(Guests proceed toward loading area.)

SALLAH (Voiceover)
Hello again, my esteemed friends! When you board your transport, put all earthly treasures in the pouch directly in front of you — unless of course you wish to lose them in the temple. (Laughs.) Oh, but seriously, our journey through the temple is rough. To keep safe and sound, stay well seated with seatbelt fastened and your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the transport. If you are traveling with children, you must keep a close watch on them. Your transport approaches. I wish you a successful and wondrous expedition.

(Spanish safety spiel.)

(Guests board ride vehicles.)

SALLAH (Voiceover)
Are you there? Come in! Splendid. You have only to get your seat straps in. Buckle up tightly now!

(Vehicles begin moving.)

SALLAH
Uh, hello. Hello. Oh, my friends, uh, the brakes may be needing a little adjustment. Easy on the curves.

MARA
You have chosen wisely. This path leads to timeless youth and beauty. You looked into my eyes. Your path now leads to the Gates of Doom!

You seek the future. I will lift the Curtain of Time. It is your destiny. You looked into my eyes! Your destiny now lies beyond the Gates of Doom!

You seek the Treasure of Mara? Glittering gold — it is yours. You looked into my eyes! Your path now leads to the Gates of Doom!

(Vehicles careen toward the Gates of Doom, but INDIANA JONES is pushing them shut.)

INDIANA JONES
Great… I ask for help and they send me tourists. Swerve left — up to the left. Ugh, you had to look, didn’t you? Tourists! You had to look, didn’t you? Oh, we’ve got a problem here. Turn left! Up to the left — and watch it, there’s big steps up there! You looked?! There’s powers here you can’t possibly comprehend. Quick — take the left passage! It’s the only way out. Ugh, ugh, nice driving pal!

(Vehicles turn left and pass through temple chambers and across the bridge. Upon entering the chamber filled with snakes, a giant cobra tries to strike.)

INDIANA JONES
Snakes? You guys are on your own! Careful. Watch out for anything that slithers.

(Vehicles pass through a chamber crawling with rats and then past spear-wielding warriors trying to hit the vehicle. Suddenly, the vehicles approach INDIANA JONES hanging from rope under giant boulder.)

INDIANA JONES
Careful down there. I’ve got a bad feeling about this, ugh. Uh-oh, uh-oh, get me out of here! Hey, it’s dark down here! A rescue — just what I need… Uh-oh, careful! We got company! Sallah, get some light down here! There you are. Let me in! Let me in! Uh-oh, no. Get me out! Get me out! Hey, get a light on down here! You made it! Uh-oh, back up! Back up!

(Vehicles dive under the boulder and narrowly miss getting crushed. Rounding a corner, INDIANA JONES is seen standing next to the cracked boulder.)

INDIANA JONES
Next time, you wear blindfolds, okay?  There. That wasn’t so bad, was it? Tourists! Next time, you’re on your own. Ugh, now, don’t tell me that wasn’t big fun. Tourists, why does it have to be tourists? Not bad — for tourists. Now, stay out of trouble, will ya? You were good. You were very, very good.

(Vehicles return to unload area.)

SALLAH
Ah, welcome back. You entered the Observatory of the Future. In that case, I don’t even have to tell you that we would like you to stay seated until your transport comes to a complete stop.

Friends, I celebrate your arrival! If you drank too much from the Fountain of Youth, we will be happy to assist you with strollers. (Laughs.) But please, stay seated until your transport comes to a complete stop.

Greetings. You will no doubt be having many jewels and coins in your possession. Please, stay seated until the transport comes to a complete stop, then step out carefully with your treasure.

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Dumbo the Flying Elephant (Disneyland)

(Loading area announcements.)

TIMOTHY
Hi there! It’s your friend, Timothy Mouse. As you know, Dumbo is a real high-flyer. So to make your flight a safe one, be sure to stay seated with your seatbelt fastened, keeping your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside. And for all you grownup types, be sure to watch your kids! To make your pachyderm fly higher, just raise the magic lever right in front of you. Okay, Dumbo, let’s get this show on the road!

(Spanish safety spiel.)

