Big Thunder Mountain Railroad (Magic Kingdom)

(Spanish safety spiel.)

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Howdy partners! For your safety, remain seated with your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the train—and be sure to watch your kids. If any of you folks are wearin’ hats or glasses, best remove ’em—’cause this here’s the wildest ride in the wilderness!

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Astro Orbiter (Magic Kingdom)

SAFETY ANNOUNCER

Attention All Pilots: To ensure a safe flight, remain seated with your seatbelt fastened, keeping your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside. And please, supervise younger pilots.

(Spanish safety spiel.)

To make your rocket ship fly higher, pull back on the control lever in front of you. To descend, just push the control lever forward. Thank you! Pilots, prepare for liftoff!

(Rockets take off for ride.)

The Astro Orbiter is now beginning its descent. Please remain seated until your rocket ship stops. Then follow the arrows to the flight deck. Welcome back, pilots!

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Carousel of Progress (Magic Kingdom) – Current Version (1994-Present)

*Sung lyrics in bold.

(Queue video)

(Music plays over Carousel of Progress logo)

RICHARD SHERMAN, ROBERT SHERMAN, & WALT DISNEY
There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow
Shining at the end of every day.
There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow,
And tomorrow is just a dream away.

RICHARD SHERMAN
Man has a dream, and that’s the start.
He follows his dream with mind and heart.
And when it becomes a reality,
It’s a dream come true for you and me.

RICHARD SHERMAN, ROBERT SHERMAN, & WALT DISNEY
So there’s a great big beautiful tomorrow
Shining at the end of every day
There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow,
Just a dream away.

WALT DISNEY
Well, sounds pretty good—in fact, that’s just the right spirit. Our songwriters, Dick and Bob Sherman of the Walt Disney Studio. The Sherman brothers have written many of the wonderful songs for our motion pictures and television shows, and I think this song—written especially for you—captures the spirit of the General Electric Pavilion at the New York World’s Fair. Thanks boys! Say goodbye to the folks.

RICHARD AND ROBERT SHERMAN (Exiting)
Bye-bye.

WALT DISNEY
Well, “a beautiful tomorrow, just a dream away.” That say’s we’re going places. There’s progress ahead, and that’s just the mood we want for the whole pavilion. Here, for example, is a scale model of the General Electric Carousel Theatre—a theatre in which the audience itself moves in their seats around the stages. The actors? Well, they’re not real people, but they are a talented and interesting cast. We call them audio-animatronic figures, and they talk and act like human beings. The Carousel Theatre will present a warm and entertaining portrayal of how life has changed through electrical energy. The same kind of exciting and unique entertainment is what we’re planning for every area of the General Electric Pavilion. So, see you at the fair, and remember…

RICHARD SHERMAN, ROBERT SHERMAN, & WALT DISNEY (Singing)
There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow…

REX ALLEN (Voiceover)
Hello, I’m Rex Allen. And I had the honor of performing in that original show some 30 years ago. While the show has changed, its spirt of progress is a living tribute to the man who first created it—Walt Disney.

(Music plays over Carousel of Progress logo)

REX ALLEN (Voiceover)
Welcome to Walt Disney’s Carousel of Progress. You may not know it, but this show was originally created for the 1964 New York World’s Fair. Designed as part of the Progressland Pavilion, Walt’s idea for this show revolved around the idea of creating a warm and entertaining portrayal of how progress has made our lives better—from the turn of the century to then-modern-day 1960s. Now, since visitors to the World’s Fairs always expect to see the latest innovations, Walt created a revolutionary theatre in the round, where the audience literally moved around the stages and performers. And these were no ordinary performers either. They were the latest innovation in animation from Walt Disney—which he called “audio-animatronics.” Walt and his Imagineers created a cast of 32 talented performers for the show, and what made these actors so unique is that they could perform nonstop all day long without ever taking a break. The whole cast was assembled for a dress rehearsal just two months before Opening Day at the fair. Walt and his crew had to work around the clock to get the show finished on time.

WALT DISNEY
This is the stage for Act I of the Carousel Theatre of Progress. Stages for the other acts are being assembled at other places in the studio for a complete audio-animatronic dress rehearsal. Now this contraption here might look like something from outer space, but it’s actually a control harness for programming the actions and gestures of our audio-animatronic figures. Should we show ’em how it works?

IMAGINEER
Ready, Walt.

WALT DISNEY
This is the Carousel Theatre host. Whatever the man in the harness does, this figure will respond simultaneously in the same manner. Would you care for a light? (Goes to light the FATHER’s pipe) I don’t think we better. (Blows out match) No smoking on stage. He can, oh, read the newspaper. (To FATHER) How about showin’ ’em how you read the newspaper? What’s the date of that thing? (To camera) 1890! The operator of the control harness has to be a bit of a ham actor, as you can see. Now, you know, all of the operator’s actions are recorded on tape. Now let’s hear the theme song of the Carousel Theatre.

FATHER
There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow
Shining at the end of every day.

REX ALLEN (Voiceover)
Since its debut at the 1964 New York World’s Fair, the Carousel of Progress has been seen by more people than any other show in American history. I’m Rex Allen, and I had the honor of performing in that original show over 30 years ago. And while the show has changed over the years, it continues to entertain audiences today. An ongoing tribute to one man, who never stood in the way of progress—Walt Disney.

WALT DISNEY (to ASSISTANT)
Are you tailing me or something?

ASSISTANT
Ooh, yes, you might say so. There’s two things Walt. First, Mrs. Disney called. She wants to know, since you didn’t make it home for Christmas, do you think you can by Easter?

WALT DISNEY
Tell her I doubt it. But I will see her at the fair.

(Guests move into Carousel Theatre)

NARRATOR
Welcome to Walt Disney’s Carousel of Progress. Ah, you’re in for a real treat. The Carousel of Progress was Walt’s own idea from beginning to end—he loved it. He introduced the show at the World’s Fair in New York City in 1964, and it was an immediate smash hit. Millions of people came to see it, and since then, the Carousel of Progress has had more performances than any other stage show in the history of American theatre. You know, Walt loved the idea of progress, and he loved the American family. And he himself was probably as American as anyone could possibly be. He thought it would be fun to watch the American family go through the 20th century, experiencing all new wonders as they came. And he put them together in a show called Carousel of Progress, which we are now about to see. Although our Carousel family has experienced a few changes over the years, our show still revolves around the same theme—and that’s progress. May the century begin.

(Theatre begins rotating and stops in Act I room.)

