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Mickey and Friends Tram (Disneyland Resort)

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(Tram pulls up to the loading area at the Mickey and Friends Parking Structure.)

ANNOUNCER
Hello everyone! Welcome aboard the Mickey and Friends Tram. Please lower your head and watch your step while boarding.  Please place young children toward the inside of the tram—away from the sides. There may be no lap sitting, except for very young children who are sitting with their parents. Children may not ride in strollers. Strollers should be folded and safety stored before we leave.  As a courtesy to other passengers, we ask that there be no eating, drinking, or smoking on board. In just a few moments, we will begin our trip to the Disneyland Resort Main Entrance Plaza. Thank you.

(CONDUCTOR announces final boarding call and “no more boarding at this time.”)

ANNOUNCER
For your safety,  remain seated with the doors closed—keeping your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside while the tram is moving—and supervise your children.

SPANISH SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Para su seguridad, favor de permanecer sentados con las puertas cerradas, manteniendo su manos, brazos, pies, y piernas adentro mientras el tranvía esta moviendo. Y vigilen a sus niños. Gracias.

CONDUCTOR (Exact wording varies.)
Ladies and gentlemen, this tram is ready to depart. Driver, you are clear.

(Tram begins moving.)

ANNOUNCER
Please hold on to hats, glasses, or any loose items that may fall from the tram. If an article should fall, please stay seated until the next stop, and inform the nearest cast member. Thank you.

(CONDUCTOR makes current announcements and tells the driver when the turn is clear.)

ANNOUNCER
We are now en route to the Disneyland Resort Main Entrance Plaza—gateway to Disneyland Park, Disney California Adventure Park, and the Downtown Disney District. If you are here just for the  day, our One-Day Park Hopper Ticket offers same-day admission to both Disneyland and Disney California Adventure. If you have  more time to spend, multi-day tickets and annual passes are an especially good value.

Before entering the parks, we’d like to remind you that smoking is not permitted. except in designated areas. If you have brought your own food or beverage, please use the picnic area located just to the left of the Disneyland main entrance. If you plan to leave the park and return later today, please keep your ticket and have your hand stamped as you exit.

(CONDUCTOR makes announcement with the day’s hours for each park.)

ANNOUNCER
Just ahead is the  Downtown Disney District, with exciting shopping, dining, and live entertainment. Just beyond it is Disney’s Grand Californian Hotel and Spa—inspired by the famed Arts and Crafts movement in California.

We are now  approaching the Main Entrance Plaza. At the end of your visit, please return here to take the Mickey and Friends Tram back to the parking area. The trams will continue running until one hour after the latest park closing time.

Please stay seated with the doors closed until the tram comes to a full stop. Then gather your belongings, watch your step, and exit to the driver’s right. Thanks for traveling with us today, and we hope you have a happy and memorable visit to the Disneyland Resort!

(Trams arrive at their stop. CONDUCTOR makes another announcement about exiting to the driver’s right-hand side. Guests exit, and the tram drives forward to the pickup location for new guests.)

ANNOUNCER
Hello, everyone! This is the Mickey and Friends Tram—traveling to the parking structure and the Pinocchio Parking Lot. Please lower your head and watch your step while boarding. Please place young children toward the inside of the tram—away from the sides. There may be no lap sitting, except for very young children who are sitting with their parents. Children may not ride in strollers. Strollers should be folded and safety stored before we leave.  As a courtesy to other passengers, we ask that there be no eating, drinking, or smoking on board. As a reminder, this is the Mickey and  Friends Tram—serving the parking structure and the Pinocchio Parking Area. Thank you! We will begin our trip shortly.

(CONDUCTOR announces final boarding call and “no more boarding at this time.”)

ANNOUNCER
For your safety,  remain seated with the doors closed—keeping your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside while the tram is moving—and supervise your children.

SPANISH SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Para su seguridad, favor de permanecer sentados con las puertas cerradas, manteniendo su manos, brazos, pies, y piernas adentro mientras el tranvía esta moviendo. Y vigilen a sus niños. Gracias.

CONDUCTOR (Exact wording varies.)
Ladies and gentlemen, this tram is ready to depart. Driver, you are clear.

(Tram begins moving.)

ANNOUNCER
Please hold on to hats, glasses, or any loose items that may fall from the tram. If an article should fall, please stay seated until the next stop, and inform the nearest cast member. Thank you.

If you will be returning to the park later today, please keep your ticket and show your hand stamp to re-enter. If you will be leaving the guest parking area and returning later today,  just show today’s parking ticket to re-enter the parking area.

As you travel through our resort, we’d like to remind you that our guest parking areas have a speed limit of 14 miles per hour. We ask that you please observe this speed limit and yield the right of way to Disneyland vehicles, whether you are walking or driving.

We are now  approaching the Mickey and Friends tram stop—which serves the Mickey and Friends Parking Structure  and the Pinocchio Parking Area. Please remain seated with the doors closed until the tram has come to a full stop. Then gather your belongings, lower your head, and watch your step—exiting to the driver’s left.

On behalf of all our cast members, we’d like to thank you for joining us today. Once in your car, please be sure to buckle up, and have a happy and safe journey home!

(Trams arrive at their stop. CONDUCTOR makes another announcement about exiting to the driver’s left-hand side. Guests exit.)

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Pirates of the Caribbean (Disneyland)

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*Sung lyrics in bold.

(Loading area announcements.)

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Ahoy there, crew! For your safety, remain seated, keeping your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the boat—and watch your children. And no flash pictures! Prepare to make sail!

(Spanish safety spiel.)

Ahoy mateys! For a safe voyage, remember to stay seated with your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the boat—and watch your children. And remember, no flash pictures! Now off with ya!

(Spanish safety spiel.)

(Ride begins. Boats float through bayou and past old man playing “Oh! Susannah” on the banjo.)

TALKING SKULL
Psst! Avast there! It be too late to alter course, mateys—and there be plunderin’ pirates lurkin’ in every cove, waitin’ to board. Sit closer together, and keep your ruddy hands inboard—that be the best way to repel boarders. And mark well me words, mateys: “Dead men tell no tales!”

Ye come seekin’ adventure and salty old pirates, eh? Sure, you come to the proper place. But keep a weather eye open, mates, and hold on tight—with both hands, if you please. There be squalls ahead! And Davy Jones waiting for them what don’t obey.

(Boats descend first drop.)

PIRATES
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
We kidnap and ravage and don’t give a hoot.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We extort, we pilfer, we filch and sack.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Maraud and embezzle and even hijack.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We kindle and char; inflame and ignite.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
We burn up the city; we’re really a fright.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!

We’re rascals and scoundrels. We’re villains and knaves.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.
We’re devils and black sheep. We’re really bad eggs.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We’re beggars and blighters and ne’er-do-well cads,
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Aye, but we’re loved by our mommies and dads,
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!

(Boats descend second drop and proceed through grotto.)

OMINOUS VOICE
Dead men tell no tales. Dead men tell no tales, etc.

DAVY JONES
Ahahahaha! Aye, but tales there be aplenty in this cursed place.

OMINOUS VOICE
Dead men tell no tales.

DAVY JONES
Ah, but they do tell tales—so says I, Davy Jones.

OMINOUS VOICE
Dead men tell no tales.

DAVY JONES
If ye be brave or fool enough to face a pirates’ curse, proceed.

(Boats pass beneath DAVY JONES mist screen and into the midst of battle between the Wicked Wench—commanded by BARBOSSA—and the SPANISH SOLDIERS.)

BARBOSSA
Get on the broadside! Pound ’em, lads! Pound ’em!

SPANISH CAPTAIN
Barbossa, we’re going to sink your ship!

BARBOSSA
Captain Jack Sparrow—show yourself, you miserable cur!

SPANISH CAPTAIN
Fire! Fire!

BARBOSSA
Strike your colors, ya bloomin’ cockroaches! Surrender Cap’n Jack Sparrow—or, by thunder, we’ll burn this city to the ground!

SPANISH SOLDIER #1
(Yelling instructions.)

SPANISH SOLDIER #2
(Yelling instructions.)

BARBOSSA
Haha, they need a little persuasion, mateys. Fire at will!

SPANISH SOLDIER #1
Cuidado!

SPANISH SOLDIER #2
We’re not afraid of you!

BARBOSSA
It’s Cap’n Jack Sparrow we’re after—and a fortune in gold.

SPANISH CAPTAIN
Barbossa!

BARBOSSA
Put up your white flag, ya scurvy scum. Bring me Cap’n Jack Sparrow, or I’ll be sendin’ ya to Davy Jones!

SPANISH SOLDIER #1
You will never take the fort!

SPANISH CAPTAIN
We will never surrender!

(Boats round a corner to see a CAPTOR PIRATE instructing his LACKEY PIRATE to dunk CARLOS, the town magistrate, in an effort to make him talk. Meanwhile, CARLOS’ WIFE watches from the window of their home above. A MUSICIAN PIRATE plays the flute. CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW can be seen hiding next to the scene.)

Photo credit: Kent Buckingham

Photo credit: Kent Buckingham

CAPTOR PIRATE
Pipe the lubber aloft, matey. Where be Cap’n Jack Sparrow and the treasure, ya bilge rat?!

CARLOS’ WIFE
Don’t tell him, Carlos! No, no, no, no!

(RIFLE PIRATE shoots at her. She screams and disappears behind the shutter.)

RIFLE PIRATE
Hahaha, scuttle, ya bilge rat!

CARLOS (Getting dunked)
No! No! I’ll talk! No! No! No!

CAPTOR PIRATE
Take him aloft again, matey!

CARLOS’ WIFE
Be brave, Carlos! Don’t listen to him!

(RIFLE PIRATE shoots at her again, laughs.)

CAPTOR PIRATE
Where be Cap’n Jack Sparrow? Speak up—or do you fancy a swim with Davy Jones?!

CARLOS’ WIFE
Don’t tell him, Carlos! Don’t be chee-cken!

(RIFLE PIRATE shoots at her again. CARLOS gets dunked.)

CARLOS
I am no chee-cken! I will not talk!

(He gets dunked again and gurgles.)

(Boats move to auction scene, where AUCTIONEER attempts to sell captured women as brides to PIRATES.)

Photo credit: KGS Imaging

Photo credit: KGS Imaging

AUCTIONEER
We anchor, now, ye swabbies? What be I offered for this winsome wench? Stout-hearted and corn-fed she be.

DRUNK PIRATE
Hey! Be ya sellin’ her by the pound?

AUCTIONEER
Shift yer cargo, dearie. Show ’em yer larboard side!

DRUNK PIRATE
We wants the redhead!

AUCTIONEER
Allay there, you fo’c’s’le swab!

DRUNK PIRATE
The redhead!

SLURRING PIRATE
We wants the redhead!

ARMED PIRATE
Avast there! (Fires a gunshot.)

AUCTIONEER
And now, ya bilge rats—do I hear six? Who makes it six?

DRUNK PIRATE
Six it be. Six bottles o’ rum!

(Other PIRATES laugh.)

AUCTIONEER
I’m not spongin’ for rum! It be gold I’m after. Strike your colors, ya brazen wench. No need to expose your superstructure!

SLURRING PIRATE
You waiting for? C’mon now! We wants the redhead!

ALL PIRATES
We wants the redhead!

ARMED PIRATE
Quiet, ya scum! (Fires a shot to shut them up.)