(Ride begins.)

TIMOTHY
What a flight! Okay, everybody, time to hold your horses — I mean elephants — until Dumbo comes to a stop. Then yous can walk to the nearest exit. See you soon!

(Ride ends. Guests exit and new guests board.)

TIMOTHY
This is your ringmaster, Timothy Mouse. To make sure your flight’s a safe one, be sure to stay seated with your seatbelt fastened, keeping your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside. And be sure to watch your kids! To make Dumbo fly higher, just raise the magic lever right in front of you. Everybody ready? Then get ready to take off with the world’s only flying elephant — Dumbo!

(Spanish safety spiel.)

(Ride begins.)

TIMOTHY
Looks like we’re comin’ in for a landing, gang. But please stay seated until Dumbo comes to a stop, and then yous can walk to the nearest exit. Thanks for flying with the eighth wonder of the world — Dumbo!

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Big Thunder Mountain Railroad (Disneyland)

(Spanish safety spiel.)

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Howdy partners! For your safety, remain seated with your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the train — and be sure to watch your kids. If any of you folks are wearin’ hats or glasses, best remove ’em — ’cause this here’s the wildest ride in the wilderness!

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Fantasmic! (Disneyland)

*Sung lyrics in bold.

NARRATOR
Welcome to Fantasmic! Tonight, our friend and host, Mickey Mouse, uses his vivid imagination to create magical imagery for all to enjoy. Nothing is more wonderful than the imagination — for in a moment, you can experience a beautiful fantasy or an exciting adventure! But beware… nothing is more powerful than the imagination — for it can also expand your greatest fears into an overwhelming nightmare. Are the powers of Mickey’s incredible imagination strong enough and bright enough to withstand the evil forces that invade Mickey’s dream? You are about to find out. For we now invite you to join Mickey and experience Fantasmic! — a journey beyond your wildest imagination.

(Music begins and grows.)

CHORUS
Imagination. (Imagination).
Dream a fantastic dream!

(MICKEY MOUSE appears.)

CHORUS
Use your imagination!

(MICKEY dances and conducts the dancing fountains to the Fantasmic! theme. Mist projection screens show scenes from Fantasia as music changes to “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.” Projections change to flowers as music changes back to main theme.)

FEMALE SOLOIST
See it in your mind,
And you can find
In your imagination,
Mysteries and magic,
Visions fantastic,
Leading to strange and wondrous dreams.

(Large flower dances onstage. Music changes to snake charming theme as large KAA puppet appears onstage and dances around, projecting bright beams of light from his eyes. Music changes to jungle beat. Dancing MONKEYS float by on rafts, including KING LOUIE. Music changes again to a rock version of “Pink Elephants on Parade.” Projection screens show PINK ELEPHANTS dancing.)

CHORUS
Look out!
Look out!

MALE SOLOIST
Pachyderms!

They’re here! They’re there!
Oh no! Look out!
They’re everywhere!

(Music abruptly changes to “I’ve Got No Strings.” PINOCCHIO puppet and DANCING GIRL puppets appear onstage and dance. Music climaxes with a can-can. Lights go out on the puppets and JIMINY CRICKET’s voice calls out as fish appear on projection screens.)

JIMINY CRICKET
(Offscreen.) Pinocchio! We’re down here! (He appears onscreen in a bubble and uses his umbrella to rescue his hat from an adjacent bubble.) Wha? Ho, there! (His bubble fills with water and pops. He notices fish swimming away.) Huh?

(MONSTRO appears on screen and scares away all the fish. Music turns threatening as MONSTRO creates splashes. MICKEY MOUSE appears on screen in the vortex of water created by the brooms in Fantasia.)

MICKEY MOUSE
Help! Whooooaaaa! (He is swallowed up by darkness, and only his eyes are visible on screen.) Uh, hey—what’s going on? Uh-oh!

(Music swells with thunder and lightning on screen. In an abrupt silence, a cannon fires. Lights up on the Sailing Ship Columbia, carrying the cast of Peter Pan.)

LOOKOUT
Peter Pan ahoy!

