Star Tours: The Adventures Continue (Disneyland/Disney’s Hollywood Studios)

(Guests board the StarSpeeder 1000 from the Pre-Show Area.)

(Flight begins.)

OPENING SEGMENT #1
DARTH VADER

MALE ANNOUNCER
Star Tours 1401, you are cleared for departure.

C-3PO
1401? That’s us! We can’t take off. The captain isn’t onboard.

COMPUTER
Auto takeoff sequence initiated.

C-3PO
Oh no! Um, excuse me, you don’t seem to understand. I am not the captain. I am C-3PO.

(Viewport opens.)

MALE ANNOUNCER
1401, cleared for takeoff. Contact frequency on four-two-niner.

C-3PO
Wait!

SIGNAL DROID
Follow me.

C-3PO
Wait!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(SIGNAL DROID directs StarSpeeder 1000 forward.)

C-3PO
R2-D2, I am not programmed to fly these things. Now, just turn us around this instant before we get into trouble!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(DARTH VADER flies in, flanked by four STORMTROOPERS. DARTH VADER breathing sound.)

C-3PO
I knew it!

(DARTH VADER stops the StarSpeeder 1000 with Force Hold.)

DARTH VADER
Halt!

C-3PO
Don’t shoot!

DARTH VADER
Prepare to be boarded, Captain.

C-3PO
I’m afraid there’s been a terrible mistake. I am C-3P —

DARTH VADER
We know you have this Rebel spy onboard.

(Picture of random guest is shown onscreen.)

C-3PO
I’ve never seen that man/woman/person before. Oh dear. Gotta go!

DARTH VADER
Don’t underestimate my power.

(DARTH VADER uses Force Hold to rock the StarSpeeder 1000 back and forth while two TIE fighters enter the takeoff zone.)

C-3PO
Oh no! Ah!

DARTH VADER
I want that spy!

(StarSpeeder 1000 begins shooting while moving backwards and DARTH VADER deflects the shots with his lightsaber.)

C-3PO
Goodness, R2! Someone could get hurt! (StarSpeeder 1000 clears the ship and enters open space, pursued by TIE fighters. StarSpeeder 1000 begins moving forward.) Lightspeed, R2! Now!

(StarSpeeder 1000 makes the jump to lightspeed.)

OPENING SEGMENT #2
STORMTROOPERS 

MALE ANNOUNCER
Star Tours 1401, you are cleared for departure. Initiate takeoff sequence.

C-3PO
What?

COMPUTER
Auto takeoff sequence initiated.

C-3PO
R2-D2, what’s going on here? We are not ready for take off.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
The captain isn’t on board yet.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
You know I can’t fly this thing.

(Viewport opens.)

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
No neither can you. We need a proper pilot!

FEMALE ANNOUNCER
Attention: All transports hold for security clearance.

(StarSpeeder 1000 is noticed and stopped by two STORMTROOPERS.)

C-3PO
Oh, stormtroopers. We’ll be deactivated for sure.

STORMTROOPER
Hold it right there, Captain.

(Imperial PROBE DROID attaches to the viewport and scans the passengers.)

C-3PO
Oh, um, I’m not actually the captain.

STORMTROOPER
We’re looking for this rebel spy. Have you seen him/her/them?

(Picture of random guest is shown onscreen.)

C-3PO
No one on this transport could possibly be a… spy? Oh dear.

STORMTROOPER
This is the speeder we’re looking for! Blast ’em!

(STORMTROOPERS begin shooting at the StarSpeeder 1000. PROBE DROID tries to shake free from the viewport.)

C-3PO
Bring us up, R2! (StarSpeeder 1000 escapes the ship, following closely behind the Millennium Falcon.) Where are we going?! (After dodging Imperial Destroyers, the StarSpeeder encounters several TIE fighters, firing on the transport.) This is madness! R2, don’t you dare make the jump to lightspeed.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(StarSpeeder 1000 enters lightspeed.)

C-3PO
Ah!

OPENING SEGMENT #3
KYLO REN

MALE ANNOUNCER
Star Tours 1401, you are cleared for departure.

C-3PO
1401? That’s us! We can’t take off. The captain isn’t onboard.

COMPUTER
Auto takeoff sequence initiated.

C-3PO
Oh no, uh. Excuse me, you don’t seem to understand. I am not the captain. I am C-3PO.

(Viewport opens.)