CHORUS
There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow
Shining at the end of every day.
There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow,
And tomorrow is just a dream away.

Man has a dream and that’s the start.
He follows his dream with mind and heart.

FATHER & CHORUS
And when it becomes a reality,
It’s a dream come true for you and me.

So there’s a great big beautiful tomorrow
Shining at the end of every day.
There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow,
Just a dream away. 

(Birds chirping.)

FATHER (Spoken)
Yeah, it looks like the robins are getting ready to celebrate Valentine’s Day today. What year is it? Oh, right around the turn of the century. And believe me, things couldn’t be any better than they are today. Yes sir, buildings are towering now as high as twenty stories. And moving pictures flicker up on a big screen. We have almost 8,000 automobiles in this country, and we can travel by train from New York to California in less than seven days! And I even hear tell about two brothers from North Carolina who are working on some kind of flying contraption. (Chuckles.) It’ll never work. Closer to home, we’ve now got gas lamps, a telephone, and the latest design in cast-iron stoves. And that reservoir keeps five gallons of water hot all day on just three buckets of coal. Oh boy, it sure beats chopping wood. And isn’t our new icebox a beauty? Look at that! Holds 50 pounds of ice. 
Milk doesn’t sour as quick as it used to. And our dog Rover here keeps the water in the drip pan from overflowing. It wasn’t too long ago we had to carry water from a well. And thanks to progress, we’ve got a pump right here in the kitchen. Of course, we keep a bucket of water handy to prime it with. Yes sir, we’ve got everything we need to make life easier.

(SARAH and YOUNGER DAUGHTER appear behind left scrim.)

FATHER
Say, mother?

SARAH
Mmm?

FATHER
I was reading about a fellow named Tom Edison who’s working on an idea for snap-on electric lights.

SARAH
Electric lights? No more kerosine! No more gas!

FATHER
(Chuckles.) Sarah sure gets to the core of the apple.

SARAH
But we do have this new washday marvel. Now, it takes me only five hours to do the wash. Imagine, it used to take two days.

FATHER
Oh, that’s right folks. Now Sarah has time for other things, like—

SARAH
Like canning and cleaning the oven?

FATHER
Yes dear.

SARAH
Well ovens just don’t clean themselves, you know, dear.

FATHER
I know dear. (Chuckles.) And they probably never will!

SARAH
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get the laundry off the line before it starts raining cats and dogs.

(ROVER barks. Blackout on left diorama.)

FATHER
Ah, don’t worry Rover. She didn’t mean real dogs. Besides, it’s not going to rain today. My lumbago isn’t acting up.

(Lightning and thunder outside as rain begins to fall.)

SARAH (Offstage)
I hate to say I told you so.

FATHER
Oh, look at it come down! All you have to do is put your wash on the line, right? Oh well, the cistern was low anyway.

(JIMMY appears behind right scrim, looking at stereoscope.)

JIMMY
Wowee! Look at that!

FATHER
Now James, I thought I told you to ask my permission before using my new stereoscope. That’s not a toy you know!

JIMMY
Ooh-la-la! So that’s Little Egypt doing the hoochie-koochie, eh Dad?

FATHER
Isn’t she a knockout? She’s the star of the new World’s Fair in St. Louis, and—(clears throat) now you put that away before your mother finds it.

JIMMY
Aw, Dad…

FATHER
You heard me!

(Blackout on diorama.)

FATHER
Well, we have one of those new talking machines. Now that is something. It plays music right here in our home.

(Lights up on left diorama, when GRANDMA sits listening to phonograph with her PARROT.)

RADIO (Singing)
There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow
Shining at the end of every day.

PARROT
(Squawk) She keeps that thing going all day long. (Squawk) Progress! (Squawk. Whistle).

(Lights out on left diorama as they come up on right diorama, where PATRICIA is sitting, half dressed.)

PATRICIA
Oh, papa!

FATHER
Yes Patricia?

PATRICIA
Papa! All these people! I’m… I’m indecent!

FATHER
(Chuckles.) Don’t worry, Patricia. They’re friends. (To Audience.) That’s our teenage daughter. She’s getting ready to go to a Valentine’s dance across town, on one of those new horseless trolleys.

PATRICIA
I think it’s very romantic you’re taking mother out for Valentine’s dinner this evening.

FATHER
Well, you know what kind of sport I am.

PATRICIA
I only hope I have an evening as romantic as yours and mother’s.

FATHER (Sternly)
Now you be home by nine o’clock, daughter. You hear me?

PATRICIA (Dejectedly) 
Yes papa.

(Lights out on diorama.)

FATHER
Well, with all this talking, I’ve worked up quite a thirst. I think I’ll take one of those new-fangled trolleys down to the drugstore soda fountain and meet the boys for a cold sarsaparilla. Oh, haha, I’m sorry, I forgot—we’re drinking root beer now! Same kind of thing, different name. Well, that’s progress for you. And, uh, speaking of progress…

(Theatre begins to rotate to Act II.)

FATHER & CHORUS
There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow
Shining at the end of every day.
There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow,
And tomorrow is just a dream away.

Man has a dream and that’s the start.
He follows his dream with mind and heart.

And when it becomes a reality,
It’s a dream come true for you and me.

So there’s a great big beautiful tomorrow
Shining at the end of every day.
There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow,
Just a dream away.

(Theatre finishes rotating.)

FATHER
Whew, boy, hottest Fourth of July we’ve had in years. We’ve come a long way, though, since the turn of the century over twenty-some-odd years ago. You know that pilot fella, Charles Lindberg? He’s about to fly a single-winged airplane all the way across the Atlantic. (Chuckles.) He’s never gonna make it. And sports stadiums are springing up all over. And boy, nobody hits that old horse hide like that new fella, Babe Ruth. Jazz music is the cat’s meow, and there’s been ads in the paper for months for a movie starring Al Jolson—and he’s going to talk! And sing! Boy, I’ve gotta see that. (Car horn sounds outside.) 
Hahaha. There goes Schwartz in his Hupmobile. He sure loves that horn. You know, in my new Essex, I’ve got an electric starter—now I don’t have to crank! We can travel from New York to Los Angeles by train in only three days. And we’ve got a house full of new electrical servants. Mr. Edison sure added life to our home. (All the appliances in the house come to life. To machines.) Whoa there! You’ll blow a fuse! (Lights in the house go dark.) Drat! That’s the third one this week. I buy fuses by the case. (Lights outside the windows go dark.) Uh oh. And I’ve blown the whole neighborhood again!