(Boats go under bridge to chase scene. MAP PIRATE sits on a barrel with the treasure map spread across his lap and key in his hand. CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW pops out from the barrel behind him to look over his shoulder. DOG keeps barking whenever he appears.)

MAP PIRATE
Oh, it’s the treasure map for sure, and no mistake. And by thunder, that scoundrel Cap’n Jack Sparrow will never lay eyes on it—nor this here key neither, ha har. (DOG barks.) Quiet! Ha har, fooled him, I did, by gum! I tell you once, Cap’n Jack Sparrow—you’ll never find the treasure without a look at this here map… and this lovely key to the treasure room. Hahahaha! (DOG barks.) Easy boy. Here I be—holdin’ the treasure map, and the key as well. What I wouldn’t give to see the look on Cap’n Jack Sparrow’s face when he hears tell ’tis only me what’s got the goods, haha! (DOG barks.) Keep still! I’m studyin’ me map! (DOG barks.)

(Boats pass OLD BILL with two STRAY CATS.)

OLD BILL
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty! Hehehe, have a nice little tot of rum with Old Bill, eh? Hehehe… (CATS meow shrilly.) Come on, now—be a nice little pussycat! (He laughs and coughs.) Oh, you be a feisty one, you be. (CATS meow angrily.)

(Boats pass under another bridge and by PIRATE TRIO singing with DOG and DONKEY. Next, pass by the city being burned while PIRATES loot. Next, pass by MUDDY PIRATE snoring next to PIGS. Pass under another bridge, where HAIRY LEG PIRATE’s foot hangs down from above.)

PIRATES
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
We kidnap and ravage and don’t give a hoot.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We extort, we pilfer, we filch and sack.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Maraud and embezzle and even hijack.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We kindle and char; inflame and ignite.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
We burn up the city; we’re really a fright.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!

We’re rascals and scoundrels. We’re villains and knaves.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.
We’re devils and black sheep. We’re really bad eggs.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We’re beggars and blighters and ne’er-do-well cads,
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Aye, but we’re loved by our mommies and dads,
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!

(Pass under another bridge and into jail scene. six JAIL PIRATES are in two jail cells—three to the LEFT and three to the RIGHT. Outside left cell, DOG WITH KEYS holds onto the keys to the cells. The JAIL PIRATES attempt to coax the key from him.)

LEFT PIRATE #1
Grab his tail! Go on, grab it!

LEFT PIRATE #2
Don’t scare him!

RIGHT PIRATE #1
There you go, dearie. Come on—have a nice bone, eh? That’s a good lad! Come on, now!

LEFT PIRATE #1
Oooh, steady now. Steady, steady. Here, that’s it. Take the keys off his ruddy neck.

RIGHT PIRATE #1
It’s us what needs your ruddy ‘elp, not them blasted lubbers!

RIGHT PIRATE #2
Oh, that blasted pocket-pickin’ pirate!

(LEFT PIRATE #3 whistles for the DOG.)

LEFT PIRATE #1
Bring Old Bill them nice keys!

RIGHT PIRATE #2
Blasted blackhearted cur!

LEFT PIRATE #2
Here you be, Spot. How’s about a nice, juicy bone?

LEFT PIRATE #1
Over ‘ere, Spot! Over ‘ere. Now, easy boy!

LEFT PIRATE #2
Here, give us the keys, you scrawny little beast!

RIGHT PIRATE #1
I say grab his ears.

(LEFT PIRATE #3 keeps whistling.)

LEFT PIRATE #2
Walk him over to the noose. Come on, now! Hold it higher. Higher, I say! Higher!

RIGHT PIRATE #1
Ugh, mangy mutt! Hit him with a soup bone!

LEFT PIRATE #1
Here, doggy. Here, here, doggy! Nice doggy!

RIGHT PIRATE #2
Belay that talk. We want the keys, not the mutt, you swab.

RIGHT PIRATE #1
Can’t you reach any further, you stub-winged bilge rat?

(Boats pass through room that is about to cave in, and then pass into a room where one SILLY PIRATE sits on a cannon across from THREE PIRATES who are fighting him. SILLY PIRATE sings his own version of the song, including laughs and interjections of “La la la la la!”)

Photo credit: Kent Buckingham

Photo credit: Kent Buckingham

PIRATES
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
We kidnap and ravage and don’t give a hoot.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We extort, we pilfer, we filch and sack.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Maraud and embezzle and even hijack.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We kindle and char; inflame and ignite.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
We burn up the city; we’re really a fright.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!

We’re rascals and scoundrels. We’re villains and knaves.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.
We’re devils and black sheep. We’re really bad eggs.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We’re beggars and blighters and ne’er-do-well cads,
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Aye, but we’re loved by our mommies and dads,
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!

(Boats begin climbing the hill and pass CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW sitting in the treasure room surrounded by gold and jewels.)

CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!

I raise a toast to all of our many shipmates lost at sea. Salut, mes amis!

Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Rascals and scoundrels; villains and knaves.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.
We’re devils and black sheep. We’re really bad eggs.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.

Drink up, lads! There’s treasure enough for all. I shall take this paltry sum as a stipend to cover my expenses… and the chest of jewels.

Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!

A toast to piracy, and its many shiny rewards. As a career, what could be more rewarding?

Drink up me hearties, yo ho!

I humbly accept this magnificent treasure as my reward for a life of villainy, larceny, skullduggery, and persnickety-ny.

(Boats continue up ramp.)

DAVY JONES
We will meet again when next you sail. So says I, Davy Jones!

BLACKBEARD
The fates have spoken and guided you well. ‘Til we meet again…

DAVY JONES
You may not survive to pass this way again! (Laughs.)

BLACKBEARD
Mark my words—we’ll meet again upon some stormy sea.

DAVY JONES
When next you sail, sail with Davy Jones. None shall escape. (Laughs.)

BLACKBEARD
On your way now. And tell the world you set sail with Blackbeard.

DAVY JONES
When next you sail, Davy Jones awaits. (Laughs.)

BLACKBEARD
The sea’s been kind today, but who can tell what dangers lie on stranger tides?

DAVY JONES
Mark my words—when next you sail, we’ll meet again! (Laughs.)

BLACKBEARD
You’ll stay, onward to the bitter end.

DAVY JONES
So it seems dead men do tell tales—don’t they? (Laughs.)

BLACKBEARD
The sea’s been kind today, but who can tell what dangers lie on tomorrow’s tide?

(Boats turn past attraction queue on left. PARROT sits aboard perch on right.)

PARROT
Ahoy there! (Squawk.) Thar she blows! (Whistle. Squawk.) Avast there, mateys! (Whistle.) Walk the plank! Walk the plank! (Laughs. Squawks.) Shiver me timbers! (Squawk.) Yo ho! Yo ho! (Squawks.) Dead men tell no tales. (Squawk. Whistle. Squawk.) Shiver me timbers! (Squawk.) Avast there, lubbers! (Squawk. Whistle.) Eight little coins! Eight little coins! (Whistle.) Steady as she goes! (Squawk. Whistle. Squawk.) Pieces of eight. (Squawk.) Pieces of eight. (Squawks.) Ahoy mateys. Ahoy! (Squawk. Whistle.)

(Boats approach unload zone.)

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
When the boat stops, please be steppin’ out to yer right.

All hands, prepare to go ashore by steppin’ out to yer right.

(Guests exit.)

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Disneyland Monorail (Disneyland)

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(Guests board at Tomorrowland Station.)

NARRATOR
Hello, everyone! Welcome aboard the Disneyland Monorail. We are now beginning a two-and-a-half mile journey to Downtown Disney Station and back. For a safe trip, remain seated, keeping your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the cabin. Be sure to watch your children—and no smoking, please.

(Spanish safety spiel.)

You are riding aboard the Mark VII—the latest generation of Disneyland monorails. When Walt Disney introduced this attraction in 1959, it was the first daily-operating monorail system in the Western Hemisphere.

Just ahead is Disney California Adventure, where you’ll find Disney stories told in unique and exciting new ways. That towering hotel in the distance is home to Twilight Zone Tower of Terror—where you can literally drop in on Hollywood history.

We are now passing Grizzly Peak: land of scenic wonders—where you can experience the beauty and exhilaration of free flight in Soarin’!

Coming into view is Disney’s Grand Californian Hotel and Spa. This Imagineering masterpiece is inspired by the state’s natural wonders and features the Arts and Crafts style of the 19th century.

We are now arriving at Downtown Disney Station—gateway to the Downtown Disney District and the Disneyland Resort hotels. If you will be leaving us here and returning later today, please hold on to your park ticket and have your hand stamped as you leave the station. You may re-board the monorail for a return trip to Tomorrowland up until one half-hour prior to Disneyland closing.

Please remain seated until the monorail comes to a complete stop, and the doors have opened. Then gather your belongings, lower your head, watch your step, and exit to the left of the monorail. Thanks for traveling with us today, and we hope you enjoy your visit to the Disneyland Resort!

For those of continuing with us, we’ll begin our return trip to Tomorrowland in just a few minutes. Thank you.

(Monorail stops at Downtown Disney Station. Guests exit and new guests board.)

To those of you who have just joined us, welcome aboard the Disneyland Monorail! For your safety, please remain seated, keeping your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the cabin. Watch your children—and no smoking, please.

(Spanish safety spiel.)

We’re now en route to our final stop—the Tomorrowland Monorail Station. Along the way, you get a bird’s-eye look at the Downtown Disney District, Disney’s Grand Californian Resort and Spa, and Disney California Adventure.

To the left of the monorail is the main entrance of Disneyland—the Happiest Place on Earth! Disneyland is truly an American original. Since its opening in 1955, it has hosted hundreds of millions of guests from around the world—including presidents, kings, and celebrities. It is the original Disney theme park, created and enjoyed by Walt Disney himself.

To the right is our transportation plaza, where you’ll find taxis, hotel shuttles, and public transit stops.

We are about to enter Disneyland. Some of the clearances are pretty tight up ahead, so be sure to remain seated—keeping your hands and arms inside the cabin.

This is Tomorrowland—a land inspired by science fact and fantasy. Below us is the Submarine Lagoon, where you can dive into a fantastic underwater adventure aboard the Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage.

Across the way are the icy peaks of Matterhorn Mountain—home of the world’s most famous bobsled ride. And beneath us is the Autopia—where drivers of all ages travel the road to tomorrow.  As we cruise over Tomorrowland, our pilot would like to share a few program reminders.

PILOT
(Announces upcoming parades, fireworks, Fantasmic! showings, etc., as well as park closing time and the departure time of the last monorail.)

NARRATOR
To the right of the monorail, you just might spot the sparkling gold spires of one of Disney’s most beloved attractions, “it’s a small world”! And now, we’re riding alongside the happiest kingdom of them all: Fantasyland—home of Pinocchio, Snow White, Peter Pan, and other storybook characters.

Please remain seated until the monorail comes to a complete stop. Then collect your belongings, watch your head, and step carefully from the train. On behalf of all of our crew, thanks for traveling with us, and we hope you have a happy and memorable visit here at Disneyland. This is the Tomorrowland Monorail Station!

(Monorail stops in Tomorrowland. Guests exit.)

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Finding Nemo: The Musical (Disney’s Animal Kingdom)

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*Sung lyrics in bold

(Preshow Announcements)

CRUSH
Hey, human dudes! It’s the Crush man—with my little guy, Squirt.

SQUIRT
Dudes!

CRUSH
And we’re wondering if any of you human dudes speak turtle? If you do, say “Chah!”

