*Sung lyrics in bold.
(Loading area announcements.)
SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Ahoy there, crew! For your safety, remain seated, keeping your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the boat—and watch your children. And no flash pictures! Prepare to make sail!
(Spanish safety spiel.)
Ahoy mateys! For a safe voyage, remember to stay seated with your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the boat—and watch your children. And remember, no flash pictures! Now off with ya!
(Spanish safety spiel.)
(Ride begins. Boats float through bayou and past old man playing “Oh! Susannah” on the banjo.)
TALKING SKULL
Psst! Avast there! It be too late to alter course, mateys—and there be plunderin’ pirates lurkin’ in every cove, waitin’ to board. Sit closer together, and keep your ruddy hands inboard—that be the best way to repel boarders. And mark well me words, mateys: “Dead men tell no tales!”
Ye come seekin’ adventure and salty old pirates, eh? Sure, you come to the proper place. But keep a weather eye open, mates, and hold on tight—with both hands, if you please. There be squalls ahead! And Davy Jones waiting for them what don’t obey.
(Boats descend first drop.)
PIRATES
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
We kidnap and ravage and don’t give a hoot.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We extort, we pilfer, we filch and sack.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Maraud and embezzle and even hijack.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We kindle and char; inflame and ignite.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
We burn up the city; we’re really a fright.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
We’re rascals and scoundrels. We’re villains and knaves.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.
We’re devils and black sheep. We’re really bad eggs.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We’re beggars and blighters and ne’er-do-well cads,
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Aye, but we’re loved by our mommies and dads,
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
(Boats descend second drop and proceed through grotto.)
OMINOUS VOICE
Dead men tell no tales. Dead men tell no tales, etc.
DAVY JONES
Ahahahaha! Aye, but tales there be aplenty in this cursed place.
OMINOUS VOICE
Dead men tell no tales.
DAVY JONES
Ah, but they do tell tales—so says I, Davy Jones.
OMINOUS VOICE
Dead men tell no tales.
DAVY JONES
If ye be brave or fool enough to face a pirates’ curse, proceed.
(Boats pass beneath DAVY JONES mist screen and into the midst of battle between the Wicked Wench—commanded by BARBOSSA—and the SPANISH SOLDIERS.)
BARBOSSA
Get on the broadside! Pound ’em, lads! Pound ’em!
SPANISH CAPTAIN
Barbossa, we’re going to sink your ship!
BARBOSSA
Captain Jack Sparrow—show yourself, you miserable cur!
SPANISH CAPTAIN
Fire! Fire!
BARBOSSA
Strike your colors, ya bloomin’ cockroaches! Surrender Cap’n Jack Sparrow—or, by thunder, we’ll burn this city to the ground!
SPANISH SOLDIER #1
(Yelling instructions.)
SPANISH SOLDIER #2
(Yelling instructions.)
BARBOSSA
Haha, they need a little persuasion, mateys. Fire at will!
SPANISH SOLDIER #1
Cuidado!
SPANISH SOLDIER #2
We’re not afraid of you!
BARBOSSA
It’s Cap’n Jack Sparrow we’re after—and a fortune in gold.
SPANISH CAPTAIN
Barbossa!
BARBOSSA
Put up your white flag, ya scurvy scum. Bring me Cap’n Jack Sparrow, or I’ll be sendin’ ya to Davy Jones!
SPANISH SOLDIER #1
You will never take the fort!
SPANISH CAPTAIN
We will never surrender!
(Boats round a corner to see a CAPTOR PIRATE instructing his LACKEY PIRATE to dunk CARLOS, the town magistrate, in an effort to make him talk. Meanwhile, CARLOS’ WIFE watches from the window of their home above. A MUSICIAN PIRATE plays the flute. CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW can be seen hiding next to the scene.)
Photo credit: Kent Buckingham
CAPTOR PIRATE
Pipe the lubber aloft, matey. Where be Cap’n Jack Sparrow and the treasure, ya bilge rat?!
CARLOS’ WIFE
Don’t tell him, Carlos! No, no, no, no!
(RIFLE PIRATE shoots at her. She screams and disappears behind the shutter.)
RIFLE PIRATE
Hahaha, scuttle, ya bilge rat!
CARLOS (Getting dunked)
No! No! I’ll talk! No! No! No!
CAPTOR PIRATE
Take him aloft again, matey!
CARLOS’ WIFE
Be brave, Carlos! Don’t listen to him!
(RIFLE PIRATE shoots at her again, laughs.)