MALE ANNOUNCER
1401, cleared for takeoff. Contact departure on frequency four-two-niner.

C-3PO
Wait!

SIGNAL DROID
Follow me.

C-3PO
Wait!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(SIGNAL DROID directs StarSpeeder 1000 forward.)

C-3PO
R2-D2, I am not programmed to fly these things. Now, just turn us around this instant before we get into trouble!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(KYLO REN flies in, flanked by four STORMTROOPERS and stops the StarSpeeder 1000.)

C-3PO
I knew it!

KYLO REN
Stop right there!

C-3PO
Don’t shoot!

KYLO REN
I know you have a spy onboard.

C-3PO
I’m afraid there’s been a terrible mistake.

KYLO REN
He’s/She’s/They’re a spy, and a traitor to the First Order!

(Picture of random guest is shown onscreen.)

C-3PO
I’ve never seen that man/woman/person before. Oh dear. Gotta go!

(KYLO REN uses Force Hold to rock the StarSpeeder 1000 back and forth while two TIE fighters enter the takeoff zone.)

KYLO REN
Don’t be a fool!

C-3PO
Oh no! Ah!

KYLO REN
You are no match for the power of the Dark Side!

(Star Speeder 1000 begins shooting while moving backwards and KYLO REN deflects the shots.)

C-3PO
Goodness, R2! Someone could get hurt! (StarSpeeder 1000 clears the ship and enters open space, pursued by TIE fighters. StarSpeeder 1000 begins moving forward.) Lightspeed, R2! Now!

(Star Speeder 1000 enters lightspeed.)

PRIMARY DESTINATION SEGMENT #1
HOTH

(StarSpeeder 1000 enters the atmosphere of Hoth and descends toward the snowy mountains.)

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(StarSpeeder 1000 hits the snow and bounces.)

COMPUTER
Warning. Pull up. Pull up. Thruster malfunctioning.

C-3PO
Thrusters? Are they important?

AIR SPEEDER PILOT
Star Tours, this is a restricted area. What are you doing here?

C-3PO
I have no idea!

AIR SPEEDER PILOT
Stay clear of the combat zone.

C-3PO
Combat zone? Oh no! (StarSpeeder 1000 enters the combat zone, full of AT-ATs. AT-ATs shoot canons and hit the StarSpeeder 1000.) We’ve been hit! Brace yourselves! (StarSpeeder 1000 lands on the edge of a cliff.) Nobody move! I mean, everybody move! Lean back! (StarSpeeder 1000 falls down the cliff.) Oh dear! Please! R2, do something!

(R2-D2 initiates the thrusters and the StarSpeeder 1000 goes back to orbit.)

PRIMARY DESTINATION SEGMENT #2
TATOOINE

(StarSpeeder 1000 flies across the deserts of Tatooine and is passed by several pod racers.)

C-3PO
Now what?

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
A pod race! I’ve always wanted to do this. (StarSpeeder 1000 dodges various pieces of shrapnel, including one that explodes.) Hang on everyone! (StarSpeeder 1000 is nudged by another pod racer.) You ruffian! We’ll show him.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(After a fight with SEBULBA, another pilot loses control of his pod racer, which ends up straddling the StarSpeeder 1000.)

C-3PO
We’ve snagged a pod racer, which gives us twice the power!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(StarSpeeder 1000 passes SEBULBA to cross the finish line first.)

C-3PO
Ah! We won! Now cut the pod and let’s get out of here. (StarSpeeder 1000 hurtles toward the stands but pulls up just in time.) Watch out!

(StarSpeeder 1000 pulls up and leaves Tatooine’s atmosphere.)

PRIMARY DESTINATION SEGMENT #3
KASHYYYK

(StarSpeeder 1000 enters the atmosphere of Kashyyyk and descends into a forest.)

C-3PO
Where are we now?

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
The Wookiee planet. (The StarSpeeder 1000 follows two STORMTROOPERS on Speeder Bikes.) Imperial Troopers? What are they doing here? (CHEWBACCA falls on the viewport.) I’m afraid you’re not allowed to be there. (One STORMTROOPER runs into a branch and gets knocked off of his bike.) R2, hit the brakes! (The other STORMTROOPER passes the StarSpeeder 1000 and gets destroyed.) It worked!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
Not this way, R2!

(WOOKIEES roar.)

C-3PO
I’m sorry! Hang on!

