Mission: SPACE (Epcot)

Green Mission – Less Intense Training

(Pre-Show Video.)

CAPCOM
Welcome to the International Space Training Center. You’re here today to train for the the greatest adventure in the history of mankind: space travel. I know you’re probably feeling a little nervous right now, but don’t worry — every astronaut has felt that way at one time or another. Even the heroes who went to the moon. But there is one thing they had that you don’t have yet: training. You’re here today for flight training — the most thrilling experience that any astronaut candidate will ever have. Before you decide if it’s right for you, let me introduce you to your spacecraft: the X-2 Space Shuttle. It’s powered by solid hydrogen and can accelerate from zero to 6,000 in 60 seconds. So when you hear the words, “Go for launch,” you’ll definitely want to hang on. Now, you’ve already been organized into teams, and soon each of you will be assigned a position — Navigator, Pilot, Commander, or Engineer. The success of your mission will depend on all of you working together as a team. I’ll be your Capcom, and in a few minutes, I’ll give you your specific assignments. But first, our flight director has some safety instructions for you. Lieutenant?

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Remember the team number you’re standing on. When the doors in front of you open, you will be directed to a flight station with that number on it. When you get there, please stand on the circles. During your Green Team – Less Intense Training mission, you will be enclosed inside X-2 flight simulators that produce sensations of acceleration. Those who are made uncomfortable by enclosed dark spaces or simulators should bypass this experience.

CAPCOM
As you can see, astronaut fight training isn’t like anything you’ve ever experienced before. If you would like to opt out, just ask any member of the ISTC crew for directions. As for the rest of you, report for your pre-flight briefing. It’s go time.

(Pre-flight briefing video.)

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Attention, astronaut candidates: you have selected Green Team – Less Intense Training. However, if you are made uncomfortable by enclosed dark spaces or simulators, you may exit the flight training area now. Ask a uniformed crew member for directions.

CAPCOM
Congratulations, team! You have been selected to train for a spectacular mission around the Earth. Your flight path will take you west across North America, Asia, Europe, and back home to Florida. You’re gonna love it!

LAUNCH CONTROL
T-minus three minutes and counting.

CAPCOM
Okay, listen up, here are your assignments. Navigator, you’ll be adjusting the pitch of the X-2 if necessary and firing thrusters for your decent. Pilot, on my signal, I’ll need you to trigger first stage separation. You’ll also be triggering the landing sequence. Commander, you will be responsible for activating the flight sequence and for activating manual control if needed. Engineer, you will activate the flight cameras when we reach altitude. You will also extend the wings for landing. Don’t worry, when it’s time to push the buttons, they will light up — then I’ll give you the go. One last thing. In the event of an emergency landing, there are control sticks at every crew position. Okay, Lieutenant, any final instructions for our new kids?

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
When the flight bay doors open, follow the markings on the floor to your capsule. Then move all the way across, taking your crew position in the cockpit, and stow all personal items in the compartment in front of you. Young cadets wearing a lanyard will need a special X-2 Booster to train for this mission. When you enter the capsule, insert the Booster as shown. Once you have secured all cargo, help your young cadets lower their restraints. Then take your seat, reach up, and pull down your restraint. After you have completed your mission, remove your X-2 Booster and place it in the recovery bin on your way out. They’re all yours, Capcom.

CAPCOM
Well, I guess that’s everything. Good luck, Earth team. You are on the clock.

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Follow the markings on the floor to your X-2 Trainer and begin boarding now.

(Guests board the X-2 Trainer.)

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Store personal items in the compartment in front of you. Then reach up and pull down on the restraints.

COMPUTER
Warning: Instrument panel closing. If needed, space sickness bags are located on the instrument panel.

CAPCOM
Capcom to X-2: Welcome aboard, team. After you get settled, check out your buttons. Navigator, welcome aboard. During the mission, you will be adjusting the pitch of the X-2 if necessary, and firing thrusters for your descent. Pilot, the X-2 is an excellent ship. Your job will be to trigger first stage separation and trigger the landing sequence. Surgeon, how we doing?

SURGEON
All good for launch!

CAPCOM
Commander, your assignments are to activate flight sequence, and for landing, activate manual control.

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Loading flight plan.

CAPCOM
Engineer, just a reminder: You will activate the flight cameras when we reach altitude. You will also extend the wings for landing. (Radio chatter from Mission Control to other crew members on the ground.) Good luck, team. All of us here at Mission Control wish you a safe journey around the planet!

(The X-2 Space Shuttle begins to move upright.)

MALE ANNOUNCER
Mission Control, this is the firing room. Give us the “go, go, go” for launch!

MISSION CONTROL
Network, you are go for launch.

MALE ANNOUNCER
We have main engines start. 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… Liftoff! (Thrusters start and the X-2 Space Shuttle begins moving up into the atmosphere.) Mission Control, the tower is clear! They’re all yours.

CAPCOM
Mission Control to X-2: You are go and throttle up. Pilot, initiate first stage separation, now!

COMPUTER
Initiated.

(The X-2 Space Shuttle enters low Earth orbit.)

CAPCOM
Commander, initiate flight sequence, now!

COMPUTER
Initiated.

CAPCOM
Navigator, initiate thrusters to adjust pitch, now!

COMPUTER
Initiated.

CAPCOM
Engineer, activate flight cameras, now!

COMPUTER
Initiated.

(The X-2 Space Shuttle begins moving west across the Earth’s orbit, passing several islands and continents.)

CAPCOM
Your flight path today is taking you across the United States, past the Grand Canyon and leaving the continent at San Francisco. (The X-2 Space Shuttle clears continental North America.) The Space Station should be coming into view. (The X-2 Space Shuttle passes the International Space Station.) And down on Earth, the Hawaiian Islands. (The X-2 Space Shuttle passes over Hawaii.) In a moment, you’ll be crossing paths with another X-2, just launched from the Pacific. (Another X-2 can be seen up ahead. Back on Earth, Asia comes into view.) Up ahead, you should see Japan, the Land of the Rising Sun. As you cross into China, you’ll pass Beijing, the Great Wall, and we’ve got reports of a storm brewing over the Gobi Desert. Passing over the Himalayas, you should have a gorgeous night view of India. (The X-2 begins passing over the Middle East and Europe.) By now, you’re over the Middle East, and to the left is the Nile River — snaking its way towards Cairo, and the Mediterranean. You should be seeing Greece and Italy. And up ahead: Paris, the City of Lights. (As the X-2 continues north, the Northern Lights become visible.) Tonight, there’s a spectacular Northern Lights show on your horizon.

MISSION CONTROL
We’re getting reports of a strong storm cell directly in the landing path.

CAPCOM
Okay, listen up, team: Change of plans. It’s going to be a challenging approach and we’re going to need all of you working together. Pilot: Initiate landing sequence, now!

COMPUTER
Computer override: initiated.

CAPCOM
Navigator, initiate descent, now!

COMPUTER
Rockets fired.

(The X-2 Space Shuttle begins it’s descent towards Earth.)

CAPCOM
Engineer, extend wings for gliding, now!

COMPUTER
Computer override: wings extended.

(Computer begins beeping.)

MISSION CONTROL
We’ve lost auto-pilot!

CAPCOM
Commander, activate manual control, now!

COMPUTER
Activated.

(The X-2 Space Shuttle passes through a heavy storm, maneuvering left and right as it approaches the landing runway.)

CAPCOM
All hands on the control sticks. Pull right! Now left. Right. Left. Back to center. Hold it steady…

MISSION CONTROL
They’re coming in too hot!

CAPCOM
Pull back! (The X-2 Space Shuttle successfully lands on the landing pad, crashing into the wire buffers at the end of the runway. A video of the Mission Control pops up.) Down and clear! (Everyone at Mission Control applauds.) Mission accomplished. Good work, team, and welcome back to Earth, and welcome to the Astronaut Corps!

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Okay, heads back, and release the restraints. Now, push the restraints up. Before you exit your capsule, please remember to gather your personal items and remove any X-2 Boosters. Thanks, and see you next mission.

(Guests exit the X-2 Trainer.)

Orange Mission – More Intense Training

(Pre-Show Video.)

CAPCOM
Welcome to the International Space Training Center. You’re here today to train for the the greatest adventure in the history of mankind: space exploration. I know you’re probably feeling a little nervous right now, but don’t worry — every astronaut has felt that way at one time or another. Even the heroes who went to the moon. But there is one thing they had that you don’t have yet: training. You’re here today for flight training — the most thrilling experience that any astronaut candidate will ever have. Before you decide if it’s right for you, let me introduce you to your spacecraft: the X-2 Space Shuttle. It’s powered by solid hydrogen and can accelerate from zero to 6,000 in 60 seconds. So when you hear the words, “Go for launch,” you’ll definitely want to hang on. Now, you’ve already been organized into teams, and soon each of you will be assigned a position — Navigator, Pilot, Commander, or Engineer. The success of your mission will depend on all of you working together as a team. I’ll be your Capcom, and in a few minutes, I’ll give you your specific assignments. But first, our flight director has some safety instructions for you. Lieutenant?

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Remember the team number you’re standing on. When the doors in front of you open, you will be directed to a flight station with that number on it. When you get there, please stand on the circles. During your Orange Team – More Intense Training mission, you will be enclosed inside X-2 flight simulators that produce deep-space flying conditions, such as turbulence and g-forces. Those who are prone to motion sickness or made uncomfortable by enclosed dark spaces, simulators, or spinning should bypass this experience.

CAPCOM
As you can see, astronaut fight training isn’t like anything you’ve ever experienced before. It is intense, and if you would like to opt out, just ask any member of the ISTC crew for directions. As for the rest of you — report for your pre-flight briefing. It’s go time.

(Pre-flight briefing video.) 

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Attention, astronaut candidates. You have selected Orange Team – More Intense Training. If you are prone to motion sickness or made uncomfortable by enclosed dark spaces, simulators, or spinning, you may exit the flight training area now. Ask a uniformed crew member for directions to the Green Team – Less Intense Training area.