CAPTOR PIRATE
Where be Cap’n Jack Sparrow? Speak up—or do you fancy a swim with Davy Jones?!
CARLOS’ WIFE
Don’t tell him, Carlos! Don’t be chee-cken!
(RIFLE PIRATE shoots at her again. CARLOS gets dunked.)
CARLOS
I am no chee-cken! I will not talk!
(He gets dunked again and gurgles.)
(Boats move to auction scene, where AUCTIONEER attempts to sell captured women as brides to PIRATES.)
Photo credit: KGS Imaging
AUCTIONEER
We anchor, now, ye swabbies? What be I offered for this winsome wench? Stout-hearted and corn-fed she be.
DRUNK PIRATE
Hey! Be ya sellin’ her by the pound?
AUCTIONEER
Shift yer cargo, dearie. Show ’em yer larboard side!
DRUNK PIRATE
We wants the redhead!
AUCTIONEER
Allay there, you fo’c’s’le swab!
DRUNK PIRATE
The redhead!
SLURRING PIRATE
We wants the redhead!
ARMED PIRATE
Avast there! (Fires a gunshot.)
AUCTIONEER
And now, ya bilge rats—do I hear six? Who makes it six?
DRUNK PIRATE
Six it be. Six bottles o’ rum!
(Other PIRATES laugh.)
AUCTIONEER
I’m not spongin’ for rum! It be gold I’m after. Strike your colors, ya brazen wench. No need to expose your superstructure!
SLURRING PIRATE
You waiting for? C’mon now! We wants the redhead!
ALL PIRATES
We wants the redhead!
ARMED PIRATE
Quiet, ya scum! (Fires a shot to shut them up.)
(Boats go under bridge to chase scene. MAP PIRATE sits on a barrel with the treasure map spread across his lap and key in his hand. CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW pops out from the barrel behind him to look over his shoulder. DOG keeps barking whenever he appears.)
MAP PIRATE
Oh, it’s the treasure map for sure, and no mistake. And by thunder, that scoundrel Cap’n Jack Sparrow will never lay eyes on it—nor this here key neither, ha har. (DOG barks.) Quiet! Ha har, fooled him, I did, by gum! I tell you once, Cap’n Jack Sparrow—you’ll never find the treasure without a look at this here map… and this lovely key to the treasure room. Hahahaha! (DOG barks.) Easy boy. Here I be—holdin’ the treasure map, and the key as well. What I wouldn’t give to see the look on Cap’n Jack Sparrow’s face when he hears tell ’tis only me what’s got the goods, haha! (DOG barks.) Keep still! I’m studyin’ me map! (DOG barks.)
(Boats pass OLD BILL with two STRAY CATS.)
OLD BILL
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty! Hehehe, have a nice little tot of rum with Old Bill, eh? Hehehe… (CATS meow shrilly.) Come on, now—be a nice little pussycat! (He laughs and coughs.) Oh, you be a feisty one, you be. (CATS meow angrily.)
(Boats pass under another bridge and by PIRATE TRIO singing with DOG and DONKEY. Next, pass by the city being burned while PIRATES loot. Next, pass by MUDDY PIRATE snoring next to PIGS. Pass under another bridge, where HAIRY LEG PIRATE’s foot hangs down from above.)
PIRATES
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
We kidnap and ravage and don’t give a hoot.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We extort, we pilfer, we filch and sack.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Maraud and embezzle and even hijack.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We kindle and char; inflame and ignite.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
We burn up the city; we’re really a fright.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
We’re rascals and scoundrels. We’re villains and knaves.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.
We’re devils and black sheep. We’re really bad eggs.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We’re beggars and blighters and ne’er-do-well cads,
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Aye, but we’re loved by our mommies and dads,
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
(Pass under another bridge and into jail scene. six JAIL PIRATES are in two jail cells—three to the LEFT and three to the RIGHT. Outside left cell, DOG WITH KEYS holds onto the keys to the cells. The JAIL PIRATES attempt to coax the key from him.)
LEFT PIRATE #1
Grab his tail! Go on, grab it!
LEFT PIRATE #2
Don’t scare him!
RIGHT PIRATE #1
There you go, dearie. Come on—have a nice bone, eh? That’s a good lad! Come on, now!
LEFT PIRATE #1
Oooh, steady now. Steady, steady. Here, that’s it. Take the keys off his ruddy neck.
RIGHT PIRATE #1
It’s us what needs your ruddy ‘elp, not them blasted lubbers!
RIGHT PIRATE #2
Oh, that blasted pocket-pickin’ pirate!