(PETER PAN crows.)

CAPTAIN HOOK
Swoggle me eyes, it is Pan! Look alive, you swabs!

MR. SMEE
All hands on deck!

(PETER PAN swings down from the crow’s nest as CAPTAIN HOOK goes to meet him.)

WENDY
Oh Peter, do be careful!

CAPTAIN HOOK
Come down, boy, if you’ve a taste for cold steel!

(The two spar. PETER PAN laughs and swings down another rope to the deck of the ship.)

CAPTAIN HOOK
Blast this hook!

PETER PAN
(Laughs.) Whoa, haha!

CAPTAIN HOOK
Scurvy brat!

(PIRATES corner PETER PAN.)

PIRATES
Going somewhere? Let’s string him up! I’m gonna make you walk the plank! I’ll feed you to the sharks!

(PIRATES laugh as and swing their swords at PETER PAN, who jumps on the plank to avoid them.)

CAPTAIN HOOK
Double the powder and shorten the fuse!

MR. SMEE
Shorten the powder, and double the fuse.

(Cannon fires again, causing PIRATE to fall from the ship’s rigging.)

WENDY
Oh how dreadful!

PETER
Watch this, Wendy!

(PETER PAN swings on a rope and bounds and flips through the PIRATES. A PIRATE swings over the side of the ship toward PETER PAN as he balances on the ship’s bow.)

MR. SMEE
Cap’n… Cap’n Hook!

(PIRATES make fighting noises.)

CAPTAIN HOOK
Get up, you idiot!

MR. SMEE
Aye-aye, sir!

CAPTAIN HOOK
I’ll get you for this, Pan, if it’s the last thing I do!

(PIRATES threaten WENDY on deck.)

PIRATES
Get over there! Don’t give us no trouble!

WENDY
Peter!

(PETER PAN flies up to the scaffolding.)

CAPTAIN HOOK
(Advances toward PETER PAN.) I’ve got you this time, Pan! I’ve waited years for this!

PETER PAN
Look, you codfish! Here!

(PETER PAN and CAPTAIN HOOK sword fight amid the ship’s rigging. On deck, WENDY runs to the ship’s stern, followed by PIRATES. They grab her from either side and start a tug of war. She fights them off.)

MR. SMEE
Give it to him, Cap’n! Cleave him to the brisket!

PETER PAN
You’re mine, Hook!

(A gun fires.)

PETER PAN
Say your prayers, Hook!

CAPTAIN HOOK
Let him have it! Blast him!

PETER PAN
Uh-uh-uh.

(Gun fires again, CAPTAIN HOOK screams and falls to the deck.)

WENDY
Fly, Peter!

CAPTAIN HOOK
Oh, you blithering blockheads! That cursed Peter Pan!

PETER PAN
I say, Captain, do you hear something?

(CAPTAIN HOOK notices that the CROCODILE is swimming in the ship’s wake.)

CAPTAIN HOOK
No! Noooo!

PETER PAN
Mr. Crocodile, do you like codfish? You do? (Laughs.)

CAPTAIN HOOK
(Swings behind the ship’s stern on ropes.) Save me, Smee! Save me! Please!

MR. SMEE
I’ll save you, Cap’n!

(CAPTAIN HOOK screams again as he swings back behind the stern.)

MR. SMEE
Oh, dear.

(Lights out on the Columbia. Lights up on barges carrying dancing PRINCES and PRINCESSES.)

FEMALE SOLOIST
See it in your mind,
And you can find
In your imagination,
Tales of enchantment, 
Beauty and romance,
Happily ever after!

(Barge appears, carrying BELLE and THE BEAST. They dance.)

MALE SOLOIST
Tale as old as time,
True as it can be.
Barely even friends,
Then somebody bends,
Unexpectedly.

Certain as the sun,
Rising in the east.

MALE AND FEMALE SOLOISTS
Tale as old as time,
Song as old as rhyme,
Beauty and the Beast.

(Their barge begins to exit, as one carrying ARIEL and PRINCE ERIC comes center.)

FEMALE SOLOIST
What would I give
If I could live
Out of these waters?