CAPCOM
Congratulations, team! You have been selected to train for a mission to Mars. Teams are awaiting your arrival at the landing site here, at Valles Marineris. Your mission is to get to that landing site. Your flight path to Mars will take you around the Moon for a lunar gravity assist. But even with that “slingshot,” your trip will take three months, so we’ll have to put you into Hypersleep.

COMPUTER
Hypersleep activated.

CAPCOM
Don’t worry, it’ll only seem like a second or two to you. I’ll give you a wake-up call when you get to Mars.

LAUNCH CONTROL
T-minus three minutes and counting.

CAPCOM
Okay, now listen up — here are your assignments. Navigator, you’ll fire the thrusters for lunar orbit insertion and for decent to the surface of Mars. Pilot, on my signal, I’ll need you to trigger the second stage rocket. You’ll also deploy the shields. Commander, you will be responsible for first stage separation and activating manual control for landing. Engineer, when it’s bedtime, you will activate Hypersleep. You will also extend the wings for landing. Don’t worry, when it’s time to push the buttons, they will light up, then I’ll give you the go. One last thing. In the event of an emergency landing, there are control sticks at every crew position. Okay, Lieutenant, any final instructions for our new kids?

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
When the flight bay doors open, follow the markings on the floor to your capsule. Then move all the way across, taking your crew position in the cockpit, and stow all personal items in the compartment in front of you. Then reach up, and pull down your restraint. Now listen carefully. Leaning forward, closing your eyes, or looking left or right during your flight could disorient you, so keep your head back against the headrest, keep your eyes open at all times, and focus straight ahead even if you start to feel disoriented. They’re all yours, Capcom.

CAPCOM
Well, I guess that’s everything. Good luck, Mars team. You are on the clock.

COMPUTER
Attention, trainees: Follow the markings on the floor to your X-2 Trainer, and begin boarding now. 

(Guests board the Mars X-2 Trainer.)

FLIGHT DIRECTOR 
Store personal items in the compartment in front of you. Then reach up and pull down on the restraints. 

COMPUTER 
Warning: Instrument panel closing. If needed, space sickness bags are located on the instrument panel. 

CAPCOM
Capcom to Mars X-2. Welcome aboard, team. After you get settled, check out your buttons. Navigator, welcome aboard. Now remember, during the mission you will be initiating lunar orbit and decent. Pilot, the X-2 is an excellent ship. All you have to do is fire the second stage and deploy the shields. Surgeon, how we doing? 

SURGEON
All good for launch!

CAPCOM 
Commander, just remember your assignments: First stage separation of and manual control. 

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Loading flight plan.

CAPCOM
Engineer, just a reminder: You will activate Hypersleep and extend the wings. Good luck, team. All of us here at Mission Control are proud to be a part of this historic liftoff.

(The X-2 Space Shuttle begins to move upright.)

MALE ANNOUNCER
Mission Control, this is the firing room. Give us the “go, go, go” for launch!

MISSION CONTROL
Network, you are go for launch.

MALE ANNOUNCER
We have main engines start. 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… Liftoff! (Thrusters start and the X-2 Space Shuttle begins moving up into the atmosphere.) Mission Control, the tower is clear! They’re all yours.

CAPCOM
Mission Control to Mars X-2: You are go and throttle up. Commander, initiate first stage separation, now!

COMPUTER
Computer override: initiated. (The X-2 Space Shuttle enters low Earth orbit.) Zero G confirmed.

CAPCOM
You’re looking good, team. Pilot, engage second stage rocket, now!

COMPUTER
Engaged. (The X-2 Space Shuttle passes by a satellite and orbits Earth.) Leaving Earth orbit. Velocity: 15,000… 16,000.

CAPCOM
You should have visual of the Space Station now, and you are on course for your slingshot around the Moon. (The X-2 Space Shuttle passes the International Space Station and heads towards the Moon for a lunar gravity assist.) Navigator, fire rockets for lunar orbit insertion, now!

COMPUTER
L.O.I. confirmed.

(The X-2 Space Shuttle orbits the Moon, exiting at a picturesque view of Earth.)

CAPCOM
Beautiful sight, isn’t it? Something to dream about on the way to Mars. Engineer, activate Hypersleep, now.

COMPUTER
Activated. (The X-2 Space Shuttle’s windows freeze over. Heartbeat becomes louder. Voices fade. Everything becomes dark.) Hypersleep duration: three months. Monitoring…

(Siren blares. Window lightens to a view of Mars with hundreds of asteroids in close proximity.)

CAPCOM
Rise and shine! Let’s go, team! We’ve got a problem.

COMPUTER
Beginning evasive maneuvers.

(The X-2 Space Shuttle begins maneuvering around all asteroids in its way.)

CAPCOM
This meteor storm is directly over your Mars landing site.

COMPUTER
Proximity alert.

CAPCOM
Pilot, deploy the shields, now!

COMPUTER
Shields deployed.

MISSION CONTROL
We’re ready for deorbit burn.

CAPCOM
Navigator, fire rockets for descent, now!

COMPUTER
Rockets fired. (The X-2 Space Shuttle approaches Mars’ surface and begins the landing sequence.) Two-hundred miles to planet surface.

CAPCOM
Engineer, extend wings for gliding, now!

COMPUTER
Wings extended.

(The X-2 Space Shuttle begins gliding through Mars’ atmosphere. Computer begins beeping.)

MISSION CONTROL
We’ve lost autopilot!

CAPCOM
Commander, activate manual control, now!

COMPUTER
Activated.

(The X-2 Space Shuttle begins veering towards canyon walls. The passengers take control and steer the X-2 Space Shuttle away.)

CAPCOM
We need all hands on the control sticks. Pull back. Pull back! Left! Pull left. Watch the canyon walls. Now, right. Ease it left.

(The X-2 Space Shuttle approaches and lands the landing runway.)

MISSION CONTROL
They’re coming in too hot!

CAPCOM
Back to center. Just hold it steady.

COMPUTER
Runway ends in one thousand feet. Two hundred feet.

CAPCOM
Watch the barriers!

COMPUTER
Fifty feet.

CAPCOM
Pull back!

(Computer beeping.)

MISSION CONTROL
Hang on!

(The X-2 Space Shuttle passes over the barriers and into the snowy ice cap of Mars.)

CAPCOM
Down and clear.

COMPUTER
(Beeping.) Alert! Location: canyon edge.

(The ice beneath the X-2 Space Shuttle crumbles and falls hundred of feet down into the canyon.)

CAPCOM
Don’t move a muscle. (The X-2 Space Shuttle rocks back and forth but stabilizes and successfully lands. A video of the Mission Control pops up.) Good work, team! (Everyone at Mission Control applauds.) You made it to the landing sight. Welcome to Mars, and welcome to the Astronaut Corps.

FLIGHT DIRECTOR
Okay, heads back. Releasing restraints. Now push the restraints up, be sure to gather all your belongings, and follow the arrows out.

(Guests exit the Mars X-2 Trainer.)

(Transcription contributed by Brendan Warski.)

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Frozen Ever After (Epcot)

*Sung lyrics in bold.

(Loading area announcements)

OAKEN
Yoo-hoo! For your safety, keep your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the the boat there. And vatch your little vones, ja?

(Spanish safety spiel.)

(Ride begins. Boats approach OLAF and SVEN. Music transitions to “Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?”)

Version 1:

OLAF
Do you wanna build a snowman?
C’mon, I know you do!
Elsa’s made a magic winter show,
With summer snow,
For Sven and me and you!

We’re going up to Elsa’s ice palace with you and you and you — all of you! See you there!

SVEN
(Reindeer grunt.)

Version 2:

OLAF
Do you wanna build a snowman?
C’mon, let’s go and play!
Elsa wants to give us all some fun,
She’s making everyone
A snowy summer day!

Oh, you’re going to Elsa’s ice palace! Sven’s going, I’m going. It’ll be so beautiful! See ya there!

SVEN
(Reindeer grunt.)

(Boats move alongside TROLLS. Music transitions to “Vuelie.”)

YOUNG TROLL
Tell us the story again!

YOUNG TROLLS
Please!

GRAND PABBIE
On a day, very much like today, Anna saved her sister with an unselfish act of true love and thawed a frozen heart.

YOUNG TROLL
Ooh, ooh, and now they’re best friends!

GRAND PABBIE
Indeed.

BABY TROLL
Hey, you’re going up to a ice palace! Lucky…

CHORUS
Na na na heyana
Hahiyaha naha
Naheya heya na yanuwa
Anhahe yunuwana.

(Boats move uphill and level out as they pass OLAF ice skating. Music transitions to “For the First Time in Forever.”)

OLAF
La da da, for the first time in forever,
Now I’m so glad you came along!
For the first time in forever…
I don’t really know this song.
And watch this next part, yooo-oooh!
Skating!
Skating, skating, celebrating!

Welcome to Elsa’s ice palace!

(Boats move alongside ANNA and KRISTOFF singing together. SVEN’s tongue is stuck to an ice crystal.)

KRISTOFF
Are you ready to see Elsa?

ANNA
They were born ready!
For the first time in forever…

ANNA AND KRISTOFF
We get to share this frozen fun.
For the first time in forever,
Elsa’s inviting everyone.

ANNA
Would you say you’re elated or gassy?

KRISTOFF
Let’s just call it “delight.”

ANNA AND KRISTOFF
‘Cause for the first time in forever,
You’re here…

ANNA
For my sister’s magic night.

(Boats pass through doors into ELSA’s ice palace. Music shifts to “Let It Go.”)

ELSA
It’s time to see what I can do,
To test the limits and break through.
No right, no wrong, no rules for me.
I’m free!

(Boats begin moving backward away from ELSA as she shows off her powers.)

Let it go! Let it go!
I am one with the wind and sky.
Let it go! Let it go!
You’ll never see me cry.

Here I stand, in the light of day.
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway.

(Boats change direction as they pass MARSHMALLOW, who is covered in SNOWGIES.)

Version 1:

MARSHMALLOW
Let it go!

Version 2:

MARSHMALLOW
I’m free!

(Boats plunge down waterfall and sail past Arendelle, which features snow fireworks going off over the castle. As boats approach unload area, ANNA, ELSA, and OLAF stand to the side and sing “In Summer.”)