(StarSpeeder 1000 pulls up and out of the Kashyyyk atmosphere, passing a WOOKIEE atop a guard tower, who shakes its fist at the ship.)

PRIMARY DESTINATION SEGMENT #4
JAKKU

(StarSpeeder 1000 enters the atmosphere of Jakku and flies above the desert. The Millennium Falcon appears, pursued by a First Order fighter.)

C-3PO
R2, I don’t like the look of this. It just got worse!

FINN
Star Tours! What are you doing here?!

C-3PO
I have no idea!

FINN
Well, stay low.

C-3PO
Why?

FINN
It confuses their tracking. Now, put your shields up — if they work.

C-3PO
R2, this is no time for heroics. (The StarSpeeder 1000 flies inside a crashed Star Destroyer.) Ah! (The StarSpeeder 1000 stops and scavengers begin taking parts off of the ship.) Oh, thank the maker! Shoo! And you! Put that back this instant! R2, let’s go!

(StarSpeeder 1000 exits the Star Destroyer wreckage and flies out of Jakku’s atmosphere.)

HOLOGRAM MESSAGE #1
ADMIRAL ACKBAR

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
What transmission?

(ADMIRAL ACKBAR appears via hologram.)

ADMIRAL ACKBAR
This is Admiral Ackbar. By now you know that your StarSpeeder is carrying an agent vital to our Rebel cause.

C-3PO
The spy.

ADMIRAL ACKBAR
Precisely. Deliver him/her/them safely to the rendezvous point I am transmitting to your R2 unit. Good luck, and may the Force be with you.

(Hologram disappears.)

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
What are you saying? This is madness!

(StarSpeeder 1000 jumps to lightspeed.)

HOLOGRAM MESSAGE #2
PRINCESS LEIA ORGANA

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
A transmission?

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(PRINCESS LEIA ORGANA appears via hologram.)

PRINCESS LEIA ORGANA
I am Princess Leia of Alderaan. We’ve placed a Rebel spy vital to the survival of the Rebellion into your Star Speeder. You must see him/her/them safely delivered to the coordinates in transmitting to your R2 unit. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Star Tours. You’re my only hope.

(Hologram disappears.)

C-3PO
Her only hope.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
What do you mean we’ll be making a slight detour?

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
We’ll do no such thing. Wait! Wait!

(StarSpeeder 1000 jumps to lightspeed.)

HOLOGRAM MESSAGE #3
YODA

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
A transmission?

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(YODA appears via hologram.)

YODA
Yoda, I am. On your ship, one loyal to our cause, you carry.

C-3PO
The spy.

YODA
Mmm. Deliver him/her/them, you must, or all will be lost. To your R2 unit, coordinates I will send. May the Force be with you.

(Hologram disappears.)

C-3PO
I’m afraid we’ve all just joined the Rebel Alliance.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(Star Speeder 1000 jumps to Lightspeed.)

C-3PO
Oh, oh. Where are we going?! Woah!

HOLOGRAM MESSAGE #4
BB-8

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
A transmission? (BB-8 hologram appears.) BB-8!

BB-8
(Beeps.)

C-3PO
A mission? What mission?

BB-8
(Beeps.)

C-3PO
He says he has vital information to deliver and needs our help.

BB-8
(Beeps.)

C-3PO
Well, we’re not going on any mission — it’s bound to be dangerous.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
R2, we are not going.

BB-8
(Beeps.)

C-3PO
Good luck? (Hologram disappears.) Wait! Where are we going?! (StarSpeeder 1000 jumps to lightspeed.) Woah!

HOLOGRAM MESSAGE #5
MAZ KANATA

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
A transmission?

(Hologram of MAZ KANATA appears. She is being shot at while she talks.)

MAZ KANATA
I am Maz Kanata, and I come to you with an urgent message. The shadow of the dark side is spreading across the galaxy. My friends in the Resistance need your help. Even you! Head to the coordinates I’m sending you. We must face them and fight them. Now, go!

(MAZ KANATA rockets away as the hologram disappears.)

C-3PO
R2, we are not going. (StarSpeeder 1000 jumps to lightspeed.) Yes we are!

HOLOGRAM MESSAGE #6
POE DAMERON

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
A transmission?

(Hologram of POE DAMERON appears.)

POE DAMERON
This is Poe Dameron with the Resistance.

C-3PO
Commander Dameron.