NEIGHBOR WOMAN
Henry! He did it again! Go over and give that neighbor of ours what for!

(ROVER growls.)

FATHER
Easy, Rover. (Calling offstage.) Jimmy! Hurry up with that fuse!

JIMMY (Offstage) 
Shucks. Every time he has company, he blows a fuse. And guess who always has to change it.

FATHER
I heard that young man! I heard that!

(Lights come back on. They also reveal SARAH behind the right scrim. She is dressed in colonial garb and is sewing a costume.)

SARAH
Oh, well that’s more like it. John, yours is the last costume I’ve got to finish before the parade starts.

FATHER
Sarah’s ladies’ club is responsible for our town’s Fourth of July celebration tonight. She’s got us all roped into performing in their program, and I—

SARAH (Interrupting)
And I’ve decided that we’re going as George and Martha Washington, dear. 

FATHER
Oh, the father of our country! (Chuckles.) That’s a role that really fits me! You know, I—

SARAH (Interrupting)
I’m so glad we installed an electric light fixture here on the porch, because it’s just too darn hot to be sewing inside.

FATHER
Yes Sarah. You know, next year I’d like to go as Benedict Arnold! (Chuckles.)  I—

SARAH (Interrupting)
Wait until you see what I’ve got planned for the fireworks show tonight.

(ROVER barks.)

FATHER
Rover! Don’t interrupt, while Sarah’s interrupting.

SARAH
And guess who volunteered to choose the music for the program?

(Lights out on right diorama and up on left diorama, where JIMMY is standing next to the radio and GRANDPA sits in the chair.)

JIMMY
I did, Pop! Listen to this!

(JIMMY turns on the radio, which plays “Stars and Stripes Forever.”)

FATHER
Oh, that’s a nice tune, Jimmy. (To Audience.) Y’know, with our new Crosley radio set, we can get news and big-time entertainment from all over the country. Even Pittsburgh!

RADIO ANNOUNCER
People are starting to arrive downtown for a spectacular Fourth of July parade and fireworks event tonight. Mayor Reed said…

(RADIO dies down and lights out on left diorama. FATHER addresses right diorama, which is still dark.)

FATHER
Oh, Patricia.

PATRICIA
Yes Father?

FATHER
Better get a move on! The radio says people are arriving downtown.

PATRICIA
Do I really have to go?

(PATRICIA is revealed behind right scrim wearing a Statue of Liberty costume.)

PATRICIA
If my new boyfriend Theodore sees me in this, it’ll scare him away! 

FATHER
(Chuckles.) Well dear, if that happens, you’ll always have that torch you can carry for him. (Laughs.)

(ROVER growls exasperatedly.)

PATRICIA
Oh, father!

(Lights out on right diorama.)

FATHER
Calm down Rover. I was only kidding! (To Audience.) By the way, we have indoor plumbing now! Oh boy, that’s really great on cold nights. Especially for our perennial houseguest, old Uncle Orville.

(Lights up on left diorama, where UNCLE ORVILLE sits in the bathtub wearing an Uncle Sam hat. He has a fan blowing on him over the top of a large block of ice.)

FATHER
Uncle Orville’s taken over the coolest spot in the house, of course, and he’s rigged up a real clever contraption. He calls it “air cooling.” Hmph. Too bad he’s not reading the help wanted ads.

(Lights out on diorama.)

UNCLE ORVILLE (Offstage)
No privacy at all around this place!

FATHER
Sorry, Orville. (To Audience.) You know, considering all the—

SARAH (Offstage)
John, costume’s ready!

FATHER
Oh, coming Martha! (To Audience.) As I was saying, considering all the conveniences we now have, I’ll say that we’re really on Easy Street these days. It just can’t get any better! Just goes to show that…

(Theatre begins to rotate to Act III.)

FATHER & CHORUS
There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow
Shining at the end of every day.
There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow,
And tomorrow is just a dream away.

Man has a dream and that’s the start.
He follows his dream with mind and heart.

And when it becomes a reality,
It’s a dream come true for you and me.

So there’s a great big beautiful tomorrow
Shining at the end of every day.
There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow,
Just a dream away.

(Theatre finishes rotating.)

FATHER
Well, it’s another Halloween here in the fabulous forties. Everything is better than ever now. And we’ve got some amazing new wonders around the house to prove it. For instance, our refrigerator holds more food than ice cubes. And thanks to our automatic dishwasher, I don’t have to dry the dishes anymore after supper. Gives Rover and I more time to enjoy our evening stroll together.

(ROVER barks.)

FATHER
(Chuckles.) Later boy. (To Audience.) Oh, and here’s something else that’s new. I just heard a new term today on the radio. Fella says we’ve go something now called the “rat race.” Did you ever hear that one? Sure describes my life. I’m involved in something now called “commuting.” I drive into the city for work all day and then turn right around and drive all the way back. And the highway is crowded with fellow rats doing the same thing!

GRANDMA (Offstage)
That’s what they call progress dear.

FATHER
(Laughs.) I guess she’s right. But we do have television—when it works. Gives you something to do after you come home. I kind of like it, y’know? Guy named John Cameron Swayze gives us all the news, and then they have all this singing and dancing. A lot of fluff, but it’s fun.

(Lights come up on right diorama, which shows GRANDMA watching the TV while GRANDPA naps.)

FATHER
You know, I predict the day when millions of people will learn Latin and Greek sitting in front of their TV sets.

GRANDMA (to GRANDPA)
Are you awake dear?

(GRANDPA snores, so GRANDMA changes the channel to a boxing match.) 

GRANDMA (to TV)
Give him a left you big lug!

(Lights out on diorama.)

FATHER
Ah yes, a new age of electronic civilization is upon us!

(Lights up on left diorama, revealing JIMMY wearing a werewolf costume and carving a pumpkin.)

JIMMY
Hey dad, what do you think of my jack-o-lantern? 

FATHER (Mock fear)
Oh! Boy is that scary!

JIMMY
That’s ’cause I used my beautiful sister Patty’s picture for a model! (Snickers.)

(ROVER barks.)

FATHER
Down Rover! (To JIMMY.) Jim, Rover appreciates your joke.

SARAH (Offstage)
Now, you’re always kidding poor Patty! She’s certainly prettier than either of you.

(JIMMY howls and ROVER joins in. Lights out on left diorama and up on right diorama to reveal PATRICIA using vibrating exercise machine and talking on the phone.)