OLAF
Dah dah, dah doo,
Buh buh buh buh buh boo.

OLAF, ANNA, AND ELSA
The hot and the cold are both so intense,
Put ’em together…

OLAF
It just makes sense!
Rat dadat dadat dadat dadadadadoo

OLAF, ANNA, AND ELSA
Winter’s a good time to stay in and cuddle,

OLAF
But put me in summer, and I’ll be a…

ANNA AND ELSA
Happy snowman?

OLAF
Exactly!

OLAF, ANNA, AND ELSA
When life gets rough,
I like to hold on to my dream.
Relaxing in the summer sun,

OLAF
Just lettin’ off steam.
Oh, the sky will be blue…

OLAF, ANNA, AND ELSA
And you guys’ll be there too…

OLAF
When I finally do what frozen things do,

OLAF, ANNA, AND ELSA
In summer!

(Boats return to dock. Unload area announcements.)

OAKEN
Yoo-hoo! Welcome back! Please remain seated ’til your boat comes to a complete stop at the dock and you are asked to get out to the right, ja? Bye-bye, now! Bye-bye!

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O’ Canada! (Epcot)

*Sung lyrics in bold.

(Guests enter theatre and are greeted by announcement from Canadian cast member. The film begins.)

(Blizzard conditions appear on screen.)

NARRATOR
Canada! Big. Wide. And very, very cold.

MARTIN SHORT
What?

NARRATOR
Here in the great white north, it snows 24 hours a day—

MARTIN SHORT
No, no, no…

NARRATOR
Every day of the year.

MARTIN SHORT
Excuse me!

NARRATOR
Its frozen landscape is dotted with igloos—

MARTIN SHORT
Uh, hello!

NARRATOR
Homes for the vast majority of Canadians.

MARTIN SHORT
Would someone please just stop the—

NARRATOR
Penguins and polar bears prowl the permafrost—

MARTIN SHORT
Stop the movie!!

(MARTIN SHORT appears on screen as the NARRATOR’s voice gets cut off.)

MARTIN SHORT
Thank you.

(The snow disappears, coating MARTIN SHORT in the process.)

NARRATOR
Of all the nerve…

MARTIN SHORT
Sorry to interrupt, but everything he said is wrong. (To NARRATOR) You’re completely wrong!

NARRATOR
I am?

MARTIN SHORT
Have you ever been to Canada?

NARRATOR
Mm, technically, no.

MARTIN SHORT
Uh-huh… You know, you know, I think these good people deserve to hear from someone who knows the true Canada — someone who loves Canada, who grew up there.

NARRATOR
Is Celene Dion here?!

MARTIN SHORT
No, Celene Dion is not here. I’m referring to myself — Martin Short. Hello. Raised in Hamilton, Ontario…

NARRATOR
Fine! I’ll just go to the France Pavilion film — where they appreciate an invisible narrator!

MARTIN SHORT
Adieu… That’s French…

(Sound of a door opening and slamming.)

MARTIN SHORT
Now, I can show you the real Canada — my Canada. And there’s lots to see, so let’s go, shall we?

(Scenes from Niagara Falls appear onscreen, with Toronto in the background.)

MARTIN SHORT
First stop, Niagara Falls. Oh, I know what you’re thinking — you’re thinking, “But Martin, those are in America!” And you’d be half right. This half, however, is in Canada: the spectacular Horseshoe Falls.

(Onscreen scene changes to Bay of Fundy.)

MARTIN SHORT
Now, from one natural wonder to another, check out the Bay of Fundy in New Brunswick — the largest tide in the world. Now this is low-tide, obviously, when you can actually walk on the sea floor. But at high-tide, you’d be 50 feet underwater. So time your walks very carefully, okay?

(Scene changes to follow a train passing by mountains.)

MARTIN SHORT
From the East Coast, we zoom across six timezones to the West Coast, so keep your hands and feet inside the country at all times.

(Scene changes to Butchart Gardens.)

MARTIN SHORT
Vancouver Island’s spectacular Butchart Gardens — inspiring visitors from around the world for over 100 years.

(Flowers bloom in fast motion on screen.)

MARTIN SHORT
But if you like your plants a little bigger, take a stroll through nearby Cathedral Grove.

(Scene changes to giant tree trunks of Cathedral Grove.)

MARTIN SHORT
Some of the trees here are more than 800 years old. With sights like these, I’m sure it comes as no surprise that Canadians love the great outdoors.

(Cut to shots of various wildlife, including elk, deer, moose, geese, eagles, wolves, bears, etc.)

MARTIN SHORT
Especially these Canadians!

(Screens all change to show polar bears.)

MARTIN SHORT
I suppose the polar bears are a bit of a giveaway that we do get a little snow in Canada.

(Camera pans over snow-covered mountains.)

MARTIN SHORT
But you know what, it doesn’t slow us down — not one bit.

(Skiers and snowboarders are shown doing various tricks and jumps. Cut to athletes curling.)

MARTIN SHORT
And okay, sometimes I do get a little excited about curling… but who doesn’t?

(MARTIN SHORT appears on screen in curling uniform and throws the stone. He runs after it, waving his arms.)

MARTIN SHORT
Sweep! Sweep! Sweep! Sweep!

(Cut to pedestrians skating down an icy canal.)

MARTIN SHORT
In winter, skating is our favorite form of transportation. Like here on the Rideau Canal in Ottawa.

(Cut to MARTIN SHORT dressed in hockey uniform.)

MARTIN SHORT
I was practically born on skates. In fact, I just happen to have some footage from my glory days in peewee hockey.

(The rest of the screens show a peewee hockey game.)

MARTIN SHORT
Isn’t it great that my parents owned a CircleVision camera?! What are the odds?

SKATING KID
Don’t pass it to Marty!

MARTIN SHORT
Hey, that’s me!

(One of the KIDS passes to YOUNG MARTY, who misses the puck. The KIDS groan.)

SKATING KID
He never scores!

MARTIN SHORT
Well, I think you can clearly see my early potential.

(Cut to a pro hockey game.)

MARTIN SHORT
Sure, I could have gone pro — the dream of every young Canadian.

(One player violently checks another into the wall.)

MARTIN SHORT
But I decided to go into comedy instead.

(Sound of ice cracking, and MARTIN SHORT falls through the ice into the water.)

MARTIN SHORT
(Screams.) Looks like things are warming up.

(Cut to rafters navigating rapids, horses racing, and baseball players.)

MARTIN SHORT
But that’s okay, because when the snow melts, Canadians are just as passionate about warm-weather sports.

(Cut to skateboarder doing a trick and then lacrosse players scoring a goal. Cut to a seaside town.)

MARTIN SHORT
Here in Nova Scotia, our passion is sailing. This is the home of the legendary Bluenose — winner of four international races in her day. We’re so proud of her, we put her image on a coin! Check it out the next time you accidentally get a Canadian dime in your change.

(Boats sail across open water. Camera pans over a bridge and over islands.)

MARTIN SHORT
Yes, Canadians do treasure nature and the great outdoors, and with such colorful small towns as Moosejaw and Medicine Hat, some people might think we’re rustic backwoods folks. But in fact, most Canadians live in cities. C’mon, I’ll show you.

(Cut to wharf in Victoria.)

MARTIN SHORT
Here’s beautiful Victoria, British Columbia. The architecture of this charming city is so inspired by its British heritage, that you would swear you were in England.

(Cut to Vancouver skyline.)

MARTIN SHORT
Victoria’s nearest neighbor is Vancouver. This diverse, cosmopolitan city is nestled between a rainforest, coastal mountains, and the Pacific Ocean. It’s also home to Canada’s exciting film industry — now that’s talent!

(Cut to scenes from Calgary.)

MARTIN SHORT
Next stop is Calgary, gateway to the Rocky Mountains — where sophisticated city living is right around the corner from outdoor adventure. And if you visit in July, don’t forget to pack your chaps and spurs.

(MARTIN SHORT appears on screen in full cowboy regalia.)

MARTIN SHORT
Yee-haw! Haha! The Calgary Stampede — in the saddle since 1912. With buckin’ broncos, wagon races, and bull riding. Let me show you how it’s done. (He uses his lasso to try to catch a passing calf.) Get along, little doggie!

(A bullrider tries to stay atop a bucking bull, wagon races go by, and a cowboy wrestles a cow to the ground. Cut to MARTIN SHORT tied up on the ground in his own rope, while the calf looks on from behind him.)

MARTIN SHORT
From the height of the Rockies to the height of sophistication —Toronto.

(Cut to Toronto skyline.)

MARTIN SHORT
This is a truly creative city, filled with theatres, museums, and nightlife.

(Cut to celebrities and photographers at the Toronto International Film Festival.)

MARTIN SHORT
The highlight of the year is the Toronto International Film Festival, where stars and fans from all over the world arrive for premieres and parties. C’est magnifique. Oh, I know,  you’re probably thinking, “Hey Marty, what’s with the French?”

(Cut to Quebec City skyline.)

MARTIN SHORT
Well, it’s because now we are in Quebec — the cradle of French civilization in North America. Quebec City is the only walled city in Canada.

(Cut to various views of Quebec City attractions and locals. Cut to Montreal skyline.)

MARTIN SHORT
But the largest city in the Provence de Quebec is Montreal. In fact, it’s the largest French-speaking city outside of France. Elle est très belle, non? A little help for the monolinguals in the audience.

(Subtitles read “It is very beautiful, no?”)

MARTIN SHORT
Merci!

(Subtitles read “You’re welcome!” Cut to shots of landmarks from across Montreal.)

MARTIN SHORT
Montreal is the home of a little theatre group you just might be familiar with.

(Cut to scenes performed by Cirque du Soleil. MARTIN SHORT appears on screen atop a ball being help up by an acrobat.)

MARTIN SHORT
Cirque du Soleil was created on the sidewalks of Quebec by street performers in 1984. Today, it has shows all over the world.

(Cut to more acrobatic scenes from Cirque du Soleil.)

MARTIN SHORT
And speaking of talented performers, here are a few other Canadians you might recognize.

