Mickey’s Royal Friendship Faire (Magic Kingdom)

*Sung lyrics in bold.

(Music begins with fanfare.)

ANNOUNCER
Lord and ladies, princes and princesses — come one, come all to the Royal Friendship Faire!

(MICKEY, MINNIE, DONALD, DAISY, and GOOFY begin to enter, along with ENSEMBLE.)

MICKEY
Hi, everybody!

MINNIE
This is gonna be so much fun!

DAISY
You’re here!

DONALD
Oh boy! Oh boy!

GOOFY
What a great day!

ENSEMBLE
On this day…

MICKEY
We’re celebrating!

ENSEMBLE
On this day…

MINNIE
With all our friends.

ENSEMBLE
We will weave every thread,
In a tapestry of tales for me and you.

On this day…
(On this day.)

GOOFY
It’s a party!

ENSEMBLE
This very day…

DAISY
So much fun!

DONALD
Yeah!

ENSEMBLE
There are dreams in your head.
(This very day.)
But today’s the day those dreams are coming true!

ALL
We are links in a chain made of silver and gold.

We are part of a pattern about to unfold.
We are heroes of stories, as yet to be told.
We come together on this day!

Come one, come all, come everyone!
Just come on out and play!
Come one, come all, and join the fun.
Come join the special celebration!
On this day…

We are links in a chain made of silver and gold.
We are part of a pattern about to unfold.
We are heroes of stories, as yet to be told.
We come together on this day!

Come one, come all,
On this day!

(Applause.)

MICKEY
Looks like everybody’s ready.

MINNIE
Oh Mickey, I just love the Friendship Faire — a day of fun and music and celebrating!

MICKEY
That’s right! We traveled far and wide, inviting new friends to today’s festival.

DAISY
It was a long journey!

GOOFY
We crossed rivers!

DONALD
And braved forests…

MICKEY
To bring all sorts of friends together in celebration of what makes this kingdom really unique.

MICKEY, MINNIE, GOOFY, DONALD, AND DAISY
All of us!

MINNIE
Come on, everyone! It’s time to officially kick off the Royal Friendship Faire!

DAISY
I can’t wait!

DONALD
Let’s go!

(DONALD, DAISY, and GOOFY exit.)

MINNIE
Today is going to be such a wonderful, wonderful day!

(Trumpet solo sounds from offstage playing “When We’re Human.”)

MICKEY
Oh boy! I hear our first guest coming now!

GOOFY
(Offstage.) Come on everybody!

(Upstage doors open to reveal GOOFY leading TIANA, NAVEEN, LOUIS, and a New Orleans ENSEMBLE. Music transitions to “Down in New Orleans.”)

MINNIE
Oh my goodness!

TIANA, NAVEEN, AND ENSEMBLE
In the southland, there’s a city,
Way down on the river.
Where the women are very pretty,
And all the men deliver.

They got music, it’s always playin’.
Start in the day time, go all through the night.
When you hear that music playin’,
Hear what I’m sayin’, makes you feel alright!

GOOFY
Allow me to introduce my new pals from The Land of the Bewitching Bayou: Louis, Prince Naveen, and Princess Tiana.

MICKEY
It’s great to meet ya!

MINNIE
Oh, “The Land of the Bewitching Bayou!” What’s that like?

TIANA
It’s a land of dreams, good cooking —

NAVEEN
And jazz!

LOUIS
I just love playing jazz with the big boys!

GOOFY
Sounds like a swingin’ good time to me!

NAVEEN
Hit it, Louis!

(LOUIS begins another trumpet solo to the tune of “When We’re Human.”)

TIANA
(Scats.)

(TAP DANCER begins dance solo while LOUIS plays. At the end of it, ENSEMBLE cheers for both of them.)

TIANA
(To GOOFY) Now, why are you standin’ way over there? Come and join the jubilee!

GOOFY
Garwsh! Well, I ain’t got much to add to the party. I’m not good at tap dancing or playing the ukulele.

TIANA
But everyone’s got something to add. A party’s like a big pot of gumbo — it takes all the different flavors coming together to make it good.

GOOFY
Really?

NAVEEN
She’s right, my tall friend. You’ve got to let loose and cut a rug!

GOOFY
Garwsh!

LOUIS
You never know what you can do ‘til you try!

TIANA
You know what Mama Odie would say if she were here? “You gotta dig a little deeper to find out who you are.”

(Music shifts to “Dig a Little Deeper.”)

TIANA
Don’t matter what you look like.

ENSEMBLE
Oh no!

TIANA
Don’t matter what you wear.

ENSEMBLE
Don’t matter!

TIANA
How many rings you got on your finger?
We don’t care!

ENSEMBLE
No, we don’t care!

NAVEEN
Don’t matter where you come from.

ENSEMBLE
No-wee!

NAVEEN
Don’t even matter who you are!

ENSEMBLE
Don’t matter!
A big, a small, a short, a tall…

NAVEEN
We got em’ all in here!

ENSEMBLE
We got ’em all in here!

TIANA
And they all knew what they wanted —
What they wanted us to do.
I told ’em what they needed…

TIANA, NAVEEN, AND ENSEMBLE
Just like we’ll be telling you!

You gotta dig a little deeper.
Find out who you are.
You gotta dig a little deeper.
It’s really not that far!

When you found out who you are,
(Ooh…)
You find out what you need.
Blue skies and sun shine,
Guaranteed!

TIANA
My friend, it’s time to take your place in the sun!

(GOOFY takes a tambourine and does a dance solo.)

LOUIS
Let’s take it on home!

ALL
You gotta dig a little deeper.
Ya don’t have far to go.
You gotta dig a little deeper.
Just remember that I told you so!

You’ll be surprised with what you find…

TIANA
Maybe love!

LOUIS
Or friends!

ALL
Or piece of mind.
Dig a little deeper and you’ll know!

Just dig down deep inside yourself,
And when you do,
Your dreams can come true!

Dreams come true!

TIANA
Your dreams come true!

ENSEMBLE
Dreams come true!

TIANA
Ohhh!

ENSEMBLE
Dreams come true!

ALL
Your dreams come true!

(Applause.)

TIANA
Why, that was just the bee’s knees!

LOUIS
You were really swingin’!

GOOFY
Garwsh! There’s more where that came from! Come on, everybody!

(GOOFY exits, leading TIANA, NAVEEN, and ENSEMBLE off.)

MICKEY
Hot dog! They sure are a fun group!

MINNIE
Like Tiana said, they’re “the bee’s knees!”

MICKEY
(Laughs.) Aw… Say, who do you think Donald and Daisy brought?

MINNIE
Oh, I bet they’re just delightful!

(DONALD enters, leading the RUFFIANS from The Snuggly Duckling.)

DONALS
Attention everybody! Allow me to introduce my distinguished guests from The Land of the Enchanted Woodlands.

MINNIE
Distinguished guests?

MICKEY
From The Land of the Enchanted Woodlands?

DONALD
(To RUFFIANS.) Hey fellas, these are my friends!

MINNIE
It’s a pleasure to meet you gentlemen.

HOOK HAND
Hiya, toots.

VLADIMIR
The pleasure is all mine.

MINNIE
How nice.

TOR
Out of my way! My turn!

(RUFFIANS argue loudly over one another.)

DONALD
Would you stop that?!

HOOK HAND
Watch it buddy! We do what we want, when we want.

VLADIMIR
Just like at the Snuggly Duckling.

DONALD
Who you calling a snuggly duckling? (Jumps on two of the RUFFIANS’ feet, causing a hoopla.)

VLADIMIR
Ow! My foot!

(Balletic battle ensues, in which DONALD is repeatedly manhandled by the RUFFIANS.)

DONALD
Watch it! Hey! Hey! Let me go!

MINNIE
Donald!

(MICKEY gets hold of one of DONALD’s arms, while the RUFFIANS grab the other. A tug of war begins.)

DONALD
Hey!

MICKEY
Minnie, hold on!

MINNIE
(Grabbing MICKEY’s arm to lend support.) Let go of him!

DONALD
My feathers!

(Tug of war continues downstage. Upstage, DAISY enters with RAPUNZEL and FLYNN RIDER.)

DAISY
What is happening?!

TOR
We got you now!

RAPUNZEL
Oh no! Flynn!

FLYNN
I told ya — you can’t take them anywhere.

DAISY
Donald! (She whistles loudly, stopping the tug of war.)

DONALD
Daisy…?

(Underscore music begins: “When Will My Life Begin?”)

DAISY
Donald Duck, what have you done? After we met Rapunzel and Flynn, we agreed to invite them. Not these ruffians!

VLADIMIR
“Ruffians?!”

DAISY
One minute we were together, and the next I turned around and you were gone. What happened?

DONALS
Gee, Daisy… I’m sorry.

DAISY
You ruined everything!

RAPUNZEL
I know these boys. They seem a bit rough around the edges, but they’re not so bad.

FLYNN
Blondie’s right. They grow on you after a while… Kinda like a fungus.

RAPUNZEL
They all have dreams! Just like you and me.

DAISY
They do?

RAPUNZEL
Oh yes, they do!

(Music transitions to “I’ve Got a Dream.”)

FLYNN
He’s malicious, mean, and scary,
His sneer could curdle dairy,
And violence-wise, his hands are not the cleanest.

RAPUNZEL
But despite his evil look,
And his temper, and his hook,
He’s always yearned to be a concert pianist!

HOOK HAND
Can’tcha see me on the stage, performin’ Mozart?
Tickling the ivories ’til they gleam?
Yep, I’d rather be called deadly
For my killer show-tune medley.

(Plays air piano.) Thank you!

‘Cause way down deep inside,
I’ve got a dream!

RAPUNZEL AND RUFFIANS
He’s got a dream!
He’s got a dream!

HOOK HAND
See, I ain’t as cruel and vicious as I seem!
Though I do like breaking femurs,
You can count me with the dreamers.
Like everybody else,
I’ve got a dream!

RAPUNZEL
Tor would like to quit and be a florist!

(TOR pulls a bouquet of flowers from behind his back.)

FLYNN
Gunther does interior design.
Ulf is into mime.

RAPUNZEL
Attila’s cupcakes are sublime!

RAPUNZEL AND FLYNN
Bruiser knits.
Killer sews,
Fang does little puppet shows.

HOOK HAND
And Vladimir collects ceramic unicorns!

(VLADIMIR pulls out two ceramic unicorns.)

ALL
Ooh!

HOOK HAND
(To DONALD.) What’s your dream, my little snuggly friend?

DONALD
My dream? I’ve always wanted to be one of the fellas! (Mimes boxing.)

VLADIMIR
What about you?

DAISY
I’ve always wanted to try new things and make new friends!

HOOK HAND
Those are beautiful dreams.

DONALD
I’ve got a dream!

DAISY
I’ve got a dream!

ALL
They’ve got a dream!

DONALD AND DAISY
We’ve got a dream!

RAPUNZEL
So our differences aren’t really that extreme.

ALL
We’re one big team!

RUFFIANS
Call us brutal, sick, sadistic,

VLADIMIR
And grotesquely optimistic.

ALL
‘Cause way down deep inside,
We’ve got a dream!

HOOK HAND
I’ve got a dream!

BRUISER
I’ve got a dream!

TOR
I’ve got a dream!

GUNTHER
I’ve got a dream!

VLADIMIR
I’ve got a dream!

DONALD AND DAISY
We’ve got a dream!

ALL
Yes, way down deep inside,
I’ve got a dream!
Yeah!

(Applause. Playout begins.)

DAISY
You’re right! They’re not as bad as they seem.

DONALD
So, did I do a good job?

DAISY
You did a very good job!

HOOK HAND
Way to go buddy!

TOR
Now you’re one of the fellas!

DONALD
Hooray!

VLADIMIR
Come on!

(DONALD, DAISY, RAPUNZEL, FLYNN, and RUFFIANS exit upstage.)

ALL
(On button.) Yeah!

MINNIE
What a nice group of ruffians!

MICKEY
And what a great bunch of dreams!

MINNIE
Oh, goodness! Mickey, we better get ready. We don’t want to be late for the celebration.

MICKEY
Oh, uh, hang on a minute, Minnie. I’ve got a special surprise for ya.

MINNIE
You do? (Laughs.)

MICKEY
You see… uh, I know there’s someone you’ve always wanted to meet from The Land of the Mystic Mountains.

MINNIE
Oh, Mickey! Could it be?!

(Music begins: “For the First Time in Forever.” Gates open to reveal OLAF. Music changes to “In Summer.”)

OLAF
Duh dah, dah doo,
Uh buh buh buh buh buh boo.
Wow. They’re not gonna believe this back home.

MICKEY
But, I —

OLAF
(Scats.)
Ooh, look at all the people! Hello, people!
And I can’t wait to see
What my buddies all think of me.
(To MINNIE and MICKEY.) Hello!
In summer!
I’m Olaf, and I like warm hugs.

MICKEY AND MINNIE
Hi Olaf!

(ANNA and ELSA enter upstage. Music begins again: “For the First Time in Forever.”)

ANNA
Olaf? Olaf, there you are! We were worried.

OLAF
Why? Were you lost?

ELSA
No, Olaf. You were.

OLAF
But I’m right here with my new friends! (Indicates MICKEY.) This is — (Aside.) and you are…?

MICKEY
Why, I’m Mickey Mouse!

OLAF
(Indicates MINNIE.) 
And this is — (Aside.) and you are…?

MINNIE
I’m Minnie.

OLAF
Good! This is Anna and Elsa. (Aside.) They’re sisters.

MINNIE
Oh my! It’s an honor to meet you.

ELSA
Please — the honor is all ours.

ANNA
We’re so excited to be here!

MINNIE
From the moment I heard your story, I admired you both so much. Oh, I wish I could be more like you.

ANNA
But being just who you are is perfect!

ELSA
Everyone has their own unique talents that make them special. You just have to believe that you do!

MINNIE
That’s true!

ELSA
Anything is possible when you have someone you love by your side.

ANNA
That’s me!

OLAF
I wanna be there too!

ELSA
I’ve learned that you just have to remember to be true to yourself.

It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small.
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all!

It’s time to see what I can do,
To test the limits and break through.
No right, no wrong, no rules for me.
I’m free!

Let it go! Let it go!
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go! Let it go!
You’ll never see me cry!

Here I stand,
And here I’ll stay
Let the storm rage on!

My power flurries through the air into the ground.
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around.
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast:
I’m never going back —
The past is in the past!

Let it go! Let it go!
And I’ll rise like the break of dawn!
Let it go! Let it go!
That perfect girl is gone!

Here I stand,
In the light of day.
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway!

(Applause.)

MINNIE
That was incredible!

ELSA
Thank you, Minnie. I hope none of you ever lose sight of being your own person.

OLAF
Even me?

ANNA
Even you, Olaf!

OLAF
Yay! Let’s go find more fun!

MINNIE
Goodbye!

(ANNA, ELSA, and OLAF exit upstage.)

MICKEY
So, did you like your surprise?