AUDIENCE
Chah!

CRUSH
Whoa! Well, Squirt here’s gonna give you the lowdown on the turtle speak.

SQUIRT
Okay, first we need everybody to say “Totally!”—real loud, on the count of three. Ready? One, two, three!

AUDIENCE
Totally!

SQUIRT
Okay, everybody. Now say “Sweet!”—real loud, on the count of three. One, two, three!

AUDIENCE
Sweet!

SQUIRT
Okay, now put those two words together, and say ’em both really, really loud! Ready? One, two, three!

AUDIENCE
Totally sweet!

SQUIRT
One more time!

AUDIENCE
Totally sweet!

SQUIRT
Whoa! Did ya hear ’em, Dad? Did you hear?

CRUSH
Huh-huh! Totally! Now, put your fins together, human dudes—’cause you just talked like a turtle! Awesome!

ANNOUNCER
Welcome to Finding Nemo: The Musical. Please remember, there is no smoking inside the theatre. For the safety of our performers, absolutely no flash photography or video lights are allowed. We ask that you please turn off all cellphones and pagers. Once the show begins, the theatre will be filled with effects and performers in the aisles around you. If for any reason you must leave before the end of the show, please contact one of our ushers who can direct you safely toward an exit. Thank you!

(Spanish safety spiel.)

And now, on behalf of Disney’s Animal Kingdom, we are proud to present Finding Nemo: The Musical!

(Overture begins. Curtain rises to reveal MARLIN and CORAL in their nest filled with eggs, looking out over the ocean.)

MARLIN
Wow… Look at this spectacular view! Did your man deliver or did he deliver?

CORAL
(Laughing) Marlin, shh! You’re gonna wake the kids! We still have to name them. I like Nemo.

MARLIN
Nemo? Well, we can name one Nemo, but I’d like most of them to be Marlin Jr.

(Music turns ominous.)

What was that? Get inside Coral. No, Coral, don’t go out there. Leave it alone! Coral!

(Sound of zapping and CORAL disappears along with all the eggs except one.)

Coral?! (To the remaining egg.) Oh… There, there. Daddy’s got you. I promise, I will never let anything happen to you… Nemo.

(Change of scene as NEMO gets older.)

NEMO
First day of school! Time for school!

MARLIN
All right, we’re excited. It’s your first day of school, Nemo. We’re ready to learn—to get some knowledge.
Now what’s the one thing we remember before we head out from here?

NEMO
The ocean’s not safe,
So we have to check if the coast is clear.

MARLIN
Right.
We go out,
And then back in.
And then we go out,
And then back in.
And one more time, out,
And then back in.
And sometimes,
If you want to do it four times—

NEMO
Come on!

MARLIN
Okay…

NEMO
Hey Dad, hey Dad, wouldn’t it be cool
If I maybe met a shark while I’m at school?

MARLIN
No!

NEMO
Or an angel fish!
Is it true that they have wings?

MARLIN
I don’t think so.

NEMO
Can you believe there are so many things
In the big, blue world?
I’m gonna go explore!
In the big, blue world,
That I’ve never seen before.
So many creatures,
Swimming ’round the sea.
In the big, blue world,
And all of them are waiting for me!

MARLIN
That’s what I’m afraid of!

NEMO
Hey, Dad! Do you know how old sea turtles are?

MARLIN
Sea turtles? I don’t know…

NEMO
Sandy Plankton said that they could live to be a hundred!

MARLIN
Well, If I ever meet one, I’ll ask him.

NEMO
Me too! Maybe I’ll meet a sea turtle and a shark!

MARLIN
I know you’re excited,
But let’s take a little pause.
Sharks are not our friends, Nemo.
Haven’t you seen Jaws?

NEMO
What?

MARLIN
You don’t want to meet a swordfish;
You don’t want to meet a whale.

NEMO
I want to meet a whale!

MARLIN
You need me around to watch your tail!
In the big blue world,
You’re just a little fish.

NEMO
Aw, Dad…

MARLIN
In the big blue world
You’ll be seen as a tasty dish.

NEMO
No!

MARLIN
You mean so much to me.
I don’t know what I would do
In this big blue world,
If something should happen to you.

NEMO
No need to worry, Dad,
I’ll be okay!

MARLIN
I’m scared you’ll end up as a clownfish filet.
We can turn right around,
We could wait one more year.

NEMO
Don’t be so boring, Dad—
I belong here!

(Curtains open to reveal all kinds of SEA CREATURES on stage and in the aisles.)

Wow! Isn’t it beautiful?!

MARLIN
Nemo!

NEMO
Come on, dad!

MARLIN
Hold my fin! Hold my fin!

SEA CREATURES
Take a look around you.
The ocean’s alive!
In the big blue world,
It’s time for you to arrive.

MARLIN
Is this where we meet his teacher?

DADS
Yup. Sure is. Mhmm.

TAD
What’s wrong with his fin?

TAD’S DAD
Be nice! It’s his first day of school!

MARLIN
He was born with it, kids. We call it his lucky fin.

NEMO
Dad!

MR. RAY (Entering)
Let’s name the zones,
The zones, the zones!
Let’s name the zones of the open sea!

KIDS
Mr. Ray!

MR. RAY
Climb aboard explorers! Who’s this?

NEMO
I’m Nemo.

MARLIN
He’s got a little fin. I find if he gets tired, just give him a break. Ten, fifteen minutes—

NEMO
Dad!

MR. RAY
Don’t worry. We’re gonna travel as a group.

MARLIN
Nemo, you’re such a special kid.
Want me to come with you?
I’d feel better if I did.
Remember everything I’ve told you…

NEMO
Dad, I’ll be alright.

MR. RAY
Climb aboard explorers!
Hold on tight!
Are you ready?

NEMO
Yes, I’m ready!

MR. RAY
Really ready?

MARLIN
I don’t think I’m ready.

MR. RAY AND NEMO
We’re ready to go!

ENSEMBLE
In the big, blue world!
(We’re ready to go!)
In the big, blue world!
(We’re ready to go!)
In the big, blue world…

SHELDON’S DAD
You’re doing really well for a first timer.

PEARL’S DAD
I remember I was a mess when my kid first went to The Drop-Off.

MARLIN
Well, what are you gonna do? You gotta let ’em go sometime—The Drop-Off?!

(Applause. Change of scene to The Drop-Off. The KIDS look up at a boat.)

SHELDON
What’s that?

TAD
Sandy Plankton said it’s called a “butt”…

PEARL
Whoa, that’s a pretty big butt!

SHELDON
Look at us… We’re gonna touch the butt!

PEARL
Come on, Nemo!

TAD
How far can you go?

NEMO
Um, my dad says it’s not safe—

MARLIN (Appearing)
Nemo!! No, you can’t be anywhere near here!

NEMO
I wasn’t gonna—

MARLIN
You’re not ready! I was right. We’ll try school again next year.

NEMO
But dad!

MARLIN
You know you can’t swim well.

NEMO
I can!

MARLIN:
No you can’t! Now come along.
You think that you can do these things,
But you are wrong!

NEMO
I hate you.

(He starts to swim toward the boat.)

MARLIN:
Nemo! What are you doing? You get back here! You are in big trouble, young man. Do you hear me Big, big—

(NEMO is captured in a net.)

NEMO
Ahh!! Daddy, help me!!

MARLIN
Nemo!!! Oh, no, please, please! Wait. Please, slow down!

(Mask falls from the diver, but NEMO is gone.)

He’s gone. He can’t be gone! Has anybody seen a boat? Please, they took my son! I’m coming, Nemo!

(DORY enters, singing.)

DORY
La la la la la la la la,
La la la la la la la la,
La la la la la—
Lookout! (She crashes into MARLIN.) Ooh, sorry, sir.

MARLIN
He’s got my son. He’s got Nemo. Have you seen a boat?

DORY
A boat? I’ve seen a boat! Follow me!
La la la la la la la la,
La la la la la la la la,
La la la la la.
(Looking at MARLIN suspiciously.) Do you mind?

MARLIN
What?

DORY
I’m tryin’ to swim here.

MARLIN
But we’re trying to find Nemo. You were showing me which way the boat went.

DORY
A boat? I’ve seen a boat! Follow me!
La la la la la la la la,
La la la la la la la la,
La la la la la.
(Eyeing MARLIN again.) Do I know you?

MARLIN
Yes, you were showing me which way the boat went.

DORY
A boat? I saw a boat—

MARLIN
Wait! We already did this.

DORY
We did? Oh dear
I guess I should explain—
I got this problem with my brain.
Things get really scrambled in my head!
I have no short term memory,
Forget things almost instantly.
I’m not even sure what I just said.
May I help you?

MARLIN
There’s something wrong with you, really. You’re wasting my time. I have to find my son.

DORY
Chico?

MARLIN
Nemo!

BRUCE (Appearing behind them)
Hello, love.

DORY
Well, hi!

BRUCE
Name’s Bruce.

DORY
I’m Dory, and this is…

MARLIN
You don’t need to know. I’m nobody, really. I was just leaving—

BRUCE
I’d like to invite you morsels to a little party I’m having.

DORY
Hey look—balloons! It is a party!

BRUCE
(Laughs.) Mind your distance, though. You wouldn’t want one o’ them to pop! Anchor! Chum!

ANCHOR
It’s about time, mate. I’m starvin’.

CHUM
What’cha bring for us, mate?

BRUCE
Couple o’ tasty bites.

(The SHARKS laugh and make sounds of hunger.)

BRUCE
Alright then! Our meeting has officially come to order. Let us all say the pledge!
Fish are friends.

ANCHOR
Fish are friends.

CHUM
Fish are friends.

SHARKS
Not food!

Though we have long sharp teeth,
We’re nice sharks underneath.
We know that fish are friends, not food.

CHUM
Well, sometimes we know.

SHARKS
Sure we could eat you whole,
But we have self-control!
We know that fish are friends, not food.

MARLIN
I’d like to be your friend!

BRUCE
The stress of life in the ocean
Will lead to emotional eating.

ANCHOR AND CHUM
Yes it will!

BRUCE
When you need help gettin’ through it,
And kelp just won’t do it,
Don’t start feeding—

SHARKS
Swim to our meeting!

Oh yes, we’ve seen the light.
Each day we fight the fight.
To curb our appetite,
And change our attitude.

BRUCE
Fish are friends…

ANCHOR
Fish are friends…

BRUCE
Fish are friends…

CHUM
Fish are food!

BRUCE AND ANCHOR
No!

SHARKS
Fish are friends, not food!

BRUCE
Like we rehearsed, gentlemen.

SHARKS
Doo, doo, doo, doo, etc.

MARLIN
Look! That mask belonged to the diver that took my son!

DORY
Harpo?

MARLIN:
Nemo! What do these markings mean? I can’t read human.

DORY
Hey look—sharks! I bet they can help!

MARLIN
No, no, no! Dory!

DORY
Hey fellas? Guys? Hey?

MARLIN
No Dory!

DORY
If you could just—

MARLIN
Gimme it!

DORY
I know what to— (The mask snaps and gives her a bloody nose.) Ow!

MARLIN
Oh, I’m sorry! Is you’re nose bleeding?

DORY
You really clocked me there!

BRUCE
(Smells the blood.) Ooh that’s good!

ANCHOR AND CHUM
Intervention!

BRUCE
I need a little taste!

ANCHOR AND CHUM
No!

BRUCE
Why let ’em go to waste?