FATHER
Ya hear that? My daughter Patty is using that old exercise machine she rescued from the attic. Was all the rage in the twenties. Grandma, of course, had to have one. Didn’t work then; doesn’t work now. (Chuckles.) Consistent at least. Makes a lot of noise and blows fuses. 

PATRICIA (Shaky voice from machine)
As I was saying, Babs, I think college is really swell! You should give it a try!

BABS (On the phone)
Oh Patty, are you going to the Halloween party tonight? 

PATRICIA
Oh, yes! And I’m hoping to lose a few more inches by then since I’m going with that dreamboat, Wilfred.

BABS
Wilfred?! What a slug!

PATRICIA
He’s coming as the headless horseman.

BABS
(Laughs.) It fits. 

PATRICIA
Come on Babs! That clodhopper Howard you’re going with is no Cracker Jack prize!

(Lights out on diorama.)

FATHER
Oh poor Howard. I wonder what they said about me when I was dating Sarah.

(Cuckoo clock chimes and ROVER barks.)

FATHER
(Chuckles.) You’re lucky, Rover—you don’t have to date. Well, we’re caught up in the do-it-yourself craze these days. We’re remodeling our basement as something called a “rumpus room.” And we’re looking forward to a few rumpuses, I tell you—as long as they don’t get out of hand.

(Lights up on SARAH behind the left scrim. She stands on a ladder putting up wallpaper while a food mixer stirs paint.)

SARAH
John, this papering is getting out of hand. I could use a little help!

FATHER
Now Sarah, didn’t I set up that clever automatic paint stirring machine for you?

SARAH
Yes John, you’re a genius… Of course this will ruin my food mixer—not that you’d care.

(Lights begin to fade on the diorama as the mixer gets louder and faster.)

FATHER
Oh, good old Sarah. Always the last laugh.

(The food mixer gets to its loudest and SARAH shrieks. ROVER barks.)

FATHER
What happened Sarah?!

SARAH
Oh, you and your progress! That paint mixer of yours just sloshed paint across my rump—er, rumpus… room.

FATHER
(Chuckles.) Now, how do you like that? I always say, if you’re going to be married, marry a girl with a sense of humor. Well, it’s time to move on. Let’s cheer up Sarah by singing our song. Come on. Everybody!

(Theatre begins to rotate to Act IV.)

FATHER & CHORUS
There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow
Shining at the end of every day.
There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow,
And tomorrow is just a dream away.

Man has a dream and that’s the start.
He follows his dream with mind and heart.

PATRICIA
And when it becomes a reality…

GRANDPA
It’s a dream come true for you and me.

FAMILY
So there’s a great big beautiful tomorrow
Shining at the end of every day.

FATHER
There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow…

FAMILY
Just a dream away.

(Theatre finishes rotating.)

FATHER (Spoken)
Isn’t it a pleasant holiday? Oh, turkey’s in the oven, it’s peaceful and quiet.

JIMMY (Playing virtual reality game)
Yes! Three hundred points, my best score yet! 

SARAH
Well, it was peaceful until Santa brought that new virtual reality space pilot game.

(JIMMY’s viewfinder lifts.)

JIMMY
Your turn Grandma. Let’s switch the image over to the TV so the resident flying ace can show you how it works.

(GRANDMA’s viewfinder goes down as the TV comes on to show the game.)

JIMMY
Now, it’s a little tricky. Just use your game glove to fly behind the other guy and blast him with your laser blaster!

GRANDMA
Laser blaster? Well, I’ll give it a try.

JIMMY
Take a look around Grandma. You’re in the ship!

GRANDMA
Feels like I’m really there!

JIMMY
Okay, get ready, you’re about to blast off!

GRANDMA
Here goes nothin’.

(The ship on the TV blasts off an passes a ship. The game continues.)

JIMMY
All right, here he comes! Ooh, you missed him!

SARAH (Looking up from laptop computer)
Hey everybody, I’m done programming our new voice activation system. 

FATHER
Now all our household items will do anything we tell ’em to do.

GRANDPA
Great, tell the refrigerator to bring me a root beer.

SARAH
(Chuckles.) Well, it can’t quite do that. But I’ll show you something it can do. (To Computer.) Tree lights, thirty percent brighter.

(The lights brighten and the family reacts.)

GRANDPA
Aw, that’s no big deal. Anybody can do that voice activatin’ stuff. Watch this. (To ROVER.) Rover, speak!

(ROVER barks.)

SARAH
John, the oven should respond to your voice commands now. Give it a try!

FATHER
Ah, okay, here goes. Temperature to 375.

OVEN
Temperature increased to 375. 

PATRICIA
Look at that! It even talks back.

FATHER
Reminds me of certain people I know.

PATRICIA
Yeah right, Dad!

JIMMY (to GRANDMA as he watches her play the game)
You’re gonna lose him, Grandma! Bank to the right!

PATRICIA
Remember Dad’s turkey last year?

GRANDPA
Yeah, that thing really smoked up the place when it burned, didn’t it? 

PATRICIA
We ended up microwaving frozen pizzas.

SARAH
Well, no need to worry about the turkey this year. Not with an oven that will do anything your father tells it to do.

JIMMY (to GRANDMA)
Ooh! Good shot! 

GRANDMA
Did you see that?!

JIMMY
Dad, Grandma’s up to 550 points!

FATHER
Did you say 550? Hey, she’s getting the hang of that thing.

OVEN (Unnoticed by FAMILY)
Temperature increased to 550.

GRANDPA
I can’t believe all the new gadgets they’ve got now. Do you know in my day—

PATRICIA
Oh no! You’re not going to tell us about the old days when you didn’t even have a car phone.

GRANDPA
(Chuckles.) Hey Trish, for a while we didn’t even have a house phone. Not to mention laser discs and hi-def TV. Everything is automated these days, including…

(Toilet flushes offstage.)

GRANDPA
Well, including that.

UNCLE ORVILLE (Offstage)
No privacy at all around this place!

GRANDPA
Sorry, Orville. Anyway, you guys don’t know how good you’ve got it nowadays.

SARAH
You know, my grandpa told me the very same thing when I was a kid.

GRANDMA (to the game)
Take that you nincompoop!

JIMMY
Hey check it out, Dad. Grandma’s up to 975 points.

FATHER
Wow—975!

OVEN
Temperature increased to 975. (Begins beeping.) Overload! Overload! Command overload!

SARAH
John, what’s wrong with the oven?

FATHER
What? Uh…

(Oven door slams open and smokes.)

OVEN
Bake Mode complete. Enjoy your meal.