MALE SOLOIST
In your imagination!

FEMALE SOLOIST
What would I pay
To spend a day
Warm on the sand?

MALE SOLOIST
Dream a fantastic dream!

FEMALE SOLOIST
Betcha on land,
They understand.
Bet they don’t reprimand their daughters.

MALE AND FEMALE SOLOISTS
Bright young women,
Sick of swimmin’…

FEMALE SOLOIST
Ready to stand!

MALE SOLOIST
Ready to stand!

(Their barge starts to exit. New barge comes center, carrying SNOW WHITE and THE PRINCE, who are also dancing.)

FEMALE SOLOIST
Someday, my prince will come.

MALE AND FEMALE SOLOISTS
Someday, we’ll find true love!

FEMALE SOLOIST
Tale as old as time…

MALE SOLOIST
Song as old as rhyme…

(Music turns ominous as the EVIL QUEEN appears on stage and watches SNOW WHITE’s barge exit.)

EVIL QUEEN
Slave in the magic mirror, come from the farthest space! Through wind and darkness, I summon thee. Speak!

(A crash of thunder, and the MAGIC MIRROR appears on the projection screen.)

EVIL QUEEN
Let me see thy face!

MAGIC MIRROR
Famed is thy beauty, Majesty. But hold: three lovelier maids I see. And here, in Mickey’s imagination, beauty and love will always supplieth.

EVIL QUEEN
No! (Begins casting a spell over her cauldron.) A magic spell in the black of night! With a scream of fright. (A terrible scream is heard.) And a bolt of light! Turn my hair to white.

(EVIL QUEEN transforms into the OLD HAG. She cackles.)

OLD HAG
Now I’ll turn that little mouse’s dream into a nightmare fantasmic! Imagine this! (Cackles.) Magic mirror, on the wall, all the forces of evil I call. (Cackles.) 

(MAGIC MIRROR appears on the projection screen.)

MAGIC MIRROR
You have the power…

(MAGIC MIRROR morphs into OLD HAG.)

OLD HAG
To control his mind!

(She cackles and morphs into URSULA.)

URSULA
Oh yes! How exciting! Let’s do it!

(She cackles. Music swells and then transitions into “Poor Unfortunate Souls.”)

URSULA
Hello!
I admit that in the past, I’ve been a nasty.
They weren’t kidding when they called me, well, a “witch.”
Beluga Sevruga indeed! Ursula will take matters into her own tentacles. Ha! How nice — Mickey Mouse’s mind will be mine! And then I’ll make him writhe… I’ll see him wriggle like a worm on a hook! To belong to me… to obey my every whim! Why not? Let’s do it!

(Music transitions to “Night on Bald Mountain.” CHERNABOG appears on projection screens. He controls skeletons around him. After the climax of the song, the screens disappear to reveal MALEFICENT and MICKEY standing on stage.)

MALEFICENT
Now you will deal with me—and all the powers of my imagination!

MICKEY MOUSE
Oh no!

(MALEFICENT sends spells at MICKEY as she rises into the air cackling maniacally. On the projection screen, images of the DRAGON flicker. The OLD HAG appears on screen again.)

OLD HAG
Imagination! (Cackles.)

(The villains appear again, one by one, laughing evilly. First URSULA, then CHERNABOG, then the silhouette of the DRAGON. As the projection screens clear, a giant animatronic version of the DRAGON has appeared. It breathes fire, which spreads to the water.)

MICKEY MOUSE
Uh, you may think you’re so powerful. (Laughs feebly.) Well, uh, this is my dream!

(MICKEY pulls a sword from a stone. He points the sword at the DRAGON and sparks fly out. MALEFICENT begins screaming as the DRAGON writhes. Scenes appear on the projection screen, showing the villains being defeated one by one: CHERNABOG, then URSULA, then the OLD HAG who transforms back into the EVIL QUEEN. Finally, the DRAGON is vanquished. Lights flash as the music becomes more hopeful.)