ANCHOR AND CHUM
Bruce!
Remember fish are friends, not food!

ANCHOR
Remember the steps!

ANCHOR AND CHUM
He’s really not so bad.
He never knew his dad.

BRUCE
I need some food!
I need some food!
I need some food!!

(SHARKS start to chase MARLIN and DORY.)

MARLIN
There’s no way out!

DORY
Es-ca-pay! That’s funny, it’s spelt the same as “escape.”

MARLIN
Dory… You can read?

DORY
I can read? Hey, I can read!

MARLIN
Well, read the mask!

BRUCE
I’ve got you in my sight,
I’m having fish tonight!!

DORY
This way!

ANCHOR AND CHUM
Remember fish are friends.
Remember fish are friends.
Remember fish are friends…

(Sound of bombs about to explode.)

BRUCE
Swim away! Swim away!

ANCHOR AND CHUM
Not food.

(Big explosions. Applause. Change of scene to dental office.)

P. SHERMAN
You haven’t been flossing, mate. This won’t hurt a bit. (Sound of dental drill and patient screaming.) Well, maybe a little bit… How’s the missus?

(Patient tries to talk through dental gauze.)

See this little fish? Found him on the reef. Thought he’d make a good present for my niece’s birthday on Friday.

NEMO
Dad? (Bumps into glass side of tank.) Daddy?!

Where’s my dad? I’m all alone.
I’m too small to be here on my own.
I swam away, ’cause I got mad.
But now I really need him.
Where’s my dad?

(Fish tank comes to life with chanting and dancing.)

TANK GANG
Wannahockaloogie! Wannahockaloogie! Wannahockaloogie! Wannahockaloogie! Wannahockaloogie! Wannahockaloogie! Wannahockaloogie! 
Welcome!!

NEMO
Daddy!

DEB
Oh no. We scared him!

PEACH
I don’t know why we just can’t say “hello”?

NEMO
I wanna go home! Daddy!

PEACH
Honey, your dad’s probably back at the pet store.

NEMO
Pet store?

BLOAT
Yeah, ya know. Like I’m from Bob’s Fish-Farm.

DEB
Fish-O-Rama!

BUBBLES
Mail-order…

PEACH
eBay.

NEMO
I—I’m from the ocean!

NIGEL
The ocean, eh?

NEMO
Ahh!

TANK GANG
Hi, Nigel.

NIGEL
I’m from the ocean too! Sorry If I ever took a snap at ya, lad. So what have we got today, mates?

PEACH
Root canal!

NIGEL
Ooh! Has he loosened the periodontal ligiment?

P. SHERMAN
Shoo! Shoo! He’s not your fish! He’s going to my Darla!

(Theme from Psycho plays ominously.)

BLOAT
Darla?! (Puffs.) Oh no!

NEMO
What? What’s wrong with her?

PEACH
Every year, she gets a fish.

DEB
Every year, she shakes the bag!

BLOAT
And every year, that fish goes belly-up!

TANK GANG
She’s a fish killer!

NEMO
I can’t go with that girl—I need my dad! I gotta get back to my dad. Daddy!!

GILL
Hey, kid! You’ll get back to your dad. I’ve been watching you, and you’re small enough to break us free.

NEMO
I don’t swim well. I’ve got a bad fin…

GILL
One bad fin has never stopped me.

PEACH
Your escape plans never work, Gill.

GILL
But this time we’ve got him. I promise, we will all get out, as long as we can swim…
Together!
We swim together!
Cooperation is the secret to our success.

BUBBLES
Bubbles?

GILL
We swim in harmony…

BLOAT
And we start at dentistry.

GILL:
We’re the fish of Pablo Sherman, D.D.S.

This little guy is one of us now. And we can’t send him off to his death. Darla’s coming in five days, but he’ll be long gone by then. We all will—if we do this the way we do everything else!

GILL
Together…

TANK GANG
We swim together!
And together we’ll get out of here as a group.

BLOAT
Oh, I believe we can!

NEMO
Yeah, but what’s the plan?

GILL
We’re gonna jam the filter and fill this tank with poop!

TANK GANG
Huh?

GILL
When this kid jams the filter, the tank will get filthy, and the dentist will have to clean it. He’ll put us into individual bags and we’ll roll out the window into the ocean!

TANK GANG
Ohhh!

BLOAT
The whole “poop” thing threw me.

ALL
Together!
We swim together!

GILL
Little clownfish you’re our ticket to breaking free.

ALL
And if we all join fins,
Everybody wins!
And we’ll swim together
In the open sea!

GILL
So what’s your name, kid?

NEMO
I’m Nemo!

(Applause. Change of scene to somewhere in the ocean. DORY and MARLIN are both talking in their sleep.)

MARLIN
Nemo…

DORY
That sea-monkey has my money… Yes, I’m a natural blue…

MARLIN (Waking)
The mask! It’s gone! Wake up!

DORY
Ahh! I was framed! I was framed!! Good morning.

MARLIN
What’s so good about it? That mask was the only chance I had of finding my son.

DORY
Chico?

MARLIN
Nemo! His name is Nemo. And I may never see him again!

DORY
Hey, Mr. Grumpy Gills,
Life’s full of little spills.
Don’t throw your fins up in disgust!
Oh, what’s the use of floatin’ there,
Not going anywhere?
Swish your tail,
And dive on in,
And trust
That… if… you…

Just keep swimming.
Just keep swimming.
Life isn’t all that grim!

MARLIN
Ugh!

DORY:
Just keep swimming.
Just keep swimming!
What do we do?

MARLIN
We swim?

DORY
Right!
La la la la la la la la,

MARLIN
No singing.

DORY
La la la la la la la la,

MARLIN
No singing, please!

DORY
La la la la la la la!

MARLIN
Ugh! Now that song is going to be stuck in my head!

DORY
Look there’s a shiny thing!
Hey, that looks interesting.

MARLIN
Please, Dory, try to stay on task!

DORY
It says “P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.”
Hmm, I guess it’s nothing.

MARLIN
No, Dory! That’s the mask!

DORY
Yay! We did it!

MARLIN
Yeah, but now what?
We don’t know how to get there.

DORY
So we follow our gut!

MARLIN
But—

DORY
Just keep swimming.
Just keep swimming!
Everything’ll be okay. See?
Just keep swimming.
Move your tail,
And sure enough we’ll find our way.

Oh, sometimes things look bad,
Then poof! The moment is gone.
And what do we do?

BOTH
We just keep swimming on.

DORY
To P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney!

MARLIN
Hello there! Yeah! Excuse me!

DORY:
P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.

MARLIN:
I’m looking for my son…

DORY:
P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney!

MARLIN
Wait a minute! I’m trying to talk to you! Please!

DORY
P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney!!

MARLIN
Stop!!!

Look, you’ve been really great,
And I appreciate
All of the little things you’ve done.

DORY
Well, thanks!

MARLIN
But, perhaps I think it’s best
If you and I gave this a rest.

DORY
Huh?

MARLIN
How ’bout you stay here, while I go and find my son?

DORY
Wait!
Come back!
Don’t leave my on my own!

MARLIN
Sorry, but I really want to carry on alone!

(A school of MOONFISH enters and gathers around MARLIN threateningly.)

SOLO MOONFISH
Hey, lady. Is this guy bothering you?

DORY
I don’t remember. Were you?

MARLIN
No, no, no, no. Do you guys know how I can get to P. Sherman—

SOLO MOONFISH
Look, pal—we’re talking to the lady.

MARLIN
Fine!

DORY
Go easy on him, fellas. He lost his son, Fabio.

MARLIN
Nemo.

DORY
Hey, any of you ever heard of P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney?

MOONFISH
Sydney?
Aaaahhh!
(They form the shape of the Sydney Opera House.)

SOLO MOONFISH
What you want to do is follow the E.A.C. That’s, uh, the East Australia Current.

MOONFISH
Just keep swimming!
(Swimming, swimming!)

SOLO MOONFISH
Big current. You can’t miss it. It’s in that direction.

(MOONFISH form the shape of an arrow.)

MOONFISH
Just keep swimming!
(Swimming, swimming!)

SOLO MOONFISH
And that little baby’s gonna put you right past Sydney!

MOONFISH
It’s a big blue world out there,
That can make a fish feel small…

DORY
They’re good.

MOONFISH
But when friends point the way,
It’s not so big at all.

MARLIN
To Sydney!

MOONFISH
Aaaahh!

SOLO MOONFISH
Oh, hey, ma’am, one more thing. When you come to this trench, swim through it, not over it.

DORY
Through it, not over it. Got it!

MARLIN
I don’t like this trench one bit.
We’re swimming over it.

DORY
Something’s telling me we should swim through.

MARLIN
Why do I waste my breath?
That way leads to certain death.

DORY
Come on, partner! Trust me on this!
It’s what friends do!

MARLIN
Okay, I guess. If you say so…
Hey look—something shiny!

DORY
Where?

MARLIN
Over the trench!

DORY
Let’s go!
La la la la la

MARLIN
La la la

DORY
La la la la la

MARLIN
La la la

DORY
La la la la
(She gets stung by a small jellyfish.)
Ow ow ow ow
Owwwww!!

MARLIN
Dory! That’s a jellyfish! You’ll be all right. Let’s be thankful it was just a little one. (He notices they are surrounded by jellyfish.) Uh-oh.

DORY
Ooh, hey! Watch this! (She bounces on top of the jellyfish.) Boing! Boing! Boing!

MARLIN
Dory, I have an idea. A game.

DORY
Ooh a game! Pick me! Pick me!

MARLIN
First one out of the jellyfish without touching the tentacles wins. Ready, set, go!

DORY
Better move fast if you wanna win!

MARLIN
Just keep swimming!

DORY
Just keep swimming!

DORY AND MARLIN
Life isn’t always grim.

MARLIN
Just keep swimming!

DORY
Just keep swimming!

DORY AND MARLIN
What do we do?
We swim.

MARLIN
Just keep swimming!

DORY
Just keep swimming!

MARLIN
Just keep swimming!

DORY
This fish was built for speed.

MARLIN
Haha!
Just keep swimming!

DORY
Just keep swimming!

MARLIN
Just keep swimming.
And the clownfish takes the lead!

(DORY gets stung by several big jellyfish.)

Dory! Dory! Oh no.

DORY
Am I disqualified?

MARLIN
No. You’re actually winning. But you have to listen to me.

Just keep swimming.
Stay awake, now.
Everything will be okay.
Just stay with me
‘Til we get to

DORY
42 Wallaby Way

MARLIN
Right.
Sometimes things look bad,
Then poof, the moment is gone.
And what do we do?

DORY
We just… keep… swimming…

(Both DORY and MARLIN falls unconscious. Applause. Change of scene to the tank.)

GILL
Heya, Sharkbait.

NEMO
I’m so sorry I ruined your plan, Gill. I couldn’t jam the filter, and now we’ll never get out.

GILL
Never say “never,” kid. There’s other ways out of this place. Remember, all drains lead to the ocean. We got a sink right there, and a toilet over there.

NEMO
Ew.

GILL
Besides, you got your dad out there looking for you. I bet he’s on his way right now.

NEMO
Not my dad,
He’s not brave enough.
He’s afraid of whales and sharks and stuff.
He’s prob’ly angry
Cause I was bad.
I’m sure that he’s not coming,
Not my dad.

(Applause. Curtains close. Psychedelic lights and music.)