MINNIE
Like it? Oh Mickey, I loved it! I think today might be the best day ever!

MICKEY
Oh! Oh, gosh Minnie… Every day with you is the best day ever.

MINNIE
Oh Mickey! (Kisses him on the cheek.)

MICKEY
Aww… (Trumpet fanfare sounds.) Oh! Oh, we better hurry! Come on! (They exit.)

(Music begins. Upstage gates open and ENSEMBLE enters, leading GOOFY, DONALD, and DAISY — now in seasonal attire.) 

ANNOUNCER
Lords and ladies, princes and princesses — it is time for the Royal Friendship Faire grand dance!

ENSEMBLE
Ah, ah, ah, etc.

ANNOUNCER
Now join us in welcoming back our new friends. From The Land of the Bewitching Bayous: Princess Tiana, Prince Naveen, and Sir Louis.

(TIANA, NAVEEN, and LOUIS enter. LOUIS plays a trumpet solo to “Ma Belle Evangeline.” TIANA and NAVEEN dance.)

ANNOUNCER
From The Land of the Enchanted Woodlands: Princess Rapunzel, Flynn Rider and Sirs Vladimir and Hook Hand.

(Music transitions to “I See the Light.” RAPUNZEL and FLYNN enter and dance together, as do VLADIMIR and HOOK HAND.)

From The Land of the Mystic Mountains: Queen Elsa, Princess Anna, and Sir Olaf.

(Music transitions to “For the First Time in Forever. ANNA, ELSA, and OLAF enter and dance. Fanfare.)

Lords and ladies, princes and princesses — please welcome Sir Mickey and Lady Minnie!

(MICKEY and MINNIE enter.)

MINNIE
Come on everyone! Let’s all dance together!

(Music transitions to “With a Smile and a Song.” ALL dance.)

ALL
When you smile and you sing,
Everything is in tune, and it’s spring,
And love flows along,
With a smile and a song.

We, old friends and new,
And family too…
Life flows along,
with a smile and a song!

DAISY
That was so much fun.

DONALD
Yeah!

GOOFY
Thank ya for the dance!

MINNIE
Oh Mickey, this really has been the best day ever!

RAPUNZEL
Discovering new dreams…

FLYNN
That’s an adventure for sure!

DONALD AND DAISY
Uh-huh!

TIANA
Trying something new…

NAVEEN
And having a swinging good time!

GOOFY
You bet!

ELSA
Finding the confidence…

ANNA
To be true to yourself.

MINNIE
That’s right!

MICKEY
Here’s to all of us — old friends and new!

OLAF
Warm hugs for everyone!

(ALL laugh.)

MICKEY
Aw!

MINNIE
Oh, this is what I love about the Friendship Faire!

(Music transitions to “On This Day.”)

ALL
On this day, it’s this day,
Come from near or from far!
All these separate parts together make us whole!

On this day,
(On this day)
This very day,

Doesn’t matter who you are!
(This very day)
There is room enough for ev’ry heart and soul!

We are links in a chain made of silver and gold.
We are part of a pattern about to unfold.
We are heroes of stories, as yet to be told.
We come together on this day!

We are links in a chain made of silver and gold.
We are part of a pattern about to unfold.
We are heroes of stories, as yet to be told.
We come together on this day!
We come together on this day!

(Castle fireworks. Applause. Characters bow and exit in groups, leaving MICKEY and MINNIE.)

MICKEY
Thanks to all of you — old friends and new — for celebrating with us today! See ya real soon!

(MICKEY and MINNIE exit.)

ANNOUNCER
We invite you to enjoy the rest of your Royal Friendship Faire day, here at the Magic Kingdom!

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Epcot Monorail

(Guests board monorail at the Transportation and Ticket Center.)

NARRATOR
Ladies and gentlemen, as you board please move all the way across your car to make room for everyone. For those of you standing, please hold onto the handrails and stay clear of the doors. The monorail will depart momentarily for Epcot. Thank you.

As you board, please move across your car to make room for everyone. Kindly offer available seating to those needing special assistance. If you are standing, please hold on to the handrails and stay clear of the doors — they will be closing in a moment. Thank you.

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Please stand clear of the doors. Por favor manténgase alejado de las puertas.

NARRATOR
Welcome aboard the Walt Disney World Monorail to Epcot. For those of you standing, please hold on to the handrails throughout our journey, and stay clear of the doors. For the comfort of others, no smoking please. Thank you.

As we turn south, you can catch a glimpse of the spires of Space Mountain in the Magic Kingdom. Nearby is Disney’s Contemporary Resort.

You can upgrade a Magic Your Way Ticket at any time prior to its expiration by adding more days or options, such as Park Hopper Plus. Just stop by any theme park ticket window for details.

(NARRATOR makes seasonal announcements, if applicable.)

We are traveling to Epcot — where the magic of Disney comes together with the wonders of the real world. Its 300 acres are divided into two themed lands: Future World and World Showcase. Future World offers fascinating explorations into the realms of communication, transportation, and imagination. You’ll also find adventures in space flight, sea exploration, food production, and emerging technologies. Discover the culture and cuisine of eleven nations in World Showcase. On the banks of the 40-acre World Showcase Lagoon are Mexico, Norway, China, Germany, Italy, The American Adventure, Japan, Morocco, France, United Kingdom, and Canada. Young adults from each nation are among your hosts — making this a truly international exchange.

(Spaceship Earth comes into view.)

Beyond the trees ahead, and to the right-hand side of our forward motion, is Spaceship Earth. This 18-story geosphere marks the entrance to Epcot.

(Monorail enters Epcot and begins loop around Future World.)

Coming up behind Spaceship Earth is Innoventions. Inside this hands-on area, you can explore and interact with the ever-changing technologies and products for everyday living in the near future.

Mission: SPACE is an exhilarating sensory thrill ride that puts you and your flight crew in command of an out-of-this-world mission to Mars. At Test Track, you can experience the exhilaration of test driving a vehicle on the longest and fastest ride ever created for Walt Disney World.

Coming into view is World Showcase. Directly across from us, on the far shore of the World Showcase Lagoon, is our host pavilion, the American Adventure.

Those glass pyramids are the gateway to your Journey Into Imagination. Inside, you can explore the creative process with Figment.

Next, is The Land, where you can celebrate the Earth’s rich diversity. The Land is also home to Soarin’ — a free-flying adventure across natural wonders.

At the Seas with Nemo and Friends, you’ll meet some of your favorite undersea pals and have a live chat with Crush, the sea turtle from Disney-PIXAR’s Finding Nemo.

We are approaching the Epcot Monorail Station. Smoking is not permitted at Epcot, except in designated areas. Please consult your guidemap, or ask a Cast Member for locations. Please hold onto the handrails, and stay clear of the doors until the Monorail stops completely and the doors open.

(Monorail pulls into Epcot station.)

Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of the cast of the Walt Disney World Resort, welcome to Epcot!

Ladies and gentlemen, please remember to collect your belongings, and take young children by the hand. As you exit, please lower your head, and watch your step. Thank you.

(Guests exit at Epcot. New guests board the monorail.)

When boarding, please move all the way across your car to make room for everyone. Kindly offer available seating to those needing special assistance. For those of you standing, please hold on to the handrails, and stay clear of the doors — they will be closing in a moment. Thank you.

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Please stand clear of the doors. Por favor manténgase alejado de las puertas.

NARRATOR
Welcome aboard the Walt Disney World Monorail System. We’re traveling to the Transportation and Ticket Center. For those of you standing, please hold onto the handrails throughout our journey, and stay clear of the doors. For the comfort of others, no smoking please. Thank you.

The spirit of Epcot, has guided the design of all 28,000 acres of the Walt Disney World Resort. You’ll find the application of leading-edge technology evident throughout, as we demonstrate our philosophy: if you can dream it, you can do it.

We hope you’re enjoying your journey along our “highway in the sky.” Disney Monorails have been operating at Disneyland since 1959. The Walt Disney World Monorail System made its debut in 1971, and was expanded to include Epcot in 1982. Mark VI Monorails replaced the original Mark IV Monorail at the Walt Disney World Resort in early 1991 — completing the modernization of the Disney Monorail System. Each train has a capacity of more than 300 passengers and travels at speeds of up to 40 miles per hour. You may have noticed that each of our 12 Monorails is identified with a different color stripe. Our pilots use the colors to help identify the Monorails operating on the system. Originating from the Transportation and Ticket Center, there are three separate Monorail Lines. These include the Epcot Monorail, the Express Monorail to the Magic Kingdom, and the Resort Monorail — which serves Disney’s Contemporary and Polynesian Resorts, and Disney’s Grand Floridian Resort and Spa. Altogether, you can travel more than 13 miles on our efficient and environmentally-friendly Walt Disney World Monorail System.

We are approaching the Transportation and Ticket Center. To reach the Magic Kingdom, you must exit here and transfer to a Magic Kingdom Monorail or Ferryboat. You can also reach Disney’s Polynesian, Grand Floridian, and Contemporary Resorts by exiting here and boarding a Resort Monorail. Before boarding any Disney transportation, please double-check all directional signs to ensure you’re traveling to the correct destination. If you need any further assistance, a host or hostess will be happy to assist you

This is the Transportation and Ticket Center. Smoking is not permitted at Walt Disney World Theme Parks and Water Parks, except in designated areas. Please consult your guidemap or ask a Cast Member for locations. For those of you standing, please hold on to the handrails, and stay clear of the doors until the Monorail stops completely. When the doors open, please exit to the right-hand side of our Monorail’s forward motion. This Monorail will be returning to Epcot. Thank you.

(Monorail enters Transportation and Ticket Center station.)

Ladies and gentlemen, please check to make sure you have all of your belongings, and watch your head and step when exiting. We ask that you please exit here to make room for guests waiting to board. However, you may re-board our Monorail at any time. Thank you.

(Guests exit at the Transportation and Ticket Center.)

 

(Safety announcement heard when monorail stops unexpectedly.)

Ladies and gentlemen, we are currently holding for further traffic clearance. Please remember to stay clear of all automatic doors. If you’re standing, please continue to hold on to the silver handrails. Thank you.

(Transcription contributed by Brendan Warski.)

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Mission: SPACE (Epcot)

Green Mission – Less Intense Training

(Pre-Show Video.)

CAPCOM
Welcome to the International Space Training Center. You’re here today to train for the the greatest adventure in the history of mankind: space travel. I know you’re probably feeling a little nervous right now, but don’t worry — every astronaut has felt that way at one time or another. Even the heroes who went to the moon. But there is one thing they had that you don’t have yet: training. You’re here today for flight training — the most thrilling experience that any astronaut candidate will ever have. Before you decide if it’s right for you, let me introduce you to your spacecraft: the X-2 Space Shuttle. It’s powered by solid hydrogen and can accelerate from zero to 6,000 in 60 seconds. So when you hear the words, “Go for launch,” you’ll definitely want to hang on. Now, you’ve already been organized into teams, and soon each of you will be assigned a position — Navigator, Pilot, Commander, or Engineer. The success of your mission will depend on all of you working together as a team. I’ll be your Capcom, and in a few minutes, I’ll give you your specific assignments. But first, our flight director has some safety instructions for you. Lieutenant?

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Remember the team number you’re standing on. When the doors in front of you open, you will be directed to a flight station with that number on it. When you get there, please stand on the circles. During your Green Team – Less Intense Training mission, you will be enclosed inside X-2 flight simulators that produce sensations of acceleration. Those who are made uncomfortable by enclosed dark spaces or simulators should bypass this experience.

CAPCOM
As you can see, astronaut fight training isn’t like anything you’ve ever experienced before. If you would like to opt out, just ask any member of the ISTC crew for directions. As for the rest of you, report for your pre-flight briefing. It’s go time.

(Pre-flight briefing video.)

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Attention, astronaut candidates: you have selected Green Team – Less Intense Training. However, if you are made uncomfortable by enclosed dark spaces or simulators, you may exit the flight training area now. Ask a uniformed crew member for directions.

CAPCOM
Congratulations, team! You have been selected to train for a spectacular mission around the Earth. Your flight path will take you west across North America, Asia, Europe, and back home to Florida. You’re gonna love it!

LAUNCH CONTROL
T-minus three minutes and counting.

CAPCOM
Okay, listen up, here are your assignments. Navigator, you’ll be adjusting the pitch of the X-2 if necessary and firing thrusters for your decent. Pilot, on my signal, I’ll need you to trigger first stage separation. You’ll also be triggering the landing sequence. Commander, you will be responsible for activating the flight sequence and for activating manual control if needed. Engineer, you will activate the flight cameras when we reach altitude. You will also extend the wings for landing. Don’t worry, when it’s time to push the buttons, they will light up — then I’ll give you the go. One last thing. In the event of an emergency landing, there are control sticks at every crew position. Okay, Lieutenant, any final instructions for our new kids?

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
When the flight bay doors open, follow the markings on the floor to your capsule. Then move all the way across, taking your crew position in the cockpit, and stow all personal items in the compartment in front of you. Young cadets wearing a lanyard will need a special X-2 Booster to train for this mission. When you enter the capsule, insert the Booster as shown. Once you have secured all cargo, help your young cadets lower their restraints. Then take your seat, reach up, and pull down your restraint. After you have completed your mission, remove your X-2 Booster and place it in the recovery bin on your way out. They’re all yours, Capcom.

CAPCOM
Well, I guess that’s everything. Good luck, Earth team. You are on the clock.

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Follow the markings on the floor to your X-2 Trainer and begin boarding now.

(Guests board the X-2 Trainer.)

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Store personal items in the compartment in front of you. Then reach up and pull down on the restraints.

COMPUTER
Warning: Instrument panel closing. If needed, space sickness bags are located on the instrument panel.

CAPCOM
Capcom to X-2: Welcome aboard, team. After you get settled, check out your buttons. Navigator, welcome aboard. During the mission, you will be adjusting the pitch of the X-2 if necessary, and firing thrusters for your descent. Pilot, the X-2 is an excellent ship. Your job will be to trigger first stage separation and trigger the landing sequence. Surgeon, how we doing?

SURGEON
All good for launch!

CAPCOM
Commander, your assignments are to activate flight sequence, and for landing, activate manual control.

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Loading flight plan.

CAPCOM
Engineer, just a reminder: You will activate the flight cameras when we reach altitude. You will also extend the wings for landing. (Radio chatter from Mission Control to other crew members on the ground.) Good luck, team. All of us here at Mission Control wish you a safe journey around the planet!

(The X-2 Space Shuttle begins to move upright.)

MALE ANNOUNCER
Mission Control, this is the firing room. Give us the “go, go, go” for launch!

MISSION CONTROL
Network, you are go for launch.

MALE ANNOUNCER
We have main engines start. 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… Liftoff! (Thrusters start and the X-2 Space Shuttle begins moving up into the atmosphere.) Mission Control, the tower is clear! They’re all yours.

CAPCOM
Mission Control to X-2: You are go and throttle up. Pilot, initiate first stage separation, now!

COMPUTER
Initiated.

(The X-2 Space Shuttle enters low Earth orbit.)