PATRICIA
Anyone for pizza?

SARAH
Oh, another Christmas turkey ruined.

(ROVER whimpers. GRANDMA’s game ends and her viewfinder lifts.)

GRANDMA
Man, what a game! I really smoked those guys. Looks like I’m resident flying ace now.

JIMMY
Best two out of three Grandma?

GRANDMA
Later kid! Boy that was fun. What will they think up next?

PATRICIA
Who knows? We’ve got a whole new century waiting for us out there.

SARAH
Yeah, and maybe sometime in the new century, your father will learn how to talk to our oven.

FATHER
Well, maybe by then ovens will read our minds. But hey, as long as we’re all here and happy and together for the holidays, who cares if I burned our Christmas turkey?

GRANDMA
I do! I’m starving.

(FAMILY laughs.)

JIMMY
Don’t worry, Dad. Someday, everything’s going to be so automated, you won’t ever have to cook another Christmas turkey again.

(Theatre begins to rotate to exit.)

FAMILY
There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow
Shining at the end of every day.
There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow,
And tomorrow is just a dream away.

SARAH
Man has a dream and that’s the start.

FATHER
He follows his dream with mind and heart.

CHORUS
And when it becomes a reality,
It’s a dream come true for you and me.

So there’s a great big beautiful tomorrow
Shining at the end of every day.
There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow,
Just a dream away.

(Theatre finishes rotating.)

NARRATOR
Thank you for joining us on Walt Disney’s Carousel of Progress. We hope you’ve enjoyed this tribute to the 1964 Carousel of Progress from the New York World’s Fair. Please gather all your personal belongings and exit through the doors located at the back of the theatre. Have a great big beautiful day, and remember, tomorrow is just a dream away.

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Tomorrowland Transit Authority PeopleMover (Magic Kingdom) – 2009 Version

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Please step carefully onto the moving platform. Please step into the car. For your safety, remain seated throughout your journey, keeping your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the car—and please supervise your children. Stay clear of the doors, which will open and close automatically. Enjoy your trip!

(Spanish safety spiel.)

NARRATOR
Welcome aboard the Tomorrowland Transit Authority PeopleMover—your quiet and carefree highway in the sky. We invite you to sit back, relax, and enjoy your grand circle tour of Tomorrowland.

Along the way, you can preview many of the exciting places you’ll want to be sure to enjoy today while visiting this land of tomorrow. The PeopleMover is the perfect vehicle for people-watching. So keep your eyes peeled; you never know who you might see!

Coming up: Stitch’s Great Escape, where you can report for duty as a security agent for the Galactic Federation. Your mission is to keep Experiment 626—the biggest little mischief-maker in the galaxy—under control.

STITCH
I don’t think so! (Laughs)

NARRATOR
And now, Tomorrowland Transit Authority proudly presents Progress City—Walt Disney’s dream for the Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow. Progress City was the inspiration for EPCOT, and many of its forward-thinking ideas have been realized throughout Walt Disney World.

If your future includes shopping, then you’ll want to visit Mickey’s Star Traders, where you’ll find the greatest goods from around the galaxy.

MICKEY MOUSE
That’s right—it’s outta this world, haha!!

NARRATOR
At the Tomorrowland Speedway, put the pedal to the metal, and speed toward the checkered flag in your very own race car. Young or old, this is your chance to drive in the fast lane—without worrying about getting a speeding ticket.

We’re now entering one of the real wonders of our world: Space Mountain. Blast off on a high-speed outer space adventure, and careen through the cosmos!

FEMALE ANNOUNCER
Paging Mr. Morrow—Mr. Tom Morrow. Please contact Mr. Johnson in the control tower to confirm your flight to the moon.

NARRATOR
Welcome back to Tomorrowland! Be sure to visit Space Mountain while you’re here for an adventure that’s out of this world.

For a different high-flying adventure, hop on board the Astro Orbiter. Pilot your own spacecraft as you take a spin around the planet, and ascend to other-worldly heights.

We’re now approaching Walt Disney’s Carousel of Progress. Inside this rotating theatre, four families welcome you into their homes of yesterday and today, starting way back at the turn of the 20th century. First presented at the New York World’s Fair, this legendary circular theatre celebrates the progress that has made our lives better. It’s a perfect reminder that there’s always a great big beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day.

BUZZ LIGHTYEAR
Calling all Space Rangers: this is Buzz Lightyear. Report to your star cruiser and join me on this daring space mission—against the evil Emperor Zurg!

NARRATOR
As an honorary Space Ranger, you’ll use your own personal laser cannon to save the entire galaxy!

This time, it’s laughter they’re after at Monsters, Incorporated. So drop in and join Mike Wazowski and all his pals at Monsters, Incorporated Laugh Floor. Share the fun!

ROZ
Yeah, yeah, yeah… very good. Keep it moving! We’re on a tight schedule here.

NARRATOR
Thank you for joining us on the Tomorrowland Transit Authority PeopleMover. It’s been a pleasure to have you aboard with us. Enjoy the rest of your day, and have a great big beautiful tomorrow.

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Please keep your arms away from the doors, and remain seated until they slide open automatically. Step on to the moving platform with caution, and exit by stepping away from the car. Thank you.

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Splash Mountain (Magic Kingdom)

*Sung lyrics in bold.

(Queue Audio Loop)

CHILD #1 (Voiceover)
Grandpa. Grandpa!

BR’ER FROG (Voiceover)
Hmm?

CHILD #1
Oh, please tell us the Br’er Rabbit story.

CHILD #2 (Voiceover)
Oh yes! The Br’er Rabbit Splash Mountain story!

BR’ER FROG
Br’er Rabbit, eh? Well, now… I recollect there was this one time on Splash Mountain, where it was just one of those zip-a-dee-doo-dah days.

(Children laugh.)

CHILD #2
Grandpa, would you pretty-please tell us the story about Br’er Rabbit?

CHILD #1
Grandpa, Grandpa—please tell us the Br’er Rabbit story.

BR’ER FROG
Br’er Rabbit, eh? Hmm, well now… Br’er Rabbit’s adventures didn’t happen just yesterday, nor the day before. They happened a long, long time ago.

(Children laugh.)

CHILD #2
Grandpa, Grandpa—tell us a tale about Br’er Rabbit please.

CHILD #1
Yes, about Br’er Rabbit’s adventures in Splash Mountain! Pretty please…

BR’ER FROG
Br’er Rabbit? Hmm, well this here Br’er Rabbit tale didn’t happen yesterday, nor the day before.  It was a long time ago. In them days, everything was mighty satisfactual!