ENSEMBLE
Dude.
Focus dude.
Dude.

(Curtains open on the E.A.C., where CRUSH carries MARLIN on his back. MARLIN wakes up, groaning.)

CRUSH
He lives!

MARLIN
What happened?

CRUSH
You took on the jellies, mini man. You saved Little Blue!

MARLIN
Little Blue? Dory! Is she okay?

DORY
(Enters, followed by little turtles.) P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.

LITTLE TURTLES
P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney!

DORY
Hi Crush!

MARLIN:
I gotta get out of here! I gotta find my son! I gotta get to the E.A.C! Hey! How do I get to the E.A.C!?

CRUSH
Dude,
You have traveled far.
Ya must be swimmin’ under a lucky star!
You’re exactly where you’re meant to be,
So grab some shell and surf the E.A.C with me.

Go with the flo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow.

ENSEMBLE
(That’s the only way to do it. Just get on over to it.)

CRUSH
Go with the flo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow.

ENSEMBLE
(That’s the only way to do it. Just get on over to it.)

CRUSH
Go with the flo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow!

ENSEMBLE:
(That’s the only way to do it. Just get on over to it.)
Go with the flow!

CRUSH
Don’t be a high-strung fellow.
Kick back and keep it mellow!
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
Go with the flow!

Jelly-man, Offspring.

MARLIN
Hi.

CRUSH
Offspring, Jelly-man.

SQUIRT
Jellies? Cool!

DORY
Show him your 360, Squirt!

SQUIRT
Check this out.

(SQUIRT gets pulled out of the current. MARLIN panics.)

MARLIN
Oh my goodness!

CRUSH
Kill the motor dude.
Why don’t you take it slow?
Let us see how Squirt does flyin’ so-o-lo.

SQUIRT (Re-entering)
Whoa! That was so cool!
Dad, did ya see what I did?

MARLIN
Well, I’ll be a sea-monkey’s uncle!

CRUSH
You so totally rocked, Squirt!
You’re such an amazing kid.

MARLIN
Children, huh?

CRUSH
It’s awesome—
They’re eggs’ on a beach,
Then coo-coo-ca-choo!

ENSEMBLE
(Coo-coo-ca-choo!)

CRUSH
They find their own way back to the big ol’ blue.

MARLIN
All by themselves?
But what if they’re not ready?
I mean how do ya know?

ENSEMBLE
(How do ya know?)

CRUSH
Well, ya never really know,
But if they’re ever gonna grow…

CRUSH AND ENSEMBLE
Then ya gotta let ’em go.
Ya know?

CRUSH
Just go with the flo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow.

SQUIRT
(That’s the only way to do it. Just get on over to it.) 

CRUSH
Go with the flo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow.

SQUIRT
(Rip it, roll it, curl it. Ride inside it; twirl it.)

CRUSH
Go with the flow!

ENSEMBLE
Go with the flow!

CRUSH
When you’re raising sons and daughters,
It’s like surfin’ the muddy waters.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

ENSEMBLE
Go with the flow.
Go with the flow.

CRUSH
Get ready for Sydney, dude! You’re exit’s coming up!

MARLIN
Oh wait, I forgot. How old are you?

CRUSH
150, dude! And still young!

ENSEMBLE
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

CRUSH
Righteous! Yeah!

(Applause. Curtains close on E.A.C. MARLIN and DORY ad lib.)

MARLIN
Now, on to the harbour!

DORY
Uh, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney, right?

MARLIN
Yep, we just gotta swim straight.

DORY
Oh, hey—How ’bout we play a game?!

MARLIN
Okay…

DORY
Okay! I’m… thinkin’ of something orange and small…

MARLIN
It’s me.

DORY
Right! Okay! Ooh, it’s orange and small.

MARLIN
It’s me.

DORY
Okay, Mr. Smarty Pants.

MARLIN
Mm-hmm.

DORY
Now, it’s orange and small with white stripes.

MARLIN
It’s me. And the next one—just a guess—me!

DORY
Okay, that’s just scary.

(Blackout. Lights up on OCTOPUS MOM and her OCTOPUS BABY.)

OCTOPUS MOM
Did you hear about that poor little clownfish father whose son was taken from the reef?

OCTOPUS BABY
Mom? Mom? Mom? Mommy? Moooom??!

OCTOPUS MOM
Not now, sweetie!! Mommy’s only got eight hands!

(Blackout. Lights up on two LOBSTERS with Boston accents.)

LOBSTER #1
He went to three ferocious sharks. He’s wicked scared. But what does he do? He goes and blows ’em up!

LOBSTER #2
Wow! Now that’s a tale!

LOBSTER #1
(Referencing his tail.) Why, thank you!

LOBSTER #2
I, uh, didn’t mean it that way…

(Blackout. Lights up on two sword-fighting SWORDFISH.)

SWORDFISH #1
I heard he went face to face with a jellyfish.

SWORDFISH #2
You heard incorrectly old chap. It was an entire jellyfish forest.

SWORDFISH #1
Be that as it may, he escaped unharmed.

SWORDFISH #2
He may have, my good man. But will you?

SWORDFISH #1
Touche.

(Blackout. Lights up on two flying PENGUINS.)

PENGUIN #1
And then this whale comes along and takes him straight to Sydney Harbour and shoots him out his spout! Isn’t that amazing?

PENGUIN #2:
That is amazing! Wait a minute. We’re penguins… We can’t fly!

PENGUINS (Falling)
Ahhhhh!!!!

(Curtain opens on the tank.)

NIGEL
Nemo! Nemo! Your dad’s been fighting the entire ocean looking for you!

NEMO
My father? Really?

NIGEL
He’s travelled hundreds of miles! He’s made friends with whales and sea turtles! And he’s battled sharks and jellyfish!

NEMO
Sharks? That can’t be him.

NIGEL
Sure it is. It’s Marlin, the little clownfish from the reef!

NEMO
Whoa!
That’s my dad!
I knew all along!
Underneath he’s really brave and strong.
He’s on his way now,
And I’m so glad
Of all the fish in the ocean,
That’s my dad!

NIGEL
Word is, he’s in Sydney Harbour right now! I’ll go find him!

(A net reaches into the tank.)

GILL
Nemo! Look out!

NEMO
Gill! Help me!

GILL
Everybody jump in!

(The TANK GANG all gets into the net.)

TANK GANG
Together!
We swim together!

(The net is taken away.)

Yay!

(Theme from Psycho plays and Darla is seen.)

TANK GANG
Oh no! Darla!

(Theme from Psycho plays again. A plastic bag goes into the tank and traps NEMO.)

NEMO
Gill!

(Theme from Psycho plays again.)

P. SHERMAN
Happy birthday, Darla.

DARLA
Fishy!

NIGEL
Nemo! I found your father!

MARLIN (Entering)
Nemo?!

DARLA
Fishy! Fishy! Wake up, Fishy!

DORY
Oh no!

(NEMO goes belly-up in the bag.)

MARLIN
No!! We’re too late!

DORY
Hey, I’m so sorry.

MARLIN
It’s over. Nemo’s gone.  I couldn’t—I’m going home, now.

DORY
Wait! Where ya goin’?

MARLIN
Dory, if it wasn’t for you, I never would have made it here.  So thank you.

DORY
Wait. Stop! No one has ever stuck with me this long before. Please, don’t go away! Please.

(Sound of gurgling.)

NEMO
Whoa! Whooooaaa! (He appears from the drain.) Dad!!

MARLIN
Nemo?

NEMO
Dad!

DORY
You’re alive!! And you are…?

MARLIN
This is Dory. She helped me find you! I thought I’d lost you—I saw you belly-up!

NEMO
I wasn’t dead! I was just pretending so they would flush me down the drain!

MARLIN
Thank goodness, you’re safe.

SCHOOL OF FISH
(Entering from the drain.) Swim away! Swim away!

(DORY gets caught in a net along with several other FISH.)

DORY
Ah!! Get us out! Get us out!

(NEMO swims toward the net.)

MARLIN
Nemo! You get back here!

NEMO
I know what to do!
We have to save Dory!

MARLIN
I have to think of you!

NEMO
But I’m small enough to get in there.
Dad, I have a plan!

MARLIN
You think that you can do these things, but—
I know you can.

NEMO
Tell everybody to swim down!
Together.
Swim down together!

MARLIN
You heard my son!

MARLIN AND NEMO
Together.
We swim together.

DORY
Just keep swimming.
Just keep swimming, etc.

MARLIN AND NEMO
Together.
We swim together!

ENSEMBLE
Swim together, swim together, etc.

MARLIN
Swim down!!

NEMO
That’s my dad!

MARLIN
That’s my son!

ALL
Together.
We swim together!
Aaaahh!!

(The net breaks apart, releasing the fish.)

MARLIN
Dory, are you okay?

DORY
Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?

(MARLIN sees NEMO unconscious on the floor.)

MARLIN
Nemo? It’s okay. Daddy’s here. Daddy’s got you.

(NEMO coughs and wakes up.)

NEMO
Daddy?!

MARLIN
Nemo!!!

NEMO
I don’t hate you.

MARLIN
Oh, no. No! I’m so sorry, Nemo. Hey, guess what?! I met a sea turtle and he was a hundred and fifty.

NEMO
A hundred and fifty?! But Sandy Plankton said that—

MARLIN
Sandy Plankton?! Do you think after what I’ve been through, I don’t know as much as Sandy Plankton?

NEMO
So tell me, Dad,
What’s it like to cross an entire sea?

MARLIN
Well, son I don’t know.
Let’s go home together,
Then you’ll tell me.

DORY
Wanna make it three?

LITTLE FISH (Entering)
Time for school! Time for school!

DORY
I go to school?

MARLIN
Not really.

MR. RAY (Entering)
Climb aboard explorers!

MARLIN
Now, go and get some knowledge!

DORY
And come home when you’re done.

NEMO
Don’t worry—I’ll be careful!

MARLIN
But remember to have fun!

MR. RAY
Everybody, find a buddy!
Nemo, that means you.

NEMO
Wait!
There’s something I forgot to do.

(Swims back to MARLIN.)

Love ya, Dad!

MARLIN
I love you too, Son. Now go have an adventure!

ALL
In the big, blue world,
We’re gonna go explore!
In the big, blue world.
Things we’ve never seen before!
What’s waiting out there,
We can never know!
In the big, blue world—

We’re ready to go!
(In the big, blue world!)
We’re ready to go!
(In the big, blue world!)
We’re ready to go!
(In the big, blue world…)

DORY
Bye, Elmo!

MARLIN
Nemo!

NEMO:
Bye, Dory! Bye, Dad!

MARLIN
Bye, son.

(NEMO swims off. Blackout. Curtain call.)

CRUSH
Just go with the flo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow.

ENSEMBLE
(That’s the only way to do it. Just get on over to it.)

CRUSH
Go with the flo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow.

ENSEMBLE
(That’s the only way to do it. Just get on over to it.)

CRUSH
Go with the flo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow!

ENSEMBLE
Go with the flow!

CRUSH
When you’re raising sons and daughters,
It’s like surfin’ the muddy waters.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

ENSEMBLE
Go with the flow.
Go with the flow.
Go with the flow!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

(Applause.)

ANNOUNCER
We hope you enjoyed this performance of Finding Nemo: The Musical.

SEAGULLS
Mine! Mine! Mine!

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The Hall of Presidents (Magic Kingdom) – Morgan Freeman/Barack Obama Version (2009-Present)

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(Video begins.)