CAPCOM
Commander, initiate flight sequence, now!

COMPUTER
Initiated.

CAPCOM
Navigator, initiate thrusters to adjust pitch, now!

COMPUTER
Initiated.

CAPCOM
Engineer, activate flight cameras, now!

COMPUTER
Initiated.

(The X-2 Space Shuttle begins moving west across the Earth’s orbit, passing several islands and continents.)

CAPCOM
Your flight path today is taking you across the United States, past the Grand Canyon and leaving the continent at San Francisco. (The X-2 Space Shuttle clears continental North America.) The Space Station should be coming into view. (The X-2 Space Shuttle passes the International Space Station.) And down on Earth, the Hawaiian Islands. (The X-2 Space Shuttle passes over Hawaii.) In a moment, you’ll be crossing paths with another X-2, just launched from the Pacific. (Another X-2 can be seen up ahead. Back on Earth, Asia comes into view.) Up ahead, you should see Japan, the Land of the Rising Sun. As you cross into China, you’ll pass Beijing, the Great Wall, and we’ve got reports of a storm brewing over the Gobi Desert. Passing over the Himalayas, you should have a gorgeous night view of India. (The X-2 begins passing over the Middle East and Europe.) By now, you’re over the Middle East, and to the left is the Nile River — snaking its way towards Cairo, and the Mediterranean. You should be seeing Greece and Italy. And up ahead: Paris, the City of Lights. (As the X-2 continues north, the Northern Lights become visible.) Tonight, there’s a spectacular Northern Lights show on your horizon.

MISSION CONTROL
We’re getting reports of a strong storm cell directly in the landing path.

CAPCOM
Okay, listen up, team: Change of plans. It’s going to be a challenging approach and we’re going to need all of you working together. Pilot: Initiate landing sequence, now!

COMPUTER
Computer override: initiated.

CAPCOM
Navigator, initiate descent, now!

COMPUTER
Rockets fired.

(The X-2 Space Shuttle begins it’s descent towards Earth.)

CAPCOM
Engineer, extend wings for gliding, now!

COMPUTER
Computer override: wings extended.

(Computer begins beeping.)

MISSION CONTROL
We’ve lost auto-pilot!

CAPCOM
Commander, activate manual control, now!

COMPUTER
Activated.

(The X-2 Space Shuttle passes through a heavy storm, maneuvering left and right as it approaches the landing runway.)

CAPCOM
All hands on the control sticks. Pull right! Now left. Right. Left. Back to center. Hold it steady…

MISSION CONTROL
They’re coming in too hot!

CAPCOM
Pull back! (The X-2 Space Shuttle successfully lands on the landing pad, crashing into the wire buffers at the end of the runway. A video of the Mission Control pops up.) Down and clear! (Everyone at Mission Control applauds.) Mission accomplished. Good work, team, and welcome back to Earth, and welcome to the Astronaut Corps!

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Okay, heads back, and release the restraints. Now, push the restraints up. Before you exit your capsule, please remember to gather your personal items and remove any X-2 Boosters. Thanks, and see you next mission.

(Guests exit the X-2 Trainer.)

Orange Mission – More Intense Training

(Pre-Show Video.)

CAPCOM
Welcome to the International Space Training Center. You’re here today to train for the the greatest adventure in the history of mankind: space exploration. I know you’re probably feeling a little nervous right now, but don’t worry — every astronaut has felt that way at one time or another. Even the heroes who went to the moon. But there is one thing they had that you don’t have yet: training. You’re here today for flight training — the most thrilling experience that any astronaut candidate will ever have. Before you decide if it’s right for you, let me introduce you to your spacecraft: the X-2 Space Shuttle. It’s powered by solid hydrogen and can accelerate from zero to 6,000 in 60 seconds. So when you hear the words, “Go for launch,” you’ll definitely want to hang on. Now, you’ve already been organized into teams, and soon each of you will be assigned a position — Navigator, Pilot, Commander, or Engineer. The success of your mission will depend on all of you working together as a team. I’ll be your Capcom, and in a few minutes, I’ll give you your specific assignments. But first, our flight director has some safety instructions for you. Lieutenant?

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Remember the team number you’re standing on. When the doors in front of you open, you will be directed to a flight station with that number on it. When you get there, please stand on the circles. During your Orange Team – More Intense Training mission, you will be enclosed inside X-2 flight simulators that produce deep-space flying conditions, such as turbulence and g-forces. Those who are prone to motion sickness or made uncomfortable by enclosed dark spaces, simulators, or spinning should bypass this experience.

CAPCOM
As you can see, astronaut fight training isn’t like anything you’ve ever experienced before. It is intense, and if you would like to opt out, just ask any member of the ISTC crew for directions. As for the rest of you — report for your pre-flight briefing. It’s go time.

(Pre-flight briefing video.) 

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Attention, astronaut candidates. You have selected Orange Team – More Intense Training. If you are prone to motion sickness or made uncomfortable by enclosed dark spaces, simulators, or spinning, you may exit the flight training area now. Ask a uniformed crew member for directions to the Green Team – Less Intense Training area.

CAPCOM
Congratulations, team! You have been selected to train for a mission to Mars. Teams are awaiting your arrival at the landing site here, at Valles Marineris. Your mission is to get to that landing site. Your flight path to Mars will take you around the Moon for a lunar gravity assist. But even with that “slingshot,” your trip will take three months, so we’ll have to put you into Hypersleep.

COMPUTER
Hypersleep activated.

CAPCOM
Don’t worry, it’ll only seem like a second or two to you. I’ll give you a wake-up call when you get to Mars.

LAUNCH CONTROL
T-minus three minutes and counting.

CAPCOM
Okay, now listen up — here are your assignments. Navigator, you’ll fire the thrusters for lunar orbit insertion and for decent to the surface of Mars. Pilot, on my signal, I’ll need you to trigger the second stage rocket. You’ll also deploy the shields. Commander, you will be responsible for first stage separation and activating manual control for landing. Engineer, when it’s bedtime, you will activate Hypersleep. You will also extend the wings for landing. Don’t worry, when it’s time to push the buttons, they will light up, then I’ll give you the go. One last thing. In the event of an emergency landing, there are control sticks at every crew position. Okay, Lieutenant, any final instructions for our new kids?

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
When the flight bay doors open, follow the markings on the floor to your capsule. Then move all the way across, taking your crew position in the cockpit, and stow all personal items in the compartment in front of you. Then reach up, and pull down your restraint. Now listen carefully. Leaning forward, closing your eyes, or looking left or right during your flight could disorient you, so keep your head back against the headrest, keep your eyes open at all times, and focus straight ahead even if you start to feel disoriented. They’re all yours, Capcom.

CAPCOM
Well, I guess that’s everything. Good luck, Mars team. You are on the clock.

COMPUTER
Attention, trainees: Follow the markings on the floor to your X-2 Trainer, and begin boarding now. 

(Guests board the Mars X-2 Trainer.)

FLIGHT DIRECTOR 
Store personal items in the compartment in front of you. Then reach up and pull down on the restraints. 

COMPUTER 
Warning: Instrument panel closing. If needed, space sickness bags are located on the instrument panel. 

CAPCOM
Capcom to Mars X-2. Welcome aboard, team. After you get settled, check out your buttons. Navigator, welcome aboard. Now remember, during the mission you will be initiating lunar orbit and decent. Pilot, the X-2 is an excellent ship. All you have to do is fire the second stage and deploy the shields. Surgeon, how we doing? 

SURGEON
All good for launch!

CAPCOM 
Commander, just remember your assignments: First stage separation of and manual control. 

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Loading flight plan.

CAPCOM
Engineer, just a reminder: You will activate Hypersleep and extend the wings. Good luck, team. All of us here at Mission Control are proud to be a part of this historic liftoff.

(The X-2 Space Shuttle begins to move upright.)

MALE ANNOUNCER
Mission Control, this is the firing room. Give us the “go, go, go” for launch!

MISSION CONTROL
Network, you are go for launch.

MALE ANNOUNCER
We have main engines start. 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… Liftoff! (Thrusters start and the X-2 Space Shuttle begins moving up into the atmosphere.) Mission Control, the tower is clear! They’re all yours.

CAPCOM
Mission Control to Mars X-2: You are go and throttle up. Commander, initiate first stage separation, now!

COMPUTER
Computer override: initiated. (The X-2 Space Shuttle enters low Earth orbit.) Zero G confirmed.

CAPCOM
You’re looking good, team. Pilot, engage second stage rocket, now!

COMPUTER
Engaged. (The X-2 Space Shuttle passes by a satellite and orbits Earth.) Leaving Earth orbit. Velocity: 15,000… 16,000.

CAPCOM
You should have visual of the Space Station now, and you are on course for your slingshot around the Moon. (The X-2 Space Shuttle passes the International Space Station and heads towards the Moon for a lunar gravity assist.) Navigator, fire rockets for lunar orbit insertion, now!

COMPUTER
L.O.I. confirmed.

(The X-2 Space Shuttle orbits the Moon, exiting at a picturesque view of Earth.)

CAPCOM
Beautiful sight, isn’t it? Something to dream about on the way to Mars. Engineer, activate Hypersleep, now.

COMPUTER
Activated. (The X-2 Space Shuttle’s windows freeze over. Heartbeat becomes louder. Voices fade. Everything becomes dark.) Hypersleep duration: three months. Monitoring…

(Siren blares. Window lightens to a view of Mars with hundreds of asteroids in close proximity.)

CAPCOM
Rise and shine! Let’s go, team! We’ve got a problem.

COMPUTER
Beginning evasive maneuvers.

(The X-2 Space Shuttle begins maneuvering around all asteroids in its way.)

CAPCOM
This meteor storm is directly over your Mars landing site.

COMPUTER
Proximity alert.

CAPCOM
Pilot, deploy the shields, now!

COMPUTER
Shields deployed.

MISSION CONTROL
We’re ready for deorbit burn.

CAPCOM
Navigator, fire rockets for descent, now!

COMPUTER
Rockets fired. (The X-2 Space Shuttle approaches Mars’ surface and begins the landing sequence.) Two-hundred miles to planet surface.

CAPCOM
Engineer, extend wings for gliding, now!

COMPUTER
Wings extended.

(The X-2 Space Shuttle begins gliding through Mars’ atmosphere. Computer begins beeping.)

MISSION CONTROL
We’ve lost autopilot!

CAPCOM
Commander, activate manual control, now!

COMPUTER
Activated.

(The X-2 Space Shuttle begins veering towards canyon walls. The passengers take control and steer the X-2 Space Shuttle away.)

CAPCOM
We need all hands on the control sticks. Pull back. Pull back! Left! Pull left. Watch the canyon walls. Now, right. Ease it left.

(The X-2 Space Shuttle approaches and lands the landing runway.)

MISSION CONTROL
They’re coming in too hot!

CAPCOM
Back to center. Just hold it steady.

COMPUTER
Runway ends in one thousand feet. Two hundred feet.

CAPCOM
Watch the barriers!

COMPUTER
Fifty feet.

CAPCOM
Pull back!

(Computer beeping.)

MISSION CONTROL
Hang on!

(The X-2 Space Shuttle passes over the barriers and into the snowy ice cap of Mars.)

CAPCOM
Down and clear.

COMPUTER
(Beeping.) Alert! Location: canyon edge.

(The ice beneath the X-2 Space Shuttle crumbles and falls hundred of feet down into the canyon.)

CAPCOM
Don’t move a muscle. (The X-2 Space Shuttle rocks back and forth but stabilizes and successfully lands. A video of the Mission Control pops up.) Good work, team! (Everyone at Mission Control applauds.) You made it to the landing sight. Welcome to Mars, and welcome to the Astronaut Corps.

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Okay, heads back. Releasing restraints. Now push the restraints up, be sure to gather all your belongings, and follow the arrows out.

(Guests exit the Mars X-2 Trainer.)

(Transcription contributed by Brendan Warski.)

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Star Tours: The Adventures Continue Queue and Pre-Show (Disneyland/Disney’s Hollywood Studios)

Click here to skip the queue and pre-show and go straight to the ride.

(Guests enter queue area and pass C-3PO and R2-D2 making final adjustments to the StarSpeeder 1000. Large screen displays flight status and plays ads for various destinations.)

(Queue passes G2-9T, the luggage inspection droid.)

G2-9T LOOP

G2-9T
Do I have the best job or what? (Scans a case with WALL-E inside.) If someone had told me I would wind up standing in one place, all day, every day — oh, excuse me… (Clears the suitcase.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
…checking the contents of one bag after another on a seemingly endless conveyor belt, day in and day out, I’d have said, “How can I get that job?!” (Laughs.) And here I am! It’s a dream come true, let me tell you. Oh — (Clears next suitcase.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

SUPERVISOR
G2-9T, what exactly are you doing down there?

G2-9T
Oh, um, uh… I was just seeing if any of these passengers might want to apply for a job in the exciting world of spaceport security.

SUPERVISOR
Ah, I may have one available.

G2-9T
Really? What job is that?

SUPERVISOR
Yours, if you don’t get back to work!!

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
(Laughs.) He is such a kidder… I hope. (Scans and clears next case, which has a droid in it.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Hey, who’s going to Mustafar? Anyone? I just have one question — why?!

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
That is one hot planet — it’s something like 373 degrees Kelvin. (Scans a bag with a Stitch/Figment plush inside.) Well, well, well… (Chuckles.) Well, what have we here? Seems like someone ignored the fact that animals are not allowed in checked baggage. (Presses button for case to be removed.)

COMPUTER
Quarantine. (Beeping.) All clear.

G2-9T
(To PASSENGER.) I’m sorry — no droids are allowed in this line. What? You’re not a droid? Oh. Well, my apologies. (Clears bag.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Actually, that was a compliment. (Next bag has an Ewok inside.) What a cute toy Ewok! Some lucky youngling is getting a very nice present. (The Ewok moves, but G2-9T isn’t paying attention and clears the case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next bag contains Mickey’s sorcerer hat and a broomstick.)

G2-9T
Hey, you know how I got this job? I apprenticed! Oh yeah, you have to. (Case is cleared.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(The next case is filled with blasters.)

G2-9T
Oh boy, look at this! Someone packed a lot of hairdryers. Hm. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Huh, must belong to a Wookiee. Yeah, Wookiees have a lot of hair. (Chuckles.) Remember, at Star Tours, safety is always number one. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Or number three… Wait, wait, wait… No, I think fun should be number one. You know the best thing about working at Star Tours? Nothing ever goes wrong — wrong — (Glitches.) wr – wr— wr — wrong! (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

Anyway… Where you all off to today? Well, safe travels, my friends, and — (Boxer shorts covered in hearts appear in next case.) Whoa!! Ho, ho… Fashion alert! Look at these beauties! (To PASSENGER.) Excuse me, sir — yes, you. Are these yours? I thought so. A little honeymoon on Tatooine, have we? Hmm? Well you have a lovely trip. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

SUPERVISOR
G2-9T, stop talking to the passengers, and get back to work!