(Children laugh.)

(Guests board logs, which leave the loading area.)

ANNOUNCER
For your safety, please stay seated with your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the log. And be sure to watch your kids! Have a zip-a-dee-doo-dah ride!

(Logs start climbing first hill.)

BR’ER FROG
Folks hereabouts say Br’er Rabbit’s leavin’ home. I say he’s headin’ for trouble. Mark my words—Br’er Rabbit’s gonna put his foot in Br’er Fox’s mouth one of these days. Sooner than later, Br’er Fox and Br’er Bear gonna catch that Br’er Rabbit for sure.

(Logs go over first hill and around bend. Logs climb second hill.)

(Music changes to banjo version of “How Do You Do?” Bees buzz and then Br’er Rabbit begins singing. Logs go down another hill into The Fishing Place, where frogs and fishing birds take over singing.)

BR’ER RABBIT/FROGS/FISHING BIRDS
“How do you do?” Mighty pleasant greetin’.
“How do you do?” Say it when you’re meetin’.
“How do you do?” With every one repeatin’
“Pretty good, sure as you’re born.” (Howdy!)

What goes up is sure to come down.
A penny lost is a penny found.
“How do you do?”
And you “howdy” back.
A little bit of this and a little bit of that.

How do you do? (Pleased to meet ya!)
Fine, how are you? (Nice seein’ ya!)
How you come on? (How you come on?)
Pretty good, sure as you’re born.

Stop jumpin’ around,
You’ll run out of breath!
Why don’t you sit back
And calm yourself?

You can hurry on now if you must.
We’ll do what we like, ’cause
That suits us.
(Howdy!)

How do you do? Mighty pleasant greetin’.
Pretty good, sure as you’re born. (Howdy!)
Pretty good, sure as you’re born. (Howdy do!)

How do you do? Mighty pleasant greetin’.
How do you do? Say it when you’re meetin’.
How do you do? With every one repeatin’
Pretty good, sure as you’re born.
Pretty good, sure as you’re born.

The weather is good, the fishin’ is fine.
Oh, what do we do with all of our time?
Well, we sit and we think and we wiggle our toes.
That’s what you ask us, that’s what we know!

Pretty good, sure as you’re born.
Pretty good, sure as you’re born.

How do you do? (Hi there!)
Fine, how are you? (Howdy do?)
How you come on? (Nice seein’ ya!)
Pretty good, sure as you’re born.
Pretty good, sure as you’re born.
Pretty good, sure as you’re born.

BR’ER RABBIT
I’m lookin’ for a little more adventure.

MR. BLUEBIRD
He’s headin’ for a little bit of fun now.

BR’ER RABBIT
I’m hopin’ for a little more excitement.

BR’ER RABBIT AND MR. BLUEBIRD
Time to be movin’ along!

BR’ER RABBIT
I’ve had enough of this ol’ briar patch.

MR. BLUEBIRD
He thinks an adventure’s about to hatch.
He’s movin’ on,

BR’ER RABBIT
Say goodbye to me.
Down at the Laughin’ Place is where I’ll be!

MR. BLUEBIRD
He’s lookin’ for a little more adventure.

BR’ER RABBIT
I’m headin’ for a little bit of fun now.

MR. BLUEBIRD
I’m hopin’ for a little more excitement,

BR’ER RABBIT AND MR. BLUEBIRD
Time to be movin’ along!

MR. BLUEBIRD
Stop jumpin’, Br’er Rabbit, you’ll run out of breath!
Why don’t you sit back and calm yourself?

BR’ER RABBIT
Well, the grasshopper jump, so do the flea.
I do what I likes, and I suits me.
I’m heading for—

MR. BLUEBIRD
A little bit of fun now.

BR’ER RABBIT AND MR. BLUEBIRD
Time to be movin’ along!
It’s time to be movin’ along!

MR. BLUEBIRD
The weather is good, and the fishin’ is fine.
Now what’ll you do with all of your time?

BR’ER RABBIT
Oh I zigs and I zags, I tos and I fros.
That’s what you asked me, and that’s what you know!

BR’ER RABBIT AND MR. BLUEBIRD
Time to be movin’ along!
Time to be movin’ along!

BR’ER FOX
Now’s our chance to set a trap for Br’er Rabbit.

BR’ER BEAR
(Guffaws.)

BR’ER FOX
So Br’er Rabbit’s looking for adventure, eh?

BR’ER BEAR
(Guffaws.)

BR’ER FOX
I’m gonna catch that Br’er Rabbit this time, for sure!

BR’ER BEAR
(Guffaws.)

BR’ER PORCUPINE
He’s lookin’ for a little more adventure,
But he’s headin’ for a little bit of trouble.
He’s headin’ for a little bit of danger.
Time to be turnin’ around!

Hey, Br’er Rabbit, better mend your ways.
You’re headed for trouble one of these days!
Warnin’ this rabbit, I’m afraid, is a waste,
He’s makin’ his way to the Laughing Place.

He’s lookin’ for a little more adventure,
But he’s headin’ for a little bit of trouble.
He’s headin’ for a little bit of danger.
Time to be turnin’ around!

Careful, Br’er Rabbit, better mend your ways.
You’re headed for trouble one of these days!
Warnin’ this rabbit, I’m afraid, is a waste,
He’s makin’ his way to the Laughing Place.

He’s headin’ for a little bit of danger.
Time to be turnin’ around.
Time to be turnin’ around.

YOUNG RABBIT
There goes that Br’er Rabbit, being chased by Br’er Fox and Br’er Bear.

BR’ER BEAR
Everybody’s got a Laughing Place, a Laughing Place…

BR’ER FOX
Look here, Brother Bear—this has gone far enough. Now get down from that tree! We gotta catch that rabbit what’s makin’ a fool outta you!

BR’ER BEAR
He is?

BR’ER RABBIT
Haha, you boys can’t catch me! Why, my Laughin’ Place is where I’m bound!

BR’ER BEAR
Everybody got a Laughing Place, ho ho ho…

BR’ER FOX
You sure done made a fool of yourself, Br’er Bear. You done sprung my Br’er Rabbit trap, and now he’s laughin’ at you!

BR’ER BEAR
He is?

BR’ER RABBIT
Br’er Fox! No need to get hung up over Br’er Bear! You need a good dose of my Laughin’ Place.