GROUP OF AMERICANS
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

NARRATOR (MORGAN FREEMAN)
Almost 250 years ago in Philadelphia, a dream was born.

In a time of emperors and kings, it was an astounding, revolutionary dream—that we, the people, should choose our own leaders. That they should be one of us.

This was a dream born of violence, safeguarded by sacrifice during a brutal winter at Valley Forge. Yet it was a dream that was almost over before it had truly begun. The War for Independence had left the American colonies bankrupt. Leaders argued; unpaid troops rebelled; and some even cried out for a return to monarchy, and for General George Washington to be crowned King of America. But the man who had led an army of farmers to victory over the mighty British Empire made it clear that the only title he desired was “citizen of the United States of America.”

GEORGE WASHINGTON
I am at a loss to conceive what part of my conduct could have given encouragement to an idea which, to me, seems the greatest mischief that could befall our country. If you have any regard for yourself, banish these thoughts from your mind!

NARRATOR
But when the new nation finally adopted his Constitution and it came time to elect its first president, there were no doubts about who that president should be. Only he had such doubts.

GEORGE WASHINGTON
I fear my countrymen will expect too much of me. I walk on untrodden ground. There is scarcely any part of my conduct which may not hereafter be drawn into precedent.

NARRATOR
In the end, Washington set the most important precedent of all: the man who could have been king stepped down after two terms in office and took his place again amongst the people. By insisting that he was, above all other things, “one of us,” he made it possible for any of us to dream of serving the nation in its highest office. And one day, sure enough, it came to pass that a man who wasn’t an aristocrat aspired to the office of president.

Andrew Jackson was a battle-forged frontiersman, and according to his predecessor, President John Quincy Adams…

JOHN QUIINCY ADAMS
A barbarian, who cannot write a sentence of grammar and can hardly spell his own name!

NARRATOR
To which Jackson merely replied…

ANDREW JACKSON
It’s a damn poor mind indeed can’t think of at least two ways to spell a word.

NARRATOR
He may have lacked formal education, but he was tough and brilliant—just the ticket for a new nation of Americans, struggling to turn a dream into an enduring reality. They swept Jackson into office by a landslide, and then descended on his inauguration—determined to shake his hand in person.

1ST ARISTOCRATIC WOMAN
Why, 20,000 country people shoved to get in the door…

2ND ARISTOCRATIC WOMAN
What nerve!

1ST ARISTOCRATIC WOMAN
And tracked their muddy boots across the carpet. And my dear, they would be here still if we hadn’t placed tubs of punch out on the lawn.

NARRATOR
Washington’s elite fumed—but Jackson loved it, for these were his people. He was proud to be “one of us.”

ANDREW JACKSON
I do not forget that the planter, the farmer, the mechanic, and the laborer form the great body of the people of the United States. They are the bone and sinew of this country.

NARRATOR
But Andrew Jackson would wage a mighty struggle to keep that great body of people together. State by state, a monstrous injustice that had haunted the country since its beginning was now tearing it apart.

As civil war threatened, we searched deep in our heartland for a leader equal to the ordeal ahead. It was, perhaps, a vindication of the American dream that we found a plainspoken, self-taught lawyer from Illinois, whose campaign platform could be summed up in five simple words: “all men are created equal.”

ABRAHAM LINCOLN
I say this government cannot endure permanently, half-slave and half-free. A house divided against itself cannot stand!

NARRATOR
Abraham Lincoln’s words touched the hearts of reasonable men. And in 1860, we sent him to Washington, where he would face the hardest task that any American president would ever face.

ABRAHAM LINCOLN
I know there is a God, and that He hates injustice and slavery. I see the storm coming; I know His hand is in it. If He has a place of work for me—and I think He has—I believe I am ready. I am nothing, but truth is everything. And with God’s help, I shall not fail.

(Cannons and guns fire loudly.)

NARRATOR
April 12th, 1861: Fort Sumpter. The cannons spoke for war—bitter, violent, and devastating.

The blood of half-a-million Americans was shed in the dark days of our Civil War. But as the sun rose on a cold November day in 1863, thousands of Americans gathered on the battlefield in Gettysburg to hear President Abraham Lincoln give meaning to our sacrifice.

(The curtain rises to reveal the Abraham Lincoln audio-animatronic figure. He stands up from his chair.)

ABRAHAM LINCOLN
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate—we can not consecrate—we can not hallow—this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

(Curtain falls to the tune of “Battle Hymn of the Republic.”)

NARRATOR
This nation did have a new birth of freedom. And as our frontiers pushed west, we looked for new leaders that embodied our bold new spirit.

Leaders like Theodore Roosevelt—born to wealth and privilege, but imbued with a spirit of the American frontier. He rode with cowboys and led his “Rough Riders” up San Juan Hill during the Spanish-American War. This kindhearted tough guy fought against monopolies and for the working class. We called him “Teddy”—anything else would have been far too formal. He even refused to call his official residence the Executive Mansion. To him, it was just a house—it was just a White House. And so it would always be called.

Three decades later, his distant cousin Franklin Delano Roosevelt would occupy that same White House and lead the country through its hardest trials since the Civil War. A World War was looming, and the Great Depression had paralyzed a great nation. The president we called upon to lead us through those hard times was himself paralyzed, by polio—but with determined optimism, he had triumphed. And now he was ready to share his cheerful strength with a badly frightened people. During FDR’s “fireside chats” on the radio, entire cities came to a standstill and listened.

FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT
…And that is the confidence of the people themselves. Let us unite in banishing fear. Together, we cannot fail.

NARRATOR
In a calm and reassuring voice, he called out to America—and America answered back!

VOICE OF 1ST LETTER WRITER
We’re just modest, middle-class people, having lost what little we had….

VOICE OF 2ND LETTER WRITER (Overlapping)
My savings are tied up in a closed bank…

VOICE OF 3RD LETTER WRITER (Overlapping)
I believe that you will guide us through these hard days…

VOICE OF 4TH LETTER WRITER (Overlapping)
Protect us from that conflict in Europe, dear president…

VOICE OF 5TH LETTER WRITER (Overlapping)
…My birthday, and I expect to be in service shortly…

VOICE OF 6TH LETTER WRITER (Overlapping)
Now we know we are not fighting alone…

VOICE OF 7TH LETTER WRITER (Overlapping)
I feel that at last we can hope.

NARRATOR
With that hope, we began to believe in the future again. FDR had reminded us of the power of the American dream.

16 years later, America’s youngest-elected president once again called on the power of the people to change the world.

JOHN F. KENNEDY
Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans.

NARRATOR
John F. Kennedy’s stirring words ushered in a historic decade of civic activism, in which ordinary Americans struggled to right old wrongs and chart new frontiers of possibility.

It has always been the role of presidents to remind us of our roots—to call us to the future. In their best moments, they speak words that are already there in our hearts—especially in times of tragedy.

LYNDON B. JOHNSON
(After the death of JFK.) All I have I would have given gladly not to be standing here today.

RONALD REAGAN
(Over images of the Challenger astronauts.) We mourn seven heroes. We mourn their loss as a nation together.

BILL CLINTON
(After the Oklahoma City bombings.) You have lost too much, but you have certainly not lost America, for we will stand with you.

GEORGE W. BUSH
(After the 9/11 attacks.) I can hear you! I can hear you; the rest of the world hears you!

(Crowd cheers and chants “U.S.A.! U.S.A.!, etc.”)

RONALD REAGAN
Nothing ends here. Our hopes and our journeys continue.

(Curtains begin to rise and part to reveal all the president audio-animatronics.)

NARRATOR
And as our journeys continue, what once seemed revolutionary now seems profoundly simple—that we should choose our own leaders; that our hopes should be their hopes; our fears their fears; our dreams their dreams.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Presidents of the United States: George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe, John Quincy Adams, Andrew Jackson, Martin Van Buren, William Henry Harrison, John Tyler, James K. Polk, Zachary Taylor, Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce, James Buchanan, Abraham Lincoln, Andrew Johnson, Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes, James A. Garfield, Chester A. Arthur, Grover Cleveland, Benjamin Harrison, William McKinley, Theodore Roosevelt, William Howard Taft, Woodrow Wilson, Warren G. Harding, Calvin Coolidge, Herbert Hoover, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Harry S Truman, Dwight D. Eisenhower, John F. Kennedy, Lyndon B. Johnson, Richard M. Nixon, Gerald R. Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, George Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush.

And now, we come to the present—a present that is rooted in our past. For all of liberty’s leaders have one thing in common—one trust they all accepted.

GEORGE WASHINGTON
My fellow citizens, no event could have filled me with greater anxiety than that notification on the 14th day of April, 1789, that you had selected me to lead our nation. But it was with the confidence of my fellow citizens that I took an oath—35 simple words that have been repeated by every American president throughout history. As long as that oath is taken and solemnly fulfilled, the American dream will endure.

BARACK OBAMA
I, Barack Hussein Obama, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will, to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States, so help me God.

NARRATOR
Ladies and gentlemen, President Barack Obama!

BARACK OBAMA
The American dream is as old as our founding, but as timeless as our hopes. It is reborn every day, in the heart of every child who wakes up in a land of limitless possibilities, in a country where “we the people” means all the people. We may come from different places and believe in different things, but what makes us American is a shared spirit—a spirit of courage and determination; of kindness and generosity. It is a spirit grounded in the wisdom of the generations that have gone before us, but open to the unimagined discoveries and possibilities on the horizon that lies ahead. Let us enjoy it, cherish it, defend it, and pass it on to our children as the bright and beautiful blessing it is—this enduring American dream.

CHORUS (Singing)
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
His truth is marching on.

(Curtain falls.)

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Walt Disney World Express Monorail

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(Guests board at the Transportation and Ticket Center.)

NARRATOR
When boarding, please move across your car to make room for everyone. For those of you standing, please hold on to the handrails and stay clear of the doors—they will be closing in a moment. Thank you.

This monorail offers express service to the Magic Kingdom. If you’re traveling to Epcot, Disney’s Contemporary, Polynesian, or Grand Floridian Resorts, please exit at this time. Separate monorails from this station service those locations. For assistance, please ask a monorail host or hostess.

As you board, please continue moving across your car to make room for everyone. Please offer available seating to those needing special assistance. If you’re standing, please hold on to the handrails and stay clear of the doors. The monorail will depart momentarily for the Magic Kingdom. Thank you.

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Please stand clear of the doors. Por favor manténgase alejado de las puertas.

NARRATOR
Welcome aboard the Walt Disney World Express Monorail—your highway in the sky to the Magic Kingdom. For those of you standing, please hold on to the handrails throughout our journey, and stay clear of the doors. For the comfort of others, no smoking, please. Thank you.

We’re now circling the Disney-created Seven Seas Lagoon.

We’re now entering Disney’s Contemporary Resort.

We’re now passing the newest addition to Disney Vacation Club—Bay Lake Tower at Disney’s Contemporary Resort.

As you approach the entrance, please keep your party together and have your tickets ready.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are approaching our station at the entrance to Main Street, U.S.A.—gateway to the six themed lands of the Magic Kingdom. Smoking is not permitted in the Magic Kingdom, except in designated areas. Please consult your guide map, or ask a cast member for locations. If you’re standing, please hold on to the handrails and stay clear of the doors until the monorail stops completely and the doors open.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Magic Kingdom monorail station!

(Monorail approaches Magic Kingdom station.)