G2-9T
Yes sir! Right away sir! (Next case contains a droid.) Anyway… where were we? Oh yes. Tatooine. Mm-hm! Tatooine is lovely this time of year. You will have the time of your life. But, little tip: don’t forget the sunscreen. Twin suns. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case has another droid, this time with Mickey Mouse ears.)

G2-9T
Wow, that’s something you don’t see every day! Actually, I do… every day. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
It’s a mouse droid. (Stormtrooper helmet appears in the next case.) Hold it right there! Yep. I know what this means — someone’s going to a costume party! I see a lot of these these days. Must be a lot of parties in the galaxy. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case contains what looks like an open bear trap.)

G2-9T
Huh, I wonder what that is. (The trap snaps shut.) Oh, huh, it’s a trap. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Here comes another one! (A football helmet/tennis racquet and other gear are in the next case.) Wow, I don’t know what that is… but it looks like foul play to me. I’m not gonna play around… Computer, destroy. (Football helmet/tennis racquet is destroyed.)

COMPUTER
Destruction complete. (G2-9T clears case.) Cleared.

G2-9T
I’m getting a message from Lost and Found, excuse me. (Repeating message.) Mr. Hutt, we’ve located your gold bikinis. Mr. Jabba the Hutt. (Clears next case without looking, even though it is filled with swords, a hook, and other pirate gear.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Uh, are you Mr. Hutt? You have nothing to fear with me on the job! (Next case contains blasters.) I am ever-vigilant. I’ve been programmed to ensure that nothing escapes my notice. My sensors are on constant alert for the slightest sign of danger. You can all fly easy knowing that I am your last line of defense. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Oops! I forgot to check that last bag… (Next case is full of droid parts, which look a lot like G2-9T, including eyes that blink.) Oh well I’m sure it was fine. I wonder what happened to G2-5T — my relief droid. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Good looking! Looked just like me… Gosh, I hope he didn’t get sacked(Next case contains droid arms.) Yep, I am always on the lookout for illegal arms. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
(To PASSENGER.) Hey, you — yeah, you! You remind me of someone really famous — Jar Jar Binks. (Next case contains Wookiee crossbow.) Meesa thinks you must hear that all the time! (Laughs and clears case without looking.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case contains musical instruments.)

G2-9T
Ever get a song stuck in your circuits? (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
I’ve got one. (Hums the first two phrases of the Mos Eisley Cantina Theme. Next case has a lightsaber inside.) Oh, look — a flashlight! Hmm… yup. Always good to have one of those in case the power goes out. (Lightsaber turns on.) And you think about that next time, ’cause I bet you didn’t pack one. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next suitcase is full of mechanical gloves.)

G2-9T
Whew, sure are a lot of bags today… I could really use a hand(Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
What do you know? It’s break time! (Next case contains a PIT DROID playing on a tablet.) Good thing, though, ’cause all this working is a real drain of my batteries. I’ll just take five and be as good as new. (Powers down as alarm sounds.)

COMPUTER
Scanner alert! (PIT DROID drops the tablet and curls into a ball. G2-9T stays powered down.) Scanner alert! Alert! Alert! Alert! (G2-9T powers back up and yawns.)

G2-9T
Hey, I didn’t miss anything, did I? I hope not. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Alarm goes off again, as several bags in a row go by without being scanned.)

G2-9T
Oh no! Now they won’t stop!

SUPERVISOR
G2-9T, what’s going on down there?

(G2-9T frantically presses buttons until the conveyor belt reverses and begins scanning again.)

G2-9T
Uh… everything’s under control. Situation normal. (Awkward chuckle.)

SUPERVISOR
What happened?

(Next case contains a Jedi training ball, which shoots around the case.)

G2-9T
Uh, everything’s perfectly all right now, we’re — we’re fine. We’re all fine here now, thank you. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
(To SUPERVISOR.) Uh, how are you?

SUPERVISOR
G2-9T, I’m getting all kinds of warning signals that bags are not being checked — (Wall-E appears in the next case.)

G2-9T
(Turning off communication with SUPERVISOR.) Boring conversation anyway. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case contains Mad Hatter’s hat and a stack of teacups.)

G2-9T
Wow, whoever packed this bag is mad! (Shakes head and clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case contains a pair of R2-D2 Mickey Mouse ears.)

G2-9T
Appears we have a satellite receiver here. Mm-hm. Well, satellite receivers are not allowed in checked baggage… But I’m gonna let it slide this time because it’s so cute. Just don’t tell my supervisor okay? Our little secret! (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
(To PASSENGERS.) Uh, is anyone here traveling to Yavin 4 — home of the (Stage whisper.) secret Rebel base. Oops… home of the previously secret Rebel base. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
(Laughs uncomfortably.) Have a nice flight… (Next case contains tourist gear, including a camera.) Well, what have we here? Clearly some sort of alien weapon technology. (Camera flash goes off several times.) Ah! It’s shooting at us! We’re under attack! Everyone duck! Don’t worry. Don’t worry, everyone! I’ll save the day! Destroy!

COMPUTER
Destroy. (Targets and destroys camera.) Camera destruction complete.

G2-9T
What? A what?!

COMPUTER
A camera.

G2-9T
A camera — what’s a camera? Oh you’re kidding me… someone would actually take one of those on a vacation?! Well, that’s a first. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
(To various PASSENGERS.) You have your boarding pass? You all have your boarding pass? Please make sure you have your boarding pass handy. (Beat.) I’m kidding! You don’t need a boarding pass… (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Welcome to Star Tours… (Next case contains various PIXAR souvenirs.) So, where are you all flying to today? Don’t — don’t shout it out all at once, okay? How ’bout you. Where are you — oh, hold on a second. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
I would love to see the universe. Yeah… but, as you can see, I have this very important job… (Next case contains a magic wand, a large bumble bee, a net, a crustal ball, a set of skeleton keys, and a Boston Red Sox hat.) And this restraining bolt. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Yep, I’m not going anywhere. (Chuckles.) Anyone heading to Kashyyyk for the big holo-chess tournament? Well, a little bit of advice: let the Wookiee win. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Hey, who here is flying for the first time? Anyone? (Next case contains pieces of Rex the RX-24 pilot droid.) Is this your first flight? Don’t worry — there’s no need to be nervous wrecks. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Have a great flight. I’m sure it’ll be a smooth one. (Next case contains Goofy plush.) Is that a dog or a man?! Hm, I have no idea… It looks pretty goofy to me. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
I love this job… and I’m good at it too! (Next case contains a cowboy hat and fiddle.) I am always vigilant. That’s right — I don’t fiddle around. No sir. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Hey… here comes another bag! They never stop. Never. Isn’t that great? (Case contains R2-D2. He turns his head.) I don’t know what I’d do if the bags stopped coming. Why, I’d have no purpose in life! (R2-D2 whistles.) Oh, that’s a scary thought… Let’s clear it, shall we? (Clears case without looking at it.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Oh, I didn’t mean the bag… Oh, oh well — let it go. Clear the thought; clear the bag. Who’s gonna know? (Next bag contains a Jawa.)

SUPERVISOR
G2-9T, are you checking every bag?

G2-9T
Uh, yes sir! (Laughs uncomfortably. To PASSENGERS, sotto voce.) Wow, he is good. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Oh, just heard this: why do hands always travel in pairs? (Next case is full of droid hands and arms.) Because, you never see hands solo! (Laughs.) Get it? “Hands solo?!” (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case contains Chip n’ Dale.)

G2-9T
Oh, would you look at that — clones! Yeah, we get them from time to time, although these are not identical. I see a different in their noses, hm? (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
You know, you’ve got to have a head for this kind of job. (Next case contains Madame Leota’s head in her crystal ball.) Mm-hm. This one offers a chilling challenge… to find out what it is! Of course, there’s always my way. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case contains several bluegrass instruments, including a banjo.)

G2-9T
I have no idea what this is. Not at all. But I fear it could cause a lot of pain and suffering. Therefore… (Pushes a button.)

COMPUTER
Destroy. (Banjo is destroyed.)

G2-9T
That’s music to my ears!

COMPUTER
Destruction complete.

G2-9T
Sounds good to me! (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next bag contains roller blades, a skateboard a hat, sunglasses, and flip-flops.)

G2-9T
Now, this bag belongs to a strange alien creature — I believe you call it… a teenager! (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next suitcase has a stormtrooper helmet and gear inside.)

G2-9T
Computer, whose bag is this?

COMPUTER
TK-421.

G2-9T
TK-421? Why isn’t he at his post? Hmm… must have a good reason. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
(Singing to the tune of “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad.”) I’ve been looking at the same bag, all the live-long day! (Spoken.) Clear! (Clears case, which contains droid parts.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Catchy tune… (Next case has a Goofy ear hat inside. Laughs.) Look at this. I see a lot of these — souvenir hats in the shape of Jar Jar Binks. How goofy is that? (Laughs and clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Oh, you humans and the stuff you pack. I’ll never understand it. (Next case contains snow gear.) Who’s going to Hoth? I have one word for you: layers. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
This security job is the best! It’s so much better than — oh, I don’t know — like, like being stuck welding old droids back together. (Next case contains a microscope and floating particles, reminiscent of Adventures Thru Inner Space.) Just reprogram me before that ever happens, right? As if it ever would! (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
You know, all Star Tours flights are non-smoking… (Next case contains Aladdin’s lamp.) And, just so you know, that applies to luggage as well. (Lamp lets out a puff of smoke as he clears the case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Oh, I see it’s my break time! Excuse me for a moment, while I shut down… (G2-9T shuts down as PIT DROID appears in the next case, playing with toys. Alarm sounds.)

COMPUTER
Scanner alert! Scanner alert! Alert! Alert! (PIT DROID hides behind a tennis racquet.)

(G2-9T powers up and yawns.)

G2-9T
Where’s the snooze bar on this thing? (Turns off alarm.)

SUPERVISOR
G2-9T?!

G2-9T
Oh, I’m on the job! (Clears case without looking.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

SUPERVISOR
Listen up — we have reports of droids being smuggled in checked bags.

G2-9T
Oh… (Astromech droid appears in the next case.) I can honestly say that I have not seen a thing. Honestly. As if anything would ever get past me, ha! (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case contains Mickey Mouse ears.)

G2-9T
Oh, I know I’ve seen this bag before… Maybe it has a twin! (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
You would not believe how many people try to sneak droids through in their luggage, just so they won’t have to pay the duty fee. (Next case contains three BATTLE DROID heads.) But in the battle against smuggling nothing gets past me.

BATTLE DROID HEAD
Roger, roger.

G2-9T
What was that?! Oh, and my name isn’t Roger — it’s G2-9T.

BATTLE DROID HEAD
Roger, roger.

G2-9T
Okay, you can call me “Roger” if you want to. I’m easy! (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Just a reminder: no living creatures are allowed in luggage. (Next case contains an Ewok, drumming on a Stormtrooper helmet.) And — it goes without saying — no dead ones, either. (Clears case without looking.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Oops! (Chuckles.) I forgot to check that last bag. Oh well, I’m sure it’s fine. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
Hello, people?! Hello! We’re not here to change the world. (Next case contains Majordomo from Captain EO.) But I am here to tell you that droids are not permitted in checked baggage. Thank you. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case contains a laptop computer.)

G2-9T
Well what have we here? Computer, identify please.

COMPUTER
Computer.

G2-9T
I know you are, but what is that?

COMPUTER
Computer.

G2-9T
Ugh, I don’t have time for this. Destroy!

COMPUTER
Destroy. (Computer is destroyed.) Computer destruction complete. Cleared.

G2-9T
What? Oh… it was a computer. Well, why didn’t you say so in the first place?

COMPUTER
I did.

G2-9T
Oh. Well, I hope it wasn’t yours. My bad! (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case contains a Buzz Lightyear toy.)

G2-9T
Wait a second, what is this?! Do you know? I certainly don’t. But I can tell you one thing — (Buzz Lightyear wings extend.) That is not a toy. But I’ll clear it anyway. It’s cute. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
To Tatooine and beyond! (Next case contains boots.) Just so ya know, there are no photos allowed in this area. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
But, I’m willing to bend the rules… for you. Go ahead — take as many as you want! (Next bag contains droid parts.)

SUPERVISOR
G2-9T, are you checking every bag?!

G2-9T
Uh, yes sir! (Clears bag without looking.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case contains blasters and boots.)

G2-9T
Now what have we got here? Hm. Computer: identity scan please.

COMPUTER
Scanning. Scan complete.

G2-9T
(Reading.) Lando Calrissian… hm. Wanted in seven star systems?! Wow… (To PASSENGER.) I bet you’re wanted. I want to be wanted. I want this bag to be cleared. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case contains Incredibles suit.)

G2-9T
Wow. Now this is what I call an incredible packing job. Take note. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Next case has podracing gear.)

G2-9T
Computer: destination scan, please?

COMPUTER
Tattooine.

G2-9T
Why are so many people going to Tatooine today? Oh, I know — it’s the Boonta Eve Classic! (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
That’s the annual podrace, for those of you who’ve never been before. It’s really exciting! (Next case has various limb coverings.) And if you’re going, here’s a little tip — bet all your credits on the pilot named “Sebulba.” You can’t lose. Don’t ask me how I know. (Stage whisper.) He cheats! (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
We droids aren’t allowed to wager on such things. Oh, no. (Next case contains the head and various body parts of a PROTOCOL DROID.) And the last thing I want to do is get into trouble… ’cause I love it here. And I really want to get ahead.

PROTOCOL DROID HEAD
Shut up!

G2-9T
Oh, how rude! Who said that? Please watch your language. There are younglings here. (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

G2-9T
(Singing to the Star Wars theme, à la Bill Murray.) Star Tours, nothing but Star Tours, doo-doo-doo-doo… (Clears case.)

COMPUTER
Cleared.

(Loop begins again. Guests continue toward G2-4T, the security droid.)