BR’ER ROADRUNNER
Where is this secret Laughin’ Place Br’er Rabbit’s talkin’ about? Can I go too? Hey y’all—hold up there! I wants to see this here Laughin’ Place old Br’er Rabbit’s talkin’ about.

(Logs go into the Laughing Place.)

POSSUMS/FROGS/TURTLES
Everybody’s got a Laughing Place,
A Laughing Place to go-ho-ho.
Take your frown, turn it upside-down,
And you’ll find yours we know-ho-ho!

Honey and rainbows on our way.
We laugh because our work is play.
Boy are we in luck!
We’re visiting our Laughing Place,
Yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk!
Yuk yuk yuk!

Everybody’s got a Laughing Place,
A Laughing Place to go-ho-ho.
Take a smile there, for a while,
And you’ll find yours, we know-ho-ho!

Honey and rainbows on your way.
Take that frown, turn it upside-dow,n
And soon you’ll find you’re here to stay.

Everybody’s got a Laughing Place,
A Laughing Place to go-ho-ho.
Come on in, give us all a grin,
And you’ll find yours, I know-ho-ho!

Laughing is how we spend our day.
Plenty o’ fun is what we make.
Boy are we in luck!
We’re visiting our Laughing Place.
Yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk!

Everybody’s got a Laughing Place,
A Laughing Place to go-ho-ho.
We’ve found one that’s filled with fun,
And you’ll find yours we know-ho-ho.

Everybody’s got a Laughing Place,
A Laughing Place to go-ho-ho!
Take that frown, turn it upside down,
And you’ll find yours we say-hey-hey.
And soon you’ll find you’re here to stay!

BR’ER BEAR
What Laughin’ Place? There’s just bees in here.

BR’ER FOX
Ow! Ow!

BR’ER RABBIT
(Squeals and laughs.)

BR’ER FOX
Ow! Ooh! Oh, oh, oh, etc.

BR’ER BEAR
I don’t see no Laughin’ Place. Just bees!

BR’ER RABBIT
Hee, hahahaha!

(Logs go down big hill with sign pointing “To the Laughin’ Place”)

(Bees buzz Everybody’s Got a Laughing Place.)

BR’ER BEAR AND BR’ER FOX
Ow, ooh, ooh, oh, etc.

BR’ER RABBIT
(Laughing)
I do declare, Br’er Bear, my Laughin’ Place sure gonna give you hives! Ha! I didn’t say this was your Laughin’ Place, Br’er Bear—I said it was mine! And I’m laughin’!

GOPHERS
Wee! Wow! Woo, etc.

(Music turns ominous as BR’ER FOX has caught BR’ER RABBIT)

BR’ER FOX
I bet you wish you’d never been born, huh, Br’er Rabbit? Well, you mine! You mine (Laughs)! And you’ll not be gettin’ away this time!

BR’ER RABBIT
Ohhh, what are you doin’, Br’er Fox? Let me go!!

BR’ER FOX
Say, Br’er Rabbit, how ’bout I take you to my Laughin’ Place (Laugh)? ‘Cept I don’t expect you’ll be doin’ much laughin’ (Laughs)!

BR’ER RABBIT
Ohh, where you takin’ me, Br’er Fox? Let me go!

VULTURE #1
Everybody’s got a Laughing Place.

VULTURE #2
Maybe this one is yours…

VULTURE #1
And wait till you see that old Br’er Rabbit!

VULTURE #2
He sure ain’t laughin’ no more!

VULTURE #1
If you finally found your Laughing Place…

VULTURE #2
How come you aren’t laughing?

VULTURE #1
That Br’er Rabbit, he learned his lesson all right.

VULTURE #2
But I’m afraid he learned it too late!

VULTURE #1
Laughing Place?

VULTURE #2
We’ve got your Laughing Place. Right up here.

VULTURE #1
So, you’re looking for a Laughing Place, eh?

VULTURE #2
We’ll show you a Laughing Place!

VULTURE #1
Time to be turnin’ around.

VULTURE #2
If only you could!

BR’ER FOX
Well, Br’er Rabbit, I expect I’ll just have to skin ya!

BR’ER RABBIT
Go ahead, Br’er Fox, skin me if you like. Please don’t fling me in that briar patch!

BR’ER FOX
Well, now, Br’er Rabbit, maybe I’ll just have to roast ya!

BR’ER RABBIT
Yessir, Br’er Fox. But whatever you do, please don’t fling me in that briar patch!

BR’ER FOX
You know, Br’er Rabbit, I think I’ll have to hang ya!

BR’ER RABBIT
That’s all right, Br’er Fox—hang me if you gotta! But please, please don’t fling me in that briar patch!

BR’ER BEAR
Briar patch? Briar patch!

(Logs go down the big drop.)

(Music changes to “Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah.”)

CHORUS
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!
My oh my, what a wonderful day!
Welcoming back Br’er Rabbit today.
We always knew that he’d get away!

He’s had enough of movin’ on now.
It’s where he’s born and bred in.
The briar patch is where he’s headin’!
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!
Wonderful feeling, wonderful day!

Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!
My oh my, what a wonderful day!
Plenty of sunshine heading our way.
We never doubted he’d get away!

Moving on taught him a lesson.
You’ve learned it well, Br’er Rabbit.
Gettin’ caught’s a nasty habit.
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!
Wonderful feeling, feeling this way!

Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!
Br’er Fox and Br’er Bear are gonna get it today.
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!
That hungry gator’s gettin’ his way!

Mr. Bluebird on my shoulder.
It’s the truth, it’s actual.
Everything is satisfactual.

Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!
Wonderful feelling, wonderful day!

BR’ER FOX
This is all your fault, Br’er Bear. So stop that singing! Ow! Ow!

BR’ER BEAR
My oh my, what a wonderful… Zip-a-dee-doo-dah…

BR’ER FOX
Br’er Bear, this is your fault! You flung us into this here predicament. Now stop that singing! Ow! Ow!

BR’ER RABBIT
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!
Home sweet home is the lesson today.
My, oh my! Born and bred in the briar patch, and I’m here to stay!

Oh, I’m thru with moving on now.
It’s where I’m born and bred in.
Briar patch is where I’m headin’!

BR’ER RABBIT AND MR. BLUEBIRD
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!

BR’ER RABBIT
I’m back in my home now, and I’m sure gonna stay!

MR. BLUEBIRD
I told you, Br’er Rabbit! There ain’t no place further from trouble.

BR’ER RABBIT AND MR. BLUEBIRD
Home sweet home is the lesson today.

BR’ER RABBIT
Don’t you worry, Mr. Bluebird! I learned my lesson.