(Celebrities appear on screen, including Keanu Reeves, Avril Lavigne, Joni Mitchell, Catherine O’Hara, Matthew Perry, Mike Myers, Dan Ackroyd, William Shatner, k.d. lang, etc.)

MARTIN SHORT
Wait, aren’t we missing the most glamorous one of all?

(All the screens display headshots of MARTIN SHORT.)

MARTIN SHORT
Ah, that’s better. Well, I guess you could say entertainers are Canada’s most important export. But let me introduce you to the real stars of Canada — the people who make up one of the most diverse countries in the world.

(Images of Canadian citizens of all ages start to appear on screen.)

MARTIN SHORT
From our native people to our newest immigrants, we treasure that diversity. But no matter who we are, we’re all proud to be Canadian. This would be the perfect place for a song. I think so, don’t you?

(Music begins for “Canada – You’re a Lifetime Journey.” Cut to mounties forming a long line on horseback. During the song, the camera pans across various scenes from different parts of Canada, focusing on all different landscapes.)

FEMALE SOLOIST
Canada,
My Canada,
You’re a lifetime journey for the traveler.

Canada,
My Canada,
You’re a lifeline of wonder on this planet Earth.

Canada,
You are far too vast and beautiful for words to ever really tell.
Canada,
Ten thousand dawns and sunsets I could see,
And still not know you well.

J’ai suivi la trace de tes oiseaux de neiges dans les forêts,
J’atteins peu à peu ton coeur et je vois
Comme si comme l’enfant.

Canada (Canada),
My Canada (mon Canada),
Aboutissement d’un rêve pour tous les voyageurs.

Canada (Canada),
My Canada (mon Canada),
Sur ta ligne de vie se tracent les miracles de la terre.

Canada,
Comme une odyssée à travers les temps,
Tu es la fleur et la semence.
Canada,
Tes montagnes, tes villes, et tes mers
Sont tout ce que j’aime.

People from around the world have settled in your land.
For their heritage and Canada they stand,
Side by side and hand in hand.

Canada (Canada)
My Canada (mon Canada)
You’re a lifeline of wonder.

(The montage ends in Vancouver, where the camera pans over the Canada Place terminal.)

FEMALE SOLOIST
Ooh, ohh, mmm.

(Cut to Niagara Falls at night.)

MARTIN SHORT
Here we area at Niagara Falls again. We’ve come full-circle, and sadly, our journey has come to an end.

(MARTIN SHORT appears on screen.)

MARTIN SHORT
Well, I just hope you enjoyed your tour of my Canada — but there’s nothing like the real thing. So just walk outside the theatre, hook a left toward that big silver ball, and keep walking due north, you can’t miss it. Just tell them Marty sent you. (He tries to get out of the screen.) Now, how do I get out of here, ’cause I have a FASTPASS for Soarin’… Hate to miss it… (Looking around.) I need help!

(He wanders off screen as the film ends.)

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Test Track 2.0 (Epcot)

(Guests proceed from queue area into Design Studio holding room. Instructional video begins on overhead TVs.)

NARRATOR (Voiceover)
In a moment, the automatic doors will open, and you’ll be in the Chevrolet Design Studio to design your own Chevrolet Custom Concept Vehicle. As you enter, look for the Design Station kiosk that matches the color and number on which you are currently positioned. If you are designing as group of up to three people, you will all be sharing a single design station.

When you arrive at your Design Station, use your Design Key and touch it to the reader. If you are working as a group, you only need to touch your Design Key to your reader once for your entire party.

After your Design Key is detected by the reader, it will be associated with your Design Station kiosk. Now it’s time to get designing using the touchscreen interface. Start by connecting the two number points to draw the outline of your vehicle. You’ll see how the shape of your vehicle reflects the four Performance Attributes: Capability, Efficiency, Responsiveness, or Power. Touch the “Optimize” button to smooth your profile line and improve your attributes. Use the grab points to explore other shapes and features. You can then choose from a selection of creative styling elements to make your dream vehicle a one-of-a-kind masterpiece.

(Guests enter Design Studio and find their kiosks. Guests design their cars and continue through the rest of the queue.)

NARRATOR
Congratulations. Your Chevrolet Custom Concept Vehicle is ready for performance testing on the SimTrack. A Test Track technician will direct you to your gate. Before you board, be sure to touch your Design Key to the reader. Your design is now linked to the SimCar ride vehicle. Your SimTrack journey is about to begin!

(Guests board ride vehicles.)

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Hello. The seatbelt check is around the corner. For your safety, remain seated with your seatbelt fastened and your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the vehicle at all times. And please supervise children. Thank you.

(Spanish safety spiel.)

COMPUTER VOICE
Automated driving technology activated.

NARRATOR
Welcome to the SimTrack. We’ll begin with a capability test to see how your vehicles perform under challenging weather and surface conditions.

COMPUTER VOICE
Monitoring road surface.

ONSTAR VOICE
Connecting to OnStar.

COMPUTER VOICE
SimCar performance data acquired.

NARRATOR
Let’s see how your designs hold up now.

COMPUTER VOICE
Commencing SimCar offroad and extreme weather sequence.

(Vehicles undergo tests for dangerous road conditions and pass by screen displaying Capability results.)

COMPUTER VOICE
Capability test results displayed and verified.

NARRATOR
Now let’s see how your vehicles compare when it comes to their efficiency.

(Vehicles begin Efficiency tests.)

COMPUTER VOICE
Scanning SimCar for optimal eco-efficiency. Engaging eco-scan for aerodynamic efficiency. Drive systems analysis: hyper-spectral imaging in process. Calculating total enviro-impact.

(Efficiency results displayed on screens.)

COMPUTER VOICE
Commencing Responsiveness test.

NARRATOR
Okay, the Responsiveness data is now being synchronized.

COMPUTER VOICE
Automated driving technology verified and active

(Vehicles drive around tight corners and skid past a large truck.)

COMPUTER VOICE
Automated crash avoidance technology disengaged.

(Responsiveness results shown on screen.)

COMPUTER VOICE
Displaying Responsiveness data.

(Vehicles pass by logos for the four Performance Attributes — Capability, Efficiency, Responsiveness, and Power.)

NARRATOR
Here comes the final test.

COMPUTER VOICE
Energizing for Power test.

(Vehicles speed up and exit to the outdoor track. Speedometer reaches 65mph as they go under it. Vehicles slow down again as they re-enter the indoor track.)

COMPUTER VOICE
Displaying Power test results.

(Power rankings are shown on screen.)

COMPUTER VOICE
SimTrack performance testing complete.

NARRATOR
This concludes your performance testing. You’ll be able to see how your Chevrolet Custom Concept Vehicle designs compared with the SimCar after you disembark.

Please watch your step as you exit, and remember to take all personal belongings with you. Be sure to check your final performance numbers in our scoring area.

(Vehicles return to unload area and guests exit.)

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IllumiNations: Reflections of Earth (Epcot)

*Sung lyrics in bold.

(Pre-show announcements.)

NARRATOR
Good evening. On behalf of Walt Disney World — the place where dreams come true — we welcome all of you to Epcot, and World Showcase. We’re gathered here tonight, around the fire — as people of all lands have gathered for thousands and thousands of years before us — to share the light, and to share a story. An amazing story as old as time itself, but still being written. And though each of us has our own individual stories to tell, a true adventure emerges when we bring them all together as one. We hope you enjoy our story tonight: Reflections of Earth. (Blows out the lights.)

(Drum music begins. Fireworks, lasers, and fire effects begin, accompanied by theme song. Music changes. Globe begins spinning and lighting up with various scenes.)

FEMALE SOLOIST
With the stillness of the night,
There comes a time to understand.
To reach out and touch tomorrow,
Take the future in our hand.

We can see a new horizon
Built on all that we have done.
And our dreams begin another
Thousand circles ’round the sun

CHORUS
We go on
To the joy and through the tears.
We go on
To discover new frontiers.
Moving on 
With the current of the years. 

We go on, 
Moving forward now as one. 
Moving on 
With a spirit born to run.
Ever on 
With each rising sun,
To a new day,
We go on.

(The spinning globe opens to reveal flames and fireworks.)

CHORUS
We go on!

(Show ends with fireworks finale.)

NARRATOR
Ladies and gentlemen, the entire Epcot family thanks you for having been with us for IllumiNations: Reflections of Earth — presented by Siemens. We hope that your visit to the Walt Disney World Resort has been a truly magical experience for you and yours. We wish you a pleasant evening and a safe journey home. Thank you, and goodnight!

(Exit music begins: “We’ll Go On.”)

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Ellen’s Energy Adventure (Epcot)

(Guests proceed from Pre-Show into the loading area and board ride vehicles.)

MALE SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Ladies and gentlemen, please continue moving to the front of the theatre—filling the front rows first. Once you’ve selected a row, please move all the way to the end of the row. Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, please keep your party together and continue moving to the front of the theatre—filling the front rows first. Once you select a row, please move all the way to the end of the row. Thank you.

FEMALE SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Just a reminder, there may be no flash pictures or video lighting inside Ellen’s mind. Because we don’t want to wake her up and spoil the dream. Thank you.

Once again, please do not change rows, and stay clear of the doors. For your safety, remain seated with your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the theatre car—uh, Ellen’s dream. And be sure to watch your children.

And now, let’s return to Ellen’s dream.

(Lights go out.)

DREAM ELLEN
Why is it so dark?

BILL NYE
Because there’s nothing to see.

DREAM ELLEN
Let me get this straight—you brought me back billions of years so you could show me… nothing?

BILL NYE
Sort of, uh, but out of this nothingness, many scientists believe the universe was born.

DREAM ELLEN
Must’ve been a big delivery room, huh?

BILL NYE
Uh, yeah. Ah, see that single point of very hot, very dense matter? It contains all the energy of the universe. And it’s about to expand at an astonishing rate! Oh, here, better put these on. Hearing protectors… ’cause, it’s the Big Bang!

DREAM ELLEN
The piggy bank?

BILL NYE
No, the Big Bang.

DREAM ELLEN
The ding dang?

BILL NYE
The Big Bang!

DREAM ELLEN
Oh…

BILL NYE
Now, what you’re about to witness took place over billions of years. Oh boy. Whew! Uh, better take cover.