G2-4T LOOP

G2-4T
(Checking screen.) Looking good here. (To PASSENGERS.) I would like to thank you all for your cooperation, but since your cooperation is mandatory, no thanks seems necessary. Keep it moving… that’s it! I see you’ve flown a million miles with us… you don’t fly very often, do you? Keep it moving, there you go. Let’s keep it moving. Keep in mind that all carry-ons must fit in the overhead compartment. (Beat.) I have just been informed that there are no overhead compartments. Well… carry on. (Checking screen.) Good. (To PASSENGERS.) Nothin’ to see here! That screen is for me to look at, not you, so keep it movin’ and stop lookin’! That’s right. To those traveling with small children… good luck with that. (Checking his monitors.) No. No. (To PASSENGERS.) In order to keep you safe, I have been programmed to recognize all forms of suspicious human behaviors, including sweating, blinking, talking, laughing, and breathing. Hm, you’re all acting very suspicious… Okay, okay, let’s keep it movin’! Keep it movin’ — unless they’ve stopped the line again. What are they doing up there? You’ll get there… I promise you. (Checking his monitors.) No.(Checking screen.) Looking good, here. (To PASSENGERS.) Thanks for stoppin’ by! Good to see ya. How are the kids? Fine game last night, huh? Nice weather we’re having. (Beat.) Just trying out my new “small talk” program — seems to be working. (Chuckles.) Honestly, I don’t know how you humans do it. How you doin’? Keep movin’. Hey, I’m afraid your flight has been canceled. I’m kidding. It’s just delayed. Indefinitely. Totally kidding. It’s on time. I guess. What flight are you? All right, keep it movin’. Excuse me! Um, uh, excuse me — did anyone drive here today in a brown landspeeder, model X-34? If you did, an angry little green guy just handed me a note for you. It says, “Parked in my space, you are. Have you towed, I will.” Okay, check. (Beat.) You would not believe what some humans try to get away with. The other day, a woman tried to waltz past me with two cinnamon buns in her hair! Everyone knows there’s no food allowed past this point. They know that. And, you’re movin’! Keepin’ it movin’! Always movin’! Sometimes stoppin’, but better when movin’. All right, keep it movin’ — one foot in front of the other… if that’s the way you’re built. That’s it. Wait! Please direct your attention to the scanner. (Indicates screen behind him.) The blue scan indicates that you’ve contracted Dagobah Smallpox. Don’t panic — droids are immune. I’ll be fine. Keep moving. Keep it movin’, humans — and try to act less suspicious. Thank you. Hm, you have that wild-eyed look of a Corellian smuggler… or even worse — a tourist. Are you sure you’re not a Rodian, because you’re coming up green on my scanner. Keep walkin’ in the same direction, that’s right. Parents, you may be asked to prove that your small children are not Jawas — thank you in advance for your cooperation. (Beat.) Hi there! How are you doing? I hope you have a nice tour! I hear the cold vacuum of space is beautiful this time of year. Enjoy it! (Beat.) Uh, ma’am, your Wookiee will have to enter in a separate line. Oh — that’s your husband. I apologize. Let’s keep it movin’, let’s keep it tight. Security is a very serious business. I do not have time to joke around. But if I did, I would tell you a very funny one about a Tusken raider, a Jawa, and an Aqualish, who was walkin’ into a cantina — but I don’t. So I won’t. So move it along. Good. As you walk through the scanner, just act natural… not like you’re acting right now. Thank you. All right, keep the line movin’. Don’t even think about trying to get away with anything. I watchin’ you — always watchin’ you. Especially you… and you. Not you, but now I am. That’s right. There you go. Switching to complimentary mode. Well don’t you look nice. That is a great outfit! Is that your original head? It’s quite becoming. Move along. Please refrain from waving — this disrupts the circuitry, as well as possibly the nose of the person standing near you. Thank you. Keep it moving. Where you headin’ — as far as you know? Well, have a nice flight… (Chuckles.) You look confused. I’ve heard you humans carry a lot of baggage… I’m not programmed to deal with your personal problems, so keep it movin’! Hey, I may look like I’m looking directly at you, but I’m actually looking at that over there. One of my many skills. Yes — I totally saw that. Keep it moving. Good. Okay. I’m sorry, but you may not bring your Jawa through here. Oh, those are your younglings… move along! Oh, wow! Wow, just when you think you’ve seen it all — one of those! (Chuckles.) Carry on. (Beat.) The ultimate job security is a job in security. Yup, that’s why I’m always here. Always. Attention, humans: there are no liquids allowed inflight. The shuttle was built by droids, who didn’t think to put in a bathroom. Keep it movin’. I know we’re all thinking about heading into space, but right now, I want you thinking about the space between you and the person in front of you — tighten it up, people! All right, keep movin’, keep movin’! When you bump in to the person in front of you, then you can stop. (Checking screen.) Good. Check. (To PASSENGERS.) According to my scanner, you have a colorful personality. Move along. Everything is moving smoothly, and that’s the way I like it. Yes, yessir. Well, look at you — you look strong enough to pull the ears off a gundark! Nah, that’s just an expression. Most creatures — including gundarks — get very mad if you pull their ears. You, uh, look confused. Keep it movin’, no funny business! If there’s one kind of business I don’t like, it’s the funny kind. (Checking his monitors.) Good. Good. (To PASSENGERS.) Wait. Put your food away! No, that’s not food — put your lightsaber away! Oh, that’s a churro… Then put your churro away! (Chuckles.) “Churro.” That’s one of those funny words that just puts a smile on my face. Hey! What are you lookin’ at? Move along! That’s it. Move along. Moving slowly… there ya go. If you are in the Coruscant system, stop at Dexter’s Diner. I get a case of oil for mentioning it. If you eat there, you might get a case of something else… Keep it movin’. (Beat.) Ladies and gentlemen… and droids… put a cap on those liquids. Last time my wires got wet, I short-circuited and wound up repeating myself every 20 minutes. It was a nightmare! Keep it movin’, keep it movin’! You don’t wanna miss the Boonta Eve podrace for this… I must really love my job… They tell me I need a vacation, but vacations are for the weak! Sorry, enjoy your vacation… You know, for a lot of security droids, it’s just a job. But for me… it’s just a job. Keep it movin’. There ya go. Humans and humanoids: I’d like to report that all flights are on time today! I’d like to report that, but I actually have no information regarding your flights. Sorry. I’m supposed to report any suspicious-looking humanoids, but you all look suspicious to me. (Checking screen.) Okay. Human. Human. Human. (To PASSENGERS.) Wait! How do I know you’re not a shapeshifting Clawdite? Seriously — how do I know?! I don’t. So move along now. That’s it. There you go. (Checking screen.) Nice. (To PASSENGERS.) Sometimes powerful brainwave activity can interfere with my scanners, so make sure to clear your mind as you are being scanned. Excellent job, sir. Your mind is a complete blank. Okay. If you are an alien species, this is not the line you are looking for. Yes, I’m talking to you. And you. All right. Hey, great robot joke: what did the droid say to the human? 1001101001! (Laughs.) Right? Right? What, you don’t speak binary? All right, let’s move it along. Keep it movin’. You remind me of someone… except he’s green, but shorter than you, and speaks backwards. Other than that, you could be his twin. Keep it movin’, that’s it. I hope you enjoy your tour. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, and I wouldn’t do anything. That’s it. Keep it movin’. You’re in the correct line… for you. Hi there! Nice to scan ya. Long time, no see. My optic circuits have been out. They’re back now, and I see everything. That’s it. Move along. (Laughs.) How are ya? How ya doin’? How ’bout you? How’s it goin’ there, pal? Keep moving. How are ya? You look familiar to me. Have I scanned you somewhere before? Let’s keep it movin’. Let’s keep it close. (Checking his monitors.) Good. Good. Check. (To PASSENGERS.) Keep it movin’, humans! Those of you traveling with domesticated creatures, this is not your line. I’m talking to you, miss. Oh, is that your boyfriend? I’m terribly sorry. Keep it moving. Hold it right there — do you know who I am? Seriously, I just accidentally wiped my memory… I could use a little help here. I’m kidding! Or am I…? Keep it moving. Are you hot… or not? Because you’re coming up red on my scanner. Okay. Let’s keep it moving, let’s keep it close. Keep it tight. Right. All passengers must have flight glasses. Pick them up around the corner. They’re complimentary… but they’re not yours. Just give them back when the flight’s over. That’s all. Keep it movin’. Keep it movin’. So, are you traveling alone? Enjoy the peace and quiet… with the other 39 passengers. Yes, sir? You wanna know what time your flight is leaving? I have no idea. Move along. Keep it moving, there ya go. Keep moving. All right, keep it moving — nothing to see here… except that large, colorful projection of yourself being scanned. (Checking his monitors.) Good. Check. (To PASSENGERS.) Go about your business. Move along. Ah, it’s you again! About that little incident you caused last time you were here… don’t worry! Just keep that our little secret. (Aside.) Security, Sector 5. (To PASSENGERS.) No boarding passes are required; my scanner tells me who you are and what you are, and if you’re not who you are… what are you? (Beat.) How you doin’? Keep movin’. My name is G2-4T. That’s short for G2-4TT45579982DWP-403ST. That’s just my first name. I’d tell you my last name, but I don’t wanna hold up the line, so move along. That’s it. Move along. I just want you to know that the wait time from this point is currently 75 minutes. I’m just kidding! You should have seen your face! Gate’s right around the corner. All right, give me five. That’s how long my relationships last… five seconds. Good to see you again. Okay… I can’t think of anything more fun than scanning you people — wait, I just thought of something. (Checking his monitors.) Yeah. Good. (To PASSENGERS.) Thank you for flying with us today. We know that you have a choice in space flights. Well, actually, you don’t. You’re at a Star Tours terminal, so that’s what you’re flying today… like it or not. Keep it movin’. I love security — especially the part where I catch humans doing things they shouldn’t. Makes my day. You wanna be next? No? All right, then keep it movin’! I got my eyes on you. Not just these two — I’ve got others… but I’m not telling you where. Oh! That’s just what you’d like me to do, isn’t it? Well, I’m not doing it, so move along. Sir, I know what you’re up to. I can see right through you, and it’s not a pretty picture. (Checking his monitors.) Where do these humans get this stuff? (To PASSENGERS.) Here at Star Tours, we have a very specific boarding process… but I’m not going to tell you what it is. I’m not programmed for that, so keep it moving. There ya go. (Checking his monitors.) Good. (To PASSENGERS.) It’s been my pleasure scanning you today. And you. Not you. Move along. (Beat.) Are you sure you’re not Togruta, ’cause you’re coming up orange on my scanner. You, uh, look confused. Let’s keep it moving, let’s keep it close. My sensors tell me that some of you have been through here before. Don’t worry, we fixed the scanner problem, and I’m happy to see it hasn’t affected you. Or you. (Beat.) Movin’. Movin’ slowly. How’s the weather out there? You don’t need to answer — I don’t really care. I don’t get out that much. Okay, now, where was I? Oh, right. This thing is extremely sensitive, so don’t do a thing. (Alarm goes off.) Nothing to see here! Just keep moving! (Alarm fades out.) How you doin’? Keep movin’. All passengers must wear trans-dimensional optic-enhancement units… or as I like to call them, “flight glasses.” You can pick them up around the corner. Remember, you must return your glasses after your flight. Don’t make me come after you, because I will. Keep it movin’. Let’s keep it tight. All right, stay together, humans! Whoa, not too close! Okay, closer than that. Closer. Aaand, not that close. (Checks monitor. To PASSENGERS.) Attention: if you’re going to Alderaan today… you’re not. All flights to Alderaan have been canceled. Please see a gate attendant for rebooking — I’m sure everything is fine. Oh, I’ve seen you before. Sure, good to see you again. (Aside.) I’m programmed to say that. (To PASSENGERS.) Keep moving. Keep your party together… unless you’re not crazy about your party, and then feel free to take separate flights. (Checking his monitors.) No. Good. (To PASSENGERS.) Keep it movin’! Keep it movin’, one step in front of the other. Nice job, ma’am. Move along. Move along. Nicely done. You’ve done this before, haven’t you? You people seem to know what you’re doing… almost like you’ve been doing it all day long. I’m impressed. Move along. Keep it tight. Keep it close together — not too close! Greetings, sir and/or madam. We know that you have a choice of space lines and — ah, who are we kidding? You really haven’t. So move along. Just keep it moving. My scanner is able to identify over 14,000 different species of lifeforms. Human. Human. Wookiee…? Oh, I’m sorry. Human? Are you sure you aren’t a smart Wookiee? Okay. (Checking his monitors.) Check. Looking good.

(Loop begins again. Guests continue toward gates and get flight glasses from a cast member.)

PRESHOW VIDEO

C-3PO
R2-D2, thank goodness I caught you! I just received word that the captain is having some sort of technical problem.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
And that’s why I’m the systems analyst and you are the astromech.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
Don’t you tell me to hurry, you overgrown glob of grease! I know exactly what time you depart. You just do your job and I’ll do mine.

(PIT DROIDS attempt to clean the viewport but get frustrated. C-3PO enters the StarSpeeder 1000. An AC-38 droid, aka ACE, sits in the cockpit.)

C-3PO
Ah, excuse me captain.

ACE
Who are you?

C-3PO
C-3PO, systems analyst.

ACE
It’s about time. The binary motivator is acting up.

C-3PO
Well, binary is like a second language to me… but I can’t fix the motivator from here.

ACE
Just make it quick. We’re scheduled to depart in a few minutes. (He gets down from the cockpit and exits the StarSpeeder 1000.)

C-3PO
There’s no time to lose! Off with you. Go on. Shoo! Shoo! Tour droids… really. (He sits in the cockpit and the viewport door closes him in. Computer beeping.) What? Now this is malfunctioning too! This could take longer than I thought…

(Back outside, PIT DROIDS continue arguing. ACE exits the StarSpeeder 1000.)

MECHANIC
Hey AC-38!

ACE
Hey, wait! We’re scheduled to depart in a few minutes.

(MECHANIC uses a remote control to open the viewport from the outside. Star Tours logo appears on screen, followed by safety droid ALY SAN SAN.)

ALY SAN SAN
Please pay attention to the following safety information. When the automatic doors have opened, please proceed directly across the ramp, into the cabin. Continue to move all the way across your aisle, filling in every available seat. Galactic Regulations require that all carry-on items be safely stowed beneath your seats. To fasten your restraint, use the yellow strap to pull the belt out from the right side of the seat, and snap the belt into the buckle on your left. For your safety, remain seated throughout your flight, with your restraint securely fastened. And please, watch your children.

(Glitch. Spanish safety spiel. Glitch.)

Do not put on your flight glasses until instructed to do so by a crew member. One final reminder: smoking and photography are never permitted on any Star Tours flight. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask a Star Tours agent. You’ll be boarding in just a few moments! Thank you!

(Star Tours chime. On the screen, the StarSpeeder 1000 raises toward the boarding area. Doors open on screen and in the boarding area. Star Tours chime.)

COMPUTER
All passengers, please prepare for immediate boarding.

(Guests board the Star Speeder 1000 and the ride begins.)

(Pre-show video transcript contributed by Brendan Warski.)

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Star Tours: The Adventures Continue (Disneyland/Disney’s Hollywood Studios)

(Guests board the StarSpeeder 1000 from the Pre-Show Area.)

(Flight begins.)

OPENING SEGMENT #1
DARTH VADER

MALE ANNOUNCER
Star Tours 1401, you are cleared for departure.

C-3PO
1401? That’s us! We can’t take off. The captain isn’t onboard.

COMPUTER
Auto takeoff sequence initiated.

C-3PO
Oh no! Um, excuse me, you don’t seem to understand. I am not the captain. I am C-3PO.

(Viewport opens.)

MALE ANNOUNCER
1401, cleared for takeoff. Contact frequency on four-two-niner.

C-3PO
Wait!

SIGNAL DROID
Follow me.

C-3PO
Wait!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(SIGNAL DROID directs StarSpeeder 1000 forward.)

C-3PO
R2-D2, I am not programmed to fly these things. Now, just turn us around this instant before we get into trouble!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(DARTH VADER flies in, flanked by four STORMTROOPERS. DARTH VADER breathing sound.)