MR. BLUEBIRD
The briar patch is where you were born, and the briar patch is where you’re gonna stay.

BR’ER RABBIT
One of these days, I gotta thank Br’er Fox and Br’er Bear for flingin’ me back home to my briar patch.

BR’ER RABBIT AND MR. BLUEBIRD
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!

BR’ER RABBIT
I’m back in my home now, and I’m gonna stay.
My, oh my! Born and bred in the briar patch, and I’m here to stay!

MR. BLUEBIRD
I’m glad you made it home safe and sound this time, Br’er Rabbit!

BR’ER RABBIT AND MR. BLUEBIRD
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!

BR’ER RABBIT
I’m sure glad to be here…

MR. BLUEBIRD
And he’s here to stay!

BR’ER RABBIT AND MR. BLUEBIRD
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!

BR’ER RABBIT
Home sweet home—

MR. BLUEBIRD
Is the lesson today.

BR’ER RABBIT
Don’t you worry, Mr. Bluebird! I learned my lesson.

MR. BLUEBIRD
I’m glad you made it home safe and sound this time, Br’er Rabbit.

BR’ER RABBIT
Mr. Bluebird on my shoulder,
It’s the truth!

MR. BLUEBIRD
It’s the truth!

BR’ER RABBIT
It’s actual!

MR. BLUEBIRD
It’s actual!

BR’ER RABBIT AND MR. BLUEBIRD
Everything is satisfactual!
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!
Wonderful feelin’, wonderful day.

(Logs return to unload area.)

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Haunted Mansion (Magic Kingdom)

(Narration begins when guests enter the Mansion foyer.)

GHOST HOST
When hinges creak in doorless chambers, and strange and frightening sounds echo through the halls. Whenever candlelights flicker where the air is deathly still — that is the time when ghosts are present, practicing their terror with ghoulish delight!

(Guests move into Stretching Room.)

Welcome, foolish mortals, to the Haunted Mansion. I am your host, your ghost host. Our tour begins here in this gallery. Here, where you see paintings of some of our guests as they appeared in their corruptible, mortal state. Kindly step all the way in please, and make room for everyone. There’s no turning back now.

CAST MEMBER (Exact wording varies)
Please drag your bodies away from the walls and into the dead center of the room.

GHOST HOST
Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding, almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis. Is this haunted room actually stretching? Or is it your imagination — hmm? And consider this dismaying observation: this chamber has no windows and no doors… which offers you this chilling challenge: to find a way out! Of course, there’s always my way.

(Thunder claps, lights go out, someone screams. Doors begin to open and lights come back on.)

Oh, I didn’t mean to frighten you prematurely. The real chills come later. Now, as they say, “look alive,” and we’ll continue our little tour. And let’s all stay together, please.

(Guests move into hallway.)

And now, a carriage approaches to carry you into the boundless realm of the supernatural. Once on board, remain safely seated with your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside. And watch your children, please.

(Guests board Doom Buggies.)

Do not pull down on the safety bar, please. I will lower it for you. And heed this warning: the spirits will materialize only if you remain quietly seated at all times. Oh yes, and no flash pictures, please. We spirits are frightfully sensitive to bright lights.

(Spanish safety spiel)

(Doom Buggies pass into Library.)

Our library is well-stocked with priceless first editions — only ghost stories, of course — and marble busts of the greatest ghost writers the literary world has ever known. They have all retired here, to the Haunted Mansion.

Actually, we have 999 happy haunts here. But there’s room for 1,000. Any volunteers?

(Doom Buggies move into Esher Staircase Room.)

If you should decide to join us, final arrangements may be made at the end of the tour.

(Doom Buggies move into Corridor of Doors.)

We find it delightfully unlivable here in this ghostly retreat. Every room has wall-to-wall creeps, and hot and cold running chills. Shhh, listen!

MAN IN COFFIN
Let me out, let me out of here!

(Door knockers clang, clock ticks. Doom Buggies move into Madame Leota’s Room.)

MADAME LEOTA
Serpents and spiders, tail of a rat, call in the spirits, wherever they’re at!

(Sounds of ghosts.)

Rap on a table — it’s time to respond. Send us a message from somewhere beyond…

(Knock on table.)

Goblins and ghoulies from last Halloween, awaken the spirits with your tambourine!

(Sound of a tambourine.)

Creepies and crawlies, toads in a pond, let there be music from regions beyond!

(A brass instrument plays part of “Grim Grinning Ghosts.”)

Wizards and witches, wherever you dwell, give us a hint, by ringing a bell!

(A bell rings.)

(Doom Buggies pass into Ballroom.)

The happy haunts have received your sympathetic vibrations and are beginning to materialize. They’re assembling for a swinging wake, and they’ll be expecting me… I’ll see you all a little later.

(Organ plays theme music. Two portraits shoot at each other.)

(Doom Buggies move into Attic.)

BRIDE
In sickness and in… wealth. You may now kiss the bride. We’ll live happily ever after. Till death do us part. Here comes the bride. As long as we both shall live. For better or for… worse. I do. I did.

(Doom Buggies move out of Attic window and into Graveyard.)

VARIOUS GHOSTS (Sung)
When the crypt doors creak and the tombstones quake,
Spooks come out for a swinging wake.
Happy haunts materialize and begin to vocalize.
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize!

Now, don’t close your eyes and don’t try to hide,
For a silly spook may sit by your side.
Shrouded in a daft disguise, they pretend to terrorize.
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize!

As the moon climbs high o’er the dead oak tree,
Spooks arrive for the midnight spree.
Creepy creeps with eerie eyes start to shriek and harmonize.
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize!

When you hear the knell of a requiem bell,
Weird glows gleam where spirits dwell.
Restless bones etherealize, rise as spooks of every size!

(Doom Buggies pass into Hitchhiking Ghosts Corridor.)

GHOST HOST
Ah, there you are! And just in time… there’s a little matter I forgot to mention — beware of hitchhiking ghosts! They have selected you to fill our quota, and they’ll haunt you until you return!

LITTLE LEOTA
Hurry back! Hurry back! Be sure to bring your death certificate… if you decide to join us. Make final arrangements now! We’ve been dying to have you…

GHOST HOST
Now I will raise the safety bar, and a ghost will follow you home!

GHOSTS VOICEOVER (Sung)
If would like to join our jamboree,
There’s a simple rule that’s compulsory.
Mortals pay a token fee;
Rest in peace, the haunting’s free.
So hurry back, we would like your company.

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