(TINKER BELL appears on screen and casts a spell. The Mark Twain Riverboat emerges on the water, piloted by STEAMBOAT WILLIE MICKEY. Other characters dance with ribbons aboard the boat, including ALADDIN, JASMINE, DWARFS, BELLE, THE BEAST, PLUTO, CHIP ‘N’ DALE, ALICE, TWEEDLE-DEE, TWEEDLE-DUM, MAD HATTER, WHITE RABBIT, TIANA, PRINCE NAVEEN, DONALD DUCK, MINNIE MOUSE, GOOFY, MARY POPPINS, BERT, ARIEL, PRINCE ERIC, SNOW WHITE, THE PRINCE, WOODY, JESSIE, BUZZ LIGHTYEAR, and others. Music changes to the Fantasmic! theme.)

CHORUS
See it in your mind,
And you will find,
In your imagination,
Mysteries and magic,
Visions fantastic,
Leading to strange and wondrous dreams!

Dreams are make believe,
But could they all come true ?

Aaah, aaah, aaah,
In your imagination!
Aaah, aaah, aaah,
In your imagination!

Here in your mind,
It’s magic you’ll find.
When out of the night,
Dark forces ignite
To blind you with frightening speed,
You use your might
To brighten the light,
Creating a night of wondrous deeds!

(SORCERER MICKEY appears on the highest level of the stage and conducts the fountains and fireworks. At the climax of the music, he disappears from the top of the mountain and reappears on the main stage, wearing a sparkling version of his main outfit.)

MICKEY MOUSE
Some imagination, huh? (Chuckles.)

(MICKEY disappears again as the music and fireworks perform their finale.)

(Exit music begins.)

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Main Street Electrical Parade (Disneyland)

*Sung lyrics in bold.

(Parade intro music begins.)

TECHNO VOICE
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
Disneyland proudly presents

Our spectacular festival pageant
Of nighttime magic and imagination

In thousands of sparkling lights
And electro-syntho-magnetic musical sounds,

The Main Street Electrical Parade!

(Parade theme, “Baroque Hoedown,” begins.)

(Drum float passes by, carrying GOOFY, MICKEY MOUSE, and MINNIE MOUSE. Spinning bugs pass by. Mushroom float passes by. ALICE IN WONDERLAND float passes by.)

ALICE (Ad lib)
Hello, everyone… It’s lovely to see you all tonight… Oh, Mr. Rabbit — he’s running late, you know… You all have such big smiles, like the Cheshire Cat, etc.

(CATERPILLAR float passes by.)

CATERPILLAR
You there! Girl! Who are you? A-E-I-O-U. Who are you? You there! Snail! You are not spinning correctly! Exactically what is your problem? I shall recite: “How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail, and pour the waters of the Nile on every golden scale?” Who are you? Exactically where are you going? I have something important to ask: who are you? Why are you staring at me?

(MICE dance by. CINDERELLA’s coach float passes by. Lords and ladies dance by. STEPSISTERS float passes by, followed by more dancers. Big Ben float passes by. Pirate ship float passes by with CAPTAIN HOOK and PETER PAN. MR. SMEE rows by in his boat. FAIRIES dance by. TINKER BELL’s float passes by. SEVEN DWARFS mine car float passes by, carrying DOPEY. The other DWARFS and SNOW WHITE dance by. PINOCCHIO and DONKEYS dance by. Pleasure Island float passes by. ELLIOT float passes by with PETE riding atop him.)

PETE (ad lib)
Hello, down there… Have you ever seen a dragon before?… Let’s all shout “razzle dazzle” and see if Elliott disappears!, etc.

(American flag float passes by, flanked by dancing patriots. Bald eagle passes by last.)

TECHNO VOICE
The Main Street Electrical Parade!

(Music swells to finale.)

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Remember… Dreams Come True Fireworks (Disneyland)

*Sung lyrics in bold.

(Pre-show Announcements.)

ANNOUNCER
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls: you’re invited to share a dazzling celebration with us at Disneyland! In just 10 minutes, Tinker Bell will bring the skies above Sleeping Beauty Castle to life as never before. Please join us for the fireworks spectacular Remember… Dreams Come True — presented by Honda. Our breathtaking celebration in the sky begins in just 10 minutes! Thank you.