C-3PO
I knew it!

(DARTH VADER stops the StarSpeeder 1000 with Force Hold.)

DARTH VADER
Halt!

C-3PO
Don’t shoot!

DARTH VADER
Prepare to be boarded, Captain.

C-3PO
I’m afraid there’s been a terrible mistake. I am C-3P —

DARTH VADER
We know you have this Rebel spy onboard.

(Picture of random guest is shown onscreen.)

C-3PO
I’ve never seen that man/woman/person before. Oh dear. Gotta go!

DARTH VADER
Don’t underestimate my power.

(DARTH VADER uses Force Hold to rock the StarSpeeder 1000 back and forth while two TIE fighters enter the takeoff zone.)

C-3PO
Oh no! Ah!

DARTH VADER
I want that spy!

(StarSpeeder 1000 begins shooting while moving backwards and DARTH VADER deflects the shots with his lightsaber.)

C-3PO
Goodness, R2! Someone could get hurt! (StarSpeeder 1000 clears the ship and enters open space, pursued by TIE fighters. StarSpeeder 1000 begins moving forward.) Lightspeed, R2! Now!

(StarSpeeder 1000 makes the jump to lightspeed.)

OPENING SEGMENT #2
STORMTROOPERS 

MALE ANNOUNCER
Star Tours 1401, you are cleared for departure. Initiate takeoff sequence.

C-3PO
What?

COMPUTER
Auto takeoff sequence initiated.

C-3PO
R2-D2, what’s going on here? We are not ready for take off.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
The captain isn’t on board yet.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
You know I can’t fly this thing.

(Viewport opens.)

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
No neither can you. We need a proper pilot!

FEMALE ANNOUNCER
Attention: All transports hold for security clearance.

(StarSpeeder 1000 is noticed and stopped by two STORMTROOPERS.)

C-3PO
Oh, stormtroopers. We’ll be deactivated for sure.

STORMTROOPER
Hold it right there, Captain.

(Imperial PROBE DROID attaches to the viewport and scans the passengers.)

C-3PO
Oh, um, I’m not actually the captain.

STORMTROOPER
We’re looking for this rebel spy. Have you seen him/her/them?

(Picture of random guest is shown onscreen.)

C-3PO
No one on this transport could possibly be a… spy? Oh dear.

STORMTROOPER
This is the speeder we’re looking for! Blast ’em!

(STORMTROOPERS begin shooting at the StarSpeeder 1000. PROBE DROID tries to shake free from the viewport.)

C-3PO
Bring us up, R2! (StarSpeeder 1000 escapes the ship, following closely behind the Millennium Falcon.) Where are we going?! (After dodging Imperial Destroyers, the StarSpeeder encounters several TIE fighters, firing on the transport.) This is madness! R2, don’t you dare make the jump to lightspeed.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(StarSpeeder 1000 enters lightspeed.)

C-3PO
Ah!

OPENING SEGMENT #3
KYLO REN

MALE ANNOUNCER
Star Tours 1401, you are cleared for departure.

C-3PO
1401? That’s us! We can’t take off. The captain isn’t onboard.

COMPUTER
Auto takeoff sequence initiated.

C-3PO
Oh no, uh. Excuse me, you don’t seem to understand. I am not the captain. I am C-3PO.

(Viewport opens.)

MALE ANNOUNCER
1401, cleared for takeoff. Contact departure on frequency four-two-niner.

C-3PO
Wait!

SIGNAL DROID
Follow me.

C-3PO
Wait!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(SIGNAL DROID directs StarSpeeder 1000 forward.)

C-3PO
R2-D2, I am not programmed to fly these things. Now, just turn us around this instant before we get into trouble!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(KYLO REN flies in, flanked by four STORMTROOPERS and stops the StarSpeeder 1000.)

C-3PO
I knew it!

KYLO REN
Stop right there!

C-3PO
Don’t shoot!

KYLO REN
I know you have a spy onboard.

C-3PO
I’m afraid there’s been a terrible mistake.

KYLO REN
He’s/She’s/They’re a spy, and a traitor to the First Order!

(Picture of random guest is shown onscreen.)

C-3PO
I’ve never seen that man/woman/person before. Oh dear. Gotta go!

(KYLO REN uses Force Hold to rock the StarSpeeder 1000 back and forth while two TIE fighters enter the takeoff zone.)

KYLO REN
Don’t be a fool!

C-3PO
Oh no! Ah!

KYLO REN
You are no match for the power of the Dark Side!

(Star Speeder 1000 begins shooting while moving backwards and KYLO REN deflects the shots.)

C-3PO
Goodness, R2! Someone could get hurt! (StarSpeeder 1000 clears the ship and enters open space, pursued by TIE fighters. StarSpeeder 1000 begins moving forward.) Lightspeed, R2! Now!

(Star Speeder 1000 enters lightspeed.)

PRIMARY DESTINATION SEGMENT #1
HOTH

(StarSpeeder 1000 enters the atmosphere of Hoth and descends toward the snowy mountains.)

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(StarSpeeder 1000 hits the snow and bounces.)

COMPUTER
Warning. Pull up. Pull up. Thruster malfunctioning.

C-3PO
Thrusters? Are they important?

AIR SPEEDER PILOT
Star Tours, this is a restricted area. What are you doing here?

C-3PO
I have no idea!

AIR SPEEDER PILOT
Stay clear of the combat zone.

C-3PO
Combat zone? Oh no! (StarSpeeder 1000 enters the combat zone, full of AT-ATs. AT-ATs shoot canons and hit the StarSpeeder 1000.) We’ve been hit! Brace yourselves! (StarSpeeder 1000 lands on the edge of a cliff.) Nobody move! I mean, everybody move! Lean back! (StarSpeeder 1000 falls down the cliff.) Oh dear! Please! R2, do something!

(R2-D2 initiates the thrusters and the StarSpeeder 1000 goes back to orbit.)

PRIMARY DESTINATION SEGMENT #2
TATOOINE

(StarSpeeder 1000 flies across the deserts of Tatooine and is passed by several pod racers.)

C-3PO
Now what?

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
A pod race! I’ve always wanted to do this. (StarSpeeder 1000 dodges various pieces of shrapnel, including one that explodes.) Hang on everyone! (StarSpeeder 1000 is nudged by another pod racer.) You ruffian! We’ll show him.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(After a fight with SEBULBA, another pilot loses control of his pod racer, which ends up straddling the StarSpeeder 1000.)

C-3PO
We’ve snagged a pod racer, which gives us twice the power!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(StarSpeeder 1000 passes SEBULBA to cross the finish line first.)

C-3PO
Ah! We won! Now cut the pod and let’s get out of here. (StarSpeeder 1000 hurtles toward the stands but pulls up just in time.) Watch out!

(StarSpeeder 1000 pulls up and leaves Tatooine’s atmosphere.)

PRIMARY DESTINATION SEGMENT #3
KASHYYYK

(StarSpeeder 1000 enters the atmosphere of Kashyyyk and descends into a forest.)

C-3PO
Where are we now?

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
The Wookiee planet. (The StarSpeeder 1000 follows two STORMTROOPERS on Speeder Bikes.) Imperial Troopers? What are they doing here? (CHEWBACCA falls on the viewport.) I’m afraid you’re not allowed to be there. (One STORMTROOPER runs into a branch and gets knocked off of his bike.) R2, hit the brakes! (The other STORMTROOPER passes the StarSpeeder 1000 and gets destroyed.) It worked!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
Not this way, R2!

(WOOKIEES roar.)

C-3PO
I’m sorry! Hang on!

(StarSpeeder 1000 pulls up and out of the Kashyyyk atmosphere, passing a WOOKIEE atop a guard tower, who shakes its fist at the ship.)

PRIMARY DESTINATION SEGMENT #4
JAKKU

(StarSpeeder 1000 enters the atmosphere of Jakku and flies above the desert. The Millennium Falcon appears, pursued by a First Order fighter.)

C-3PO
R2, I don’t like the look of this. It just got worse!

FINN
Star Tours! What are you doing here?!

C-3PO
I have no idea!

FINN
Well, stay low.

C-3PO
Why?

FINN
It confuses their tracking. Now, put your shields up — if they work.

C-3PO
R2, this is no time for heroics. (The StarSpeeder 1000 flies inside a crashed Star Destroyer.) Ah! (The StarSpeeder 1000 stops and scavengers begin taking parts off of the ship.) Oh, thank the maker! Shoo! And you! Put that back this instant! R2, let’s go!

(StarSpeeder 1000 exits the Star Destroyer wreckage and flies out of Jakku’s atmosphere.)

HOLOGRAM MESSAGE #1
ADMIRAL ACKBAR

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
What transmission?

(ADMIRAL ACKBAR appears via hologram.)

ADMIRAL ACKBAR
This is Admiral Ackbar. By now you know that your StarSpeeder is carrying an agent vital to our Rebel cause.

C-3PO
The spy.

ADMIRAL ACKBAR
Precisely. Deliver him/her/them safely to the rendezvous point I am transmitting to your R2 unit. Good luck, and may the Force be with you.

(Hologram disappears.)

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
What are you saying? This is madness!

(StarSpeeder 1000 jumps to lightspeed.)

HOLOGRAM MESSAGE #2
PRINCESS LEIA ORGANA

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
A transmission?

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(PRINCESS LEIA ORGANA appears via hologram.)

PRINCESS LEIA ORGANA
I am Princess Leia of Alderaan. We’ve placed a Rebel spy vital to the survival of the Rebellion into your Star Speeder. You must see him/her/them safely delivered to the coordinates in transmitting to your R2 unit. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Star Tours. You’re my only hope.

(Hologram disappears.)

C-3PO
Her only hope.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
What do you mean we’ll be making a slight detour?

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
We’ll do no such thing. Wait! Wait!

(StarSpeeder 1000 jumps to lightspeed.)

HOLOGRAM MESSAGE #3
YODA

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
A transmission?

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(YODA appears via hologram.)

YODA
Yoda, I am. On your ship, one loyal to our cause, you carry.

C-3PO
The spy.

YODA
Mmm. Deliver him/her/them, you must, or all will be lost. To your R2 unit, coordinates I will send. May the Force be with you.

(Hologram disappears.)

C-3PO
I’m afraid we’ve all just joined the Rebel Alliance.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(Star Speeder 1000 jumps to Lightspeed.)

C-3PO
Oh, oh. Where are we going?! Woah!

HOLOGRAM MESSAGE #4
BB-8

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
A transmission? (BB-8 hologram appears.) BB-8!

BB-8
(Beeps.)

C-3PO
A mission? What mission?

BB-8
(Beeps.)

C-3PO
He says he has vital information to deliver and needs our help.

BB-8
(Beeps.)

C-3PO
Well, we’re not going on any mission — it’s bound to be dangerous.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
R2, we are not going.

BB-8
(Beeps.)

C-3PO
Good luck? (Hologram disappears.) Wait! Where are we going?! (StarSpeeder 1000 jumps to lightspeed.) Woah!

HOLOGRAM MESSAGE #5
MAZ KANATA

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
A transmission?

(Hologram of MAZ KANATA appears. She is being shot at while she talks.)

MAZ KANATA
I am Maz Kanata, and I come to you with an urgent message. The shadow of the dark side is spreading across the galaxy. My friends in the Resistance need your help. Even you! Head to the coordinates I’m sending you. We must face them and fight them. Now, go!

(MAZ KANATA rockets away as the hologram disappears.)

C-3PO
R2, we are not going. (StarSpeeder 1000 jumps to lightspeed.) Yes we are!

HOLOGRAM MESSAGE #6
POE DAMERON

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
A transmission?

(Hologram of POE DAMERON appears.)

POE DAMERON
This is Poe Dameron with the Resistance.

C-3PO
Commander Dameron.

POE DAMERON
3PO? R2, what are you doing there?

C-3PO
Well, sir it all —

POE DAMERON
Rhetorical question. Listen up. There’s someone aboard your ship vital to our mission.

C-3PO
The spy. Is this mission sanctioned?

POE DAMERON
Let’s say it is. Anyway, rendezvous at the coordinates I’m transmitting to R2. Good luck and —  you know the rest.

(Hologram disappears.)

C-3PO
“The rest” sounds rather perilous to me.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
I don’t even (StarSpeeder 1000 jumps to Lightspeed.) know!

ENDING DESTINATION SEGMENT #1
CORUSCANT

(StarSpeeder 1000 comes out of lightspeed in the midst of a battle above Cosruscant. The ship dodges to avoid fire.)

C-3PO
Shields up, R2! (BUZZ DROIDS land on the viewport and begin tearing the ship apart.) Buzz droids! R2, get them off before they rip us apart! They’ve severed the controls!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(The StarSpeeder 1000 flies into a fireball from an exploding ship, which dislodges the BUZZ DROIDS, then it goes straight down towards Coruscant.)

C-3PO
Pull up, R2! Pull up!!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(StarSpeeder 1000 comes out of the dive and begins flying amidst busy metropolitan traffic.)

C-3PO
Well done, R2!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(StarSpeeder 1000 is nearly hit head-on by several ships.)

C-3PO
Are you sure this is the right way?

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
They’re not going the wrong way! We are, you nitwit! (StarSpeeder 1000 dodges oncoming traffic and veers toward a platform.) Look R2! A platform! Let’s land there.

(The StarSpeeder 1000 lands at speed and crashes into the SIGNAL DROID.)

SIGNAL DROID
(Recovering from collision.) Stop.

(StarSpeeder 1000 descends toward unload area.)

REBEL OFFICER
Welcome, Star Tours. I trust our colleague is safe?

C-3PO
Safe? Have you any idea what we’ve been through?

REBEL OFFICER
We’re in your debt, Captain.

(Dazed SIGNAL DROID bumps into the viewport and flies off in a random direction.)

C-3PO
Captain? Oh… glad to be of service. We’re all in the Rebel Alliance now, so may the Force be with us. (Viewport closes.) Oh, and uh, thank you for flying Star Tours!

ENDING DESTINATION SEGMENT #2
NABOO

(StarSpeeder 1000 comes out of Lightspeed above Naboo and encounters a swarm of VULTURE DROIDS.)

VULTURE DROID
Incoming vessel: identify yourself or be destroyed.

C-3PO
Destroyed?!

REBEL N-1 PILOT
Star Tours, follow us down to the Rebel hangar. You’ll be safe there.

C-3PO
Thank the maker! (StarSpeeder 1000 enters Naboo’s atmosphere and descends. VULTURE DROIDS destroy the three N-1 Starfighters and hit the StarSpeeder 1000.) We’re hit! R2, send out a distress signal!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
Oh! (The StarSpeeder 1000 crashes into the water. It almost hits JAR JAR BINKS) Look out, R2!

JAR JAR BINKS
Ah!

C-3PO
We nearly hit that poor Gungan.

GUNGAN PILOT
Star Tours, follow the ship! It’sa gonna lead you to the planet’s core.