Ladies and gentlemen, please collect your belongings, watch your head and step, and take small children by the hand. We hope you enjoy your day at the Magic Kingdom. As you board, please move across your car to make room for everyone, and kindly offer available seating to those needing special assistance. If you’re standing, please hold on to the handrails, and stay clear of the automatic doors—they will be closing in a moment. Thank you.

(Guests exit at the Magic Kingdom. New guests board the monorail.)

We will be traveling to the Transportation and Ticket Center. If you’re traveling to Disney’s Contemporary, Polynesian, or Grand Floridian Resorts, please exit this monorail. The monorail on the opposite side of this station services our resort hotels. For assistance, please ask a monorail host or hostess. If you are standing, please hold on to the handrails and stay clear of the doors—they will be closing in a moment. The monorail will depart momentarily for the Transportation and Ticket Center. Thank you.

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Please stand clear of the doors. Por favor manténgase alejado de las puertas.

NARRATOR
Welcome aboard the Walt Disney World Express Monorail to the Transportation and Ticket Center. For those of your standing, please hold on to the handrails throughout our journey, and stay clear of the doors. For the comfort of others, no smoking, please. Thank you.

Located between Disney’s Grand Floridian and Polynesian Resorts is Disney’s Wedding Pavilion. Couples may exchange vows in a fairytale setting—complete with a picturesque backdrop of Cinderella Castle.

You can upgrade a Magic Your Way Ticket at any time prior to its expiration by adding more days or options, such as Park Hopper and Water Park Fun and More. Just stop by any theme park ticket window for details.

Ladies and gentlemen, we’re approaching the Transportation and Ticket Center. This includes all sections of the Magic Kingdom car and bus parking lot. If you’re traveling to Epcot, please exit here and board the monorail at the connecting monorail station. Separate bus transportation is provided to Disney’s Animal Kingdom and Disney’s Hollywood Studios. If you need additional assistance, a host or hostess will be happy to help you. This monorail will be returning to the Magic Kingdom.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you’re standing, please hold on to the handrails and stay clear of the doors until the monorail stops completely and the doors open. If this concludes your visit to the Walt Disney World Resort, we hope you’ve had a wonderful time and will return home safely.

This is the Transportation and Ticket Center. Thank you for traveling with us.

Ladies and gentlemen, please collect your belongings, watch your head and step as you exit, and take small children by the hand. Thank you.

(Guests exit at the Transportation and Ticket Center.)

(Safety announcement heard when monorail stops unexpectedly.)

Ladies and gentlemen, we are currently holding for further traffic clearance. Please remember to stay clear of all automatic doors. If you’re standing, please continue to hold on to the silver handrails. Thank you.

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Walt Disney’s Enchanted Tiki Room (Disneyland)

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*Sung lyrics in bold.

(Pre-show movie.)

NARRATOR
Aloha! And welcome to the natural beauty, wonder, and adventure of our islands. Every day, the gentle rain paints our landscapes with lush vegetation and a colorful variety of exotic flowers. Their alluring beauty and intoxicating fragrance fill our island paradise with enchantment. No less enchanting are the many varieties of brilliantly-colored tropical birds that entertain with delightful song. This incredible bounty of natural beauty was born of the blending of rich volcanic soil with the warm, tropical climate. Among our tasty treasures are flavorful fruits such as bananas, mangos, papayas, and of course, the pineapple. This king of fruits was once so rare and valuable that it was available only to kings. That is, until about a century ago, when a visionary came to our islands. Jim Dole’s idea of making our pineapple available to every family in America seemed, at the time, an impossible dream. But thanks to dedication and innovation, not only did his dream come true, but it grew into the largest producer of fruit in the world! Here in the islands, the pineapple is a symbol of hospitality. That is why it is always a part of the traditional island feast we call “pa’ina.” At a pa’ina, you’ll always find a happy gathering of friends and family—known here as ‘ohana. During these celebrations, our ‘ohana shares laughter, stories, and favorite recipes. And nothing brings out the taste of our tropical paradise like pineapple! So from our ‘ohana to yours, we invite you to enjoy this king of fruits and a taste of the islands wherever you call home. Aloha!

(Pre-show narration.)

MAUI
My name is Maui. Natives call me the Mighty One. I tamed the playful sun and gave my people time. Now they set their clocks by mine, for I am Tropic Standard Time.

KORO
Aloha! (Speaks Hawaiian.) I am Koro—Midnight Dancer. Today my magic feet no move—my head sore! But last night, all tiki gods have big time—zow luau. When drums begin to pound, my head full. Big sound!

RONGO
(Chants in Hawaiian.) Me Rongo—God of Agriculture. My land so good to me, I got time for sport. I fly kite. Me number one kite-flyer. Too bad I don’t have key—then me, I find electricity.

PELE
I am Pele: Goddess of Fire and Volcanoes. Some say I torment poor Ngendei, the Earth Balancer. For when my violent temper rises, the Earth trembles on its foundation!

NGENDEI
Legends say I’m balancing the Earth—but sad to say, I’m just hanging on.

PELE
I’m the one who’s really sad! When I smile it comes out mad!

TANGAROA-RU
They call me Tangaroa-Ru, the East Wind.

HINA KULUUA
And I am Hina, Goddess of Rain.

TANGAROA-RU
We often travel together, wind and rain—through tropic lands across the seven seas!

HINA KULUUA
Come closer so that you may see what magic there is in fantasy.

TANGAROA
I am Tangaroa—Father of all Gods and Godesses. Here in this land of enchantment, I appear before you as a mighty tree. Stand back! Oh, mystic powers, hear my call: from my limbs let new life fall.

ANNOUNCER
(Speaks Hawaiian.) Ladies and Gentlemen, come with us to a world of joyous songs and wondrous miracles—Walt Disney’s Enchanted Tiki Room.

(Guests enter the Tiki Room. Cast member gives spiel and then wakes up Jose.)

JOSE
Ah, buenos dias, señorita. My siestas are getting are getting chorter and chorter. Oh, look at all the people! Welcome to Walt Disney’s Enchanted Tiki Room. Hey, Michael, mi amigo! Pay attention—it’s showtime.

MICHAEL
So it is. And what darling people I have sittin’ under me. Pierre, you rascal, you! Let’s put on the show.

PIERRE
Mon ami, I am always ready, as you say, to put on ze show. (Whistles.) Oh pardon, madame, that whistle was for my good friend Fritz.

FRITZ
Ach tu lieber! I almost fell out of mein upper perch. Glad to see you all aboard—uh, ashore—or—(Laughs.) Verever you are! Mein goodness, you’re all shtaring at us. We better shtart the show rolling!

MICHAEL
Wait! Wait! We forgot to wake up the glee club!

(Whistle blows, followed by loud squawking from the birds.)

JOSE
Ole! Ole! It’s showtime!

CHORUS
In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room,
In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room.

JOSE
All the birds sing words,

MICHAEL
And the flowers croon,

CHORUS
In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room!

JOSE
Welcome to our tropical hideaway,
You lucky people, you!
If we weren’t in the show, starting right away,
We’d be in the audience too!

CHORUS
All together!
In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room,
In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room.

JOSE
All the birds sing words,

MICHAEL
And the flowers croon,

CHORUS
In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room!

MICHAEL
I sing so beautiful—I should sing solo!

JOSE
Si… So low we can’t hear you!

PIERRE
My voice may not be so marvelous, but my profile is out of zis world!

FRITZ
Jawohl, but the trouble is it’s not far enough out of this world. Isn’t that right, Herr Schmidt? Oh-ho, I see—Schmidt has no hair!

JOSE
Mi amigos, stop the clucking. You sound like a bunch of old hens. There’s a lot of birds waiting to go on. For instance…

MICHEL
The boys in the back are kamikaze.

JOSE
Because of their claws?

MICHAEL
No—because they’re macaws!
And our fine feathered friend is a jolly toucan.
And two can sound better than one toucan can.

JOSE
The bird of paradise is an elegant bird.
It likes to be seen, and it loves to be heard.
Most little birdies will fly away,
But the Tiki Room birds are here everyday.

CHORUS
In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room,
In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room.

JOSE
All the birds sing words,

MICHAEL
And the flowers croon,

CHORUS
In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room!

JOSE
Our magnificent production is yet to come,
So strum the guitar, and beat the drum.
We’ve been a hit, and we know you adore us,
So come on, and join us in another chorus!

CHORUS
In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room,
In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room.

JOSE
A little softer!

CHORUS
All the birds sing words, and the flowers croon,
In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room!

JOSE
A little louder!

CHORUS
In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room,
In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room.
All the birds sing words, and the flowers croon,
In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room!

(Song ends.)

JOSE
Let’s give the little birdies a great big hand!

PIERRE
Oui. Applause, applause!

FRITZ
Ja! You down there—mit both hands!

JOSE
And now, señors and señoritas, please place your eyes into the center—of the room, that is. We present the enchanted fountain.

FRITZ
Ach, ja! And the wunderbar bird mobile… Which has birds on it. And it goes round and round. Und dat’s why they call it a “bird mobile.”

MICHAEL
Look, here come the girls!

PIERRE
Madames and monsieur—introducing the lovely ladies of the ensembles. Just like the Follies Bergère with all the feathers. There’s Collette! Allo, Collette. Suzette! Allo, Mimi! Gigi! Fifa! Hehe, oh Fifi!

JOSE
I wonder what happened to Rosita…

BIRD MOBILE
Let’s all sing like the birdies sing:
Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet.
Let’s all sing like the birdies sing:
Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet.

Let’s all warble like nightingales.
Give your throat a treat.
Take your time from the birds,
Now you all know the words:
Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet.

JOSE (à la Bing Crosby)
Let’s all sing like the birdies sing
Buh-buh-buh, buh buh-buh-buh, buh buh!

FRITZ (à la Louis Armstrong)
Let’s all sing like the birdies sing,
Tweet, tweet, tweet—
My, that bird sings sweetly!

PIERRE (à la Maurice Chevalier)
Let’s all warble like nightingales—
Ah, Mimi, c’est magnifique!
Take your time from ze birds,
Now you all know ze words.
Sing along with us!

JOSE
Now we want you people down there to sing along with us birds up here. All together now. “Let’s all sing like the birdies sing.”

CHORUS
Let’s all sing like the birdies sing,

JOSE
“Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet.”

CHORUS
Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet.

JOSE
“Let’s all sing like the birdies sing.”

CHORUS
Let’s all sing like the birdies sing,

JOSE
“Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet.”

CHORUS
Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet.

JOSE
“Let’s all warble like nightingales,”

CHORUS
Let’s all warble like nightingales,

JOSE
“Give your throat a treat!”

CHORUS
Give your throat a treat.

JOSE
“Take your time from the birds,”

CHORUS
Take your time from the birds,
Now you all know the words:
Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet.

JOSE
Everybody whistle!

(Everyone whistles until the end of the song.)

JOSE
Applause! Applause! That’s so good!

FRITZ
Wunderbar! Wunderbar! Give yourself a hand!

PIERRE
Ah, zat was magnifique!

JOSE
Si, no one laid an egg but me.

MICHAEL
And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have something really big for you.

FRITZ
Ja, the birds schtand schtill, und the Tiki Room flies away!

PIERRE
Mon ami, quit talking while I’m interrupting. Ladies and gentlemen, now we present—direct from the islands—a musical luau!

FLOWERS
Tahuwai la a tahuwai wai la,
Ehu hene la a pili koo lua la,
Pututui lu a ite toe la,
Hanu lipo ita paalai.