(Spanish announcement.)

(Music begins with “Wishes” theme.)

JULIE ANDREWS
Good evening, this is Julie Andrews. Once upon a time, there was a Magic Kingdom made of hopes and childhood fantasies. A timeless place, where every land was filled with wonder. A place where everyone who entered its gates would be given the gift of the young at heart — the power to wish upon a star and unlock its magic. Are you ready to wish upon a star? Then it’s time to open your heart and remember… dreams come true.

CHILD SOLOIST
Star light, star bright, 
First star I see tonight. 
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight.
We’ll make a wish, and do as dreamers do.

CHORUS
Do as dreamers do.

CHILD SOLOIST
And all our wishes…

CHORUS
All our wishes…

CHILD SOLOIST
Will come true.

CHORUS
When you wish upon a star,
Makes no difference who you are!
Anything your heart desires will come to you.

JULIE ANDREWS
In 1955, a magical place was born, and in this marvelous kingdom, there lived many delightful friends who made our dreams come true. An enchanting place where storybook heroes and daring adventures waited around every corner.

CHORUS
If your heart is in your dreams…

CINDERELLA
I wish I could go to the ball!

SNOW WHITE
I’m wishing… someday, my prince will come!

CHORUS
No request is too extreme!

ARIEL
(Laughs.) I wish — oh, I wish I could be part of that world!

PETER PAN
I wish we’d never have to grow up. Off to Neverland! Haha!

CHORUS
When you wish upon a star, 
As dreamers do.

PINOCCHIO
Look Jiminy! Someday, I wish I could be a real boy!

ALADDIN
Genie, I wish for your freedom!

CHORUS
Wishes!

JULIE ANDREWS
Tonight, we’re going to share a wonderful dream come true together. In 1955, an amazing man named Walt Disney dreamt of a Magic Kingdom.

(TINKER BELL flies from Matterhorn.)

WALT DISNEY
To all who come to this happy place, welcome! Disneyland is your land. Here age relives fond memories of the past, and here youth may savor the challenge and promise of the future. Disneyland is dedicated to the ideals, the dreams, and the hard facts that have created America, with the hope that it will be a source of joy and inspiration for all the world.

(Train whistle sounds.)

DISNEYLAND ANNOUNCER
Your attention, please! The Disneyland Limited now leaving for a grand circle tour of the Magic Kingdom. Board!

(Music changes to ragtime anthem. Music changes to Main Street Electrical Parade theme.)

ELECTRONIC VOICE
Disneyland’s Main Street Electrical Parade!

(Music changes to Enchanted Tiki Room theme.)

JOSE
Ole! Ole! It’s chowtime!

BIRD CHORUS
In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room,
In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room…

JOSE
All the birds sing words,

MICHAEL
And the flowers croon,

BIRD CHORUS
In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room!

FRITZ
Oh my goodness!

PIERRE
Mon ami!

(Music turns ominous as thunder claps.)

MICHAEL
The gods have been angered by all the celebratin’!

(Music transitions to Indiana Jones Adventure theme. Fire effects.)

CHORUS
Aah! Aah!

SALLAH
As you enter the Chamber of Destiny, do not look into the eyes of the idol!

(Music changes to Indiana Jones theme. Music changes to Haunted Mansion theme.)

GHOST HOST
Welcome, foolish mortals, to the Haunted Mansion. I am your host — your Ghost Host. Is this haunted room actually stretching…

(Perimeter fireworks.)

Or is it your imagination? This chamber has no windows and no doors. (Laughs.) Which offers you this chilling challenge: to find a way out! (Laughs.)

(Perimeter fireworks.)

Of course, there’s always my way.

(Thunder claps. Music changes to “Grim Grinning Ghosts.”)

MADAME LEOTA
Serpents and spiders, tail of a rat, call in the spirits, wherever they’re at! Rap on a table — it’s time to respond. Let there be music from regions beyond!

CHORUS
Ohh, ohh…

LITTLE LEOTA
Hurry back. Hurry back. Be sure to bring your death certificate (Laughs.)