(LEFT PIRATE #3 whistles for the DOG.)
LEFT PIRATE #1
Bring Old Bill them nice keys!
RIGHT PIRATE #2
Blasted blackhearted cur!
LEFT PIRATE #2
Here you be, Spot. How’s about a nice, juicy bone?
LEFT PIRATE #1
Over ‘ere, Spot! Over ‘ere. Now, easy boy!
LEFT PIRATE #2
Here, give us the keys, you scrawny little beast!
RIGHT PIRATE #1
I say grab his ears.
(LEFT PIRATE #3 keeps whistling.)
LEFT PIRATE #2
Walk him over to the noose. Come on, now! Hold it higher. Higher, I say! Higher!
RIGHT PIRATE #1
Ugh, mangy mutt! Hit him with a soup bone!
LEFT PIRATE #1
Here, doggy. Here, here, doggy! Nice doggy!
RIGHT PIRATE #2
Belay that talk. We want the keys, not the mutt, you swab.
RIGHT PIRATE #1
Can’t you reach any further, you stub-winged bilge rat?
(Boats pass through room that is about to cave in, and then pass into a room where one SILLY PIRATE sits on a cannon across from THREE PIRATES who are fighting him. SILLY PIRATE sings his own version of the song, including laughs and interjections of “La la la la la!”)
Photo credit: Kent Buckingham
PIRATES
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
We kidnap and ravage and don’t give a hoot.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We extort, we pilfer, we filch and sack.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Maraud and embezzle and even hijack.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We kindle and char; inflame and ignite.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
We burn up the city; we’re really a fright.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
We’re rascals and scoundrels. We’re villains and knaves.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.
We’re devils and black sheep. We’re really bad eggs.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We’re beggars and blighters and ne’er-do-well cads,
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Aye, but we’re loved by our mommies and dads,
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
(Boats begin climbing the hill and pass CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW sitting in the treasure room surrounded by gold and jewels.)
CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
I raise a toast to all of our many shipmates lost at sea. Salut, mes amis!
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Rascals and scoundrels; villains and knaves.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.
We’re devils and black sheep. We’re really bad eggs.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.
Drink up, lads! There’s treasure enough for all. I shall take this paltry sum as a stipend to cover my expenses… and the chest of jewels.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
A toast to piracy, and its many shiny rewards. As a career, what could be more rewarding?
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
I humbly accept this magnificent treasure as my reward for a life of villainy, larceny, skullduggery, and persnickety-ny.
(Boats continue up ramp.)
DAVY JONES
We will meet again when next you sail. So says I, Davy Jones!
BLACKBEARD
The fates have spoken and guided you well. ‘Til we meet again…
DAVY JONES
You may not survive to pass this way again! (Laughs.)
BLACKBEARD
Mark my words—we’ll meet again upon some stormy sea.
DAVY JONES
When next you sail, sail with Davy Jones. None shall escape. (Laughs.)
BLACKBEARD
On your way now. And tell the world you set sail with Blackbeard.
DAVY JONES
When next you sail, Davy Jones awaits. (Laughs.)
BLACKBEARD
The sea’s been kind today, but who can tell what dangers lie on stranger tides?
DAVY JONES
Mark my words—when next you sail, we’ll meet again! (Laughs.)
BLACKBEARD
You’ll stay, onward to the bitter end.
DAVY JONES
So it seems dead men do tell tales—don’t they? (Laughs.)
BLACKBEARD
The sea’s been kind today, but who can tell what dangers lie on tomorrow’s tide?
(Boats turn past attraction queue on left. PARROT sits aboard perch on right.)
PARROT
Ahoy there! (Squawk.) Thar she blows! (Whistle. Squawk.) Avast there, mateys! (Whistle.) Walk the plank! Walk the plank! (Laughs. Squawks.) Shiver me timbers! (Squawk.) Yo ho! Yo ho! (Squawks.) Dead men tell no tales. (Squawk. Whistle. Squawk.) Shiver me timbers! (Squawk.) Avast there, lubbers! (Squawk. Whistle.) Eight little coins! Eight little coins! (Whistle.) Steady as she goes! (Squawk. Whistle. Squawk.) Pieces of eight. (Squawk.) Pieces of eight. (Squawks.) Ahoy mateys. Ahoy! (Squawk. Whistle.)
(Boats approach unload zone.)
SAFETY ANNOUNCER
When the boat stops, please be steppin’ out to yer right.
All hands, prepare to go ashore by steppin’ out to yer right.
(Guests exit.)
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