DREAM ELLEN
(Doing semaphore.) All right, universe, you’re cleared for takeoff. Come on. Hahaha… Come on… Bill? Bill Nye? Bill Nye the Science Guy? Bill?!

(BILL NYE pushes DREAM ELLEN out a door just in time before the Big Bang. Screens show solar systems, stars, and planets, and finally zoom in to Earth, where mountains and oceans are forming. After blackness, BILL NYE and DREAM ELLEN appear on screen, wearing safari gear.)

BILL NYE
Here we are! Two hundred twenty million years in the earth’s past. Give or take, uh… a day.

DREAM ELLEN
Bill? Bill, I… I know I asked you to help me with this energy stuff and everything, but I was kind of hoping you’d show me a… slide show.

BILL NYE
A slide show? I guess that’d be easier, but… eh—this is way more fun!

DREAM ELLEN
Uh, yeah… this is fun. Where’s the energy?

BILL NYE
Oh, it’s all around you. See, these plants and animals are soaking up energy from the sun. When they die and get buried, time, pressure, and heat will cook them into the fossil fuels we rely on today—like, uh, coal, natural gas, and oil.

DREAM ELLEN
Wait a minute. You’re telling me that we’re filling our gas tanks with—well, with dinosaur soup?

BILL NYE
Well, not exactly. But dinosaurs did live when fossil fuels were developing in the earth. Dinosaurs are just cool! Let’s check ’em out!

DREAM ELLEN
Why don’t we just skip to the Air Conditioning and Jacuzzi Period, huh?

BILL NYE
Ellen, it’s the chance of a lifetime! It’s the chance of a hundred million lifetimes! Come on!

DREAM ELLEN
You go ahead and make sure it’s safe. I’ll wait here, okay? (To guests.) You might as well go, too. This is my nightmare. No need you stayin’ with me. (Dinosaur makes a loud noise.) Maybe I’ll go. What am I so scared of? It’s just a dinosaur. What’s the big deal about dinosaurs? They’re not so tough. Probably have a brain the size of a pea. (Another dinosaur growls.) Ah… I hope you’re not upset about that pea-brain crack—’cause, you know, now that I think of it, I’m sure peas are… much larger in this time period. I happen to love peas—don’t you? (Dinosaur growls again.) I’ll take that as a maybe. I should get going, ’cause I’m supposed to be dinner—I mean have dinner… with friends. So I should go… Hey, what’s over there?

(Another loud dinosaur noise. Ride vehicles move into dinosaur diorama.)

DREAM ELLEN (Voiceover)
Bill…? Oh, Bill? Where are you? Ow! Bill, is that you? (Dinosaur growls.) That’s your stomach growling, isn’t it? (Dinosaur growls again.) Okay, I told you we should’ve stopped for snacks. (Dinosaur growls louder.) You’re not Bill, are you? I mean, you could be—your name could be Bill, but you’re not the Bill that I—

BILL NYE (Voiceover)
Hey, Ellen!

DREAM ELLEN (Voiceover)
Excuse me, please.

BILL NYE (Voiceover)
Come on, I can see everything over here!

DREAM ELLEN (Voiceover)
No, you come over here. I’m not taking one more step until I can see where I’m going. (Loud dinosaur noise.) That’s good enough for me. Wait up, Bill! I’m coming!

(Ride vehicles move through dinosaur diorama and past ANIMATRONIC ELLEN warding off a large dinosaur.)

ANIMATRONIC ELLEN
Whew, somebody had garlic for lunch! Don’t make me use this thing! I’ll use it! I’ll use the thing! Don’t make me! Stop it! You don’t need to eat me! Trust me, I’ll just spoil your appetite! If you can’t say something nice… then, ya can’t. Hey! Listen mister, don’t give me that attitude! Bill! I could use a little help here! Down, boy. I said, down, boy! Bill? Could you find a park ranger? Park ranger! My, what big teeth you have! And so many! Take that, ya big bullysaurus!

BILL NYE (Voiceover)
Ellen! Hey, Ellen! This way! There’s still lots more to see! Ellen? Ellen? Where are you? Don’t lag behind, This way—let’s check it out! Ellen, let’s get a move on! There’s some way cool stuff just ahead! Something’s falling, Ellen. We don’t have all day. Come on!

RADIO ANNOUNCER (Voiceover)
KNRG news time: 55 million B.C. Now, for a look at our weather. Willard?

WILLARD SCOTT (Voiceover)
Okay! Our ultra-extended forecast calls for decreasing dinosaur population, followed by a sudden growth in those tiny little creatures the size of mice, that we call mammals. Hey, aren’t they cute? Birthday greetings go out to the cockroach! Two hundred million years old today. Boy howdy! And maybe that comet will help get rid of ’em. Now, here’s the traffic update…

TRAFFIC REPORTER (Voiceover)
We’ve got reports that a giant elephant—a Dinotherium to be exact—has popped his trunk and is jackknifed in traffic. Plus, we can expect lots of traffic at the local watering holes, as the mammal population continues to boom!

RADIO ANNOUNCER (Voiceover)
KNRG news time: 1 million B.C. And now to the sports report, live, from the Mastodome.

CHRIS BERMAN (Voiceover)
Mammals dominate the earth! Mammals dominate the earth! The big dinosaurs have been shut out. They’re back, back, back, back, back… gone! Extinct! The big dinosaurs have left the planet! The mammals have shut them out in a major planetary upset!

BILL NYE (Voiceover)
This is KNRG News Radio. Hey, let’s check out the weather report, and see if it’s gonna stay way cool outside. Willard?

WILLARD SCOTT (Voiceover)
Hey, we’re following a massive cold front extending from the Arctic region, all the way down to our planet’s mid-section. Now, we’re urging all mammals to evolve into their winter wardrobe because it’s gonna get chilly! Be sure to develop a thick, furry hide if you wanna make it. How cold it is!

BILL NYE (Voiceover)
Keep your dial tuned to KNRG for continuous news updates. KNRG news time: 900,000 B.C. Now, let’s check out what’s happening in the wild world of fashion.

FEMALE FASHION REPORTER (Voiceover)
Mammals are getting hairier. That’s right. Wooly is definitely in. Whether you’re a mammoth, or a rhino. And saber teeth seem to be a growing fad in the cat world. Also, look for antlers to be very big this year. As big as ten feet on creatures like the Megalosaurus. Wow! And that’s the latest in the fashion world.

BILL NYE (Voiceover)
Is it ever gonna warm up? Let’s find out with a look at the weather. Willard?

WILLARD SCOTT (Voiceover)
You know those giant glaciers we’ve all gotten so used to? Well, they’re gonna be receding to the North and South Poles. Conditions are looking very favorable for a whole new kind of mammal. KNRG news time: 750,000 B.C.

BILL NYE (Voiceover)
And that’s our KNRG up-to-the-minute news report. Now, back to our regularly scheduled program.

(BILL NYE appears on screen.)

BILL NYE
Now we’re exactly where we need to be. All we need now is… Ellen.

DREAM ELLEN
(Swinging in on a vine behind BILL NYE.) Bill? Bill, Bill, Bill? Oh, Bill, Bill!

BILL NYE
Ellen? (Looks behind him.) Oh, there you are!

DREAM ELLEN
Yeah, here I am. (Landing on the ground.) Hey, look—you know, it’s not that I don’t like getting attacked by a snakelike creature, it’s just—

BILL NYE
Shhh! See, we’re at the dawn of the human age. And one of our ancestors is about to make an important discovery—one that will spark the progress of civilization.

DREAM ELLEN
Let’s hope it’s deodorant…

(Cut to CAVE MAN, who yells and waves a stick atop a mountain. He gets struck by lightning and his stick catches on fire. He screams in pain and throws the fiery stick, which lights up a big fire for other CAVE PEOPLE.)

BILL NYE
See? We discovered fire! And we’re really on our way…

(Several CAVE PEOPLE gather around the fire, which leads to the development of ancient civilizations, boats, buildings, machinery, trains, farming, electricity, automobiles, and cities. Camera pans up over the clouds, where a helicopter enters carrying BILL NYE and DREAM ELLEN.)

BILL NYE
So, here we are today.

DREAM ELLEN
Thanks, Bill. You can just drop me back at Jeopardy. I think I’m ready to get back in the game and kick Judy’s big ole—

BILL NYE
But wait! To play the game, you have to know where energy comes from. You have to know where it’s gonna come from—and how to use it more wisely. You see, this is a really big story!

DREAM ELLEN
You heard the man—this is a big story! From now on, we’re dreaming in wide screen. (Screens expand.) Wider! Wider! I sound like a dentist, don’t I? Okay, everybody—rinse and spit! Just kidding—not you, sir. Thank you.

(Cut to the sun rising over a desert.)

BILL NYE
We’ll start with the sun. It’s where most of our energy comes from, and it’s at the heart of some bright ideas for tomorrow.

DREAM ELLEN
Like what, Bill Nye the Science Guy?

BILL NYE
Like solar energy! (Screens show solar energy field.) Solar mirrors are one way to convert the sun’s energy into electricity.

(BILL NYE and DREAM ELLEN appear on screen in warm-weather clothes and sunglasses.)

DREAM ELLEN
Cool! I mean, hot… I mean, coolly hot. Or hotly cool. So why don’t we just make everything solar?

BILL NYE
Ah, not so fast. For one thing, it’s not sunny enough everywhere. (Snaps fingers and sun turns to a thunderstorm.) And although the sunshine is free… (Snaps fingers again making it sunny once more.) solar electricity still isn’t that cheap. But it’s getting there.

(ELLEN experiments with snapping her fingers and causing storms, while her reflection goofs off.)

DREAM ELLEN
Okay, in the meantime, let’s just pick another category.

(Cut to wind turbines.)

BILL NYE
All right. Today, we’re using the clean energy of moving air—wind—to generate electricity.

DREAM ELLEN
Well then, why don’t we just get a bunch of wind farmers to harvest a big ole crop of wind?

BILL NYE
We’re starting to… where it’s windy. But remember, to power a whole city you need a whole lot of windmills.