Tahuwai la a tahuwai wai la,
Ehu hene la a pili koo lua la,
Pututui lu a ite toe la,
Hanu lipo ita paalai.

Au we ta huala,
Au we ta huala.

Tahuwai la a tahuwai wai la,
Ehu hene la a pili koo lua la,
Pututui lu a ite toe la,
Hanu lipo ita paalai.

Tahuwai la a tahuwai wai la,
Ehu hene la a pili koo lua la,
Pututui lu a ite toe la,
Hanu lipo ita paalai.

Au we ta huala,
Au we ta huala.
Huala, huala, huala.

(Tiki idols begin drumming and chanting. The flowers join in for a reprise of “Hawaiian War Chant.” Song climaxes in rain and thunder.)

FRITZ
Ach, somebody has schtolen my thunder!

JOSE
I think someone has left the chower running.

MICHAEL
Be careful, me fine friends. The gods have been angered by all the celebratin’! But, me buckos, every cloud has a silver lining.

PIERRE
Monsieurs et madames, it’s time to say “adieu.” But we hope you will always remember the amazing things which happened here in Walt Disney’s Enchanted Tiki Room.

CHORUS
The birdies had their fling.
You’ve heard the flowers sing.
Tikis play the drums.
Hear them do the chant.
Farewell, and aloha to you!

JOSE
Ole! Ole! Applause! Let’s give the birds a standing ovation! Applause! Up, up, down there! Applause! Everybody stand up on your feet! Ole!

MICHAEL
And now, as long as you’re all standin’…

JOSE
We have a wonderful magic trick for you.

FRITZ
Ja, a wunderbar trick! Everybody, face the door, und the trick is, ve gonna make you all… disappear!

CHORUS
Heigh ho. Heigh ho.
It’s out the door you go.
We hope you’ve all enjoyed the show.
Heigh ho. Heigh ho, heigh ho.

Heigh ho. Heigh ho.
Keep marching in a row,
Don’t stop to look or read a book,
Heigh ho. Heigh ho, heigh ho.

Heigh ho. Heigh ho.
Just lift your feet and go.
We’ll sing this song; you march along!
Heigh ho. Heigh ho, heigh ho.

Heigh ho. Heigh ho.
Step lively—not so slow!
Come back again; we’ll see you then.
Heigh ho. Heigh ho, heigh ho.

Heigh ho. Heigh ho.
Make room for our next show!
There’s folks outside; go take a ride.
Heigh ho. Heigh ho, heigh ho.

Heigh ho. Heigh ho.
It’s out the door you go!
We hope you’ve all enjoyed the show.
Heigh ho! Heigh ho!

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Wishes Nighttime Spectacular (Magic Kingdom)

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*Sung lyrics in bold.

(Music begins.)

BLUE FAIRY
When stars are born, they possess a gift or two.
One of them is this: they have the power to make a wish come true.

CHILD SOLOIST
Star light, star bright, 
First star I see tonight. 
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight.
We’ll make a wish, and do as dreamers do.

CHORUS
Do as dreamers do.

CHILD SOLOIST
And all our wishes…

CHORUS
All our wishes…

CHILD SOLOIST
Will come true.

CHORUS
When you wish upon a star,
Makes no difference who you are!
Anything your heart desires will come to you.

JIMINY CRICKET
Pretty, huh? I’ll bet a lot of you folks don’t believe that—about a wish coming true—do ya? We’ll I didn’t either. Course, I’m just a cricket, but let me tell you what made me change my mind. You see, the most fantastic, magical things can happen, and it all starts with a wish!

(TINKER BELL flies from castle.)

CHORUS
If your heart is in your dreams…

CINDERELLA
I wish I could go to the ball!

SNOW WHITE
I’m wishing… someday, my prince will come!

CHORUS
No request is too extreme!

ARIEL
(Laughs.) I wish—Oh, I wish I could be part of that world!

PETER PAN
I wish we’d never have to grow up. Off to Neverland! Haha!

CHORUS
When you wish upon a star, 
As dreamers do.

PINOCCHIO
Look Jiminy! Someday, I wish I could be a real boy!

ALADDIN
Genie, I wish for your freedom!

CHORUS
Wishes!

JIMINY CRICKET
You know, any wish is possible. All it takes is a little courage to set it free!

A wish is a powerful thing—especially when it comes from the heart.

CHORUS
Fate is kind. 
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfilment of their secret longing.

(Music interlude.)

JIMINY CRICKET
Like a bolt out of the blue, 
Fate steps in and sees you through. 
When you wish upon a star, 
Your dreams come true!

(Chuckles.) Sometimes, wishes can be granted in the most unexpected ways.

GENIE
Whoa!!! 10,000 years can give you such a crick in the neck! Hello people! Up here. Come on, we’ve got some wishes to grant!

(Music interlude. Music turns ominous.)

JIMINY CRICKET
Uh oh, now don’t worry. Just remember, always let your conscience be your guide.
(Echoing)
Let your conscience be your guide…
Let your conscience be your guide…

SNOW QUEEN
Slave in the magic mirror, come from the farthest space.
Through wind and darkness, I summon thee.
Let me see thy face!

A blast of wind, to fan my hate.
A thunderbolt, to cast my spell.
Alas, grant me my wish as well!
(Evil laugh.)

(Music comes to a climax.)

JIMINY CRICKET
Ya know folks, you gotta be careful what you wish for around here, or you’ll get yourself in an awful mess. But just when things look bad, fate steps in to see you through. Well I’ll be—it’s the Blue Fairy!

BLUE FAIRY
Remember, we must always believe in our wishes, for they are the magic in the world.  Now, let’s all put our hearts together and make a wish come true.

CHILD CHORUS
Star light, star bright, 
First star I see tonight.
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight.
We’ll make a wish, and do as dreamers do…

CHILD SOLOIST
And all our wishes will come true.

JIMINY CRICKET
You see, its just like I told ya—wishes can come true, if you believe in them with all your heart. And the best part is, you’ll never run out of wishes.  They’re shining deep down inside of you. ‘Cause that, my friends, is where the magic lives.

CHORUS
Wishes! Dream a dream. (Fate is kind.) 
Wishes! Set it free. (She brings to those who love…) 
Wishes! Trust your heart. (The sweet fulfillment of…) 
Just believe (Their secret longing.) 
Just believe.
Just believe!

Like a bolt out of the blue,
Fate steps in and sees you through!
When you wish upon a star,
Your dreams come true.

Make a wish, and do as dreamers do.
Just do as dreamers do.

Make a wish! 
Wishes!
Dream a dream! 
Wishes!
Trust your heart! 
And your wish will come true!

JIMINY CRICKET
Haha, see what a little wishing can do?

(Fireworks finale.)

JIMINY CRICKET
Thanks folks, for making this little gathering of ours so extra magical. From our family and friends to yours, goodnight, and may all your wishes come true. So long!

MALE SOLOIST
Star light, star bright,
First star I see tonight.
I wish I may, I wish I might 
Have the wish, I wish tonight.

FEMALE SOLOIST
Oh, a world of wishes.
A world where dreams come true.
So make a wish, see it through. 

MALE AND FEMALE SOLOISTS
Dare to do what dreamers do!

CHORUS
Wishes!

MALE AND FEMALE SOLOISTS
Dream a dream.

CHORUS
Wishes!

MALE AND FEMALE SOLOISTS
Set it free…

CHORUS
Wishes!

MALE SOLOIST
Trust your heart.
Just believe!

FEMALE SOLOIST
We’re all just children, reaching for our dreams. 

MALE SOLOIST
They’re shining high above us,
And even though it seems so far…

FEMALE SOLOIST
So far!

CHORUS
We put our faith and hope on a shooting star. 

Wishes!

FEMALE SOLOIST
Dream a dream!

CHORUS
Wishes!

MALE AND FEMALE SOLOISTS
Set it free!

CHORUS
Wishes!

FEMALE SOLOIST
Oh, trust your heart.

MALE SOLOIST
Just believe!

FEMALE SOLOIST
Just believe!

MALE AND FEMALE SOLOISTS
Star light, star bright,
First star I see tonight.

FEMALE SOLOIST
I wish I may, I wish I might…

MALE SOLOIST
Have the wish I wish tonight!

FEMALE SOLOIST
We’ll make a wish…

MALE AND FEMALE SOLOISTS
And do as dreamers do.

FEMALE SOLOIST
And all our wishes…

MALE SOLOIST
All our wishes…

FEMALE SOLOIST
All our wishes…

MALE AND FEMALE SOLOISTS
Will come true.

FEMALE SOLOIST
Ooh, wishes.

MALE SOLOIST
Wishes.

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Peter Pan’s Flight (Magic Kingdom)

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(Loading area announcements.)

WENDY
For your safety, remember to stay seated with your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the pirate ship. And do watch your children. See you in Neverland!

(Spanish safety spiel.)

To ensure a safe flight, please remain seated with your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside your pirate ship. And please watch your children. Just a touch of pixie dust, and you’ll be on your way!

(Spanish safety spiel.)

(Ride begins.)

PETER PAN
And off we go! Off to Neverland!

(Nana barks. Ships fly over London, and then over Neverland.)

CAPTAIN HOOK
Fire, Mr. Smee!

(Wendy and Lost Boys are captured. Captain Hook and Peter Pan sword fight.)

Now I’ve got you, Peter Pan! Better speak up, Peter Pan!

(Peter takes control of the ship and sends Captain Hook overboard to Tick Tock Croc.)

Help me, Mr. Smee! Help me!

MR. SMEE
I’m comin’, Cap’n!

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Please do not lift up on your safety bar—it will lift automatically. Then, exit to your right onto the moving belt and watch your step.

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The Magic Carpets of Aladdin (Magic Kingdom)

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ALADDIN
Hey, magic carpet riders—this is Aladdin. To make sure your magic carpet ride is a safe one, I want to remind you to stay seated with your seatbelt fastened nice and tight throughout your flight. And hey, everybody—make sure you keep your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside. And be sure to watch your kids! Or as Genie likes to say…

GENIE
(Spanish safety spiel.)

ALADDIN
Now, if you wanna make your carpet fly higher or lower, riders in the front row can push up or pull down on the lever. To make your carpet tip forward or back, riders in the back row can press that magic scarab. Is everyone ready? Then let’s fly to Agrabah!

(Ride begins.)

ALADDIN
Okay everyone, we’re coming in for a landing! Please stay seated until your magic carpet comes to a complete stop. Then walk to the nearest exit. Hope you had a magical ride. See ya soon!

(Guests exit. New riders board.)

ALADDIN
Hi everybody,  it’s Aladdin! My friend Genie is a real safety nut, and he wanted me to remind you to stay seated with your seatbelt fastened nice and tight throughout your flight. And hey, everybody—make sure you keep your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside. And be sure to watch your kids! Or as Genie likes to say…

GENIE
(Spanish safety spiel.)

ALADDIN
Now, if you’re running a little low on magic wishes and you want to make your magic carpet fly higher or lower, riders in the front row should push up or pull down on the lever. And to make the carpet tip forward or back, riders in the back row should press that magic scarab. And with a little help from the magic lamp, we’re off to Agrabah!

(Ride begins.)

ALADDIN
Hey magic carpet riders, it’s time to fly home! Please stay seated until your magic carpet comes to a complete stop. Then walk to the nearest exit. Come ride with us again!

(Guests exit.)

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