PIRATE VOICE
Dead men tell no tales.

(Music changes to Pirates of the Caribbean theme.)

CAPTAIN BARBOSA
Hike your colors, you bloomin’ cockroaches! Stand by at your guns… Fire at will!

(Cannon fire. Fireworks as the battle continues.)

Avast, you scurvy scum! Hold ’em lads, hold ’em! Ay, that’ll show the bilge rats! Another broadside, and you goes down with the tide! Surrender, you lily-livered lubbers! Put up your white flag!

(Train whistle sounds. “Wishes” theme begins again.)

CHILD CHORUS
Wishes, dream a dream.
Wishes, set them free!

(Music transitions to “Shenandoah.”)

VULTURE (from Splash Mountain)
So, you’re looking for a laughin’ place, eh?

(Sounds of BR’ER FOX, BR’ER BEAR, and BR’ER RABBIT laughing. Music changes to “Everybody’s Got a Laughin’ Place.”)

PETER PAN (from Peter Pan’s Flight)
C’mon, everybody — here we goooooooo!

MAD HATTER AND MARCH HARE (from Alice in Wonderland)
No room! No room! No vacancies! No room!

CASEY JR. (from Casey Jr. Circus Train)
All aboard! Let’s go!

MAD HATTER AND MARCH HARE
A very merry unbirthday to you!

BENNY THE CAB (from Roger Rabbit’s Car Toon Spin)
Holy smokes, Roger — we’ve been dipped!

MAX (from Country Bear Vacation Hoedown)
Just lead the way, Henry!

BUFF
All right!

SKUNK
Wow, showbiz!

TIGGER (from The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh)
Follow the bouncin’ Tigger! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

(Sounds of bouncing.)

Right this way! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

(Music transitions to “Can-Can.” Pinwheels spin.)

WEASEL (from America Sings)
Pop, goes the weasel!

(Music climaxes and goes silent.)

JACK WAGNER (from Matterhorn Bobsleds)
Remain seated, please. Permanecer sentados, por favor.

(Sci-fi sound effects begin.)

MISSION CONTROL VOICE (from Space Mountain)
All personnel, clear the launch platform. (Echoes.)

SUBMARINE TECH (from Submarine Voyage)
Warning light, sir. We’ve reached maximum depth limit.

SUBMARINE CAPTAIN
Ease her back up to 80 fathoms.

SUBMARINE TECH
Eight zero fathoms, aye-aye!

ECHOING VOICE (from Adventure Thru Inner Space)
Magnification!

INNER SPACE NARRATOR
Can I possibly survive?

(Star Tours chime sounds.)

STAR TOURS ANNOUNCER
Star Tours announces the boarding of the Endor Express. All passengers, please prepare for immediate boarding.

(Music changes to Star Wars theme.)

REX
R2 — light speed to Endor!

RED 24
Red-24, I’m going in. Cover me!

(Sounds of blasters and droids. Fireworks and laser effects.)

REX
Hey, sorry folks. I’m sure it’ll go better next time. It was my first flight, and I’m still getting used to my programming!

(Star Tours music climaxes and goes silent. Music changes back to “Wishes” theme.)

JULIE ANDREWS
Today, Walt Disney’s Magic Kingdom has grown to become the “Happiest Place on Earth” to millions the world over. A place where anything is possible — where every dreamer may wish upon a star.

(TINKER BELL flies around the castle.)

CHORUS
Wishes! Dream a dream. (Fate is kind.) 
Wishes! Set it free. (She brings to those who love…) 
Wishes! Trust your heart. (The sweet fulfillment of…) 
Just believe (Their secret longing.) 
Just believe.
Just believe!

Like a bolt out of the blue,
Fate steps in and sees you through!
When you wish upon a star, 
Your dreams come true.

Make a wish, and do as dreamers do.
Just do as dreamers do.

Make a wish! 
Wishes!
Dream a dream! 
Wishes!
Trust your heart! 
And your wish will come true!

JULIE ANDREWS
Remember… dreams come true.

(Fireworks finale.)

(Post-show music begins: “Remember When.”)

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