DREAM ELLEN
And when the wind stops blowing—we’d be left in the dark, wouldn’t we?

(Cut to cityscape entering a blackout.)

BILL NYE
No way. We just switch to another source of energy!

(City lights come back on. Cut to a river and dam.)

DREAM ELLEN
I’m guessing this big red rock isn’t gonna give us energy when we need it.

BILL NYE
No, but this big gray wall might. It’s clean and efficient.

DREAM ELLEN
I know this one. Come on. Quiz me.

BILL NYE
Okay. Hydroelectric power plants convert the energy of falling water into electricity… (Cut to BILL NYE and DREAM ELLEN standing on top of the dam.) and are renewed by this natural resource.

(A personal raincloud dumps water on DREAM ELLEN’s head.)

DREAM ELLEN
What is rain?

BILL NYE
Correct.

DREAM ELLEN
(Wringing water out of her clothes.) So we just, uh, build more dams and our energy problems are solved.

BILL NYE
Not quite. (Voice echoing as camera zooms out further.) We’ve already used many of the best sites. And sometimes, building a dam can be pretty hard on an ecosystem.

DREAM ELLEN
Seems like there are pros and cons with every one of these. What gives?

BILL NYE
Well Ellen, there are no easy answers. (Cut to the duo back in the helicopter. DREAM ELLEN blow dries her hair.) The sun, water, geothermal steam, even wood, all contribute. Right now, these renewables provide about ten percent of the world’s energy. But we can expect them to be playing an even bigger role in the decades ahead.

DREAM ELLEN
That’s great, Bill, but we still need a heck of a lot more energy. Where is it coming from, and do you have a curling iron?

BILL NYE
Come on, I’ll show ya! (Cut to a train carrying coal.) Let’s hitch a ride with the solid fossil fuel!

DREAM ELLEN
Oh, I know this one: “What is coal?”

BILL NYE
Correct! And we’ve discovered two centuries’ worth!

DREAM ELLEN
Whoa! What about global warming?

BILL NYE
It’s a hot topic, with lots of questions. And it’s one of the big reasons scientists are working on ways to burn fuels, like coal, more efficiently than ever. (Cut to natural gas plant.) Ellen, what do you know about gas?

DREAM ELLEN
(Belch.) Well, if your stomach’s bothering you, I could get you some club soda.

BILL NYE
No!

DREAM ELLEN
Oh, you mean natural gas…

BILL NYE
It’s clean-burning. And at the rate we’re going, we’re set for about 60 years.

DREAM ELLEN
60 years? That’s only 10 more years than 50! 20 more than 40! 30 more than—

(Cut to BILL NYE and DREAM ELLEN driving through the facility.)

BILL NYE
Don’t—uh, don’t worry. We’re always finding more natural gas all the time. But we do need to use it wisely. So Ellen, how long have you been driving?

DREAM ELLEN
(Looking at her watch.) Heh, heh…

(She almost hits GAS PLANT WORKER.)

GAS PLANT WORKER
Whoa!

DREAM ELLEN
Sorry, pal. All righty. What’s next? (Cut to oil fields.) Oh! Oh! What is black gold? Texas tea. Swimmin’ pools. Movie stars. What is The Beverly Hillbillies? I mean—what is oil?

BILL NYE
Right! It’s our main source of energy, and we’ve found enough to last at least 50 years.

DREAM ELLEN
That’s all?

BILL NYE
We’re far from running on empty. And we’ve got some pretty far-out ways of finding more.

(Cut to outer space. DREAM ELLEN and BILL NYE float in astronaut suits.)

DREAM ELLEN
Wow, this is far-out.

BILL NYE
Satellites are one of the tools we use in our search for hidden deposits. But there are others.

DREAM ELLEN
Really? Ya know— (She crashes into satellite.) Oof! Uh, Houston… I think we have a problem.

BILL NYE
That is because most of the easily-reached petroleum deposits have already been tapped.

DREAM ELLEN
Helloooo?

BILL NYE
Most new discoveries will come from once inaccessible or hard-to-reach places.

(Cut to offshore oil platform.)

DREAM ELLEN
Wait just a minute—there’s oil here?

BILL NYE
Actually, the oil is buried way deep, under the ocean floor.

DREAM ELLEN
Oh. Well, then I guess we can’t get to it. So, where to next?

BILL NYE
Well hey, don’t give up! We can reach the oil with offshore drilling platforms, like this. Going in… Dive!

DREAM ELLEN
Bill?

BILL NYE
Dive!!

DREAM ELLEN
Bill?!

BILL NYE
Dive!!

DREAM ELLEN
Bill??!

(Camera pans beneath the water to show the height of the drilling platform.)

BILL NYE
Some drilling platforms are so tall, they would tower over the Empire State Building! I mean… that’s big!

(Cut to ELLEN and BILL NYE in a submarine.)

DREAM ELLEN
Oh, great. Just what our nightmare needs. A big ol’ human-munchin’, bone-crunchin’, Ellen-lunchin’ shark. Take her up, Captain! Rise! Rise! (Cut to atoms with electrons spinning around them.) Where are we now?

BILL NYE
The world of atomic power! You see, today we take atoms like these and split them apart to release energy. It’s called, fission. (Atoms begin to split.) Hang on!! Nuclear energy is expensive, and highly controversial.

(Cut to the sun.)

DREAM ELLEN
So I guess there’s never gonna be just one answer.

BILL NYE
But if we keep using our brain power, we’ll have lots of choices for the future. Maybe even unlock the power of the stars—fusion power!

DREAM ELLEN
I think I’m beginning to see the light!

(Cut to Jeopardy set.)

BILL NYE
Actually, I think it’s Double Jeopardy, Ellen.

JEOPARDY DIRECTOR
There you are! Where have you been?

DREAM ELLEN
The beginning of the universe! There were dinosaurs, and—and… and I was in the bathroom. There were no more paper towels.

JEOPARDY DIRECTOR
Yeah, right.

JEOPARDY PRODUCER (Voiceover)
Ten seconds to air! Could we get Ellen to the set, please?

ALEX TREBEK (Voiceover)
Well, you’ve been absolutely amazing so far—blowing away the opponents here.

JUDY (Voiceover)
Well, my IQ is 210.

(ELLEN returns to Jeopardy set, where ALEX TREBEK and JUDY are talking.)

ALEX TREBEK
But I’ll tell you something, Judy. The thing that really amazed me was that you and Ellen were in the same class in school!

JUDY
Yes! We were actually roommates. I used to call her Stupid Ellen.

JEOPARDY PRODUCER (Voiceover)
Five seconds!

ALEX TREBEK
Okay. (Audience applauds as show comes back from commercial.) All right, players, we’re ready to begin the second round. And Ellen, will you start us off by making a selection, please?

DREAM ELLEN
I sure will, Alex. I will take Dinosaurs for eight hundred.

JUDY
Ellen, you do know that the more expensive the question, the harder it is.

DREAM ELLEN
Oh, no, I didn’t. Lemme rethink that then. Uh, Dinosaurs for one thousand, Alex.

ALEX TREBEK
Okay. The answer is: This is when scientists believe dinosaurs first appeared on the earth. Ellen?

DREAM ELLEN
Uh, what is two hundred and twenty million years ago—give or take a day?

ALEX TREBEK
You’re absolutely right!

DREAM ELLEN
(Rattling off right answers.) What is the sun? What is hydrogen, Alex? What are photovoltaics? What is fire? Which, by the way, is what sparked the progress of human civilization, Alex. I don’t know if you knew that or not.

ALEX TREBEK
Correct again, Ellen, and amazingly enough, at the end of this Double Jeopardy round, you have managed to come from way behind to tie Judy for the lead. Well done!

DREAM ELLEN
Well, I just had to figure out how to work this little clicky thing here.

JUDY
How could she possibly learn so much during the commercial break? She’s obviously cheating!

ALEX TREBEK
Zip it, Judy. Dr. Einstein, you have no money, sir. And that means we’re going to have to say goodbye. However, we want to thank you for coming here today, and we do have some lovely parting gifts for you backstage.

DREAM ELLEN
Yep, here’s a parting gift for you right now, Al.

JOHNNY GILBERT
It’s a long-lasting, low-energy light bulb. Enjoy the efficiency!

(ALBERT EINSTEIN exits.)

ALEX TREBEK
Boy, there goes a real bundle of energy, huh? All right ladies—you will recall that our Final Jeopardy category on today’s program is: The Future of Energy. And so, if you’re ready, here’s the Final Jeopardy answer for you: This is the one source of power that will never run out. Good luck.

(Final Jeopardy music begins. DREAM ELLEN and JUDY both take their time writing answers.)

JOHNNY GILBERT (Voiceover)
If you would like to have your own energy nightmare, place a self-addressed, stamped envelope under your pillow, or check us out on the web at www.energynightmare.game.

ALEX TREBEK (Voiceover)
Will Judy remain our Jeopardy champion? Or will Ellen take the lead? We’ll know momentarily.

JOHNNY GILBERT (Voiceover)
Some contestants on Jeopardy will receive a year’s supply of energy. Energy—you make the world go ’round!

ALEX TREBEK (Voiceover)
Once again, the answer is: This is the one source of power that will never run out.

(Music comes to an end.)

ALEX TREBEK
Time’s up, players. Let’s see how well you did. Judy, we’ll start with you. You wrote down… nothing.

JUDY
That’s correct, Alex—because there is no answer.

ALEX TREBEK
Well, actually, you’re wrong. Let’s take a look at your wager. (Her wager of $17,800 appears on screen.) Oh, that’s too bad. You risked everything you had, and that means you lose $17,800 and you wind up with nothing. Let’s go down to Ellen now and see what she came up with as the response to our Final Jeopardy clue. Ellen?

DREAM ELLEN
Uh, what is brain power, Alex?

ALEX TREBEK
You are correct—and your wager? You, too, risked everything, but you double your score to $35,600—which makes you, Ellen, our new Jeopardy champion! Congratulations!

(Balloons fall on DREAM ELLEN.)

JOHNNY GILBERT (Voiceover)
Be sure to join us tomorrow, as Jeopardy dream sequence week continues.