POE DAMERON
3PO? R2, what are you doing there?

C-3PO
Well, sir it all —

POE DAMERON
Rhetorical question. Listen up. There’s someone aboard your ship vital to our mission.

C-3PO
The spy. Is this mission sanctioned?

POE DAMERON
Let’s say it is. Anyway, rendezvous at the coordinates I’m transmitting to R2. Good luck and —  you know the rest.

(Hologram disappears.)

C-3PO
“The rest” sounds rather perilous to me.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
I don’t even (StarSpeeder 1000 jumps to Lightspeed.) know!

ENDING DESTINATION SEGMENT #1
CORUSCANT

(StarSpeeder 1000 comes out of lightspeed in the midst of a battle above Cosruscant. The ship dodges to avoid fire.)

C-3PO
Shields up, R2! (BUZZ DROIDS land on the viewport and begin tearing the ship apart.) Buzz droids! R2, get them off before they rip us apart! They’ve severed the controls!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(The StarSpeeder 1000 flies into a fireball from an exploding ship, which dislodges the BUZZ DROIDS, then it goes straight down towards Coruscant.)

C-3PO
Pull up, R2! Pull up!!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(StarSpeeder 1000 comes out of the dive and begins flying amidst busy metropolitan traffic.)

C-3PO
Well done, R2!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(StarSpeeder 1000 is nearly hit head-on by several ships.)

C-3PO
Are you sure this is the right way?

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
They’re not going the wrong way! We are, you nitwit! (StarSpeeder 1000 dodges oncoming traffic and veers toward a platform.) Look R2! A platform! Let’s land there.

(The StarSpeeder 1000 lands at speed and crashes into the SIGNAL DROID.)

SIGNAL DROID
(Recovering from collision.) Stop.

(StarSpeeder 1000 descends toward unload area.)

REBEL OFFICER
Welcome, Star Tours. I trust our colleague is safe?

C-3PO
Safe? Have you any idea what we’ve been through?

REBEL OFFICER
We’re in your debt, Captain.

(Dazed SIGNAL DROID bumps into the viewport and flies off in a random direction.)

C-3PO
Captain? Oh… glad to be of service. We’re all in the Rebel Alliance now, so may the Force be with us. (Viewport closes.) Oh, and uh, thank you for flying Star Tours!

ENDING DESTINATION SEGMENT #2
NABOO

(StarSpeeder 1000 comes out of Lightspeed above Naboo and encounters a swarm of VULTURE DROIDS.)

VULTURE DROID
Incoming vessel: identify yourself or be destroyed.

C-3PO
Destroyed?!

REBEL N-1 PILOT
Star Tours, follow us down to the Rebel hangar. You’ll be safe there.

C-3PO
Thank the maker! (StarSpeeder 1000 enters Naboo’s atmosphere and descends. VULTURE DROIDS destroy the three N-1 Starfighters and hit the StarSpeeder 1000.) We’re hit! R2, send out a distress signal!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
Oh! (The StarSpeeder 1000 crashes into the water. It almost hits JAR JAR BINKS) Look out, R2!

JAR JAR BINKS
Ah!

C-3PO
We nearly hit that poor Gungan.

GUNGAN PILOT
Star Tours, follow the ship! It’sa gonna lead you to the planet’s core.

(StarSpeeder 1000 follows Gungan ship into darker water.)

C-3PO
Any help would be appreciated.

GUNGAN PILOT
Weesa picking up some strange readings. Stay close. (An OPEE SEA KILLER attacks the Gungan ship.) Mayday! Weesa under attack! Ah! (SANDO AQUA MONSTER attacks the OPEE SEA KILLER.) Good luck, Star Tours. Yousa on your own, now.

C-3PO
On our own?! (COLO CLAW FISH attacks the StarSpeeder 1000.) Wait! R2, do something! (R2-D2 electrifies the COLO CLAW FISH and the StarSpeeder 1000 manages to get away.) And I thought I hated space travel! (The StarSpeeder 1000 goes above the water and crashes into the Rebel hangar.) Brakes! Brakes! Where are the brakes?!

(The pointed front of an N-1 Starfighter with a PIT DROID repairing it breaks the viewport of the Star Speeder 1000.)

PIT DROID
(Angry beeps.)