(StarSpeeder 1000 follows Gungan ship into darker water.)

C-3PO
Any help would be appreciated.

GUNGAN PILOT
Weesa picking up some strange readings. Stay close. (An OPEE SEA KILLER attacks the Gungan ship.) Mayday! Weesa under attack! Ah! (SANDO AQUA MONSTER attacks the OPEE SEA KILLER.) Good luck, Star Tours. Yousa on your own, now.

C-3PO
On our own?! (COLO CLAW FISH attacks the StarSpeeder 1000.) Wait! R2, do something! (R2-D2 electrifies the COLO CLAW FISH and the StarSpeeder 1000 manages to get away.) And I thought I hated space travel! (The StarSpeeder 1000 goes above the water and crashes into the Rebel hangar.) Brakes! Brakes! Where are the brakes?!

(The pointed front of an N-1 Starfighter with a PIT DROID repairing it breaks the viewport of the Star Speeder 1000.)

PIT DROID
(Angry beeps.)

C-3PO
What do you mean we broke your ship? You broke our viewport. (PIT DROID falls inside the Star Speeder 1000.) And I did not give you permission to come aboard. So sorry for the inconvenience. (Viewport closes.) We hope you enjoyed your flight and we look forward to seeing you again soon! Goodbye!

ENDING DESTINATION SEGMENT #3
GEONOSIS

(StarSpeeder 1000 comes out of lightspeed above Geonosis and immediate finds itself amidst a asteroid field. The Death Star is half built in the distance.)

C-3PO
This can’t be right.

BOBA FETT
You can run, but you can’t hide—not from me.

(BOBA FETT’s Slave I begins shooting at the Star Speeder 1000.)

C-3PO
That dreadful bounty hunter… (StarSpeeder 1000 dodges shots from BOBA FETT as it navigates amongst the asteroids.) Woah! Ah! Oh my! Woah! Hang on! Ah!

(Sound of DARTH VADER breathing as his TIE Advanced X1 flies by, flanked by two TIE fighters.)

DARTH VADER
I have you now!

(StarSpeeder 1000 starts approaching the Death Star and enters through the trenches.)

C-3PO
I have a bad feeling about this… (StarSpeeder 1000 flies through the Death Star, avoiding obstacles.) I’m getting us out of here.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
I know exactly what I’m doing.

(StarSpeeder 1000 successfully escapes the Death Star. BOBA FETT’s Slave I appears)

BOBA FETT
Say goodbye, Rebel spy…

(BOBA FETT’s Slave I releases a Seismic Charge.)

C-3PO
A sonic bomb!

(R2-D2 shoots the charge in the right spot and sends it back to BOBA FETT, which blasts him away.)

C-3PO
Good shot, R2! Now, get us out of here!

(The StarSpeeder 1000 jumps to lightspeed and exits at a Rebel fleet.)

ADMIRAL ACKBAR
Star Tours, we were concerned about you. Is our agent safe?

C-3PO
Safe, but perhaps a little shaken.

ADMIRAL ACKBAR
We are grateful you made it. You are all heroes of the Rebellion.

(StarSpeeder lands on a Rebel ship. An applauding and waving group of Rebel fighters greets the transport.)

C-3PO
I rather like the sound of that. Be careful out there, all of you. The Empire is watching. (Viewport closes.) Pardon me, but how do we get back to a Star Tours terminal?! Hello?!

ENDING SEGMENT #4
CRAIT

(StarSpeeder 1000 comes out of lightspeed and enters Crait’s atmosphere.)

C-3PO
R2, are you sure these are the right coordinates?

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(StarSpeeder 1000 rounds a corner into the middle of a battle.)

C-3PO
Ah! Hang on everyone! (StarSpeeder 1000 dives into a salt cave.) I wasn’t programmed for this!

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

(StarSpeeder 1000 dodges stalactites and stalagmites, shooting the ones it can’t avoid.)

C-3PO
Watch out! Ah! (The StarSpeeder 1000 breaks out of the cave enters the Battle of Crait alongside Ski Speeders.) We’re done for.

POE DAMERON
Glad you made it, Star Tours.

C-3PO
Here we go again!

POE DAMERON
Ok fighters! Keep it tight!

(Red dust covers the viewport.)

C-3PO
I can’t see a thing. R2, do something!

(Three squeegees clean off the viewport. StarSpeeder 1000 dodges amidst the legs of AT-M6 walkers.)

GENERAL HUX
Star Tours, you shouldn’t have come.

C-3PO
I heartily concur.

GENERAL HUX
Execute them.

C-3PO
We’re leaving this instant! R2, where are you going?

(The StarSpeeder 1000 turns around and fires at an AT-M6, destroying it.)

POE DAMERON
Nice job, Star Tours! Alright, we’ll take it from here.

C-3PO
Well done, R2. Now, let’s go!

(The StarSpeeder 1000 enters lightspeed and exits at the planet Batuu.)

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
Oh, we’ll be safe here on Batuu. I hope.

R2-D2
(Whistles.)

C-3PO
Yes, R2. I believe this adventure is just beginning. (StarSpeeder 1000 lands. FLYING DROID looks through the viewport.) What are you looking at? (Viewport closes.) Go away! Go away!

ENDING MESSAGE

ALY SAN SAN
Please remain seated until the captain has opened the exit doors. You may then unlatch your safety restraints by pressing the release button on your left. Make sure you have all your personal belongings as you exit. Thank you for flying Star Tours! Buh-Bye!

(Transcript contributed by Brendan Warski.)

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Frozen Ever After (Epcot)

*Sung lyrics in bold.

(Loading area announcements)

OAKEN
Yoo-hoo! For your safety, keep your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the the boat there. And vatch your little vones, ja?

(Spanish safety spiel.)

(Ride begins. Boats approach OLAF and SVEN. Music transitions to “Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?”)

Version 1:

OLAF
Do you wanna build a snowman?
C’mon, I know you do!
Elsa’s made a magic winter show,
With summer snow,
For Sven and me and you!

We’re going up to Elsa’s ice palace with you and you and you — all of you! See you there!

SVEN
(Reindeer grunt.)

Version 2:

OLAF
Do you wanna build a snowman?
C’mon, let’s go and play!
Elsa wants to give us all some fun,
She’s making everyone
A snowy summer day!

Oh, you’re going to Elsa’s ice palace! Sven’s going, I’m going. It’ll be so beautiful! See ya there!

SVEN
(Reindeer grunt.)

(Boats move alongside TROLLS. Music transitions to “Vuelie.”)

YOUNG TROLL
Tell us the story again!

YOUNG TROLLS
Please!

GRAND PABBIE
On a day, very much like today, Anna saved her sister with an unselfish act of true love and thawed a frozen heart.

YOUNG TROLL
Ooh, ooh, and now they’re best friends!

GRAND PABBIE
Indeed.

BABY TROLL
Hey, you’re going up to a ice palace! Lucky…

CHORUS
Na na na heyana
Hahiyaha naha
Naheya heya na yanuwa
Anhahe yunuwana.

(Boats move uphill and level out as they pass OLAF ice skating. Music transitions to “For the First Time in Forever.”)

OLAF
La da da, for the first time in forever,
Now I’m so glad you came along!
For the first time in forever…
I don’t really know this song.
And watch this next part, yooo-oooh!
Skating!
Skating, skating, celebrating!

Welcome to Elsa’s ice palace!

(Boats move alongside ANNA and KRISTOFF singing together. SVEN’s tongue is stuck to an ice crystal.)

KRISTOFF
Are you ready to see Elsa?

ANNA
They were born ready!
For the first time in forever…

ANNA AND KRISTOFF
We get to share this frozen fun.
For the first time in forever,
Elsa’s inviting everyone.

ANNA
Would you say you’re elated or gassy?

KRISTOFF
Let’s just call it “delight.”

ANNA AND KRISTOFF
‘Cause for the first time in forever,
You’re here…

ANNA
For my sister’s magic night.

(Boats pass through doors into ELSA’s ice palace. Music shifts to “Let It Go.”)

ELSA
It’s time to see what I can do,
To test the limits and break through.
No right, no wrong, no rules for me.
I’m free!

(Boats begin moving backward away from ELSA as she shows off her powers.)

Let it go! Let it go!
I am one with the wind and sky.
Let it go! Let it go!
You’ll never see me cry.

Here I stand, in the light of day.
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway.

(Boats change direction as they pass MARSHMALLOW, who is covered in SNOWGIES.)

Version 1:

MARSHMALLOW
Let it go!

Version 2:

MARSHMALLOW
I’m free!

(Boats plunge down waterfall and sail past Arendelle, which features snow fireworks going off over the castle. As boats approach unload area, ANNA, ELSA, and OLAF stand to the side and sing “In Summer.”)

OLAF
Dah dah, dah doo,
Buh buh buh buh buh boo.

OLAF, ANNA, AND ELSA
The hot and the cold are both so intense,
Put ’em together…

OLAF
It just makes sense!
Rat dadat dadat dadat dadadadadoo

OLAF, ANNA, AND ELSA
Winter’s a good time to stay in and cuddle,

OLAF
But put me in summer, and I’ll be a…

ANNA AND ELSA
Happy snowman?

OLAF
Exactly!

OLAF, ANNA, AND ELSA
When life gets rough,
I like to hold on to my dream.
Relaxing in the summer sun,

OLAF
Just lettin’ off steam.
Oh, the sky will be blue…

OLAF, ANNA, AND ELSA
And you guys’ll be there too…

OLAF
When I finally do what frozen things do,

OLAF, ANNA, AND ELSA
In summer!

(Boats return to dock. Unload area announcements.)

OAKEN
Yoo-hoo! Welcome back! Please remain seated ’til your boat comes to a complete stop at the dock and you are asked to get out to the right, ja? Bye-bye, now! Bye-bye!

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Liberty Square Riverboat (Magic Kingdom)

(Guests board riverboat in Liberty Square.)

SAM CLEMENS
Last call! Secure all cargo! All passengers aboard!

BOWMAN
Cargo secure. All passengers boarded, sir!

SAM CLEMENS
All hands, stand by. Engine Room: reverse one quarter. Bowman: cast off bow line.

BOWMAN
Aye-aye, sir! Bow line away!

SAM CLEMENS
Engine Room: ahead one quarter. Sound last bell. Leadsman, sound off. Give me a depth reading, by the mark.

LEADSMAN
By the mark: Half twain. Mark one. Mark twain. Mark three. Mark four. Deep four. Ocean deep.

(Riverboat begins moving.)

SAM CLEMENS
Mark four. Engine Room: ahead three quarters. Stand by. Steady as she goes. Captain.

CAPTAIN HORACE BIXBY
Welcome aboard the Liberty Belle! I’m your captain, Horace Bixby, and my pilot with me here on the Texas Deck, is a young cub that goes by the name of Sam Clemens. Hey, he’s marking his 100th voyage down the river today, with nary a calamity on his watch… uh, so far. Sam knows this river like his own backyard. Sam, tell our guests everything you know about this river.

SAM CLEMENS
Well, now… I always figure it is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt. But I will tell you this: I love this river more than anything else. I’ve loved this river, even from the time I was a toddler back in Missouri.

Before we get too much further out of port, I think I should mention that you best not be sittin’ on those handrails. They’re the only thing between you and the river, and the river don’t always take kindly to uninvited guests. We’ve also had reports of river pirates operating in the vicinity — so I wouldn’t lean out beyond those rails for that reason, either.

Now, for those of you on the port side, that river town we’re passin’ is Frontierland. A few years back, it was no more than a boomtown, carved out of the wilderness by a handful of settlers lookin’ to start a new life. Today, gentility and decorum are runnin’ rampant. Oh, it still has its share of footloose trappers, keelboaters, prospectors, and an Indian or two — but mostly it’s flush times and well on its way to becomin’ a fine big city.

Frontierland reminds me some of my own hometown, Hannibal. It takes me back to when I was a barefoot boy, growin’ up alongside the riverbanks. Ya know, it seems to me that when I was younger, I could remember everything — whether it happened or not! But, as I grow older, I — I seem to remember only the things that never happened at all.

(Riverboat moves past Splash Mountain.)

See that peak just beyond the outskirts of Frontierland? That’s Chickapin Hill — or at least it used to be. Dam burst a few years back, and folks been callin’ it “Splash Mountain” ever since. Some have even taken to ridin’ hollowed-out logs over the big falls. Seems farfetched, I know, but it’s the truth!

All my life, it seems I never could tell a lie that anybody would doubt, nor a truth that anybody would believe — but believe me when I tell ya, truth is the most valuable thing we have, so I make sure I only use it with economy.

(Riverboat moves past Tom Sawyer Island rafts.)

That island over across the way, on the starboard side, was my stompin’ grounds when I was young. Exceedingly young. Marvelously young — young by hundreds of years! Younger than I will ever be again. It’s called Tom Sawyer’s Island and is named for a friend from my boyhood. Even today, the only way you can get there is by raft. Ol’ man Harper’s grain mill is there — back in the woods just off Tom’s Landing. And that’s Muff Potter’s pond and his windmill. We almost hanged Muff once… And there’s Huck’s Landing! I always did like Huck. He could swear just wonderfully! He and Tom and I spent most of our wild and reckless youth exploring that island. Lots of caves. Lots of adventure, if you know where to look. And we all knew where to look. That’s Superstition Bridge — it connects the big island to the little one. And if you follow the wilderness trail there, it’ll lead you right up to the gates of Fort Langhorn. It’s the last tradin’ outpost before we head into Indian country.

(Riverboat passes Big Thunder Mountain.)

Look off to the port side, there. Every now and then, the water under that crest of rock comes to a natural boil and spurts out all over the place like a teakettle left on the fire too long. Indians ’round here used to tell me these geysers were actually unfriendly spirits, upset by uninvited trespassers traipsin’ all over their sacred huntin’ grounds. Be that as it may, that’s Big Thunder Mountain pokin’ up in the sky over there. The Indians named it that because of the sound the falls used to make when the big rains came. Then the miners and prospectors and get-rich-quick speculators showed up — and the name stuck because of the sound of blastin’ powder goin’ off every few minutes. There’s not so much blastin’ these days — just ghost stories about a runaway mine train loaded down with simple-hearted, terror-filled folks like you.

(Riverboat passes Beacon Joe’s hut.)

Well, I’ll be! Look who’s drifted out of the bayou. Off to port, Captain — it’s Beacon Joe.

CAPTAIN HORACE BIXBY
Old Beacon’s been marking this river for longer than I can remember. Every time the river cuts a new channel, old Beacon puts out a marker to let us know whether it’s safe to travel or not. However, Sam here’s been braggin’ that if push came to shove, he could navigate the Liberty Belle on a heavy dew. (Chuckle.) Isn’t that so, Sam?

SAM CLEMENS
Well, I was born humble, Captain… but mostly, it’s worn off.

(Riverboat approaches Indian village.)

SAM CLEMENS
Captain, Indian village to port.