(ELLEN appears on screen and turns off the dream behind her with a remote.)

ELLEN
So, that’s how I became an energy expert. Again, “expert” may not be the exact right word. More expert-ish. Anyway, I’ve gotta go—look out for the dinosaur! (Chuckles.) Kidding. I’m a kidder. Bye-bye now.

(ELLEN exits the screen. A loud dinosaur noise is heard in the blackout, and then the lights come up. Cast member makes exit announcement.)

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Ellen’s Energy Adventure Pre-Show (Epcot)

(Pre-show. Guests enter theatre and are asked by a cast member to stand. Video begins. ELLEN appears on screen.)

ELLEN
Hi, and welcome to the Universe of Energy. How are ya? No need to answer. You know, you’re probably surprised to see me here, aren’t you? But then, there’s probably a lot of places you’d be surprised to see me when you think about it. If you were driving in your car, for instance, okay? Close your eyes, you’re in your car—no, don’t close your eyes in the car—but right now, think about it. You’re in your car, you’re driving, and then all of a sudden from the back seat I just pop up and go, “Hey!!” You’d just whack me in the head, wouldn’t you? That would be—that wouldn’t be nice. But then it wouldn’t be nice for me to do that to you. How’d I get in your car, anyway? Can you—did you lock the car? Maybe it was your fault. Maybe I’m just teaching you a lesson. But the point is, to see me here, as a spokesperson for the Universe of Energy. I mean that’s… crazy. You know? I mean I’m an expert on a lot of things. You know that. I know that. But, uh, not a lot of things—a few things. But energy? I mean, there was a time I could care less about it. And then, suddenly everything changed. One day, I was sitting in my apartment… (Snaps fingers and nothing happens.) I said, I was sitting in my apartment when— (Snaps again and apartment appears. MEMORY ELLEN enters carrying a cat and sits on couch.) There it is. I’d offer you some snacks, but she—I mean I—can’t hear me. (To MEMORY ELLEN) Hey, hey, you! How about sharing some of those chips?

MEMORY ELLEN
No, you’re on a diet!

ELLEN
Me? How about you?

TV ANNOUNCER (Voiceover)
You’re watching ABC!

ELLEN
Anyhoo, I’m watching TV, and my favorite show’s about to start.

JOHNNY GILBERT (Voiceover)
This is Jeopardy!

MEMORY ELLEN
Yes!

ELLEN
Told you it was my favorite show.

(There is a knock at the door in the memory.)

MEMORY ELLEN
What is, “Who is it?”

(BILL NYE enters the apartment.)

ELLEN
And of course, no one locks their doors in New York…

BILL NYE
Hey, it’s your neighbor—Bill Nye the Science Guy.

MEMORY ELLEN
Hey, Bill Nye the Science Guy, it’s Ellen the, uh—just Ellen I guess. What can I do ya for?

BILL NYE
I’d like to borrow some aluminum foil, a clothespin, and a candle.

MEMORY ELLEN
Another hot date, huh?

BILL NYE
Actually, I’m working on a new experiment.

MEMORY ELLEN
Uh, take whatever you need. I don’t want to miss any of the game.

BILL NYE
What’re you watching?

MEMORY ELLEN
Jeopardy.

BILL NYE
Yes!

JOHNNY GILBERT (Voiceover)
And now, our returning champion, a professor of energy at Princeton University: Dr. Judy Peterson.

MEMORY ELLEN
Oh my gosh!

BILL NYE
What?

MEMORY ELLEN
It’s my old college roommate, Judy Peterson. She was such a smarty-pants know-it-all. I had the best nickname for her, though.

BILL NYE
What was that?

MEMORY ELLEN
Stupid Judy.

BILL NYE
Ellen, that makes no sense—she has a PhD!

MEMORY ELLEN
I know, but it made me feel better. So now I guess she’s some hotshot energetic professor.

BILL NYE
She’s a professor of energy!

MEMORY ELLEN
Whatever. Who cares about Stupid Judy and her stupid energy?

BILL NYE
Ellen, energy’s the most important thing in… the universe!

MEMORY ELLEN
Oh yeah, sure—take her side.

BILL NYE
I’m not taking her side—it’s just that, without energy, nothing would go, nothing would happen. I mean, there’d be… nothin’!

MEMORY ELLEN
Well, then we’d really be in jeopardy, now, wouldn’t we?

BILL NYE
Ahem! Yeah, well, what is, uh, “thanks for the supplies and, uh, see you later.”

MEMORY ELLEN
What is, “Bye-bye.”

(BILL NYE leaves the apartment.)

ALEX TREBEK (Voiceover)
It’s the Parliament of Israel.

JUDY (Voiceover)
What is the Knesset?

ALEX TREBEK (Voiceover)
Right again. Go.

MEMORY ELLEN
Right again, Judy. (To cat.) Stupid Judy. Stupid energy. (To TV.) Maybe the universe needs energy, but I don’t. I’ll take a nap for a hundred.

ELLEN
(On the phone.) Hahahaha, I know! Big piece of corn right there in the teeth, how could you not see—I’m gonna have to call you back. (Clears throat. To audience.) Now as most of you know, when someone falls asleep watching TV, that person is going to have a… what? Anyone? Anyone?

WOMAN IN AUDIENCE
Uh, crick in the neck?

MAN IN AUDIENCE
Bad hair day!

2ND WOMAN IN AUDIENCE
A dream sequence.

ELLEN
That’s right, ma’am, a dream sequence! Right. Mine was more of a nightmare, actually. And uh, let’s—actually, we should get some fog in here. Always nice to spice up a dream sequence with fog. (Fog begins to infiltrate ELLEN’s shot.) No, not in here. Over there. In the dream. (Fog moves into MEMORY ELLEN’s apartment.) Scary, huh? Ooooooh!

(Dream sequence begins on the Jeopardy set. JUDY and ALBERT EINSTEIN stand behind their podiums.)

JOHNNY GILBERT
This is Jeopardy! Now, here are today’s contestants: Dr. Judy Peterson, Dr. Albert Einstein, and finally… just Ellen. (DREAM ELLEN rushes in.) And now, here’s the host of Jeopardy—Alex Trebek!

ALEX TREBEK
Thank you, Johnny Gilbert. Hello, contestants. Welcome to our program, and good luck to you in the game. Here are the categories for the first round of play: Solar Energy, Wind Power, Energy From Water, Fossil Fuels, Fusion, and finally… Gas. Ellen, since this is your dream, we’ll let you make the first selection.

DREAM ELLEN
Alright, Alex. Uh, I will take, um—eenie meenie minie—uh, Fossil Fuels for, uh—oh, let’s go for a hundred.

ALEX TREBEK
Fine. The answer is: This was formed from microscopic plants and animals trapped in ocean floor sediments millions of years ago. Ellen?

DREAM ELLEN
Yes, I know that one. That’s uh.. that, um, is, um—what… what is… hmm… What is um, uh, stuff trapped—microscopic fuels and… and plants and… and animals, and… and—

(Buzzer indicates she is out of time.)

ALEX TREBEK
Sorry, Ellen. We were looking for something more than just an embellishment of what I had already said. Anyone else? Judy?

JUDY
What is petroleum, Alex? (Cut to JUDY answering several questions in a row.) What is bituminous?What is solar-thermal conversion? What is hydroelectric? What is helium?

(At the end of the round, JUDY’s score is $17,800, ALBERT EINSTEIN has $0, and DREAM ELLEN has -$100.)

ALEX TREBEK
And so, as we come to the end of the first round, ladies and gentlemen, Judy has a commanding lead; Ellen has her work cut out for her; and Dr. Einstein is nowhere—relatively speaking.

DREAM ELLEN
Is this a nightmare, or what?

(Bell rings indicating a correct answer, and DREAM ELLEN’s score goes up to $0.)

ALEX TREBEK
Oh, Ellen, your first correct response!

DREAM ELLEN
Wait a minute. (Snaps fingers.) Freeze! (The scene freezes.) This is my dream. I’m in control now. I can still win. I still have a chance to.

BILL NYE (Entering)
Ellen! Ellen!

DREAM ELLEN
Who is it?

BILL NYE
It’s me, Bill Nye the Science Guy.

DREAM ELLEN
Hey, I’m glad you came to help me.

BILL NYE
Actually, I came to see Einstein. Wow, you’re getting clobbered.

DREAM ELLEN
Yeah. This nightmare Jeopardy version’s a lot harder than the home version. Can you help me?

BILL NYE
Sure! But first, we have to go back.

DREAM ELLEN
Back… stage?

BILL NYE
No, no, no. Way back! Like, many billion years ago!

DREAM ELLEN
Okay, but can we stop at a minimart or something and get some snacks? ‘Cause, I have a tendency to get hungry after a couple billion years.

BILL NYE
No can do—time’s a-wastin’! Come on!

(DREAM ELLEN and BILL NYE exit toward a bright light.)

ELLEN
Wait—it’s not even over. It gets really weird from here. Now some person I don’t even know reminds me there’s no eating, drinking, smoking, or flash photography allowed in my dream.

CAST MEMBER (Ad Lib)
Ladies and gentlemen, as just a reminder, there’s no eating, drinking, smoking, or flash photography allowed in Ellen’s dream.

ELLEN
And no videotaping. Okay? And those of you who are just walking in right now—you’re late. Where have you been? I love your hair. No, not you. I mean, it’s all right, but that’s… cute. Yeah. Um, anyway, so you’re not completely lost, here’s a recap of what has been going on: I’m Ellen. Hi! I love Jeopardy; I used to not care about energy at all, until I had a nightmare that I was on Jeopardy and all the categories were about energy. Oh, don’t I know it’s scary. So my neighbor, Bill Nye, steps in, to help me out—Bill Nye the Science Guy. You know him? Anyway, so he comes in to help me out. That’s what’s going on. Got it? Good. If you don’t, then that’s your problem, because you’re late. And you think about that next time!

(Cast member makes announcement about doors opening outward and notes the 37-minute length of the show. Doors open, and guests make their way toward the Attraction.)

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The Spirit of Norway – Maelstrom Post-Show Film (Epcot) – 1988-2014

(Guests finish riding Maelstrom and proceed to theatre.)