C-3PO
What do you mean we broke your ship? You broke our viewport. (PIT DROID falls inside the Star Speeder 1000.) And I did not give you permission to come aboard. So sorry for the inconvenience. (Viewport closes.) We hope you enjoyed your flight and we look forward to seeing you again soon! Goodbye!

ENDING DESTINATION SEGMENT #3
GEONOSIS

(StarSpeeder 1000 comes out of lightspeed above Geonosis and immediate finds itself amidst a asteroid field. The Death Star is half built in the distance.)

C-3PO
This can’t be right.

BOBA FETT
You can run, but you can’t hide—not from me.

(BOBA FETT’s Slave I begins shooting at the Star Speeder 1000.)

C-3PO
That dreadful bounty hunter… (StarSpeeder 1000 dodges shots from BOBA FETT as it navigates amongst the asteroids.) Woah! Ah! Oh my! Woah! Hang on! Ah!

(Sound of DARTH VADER breathing as his TIE Advanced X1 flies by, flanked by two TIE fighters.)

DARTH VADER
I have you now!

(StarSpeeder 1000 starts approaching the Death Star and enters through the trenches.)

C-3PO
I have a bad feeling about this… (StarSpeeder 1000 flies through the Death Star, avoiding obstacles.) I’m getting us out of here.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
I know exactly what I’m doing.

(StarSpeeder 1000 successfully escapes the Death Star. BOBA FETT’s Slave I appears)

BOBA FETT
Say goodbye, Rebel spy…

(BOBA FETT’s Slave I releases a Seismic Charge.)

C-3PO
A sonic bomb!

(R2-D2 shoots the charge in the right spot and sends it back to BOBA FETT, which blasts him away.)

C-3PO
Good shot, R2! Now, get us out of here!

(The StarSpeeder 1000 jumps to lightspeed and exits at a Rebel fleet.)

ADMIRAL ACKBAR
Star Tours, we were concerned about you. Is our agent safe?

C-3PO
Safe, but perhaps a little shaken.

ADMIRAL ACKBAR
We are grateful you made it. You are all heroes of the Rebellion.

(StarSpeeder lands on a Rebel ship. An applauding and waving group of Rebel fighters greets the transport.)

C-3PO
I rather like the sound of that. Be careful out there, all of you. The Empire is watching. (Viewport closes.) Pardon me, but how do we get back to a Star Tours terminal?! Hello?!

ENDING SEGMENT #4
CRAIT

(StarSpeeder 1000 comes out of lightspeed and enters Crait’s atmosphere.)

C-3PO
R2, are you sure these are the right coordinates?

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(StarSpeeder 1000 rounds a corner into the middle of a battle.)

C-3PO
Ah! Hang on everyone! (StarSpeeder 1000 dives into a salt cave.) I wasn’t programmed for this!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(StarSpeeder 1000 dodges stalactites and stalagmites, shooting the ones it can’t avoid.)

C-3PO
Watch out! Ah! (The StarSpeeder 1000 breaks out of the cave enters the Battle of Crait alongside Ski Speeders.) We’re done for.

POE DAMERON
Glad you made it, Star Tours.

C-3PO
Here we go again!

POE DAMERON
Ok fighters! Keep it tight!

(Red dust covers the viewport.)

C-3PO
I can’t see a thing. R2, do something!

(Three squeegees clean off the viewport. StarSpeeder 1000 dodges amidst the legs of AT-M6 walkers.)

GENERAL HUX
Star Tours, you shouldn’t have come.

C-3PO
I heartily concur.

GENERAL HUX
Execute them.

C-3PO
We’re leaving this instant! R2, where are you going?

(The StarSpeeder 1000 turns around and fires at an AT-M6, destroying it.)

POE DAMERON
Nice job, Star Tours! Alright, we’ll take it from here.

C-3PO
Well done, R2. Now, let’s go!

(The StarSpeeder 1000 enters lightspeed and exits at the planet Batuu.)

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
Oh, we’ll be safe here on Batuu. I hope.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
Yes, R2. I believe this adventure is just beginning. (StarSpeeder 1000 lands. FLYING DROID looks through the viewport.) What are you looking at? (Viewport closes.) Go away! Go away!

ENDING MESSAGE

ALY SAN SAN
Please remain seated until the captain has opened the exit doors. You may then unlatch your safety restraints by pressing the release button on your left. Make sure you have all your personal belongings as you exit. Thank you for flying Star Tours! Buh-Bye!

(Transcript contributed by Brendan Warski.)

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