CAPTAIN HORACE BIXBY
Now that’s something you don’t see much out this way: that’s an Algonquin Indian village — um, looks to be from the Powhatan tribe. Usually they stay further east. I’ve seen Seminole and Miami this far west, and of course Shoshone, Blackfeet, and Crow — but I’ve never seen Algonquins out here.

SAM CLEMENS
Lots of game out this way. I’ve seen moose and deer and plenty of other critters along the shoreline.

CAPTAIN HORACE BIXBY
That could be why the Powhatans are out this far. Y’know, just following the food trail.

(Riverboat approaches second Indian village.)

CAPTAIN HORACE BIXBY
Now that other village off to port has been there a while. Most of the Indians along the river don’t quite know what to make of our steamboat. They call it “penalore,” which means “fire canoe” — uh, ’cause of the smoke and sparks pouring out of our top stack. The first time we passed this way, they thought it was the return of one of their heavenly messengers. They said our riverboat was a “comet of the sun.”

Just beyond the village, up that hill, is their sacred burial ground. Now, those who fall in battle are placed atop the traditional bed of death. After nightfall, they’ll return to mourn the great warriors who brought honor to the tribe.

SAM CLEMENS
Attention, Deck Watch: shoals to port and starboard. Engine Room: steady on.

CAPTAIN HORACE BIXBY
We’re entering shallow water, but, uh, there’s no cause for worry. Sam knows every shoal and shallow, every snag and sandbar in this part of the river — and he’ll navigate us through to safe water. You wouldn’t steer us wrong, would you Sam?

SAM CLEMENS
I believe we ought never to do wrong, Captain — especially when others are looking. Leadsman, sing out!

LEADSMAN
By the mark: mark one, quarter-less three, half twain, half twain, half mark twain, quarter-less, red flag, red flag touchin’!

CAPTAIN HORACE BIXBY
Those of you that have been this way before know that the water can get fairly shallow along this stretch of the river. The leadsmen call out the depth. Each mark is a fathom (or six feet). “Mark twain” is two fathoms. And for us, that means safe water.

(Riverboat passes Wilson’s Cave Inn. Sounds of cavorting echo from inside the cave.)

SAM CLEMENS
Captain, we’re passing Cutthroat Corner. Attention, deck crew: stay alert! If there’s river pirates out there, this is where they’ll most likely be. Yep, I can hear them from here. But from all the commotion, it sounds like their interests lie elsewhere.

(Riverboat passes Fort Langhorn. A bugle fanfare sounds from the shore.)

SAM CLEMENS
If you folks on deck look past the trees on the island, that’s Fort Langhorn. Most of these old forts started out as tradin’ posts. Then, as settlers started headin’ west, the army came in and took ’em over. My feelin’ is, these days, there’s a lot less frontier and a lot more civilization than is truly necessary.

Leadsman, give me a depth reading. Sing out!

LEADSMAN
By the mark: half twain, mark one, mark twain, no bottom, safe water. Mark twain, safe passage.

(Riverboat passes Haunted Mansion.)

SAM CLEMENS
You see that brick mansion back over yonder there in the woods? I’ve heard folks hereabouts say it was haunted. They say it was built on sacred Indian burial grounds, so now it’s filled with spirits. If you ask me, I’d say the ones tellin’ those tales are the ones filled with spirits. If you want proof, just ask ’em — they got it. About a hundred proof, I reckon. And whatever you do, don’t strike any matches if they aim to breathe in your direction — or you won’t just be seein’ ghosts; you’ll be joinin’ ’em.

(Riverboat approaches Liberty Square dock.)

We’re approaching Liberty Square, which is home port for us. We’ll be puttin’ into dock shortly, so those of you on the upper two decks might be of a mind to collect all your parcels and head to the lower deck. If you got youngins you’ll wanna take them in hand before they get out of hand. On behalf of the captain, myself, and the crew, thanks for plyin’ the waterways with us, and I hope I see you next time round the riverbend.

CAPTAIN HORACE BIXBY
Thanks, Sam, and, uh, thank you, everyone for traveling the Rivers of America with us today.

SAM CLEMENS
Engine Room: approach levy at one-quarter steam. Man the bowline. Purser: check freight and cargo. All hands, prepare to dock. All passengers, stand by to go ashore.

(Riverboat docks. Passengers disembark.)

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Dumbo the Flying Elephant (Magic Kingdom)

Entrance spiel Version 1:

TIMOTHY MOUSE
Hi there — it’s your friend, Timothy Mouse! As you know, Dumbo is a real high-flyer, so’s to make your flight a safe one, be sure to stay seated with your seatbelt fastened, keeping your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside. And for all you’s grownup types, be sure to watch your kids!

(Spanish safety spiel.)

To make your pachyderm fly higher, just raise the magic lever right in front of you. Okay, Dumbo — let’s get this show on the road!

Entrance spiel Version 2:

TIMOTHY MOUSE
This is your ringmaster, Timothy Mouse! To make sure your flight’s a safe one, be sure to stay seated with your seatbelt fastened, keeping your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside. And be sure to watch your kids!

(Spanish safety spiel.)

To make Dumbo fly higher, just raise the magic lever right in front of you. Everybody ready? Then get ready to take off with the world’s only flying elephant — Dumbo!

(Ride begins.)

Exit spiel Version 1:

TIMOTHY MOUSE
What a great flight! Okay, everybody, now just hold your horses — I mean, elephants (chuckle) — until Dumbo comes to a stop. Then you’s can walk to the nearest exit. See ya soon!

Exit spiel Version 2:

 

TIMOTHY MOUSE
What a great flight! Okay, everybody — now just say seated until Dumbo comes to a stop. Then you’s can walk to the nearest exit. See ya soon!

Exit spiel Version 3:

TIMOTHY MOUSE
Looks like we’re comin’ in for a landing, gang — so please stay seated until Dumbo comes to a stop. Then you’s can walk to the nearest exit. Thanks for flying with the eighth wonder of the world — Dumbo!

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Mad Tea Party (Magic Kingdom)

ALICE
Welcome to the Mad Tea Party, where everything is quite — uh, mad! To ensure your safety, please remain seated with your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside while your teacup is spinning. And please do watch your children. To spin your teacup, just turn the silver wheel to the right or to the left — whichever you like. The faster you turn it, the faster you’ll go! Then it’s off to the the tea party! Please say hello to the Mad Hatter!

(Spanish safety spiel.)

(Ride begins.)

ALICE
Oh, there you are! Please remain seated until your teacup comes to a stop, then walk to the nearest exit. Bye-bye!

(Guests unload. Guests load.)

ALICE
Well, hello there — welcome to our un-birthday party! For your safety, please be sure to stay seated with your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside your teacup. And do watch your children. To spin your teacup, just keep turning the silver wheel to the right or to the left. The faster you turn it, the faster it spins! Well, it seems our party is about to begin. Have a most wonderful time! Ta-ta!

(Spanish safety spiel.)

(Ride begins.)

ALICE
It looks like your tea party is coming to an end. Please remain seated until your teacup stops, and then follow signs to the nearest exit. Ta-ta — please visit us again!

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Walt Disney World Resort Monorail

(Guests exit at the Magic Kingdom. New guests board the monorail.)

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Please stand clear of the doors. Por favor manténgase alejado de las puertas.

NARRATOR
To our new passengers, we welcome you aboard our “highway in the sky” and hope you’ve enjoyed the Magic Kingdom. We are traveling to Disney’s Contemporary Resort. During our travels, please hold on to the handrails and stand clear of the doors. For the comfort of others, no smoking, please. Thank you.

We’re now passing Bay Lake Tower at Disney’s Contemporary Resort — a part of Disney Vacation Club.

(Monorail approaches Contemporary Resort station.)

Ladies and gentlemen, we are approaching the Grand Canyon Concourse Station. For those of you standing, please hold on to the handrails and stand clear of the doors until the monorail stops completely. If you’re exiting, please gather your belongings, watch your head and step, and take small children by the hand. For those of you remaining on board, our next stop is the Transportation and Ticket Center, with continuing service to Disney’s Polynesian Village and Grand Floridian Resorts. We are now entering Disney’s Contemporary Resort.

(Guests exit at the Contemporary Resort. New guests board the monorail.)

NARRATOR
This is Disney’s Contemporary Resort. If you’re exiting, please gather your belongings, watch your head and step, and take small children by the hand. If there are guests waiting to board, please move across your car to make room for everyone.

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Please stand clear of the doors. Por favor manténgase alejado de las puertas.

NARRATOR
If you’ve just joined us, welcome aboard! For those of you standing, please hold on to the handrails throughout our journey and stay clear of the doors. For the comfort of others, no smoking, please. Our next stop will be the Transportation and Ticket Center, which includes Magic Kingdom car and bus parking.

To the right is the Disney-created Seven Seas Lagoon. To the left is Bay Lake. Nestled on the shores of Bay Lake are Disney’s Wilderness Lodge and Disney’s Fort Wilderness Resort and Campground.

(Monorail approaches Transportation and Ticket Center station.)

Ladies and gentlemen, we are approaching the Transportation and Ticket Center, which includes Magic Kingdom car and bus parking. If you are traveling to Epcot, please exit here and follow the overhead directional signs. Ladies and gentlemen, if you’re standing, please hold on to the handrails and stay clear of the doors until the monorail stops and the doors open. If this concludes your visit to the Walt Disney World Resort, we hope you had a wonderful time and return home safely.

This is the Transportation and Ticket Center. Our next stop is Disney’s Polynesian Resort, with continuing service to Disney’s Grand Floridian Resort and Spa and the Magic Kingdom.

Ladies and gentlemen, please gather your belongings, watch your head and step as you exit, and take small children by the hand. Once again, if you’re traveling to Epcot, or Magic Kingdom car and bus parking, please exit here. If you need additional assistance, a host or hostess will be happy to help you. Thank you.

(Guests exit at the Transportation and Ticket Center. New guests board the monorail.)

Ladies and gentlemen, please continue moving across your car to make room for everyone, and kindly offer available seating to those needing special assistance. If you’re standing, please hold on to the handrails and stay clear of the doors. The monorail will depart momentarily. Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is our final boarding call, and the doors will be closing soon. Please board safely — our monorail will be departing momentarily. Thank you.

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Please stand clear of the doors. Por favor manténgase alejado de las puertas.

NARRATOR
To those guests who’ve joined us, welcome. For those of you standing, please hold on to the handrails throughout our journey and remain clear of the doors. For the comfort of others, no smoking please. Thank you.

We are traveling to Disney’s Polynesian Village Resort. Inside the Great Ceremonial House, you’ll find shopping and dining with a South Seas flavor. For an authentic island adventure, Disney’s Spirit of Aloha dinner show is presented Tuesday thru Saturday in Luau Cove.

(Monorail approaches Polynesian Village Resort station.)

Ladies and gentelmen, we are now stopping at Disney’s Polynesian Village Resort. For those of you standing, please hold on to the handrails and stay clear of the doors until the monorail stops completely. For those of you remaining on board, our next stop is Disney’s Grand Floridian Resort and Spa, with continuing service to the Magic Kingdom and Disney’s Contemporary Resort. Thank you.

This is Disney’s Polynesian Village Resort. Please watch your head and step as you exit, and take small children by the hand. Thank you.

(Guests exit at the Polynesian Village Resort. New guests board the monorail.)

Ladies and gentlemen, if there are guests waiting to board, please move across your car to make room for everyone, and kindly offer available seating to those needing special assistance. For those of you standing, please hold on to the handrails and stay clear of the doors; they will be closing in a moment. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, please continue moving across your car to make room for everyone. If you’re standing, please hold on to the handrails and stay clear of the doors. The monorail will depart momentarily. Thank you.

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Please stand clear of the doors. Por favor manténgase alejado de las puertas.

NARRATOR
To our new passengers, aloha, and welcome aboard! For those of you standing, please hold on to the handrails throughout our journey, and stay clear of the doors. For the comfort of others, no smoking, please. Our next stop is Disney’s Grand Floridian Resort and Spa.

To our left-hand side are Disney’s Palm and Disney’s Magnolia Golf Courses at the Shades of Green Resort. These award-winning courses are part of the annual PGA Tour each fall.

Coming up on the lagoon side is Disney’s Wedding Pavilion. Couples may exchange vows in a fairytale setting, complete with a picturesque backdrop of Cinderella Castle.

(Monorail approaches Grand Floridian Resort station.)

We are now stopping at Disney’s Grand Floridian Resort and Spa — a Victorian-style hotel offering the modern conveniences of a full-service spa and health club. Ladies and gentlemen, please hold on to the handrails and stay clear of the doors until the monorail stops completely.

This is Disney’s Grand Floridian Resort and Spa. Our next stop is the Magic Kingdom — with continuing service to Disney’s Contemporary Resort and the Transportation and Ticket Center.

(Guests exit at the Grand Floridian Resort. New guests board the monorail.)

Ladies and gentlemen, please gather your personal belongings, watch your head and step as you exit, and take small children by the hand. If there are guests waiting to board your car, please move across to make room for everyone. For those of you standing, please hold on to the handrails and stay clear of the doors — they will be closing in a moment. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, please continue to move across your car to make room for everyone, and kindly offer available seating to those needing special assistance. If you’re standing, please hold on to the handrails and stay clear of the doors. The monorail will depart momentarily. Thank you.

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Please stand clear of the doors. Por favor manténgase alejado de las puertas.

NARRATOR
To those guests who’ve just joined us, welcome! Our next stop is the Magic Kingdom. For those of you standing, please hold on to the handrails throughout our journey and stay clear of the doors. For the comfort of others, no smoking, please.

(Monorail approaches the Magic Kingdom.)

Ladies and gentlemen, we are approaching our station at the entrance to Main Street, U.S.A. — gateway to the seven themes lands of the Magic Kingdom. Smoking is not permitted at the Magic Kingdom, except in designated areas. Please consult your guide map, or ask a cast member for locations.

If you are exiting, please hold on to the handrails and stand clear of the doors until the monorail stops completely and the doors open. For those of you remaining on board, our next stop will be Disney’s Contemporary Resort, with continuing service to the Transportation and Ticket Center and Disney’s Polynesian Village Resort. If you are traveling to any other Walt Disney World resort hotel, buses and watercraft are parked at this station. If you are traveling to Epcot, please remain on board. You’ll need to change monorails just two stops away, at the Transportation and Ticket Center.

(Guests exit at the Magic Kingdom. New guests board the monorail.)

Ladies and gentlemen, please watch your head and step as you exit, and take small children by the hand. If there are guests waiting to board your car, please move across to make room for everyone. Once again, if you are traveling to Epcot, please remain on board. You’ll need to change monorails at the Transportation and Ticket Center. As you board, please continue moving across your car to make room for everyone, and kindly offer available seating to those needing special assistance. If you’re standing, please hold on to the handrails and stay clear of the doors. The monorail will depart momentarily. Thank you.

 

(Safety announcement heard when monorail stops unexpectedly.)

Ladies and gentlemen, we are currently holding for further traffic clearance. Please remember to stay clear of all automatic doors. If you’re standing, please continue to hold on to the silver handrails. Thank you.

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