NARRATOR
To know this land’s heart and soul—to discover its spirit.

(Fjords appear on screen.)

Norway. To discover its spirit.

(Cut to a small boy standing in the light cast by a circular window.)

It was born in challenge—in a thousand years of challenging the seas.

(Boy walks away to reveal a huge longboat inside the structure. Cut back and forth between images of seamen building boats and the boy admiring the finished product. Cut between a helicopter flying over oil rigs and a crew sailing a boat. The rig lets out a jet of fire as the boat’s captain yells to his crew. Cut back to the boy admiring the boat.)

It’s a spirit that knows a quiet sense of timelessness.

(Cut to a fishing village, where a boat plies the water and gulls fly overhead. Residents go about their daily lives. Cut to an image of a skier fastening skis to prepare for a run.)

Our spirit lives in daring.

(Skier speeds downhill and off a jump.)

It lives in our traditions.

(Cut to a city street in the midst of a festival, complete with music, parades, crowds, flags, and people on horseback.)

Our spirit—it lives in our people.

(Closeups on various Norwegian people, including children, families, business people, blue collar workers, sailors, ballet dancers, scientists, horse-drawn carriages, etc. Cut back to the child looking at the boat.)

Our spirit—it lives in our people. Norway.

(Dissolve to a boat speeding through the fjords. Film ends.)

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Maelstrom (Epcot) – 1988-2014

(Loading area announcements)

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
For your safety: remain seated, keeping your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the boat. And please watch your children. Just a reminder—no flash pictures inside Maelstrom. Thank you.

(Spanish safety spiel.)

(Attraction begins.)

Photo credit: Jeff Krause

NARRATOR
You are not the first to pass this way. Nor shall you be the last. Those who seek the spirit of Norway face peril and adventure—but more often, find beauty and charm.

(Odin’s eye begins to glow.)

We have always lived with the sea, so look first to the spirit of the seafarer.

(Boats enter viking village.)

Long ago, Norway was a land of vikings. That was the beginning of our love for the sea.

(Boats pass a family speaking Norwegian and a viking blowing a horn.)

There are those who see Norway’s spirit veiled in a land of forests and mystery—where trolls still prowl the water’s edge.

(Boats pass THREE-HEADED TROLL.)

Maelstrom-1987-3-600x402TROLL 1
What’s this? How dare you come here?!

TROLL 2
Invaders!

TROLL 1
Stop! This is troll country.

TROLL 3
Look away—be gone!

TROLL 1
I’ll cast a spell.

TROLL 2
Yes! Yes!

TROLL 1
You’ll disappear.

TROLL 3
Disappear! Disappear!

TROLL 1
Back! Back! Over the falls!

(TROLLS laugh. Boats begin to travel backward.)

NARRATOR
Before recorded time, Norway’s spirit roamed the seas of the far north and beyond.

(Boats pass several polar bears.)

Today, Norway’s spirit still thunders in her great fjords!

Photo credit: Bob Rowan

Photo credit: Bob Rowan

(Boats continue moving backward and look like they are going to go over the waterfall. ROCK TROLL appears.)

ROCK TROLL
Hmm, what’s this? How dare you come this way! Down to the North Sea with you! (Laughs.)

(Boats alter course and plunge forward down a small drop. They pass oil rigs and pull in to small fishing village to unload.)

NARRATOR
Norway’s spirit has always been—will always be—adventure!

(Guests exit boats and proceed to theatre for The Spirit of Norway film.)

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Journey into Imagination with Figment (Epcot)

(Loading area announcements)

DR. NIGEL CHANNING
To ensure your safe tour of our Sensory Labs, please remain seated with your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside your tour tram. Keep a watchful eye on your children, and, um… oh! Oh, yes—please don’t let your imaginations run wild.

(Spanish safety spiel.) 

(Ride begins.)

DR. NIGEL CHANNING
Welcome, welcome, welcome to our special drive-thru open house! I’m Dr. Nigel Channing—chairman of the Imagination Institute. Hello! On your tour, you’ll see how the five humans senses  can help capture your imagination.

(FIGMENT appears on screen.)

FIGMENT
Oh, oh! Can I go too?!

DR. NIGEL CHANNING
Absolutely not! Uh, this is one of our discoveries—the Figment of imagination.

FIGMENT
Yeah, I know all about the senses! There’s sight. (Puts glasses on DR. CHANNING.) Sound. (Sings a high note that shatters the glasses.) Smell. (Sniffs DR. CHANNING’s armpit.) Touch. Coochie coochie coo! (Tickles DR. CHANNING.) And taste. (Licks DR. CHANNING’s face.) Tastes like chicken! Can I go? Please, please, please!

DR. NIGEL CHANNING
No! I don’t want you out of my sight.

FIGMENT
Out of sight? Okay! (He disappears.) Come on, everybody! Here we go!

DR. NIGEL CHANNING
Figment, you are not to interfere with the tour!

Our first stop is the Sound Lab. We’ll begin by testing your hearing with a series of tones. Left ear. (Tone sounds.) Right ear. (Tone sounds.) Left. (Tone sounds.) Right. (Tone sounds. Phone rings.) Hmm, what? This is odd… Hello.

FIGMENT
Hellllllloo!

DR. NIGEL CHANNING
Who is this?

FIGMENT
It’s Figment!

DR. NIGEL CHANNING
Figment?! I thought I told you not to interfere.

FIGMENT
But you’ve got it wrong, Doc. It’s not about listening with your ears—it’s about listening with your imagination.

DR. NIGEL CHANNING
Now I’ve completely lost my train of thought.

(Sound of a train whistle.)

FIGMENT
No you haven’t. (Train sound gets louder.) It’s over here! All aboard!! Woo-woo! Next stop: imagination!

For every sound your ears are hearing,
A thousand thoughts can start appearing.
And each of us imagines different things,
From just a sound, your mind has wings!

DR. NIGEL CHANNING
Continuing now, if I may, in a calm, scientific, Figment-free manner—the things we see with our eyes can control the eyes of the imagination. Let’s begin by using the eye chart to test your vision. Now, all together, if you would please read line three. And here—

(FIGMENT appears on the eye chart and knocks down all the letters. He then rearranges them to spell his name.)

FIGMENT
With F-I-G-M-E-N-T,
You can see things differently!

Sure, you can see with your eyes. But imagine what you could see if you used your imagination! Follow the bouncing Figment!

(The lyrics to the song appear on screen as FIGMENT’s head bounces to indicate when to sing.)

One spark of light can light your fancy.
Your mind sees more than what your eyes see.
Your sense of sight can make your fancy fly.
There’s more to sight than meets the eye!

DR. NIGEL CHANNING
I say imagination must be captured and controlled.

FIGMENT
Nuh-uh! Imagination works best when it’s set free! Just turn your imagination loose, and anything can happen!

DR. NIGEL CHANNING
Figment? Figment?! Oh, he’s gone. Our research shows that smells often trigger the imagination—especially when pleasant, familiar smells come into play.

FIGMENT
Come in to play? (Chuckles.) I’d love to!

DR. NIGEL CHANNING
Figment, this is not a good time!

FIGMENT
It’s always a good time to use your imagination. So let the good times roll!

(FIGMENT appears on the Smell Lab screens and turns them into a slot machine. The three wheels spin and reveal three FIGMENTs dressed as skunks.)

FIGMENT
Woo-hoo! You win one scent!

DR. NIGEL CHANNING
Figment, don’t! (FIGMENT sprays skunk smell at the guests.) Oh, yuck! That really stinks!!

FIGMENT
Of course, Doc! The nose knows.

One awful whiff can send you reeling.
One lovely sniff can be appealing.
Your mind decides what enters through your nose.
That’s how you tell a skunk is not a rose.

DR. NIGEL CHANNING
You know—I’m sorry, but after that big stink in the Smell Lab, I hesitate to send you into the Touch and Taste Labs. Perhaps I should end my open house right here.

FIGMENT
Great idea! We’ll go to my open house instead—it’s much more fun! Right this way, everybody.

DR. NIGEL CHANNING
Figment, what is going on? You’re turning this entire open house upside down.

FIGMENT
Upside down? Now you’re talkin’! That’s the best idea you’ve had all day!

With just a spark of inspiration,
I’ve made my house an innovation.
Imagination really clowns around:
Makes downside up, and upside down!

(Vehicles move through upside-down house.)

Now, here’s a real open house. Come on in! So what do you think—is it me?

DR. NIGEL CHANNING
More than you can imagine…

FIGMENT
But Doc, it’s exactly what I imagine! Imagination is the brain’s open house!

DR. NIGEL CHANNING
Oh, of course. Imagination is the act of turning your thinking upside down! Come on, Figment—it’s time to get back to the Institute.

FIGMENT
I know a shortcut!

DR. NIGEL CHANNING
Well, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em!

We all have sparks!

FIGMENT
Imagination!
That’s how our minds create creations.

DR. NIGEL CHANNING
We set them free, and oh, what they can do!

DR. NIGEL CHANNING AND FIGMENT
Those magic sparks from me and you.

FIGMENT
(Laughs.) You see, Doc—I knew you’d get it. Because you’ve got a wonderful imagination!

DR. NIGEL CHANNING
I do? Oh, yes, well, thank you Figment. (Appears on screen.) And so, as you can plainly see, imagination works the best when it’s set free.

FIGMENT
You said it, Doc! Imagination is a blast!

(With a blast of air, the final scene is revealed with colorful FIGMENT animatronics singing the theme song.)

FIGMENT CHORUS
Imagination! Imagination!
A dream (a dream)
Can be (can be)
A dream come true.
With just that spark from me and you.

DR. NIGEL CHANNING
One little spark of inspiration
Is at the heart of all creation.
Right at the start of everything that’s new,
One little spark lights up for you.

(Vehicles move to unload area.)

FIGMENT CHORUS
Imagination! Imagination!
A dream (a dream)
Can be (can be)
A dream come true.
With just that spark from me and you.

DR. NIGEL CHANNING
And now, we invite you to set your imaginations free in the ImageWorks.

FIGMENT
Hooray! Let’s go play!

(Guests exit.)

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