Indiana Jones Adventure (Disneyland)

(Queue area.)

ARCHEOLOGIST (When guests pull the rope)

Uh, oh… Oh, no! Oh blimey!!

Careful! It’s an insightful artifact down here. Now, “fifty years of sorrow shall befall the destroyer of this, uh, vessel.”

Oh, no!

Blast it all — don’t pull the rope! You don’t want to break an art — (Crash.) Oh, dear…

I say, stop mucking about up there!

Oh, blast. Not again! Ahhhhhhh! (Thud.)

Leave off the rope, old chap. Please, old fellow, I’ve a frightfully valuable artifact down here. Oh no, I had a terribly valuable artifact down here.

I say, leave off the rope, old chap. Be a jolly good sport there.

(Preshow and safety video.)

(Onscreen text reads “Eye on the Globe,” and then “Top Stories: Tourists Flock to Mysterious Temple. Eye on the Globe.”)

VIDEO ANNOUNCER
In the remote jungles of India’s Lost Delta — from all over the world, they are flocking here, following the strange story of the mysterious temple and gifts from the gods. The story begins one year ago. World-famous archeologist Indiana Jones follows a tattered map to an ancient edifice. Could this be the fabled Temple of the Forbidden Eye? According to Jones, the temple contains a Chamber of Destiny, where an ancient idol lured visitors with promises of gifts: eternal youth, earthly riches, or visions of the future. But any who looked into the eyes of this double-dealing deity took a detour to doom. A chilling tale indeed, but not chilling enough to cool off the hot pursuit of thousands of greedy globetrotters. They’re ready for a supernatural shopping spree.

(Onscreen text reads “Keep your Eye on the Globe. The End.”)

SALLAH
Welcome, my friends, to the Temple of the Forbidden Eye. I, Sallah, shall now give you counsel to seek out a miraculous journey. Here in your transportation devices are ingenious pouches for safekeeping all earthly treasures when the journey becomes, uh, bumpy. And to keep you safe and sound, here are special belts attached into the seats. Simply pull it from the right, inserting it into the left, like so. You see the excellence of this invention? Your off-road journey is high-speed and turbulent — going over rough and rugged terrain, and then suddenly you are turning sharply, and dropping suddenly! It is unlike anything you have ever experienced, I assure you. Now, my friends, one final word of advice: once you have entered the Chamber of Destiny, look not into the eyes of the idol. That would be dangerous… very dangerous. Well, my friends, the moment is drawing near. Already I am envious of the wonders that await you — if you avoid the eyes of Mara, that is.

(Onscreen text reads “Eye on the Globe,” and then “Newswire: Riddle of the Lost Tourists. Eye on the Globe.”)

VIDEO ANNOUNCER
The Temple of the Forbidden Eye continues to beckon visitors from around the globe! They’ve all heard the tantalizing tales — the matronly movie star made young again; the paupers who became Rockefellers in these ruins. But a darker tale has surfaced. Many visitors are claiming loved ones have disappeared inside. Could it be they looked into the eyes of the idol? The reports reach Indiana Jones, who returns to the site of his great discovery. Our newsreel camera follows Dr. Jones as he enters the temple. One week later, and still no Indiana Jones. Could Jones himself have locked eyes with the idol? Or will he solve the riddle of the lost tourists? When, and if, he does, Eye on the Globe will be there.

(Onscreen text reads “Keep your Eye on the Globe. The End.”)

SALLAH
Welcome, my friends, to the Temple of the Forbidden Eye. I, Sallah, shall now give you counsel to seek out a miraculous journey. Here in your transportation devices are ingenious pouches for safekeeping all earthly treasures when the journey becomes, uh, bumpy. And to keep you safe and sound, here are special belts attached into the seats. Simply pull it from the right, inserting it into the left, like so. You see the excellence of this invention? Your off-road journey is high-speed and turbulent — going over rough and rugged terrain, and then suddenly you are turning sharply, and dropping suddenly! It is unlike anything you have ever experienced, I assure you. Now, my friends, one final word of advice: once you have entered the Chamber of Destiny, look not into the eyes of the idol. That would be dangerous… very dangerous. Well, my friends, the moment is drawing near. Already I am envious of the wonders that await you — if you avoid the eyes of Mara, that is.

(Guests proceed toward loading area.)

SALLAH (Voiceover)
Hello again, my esteemed friends! When you board your transport, put all earthly treasures in the pouch directly in front of you — unless of course you wish to lose them in the temple. (Laughs.) Oh, but seriously, our journey through the temple is rough. To keep safe and sound, stay well seated with seatbelt fastened and your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the transport. If you are traveling with children, you must keep a close watch on them. Your transport approaches. I wish you a successful and wondrous expedition.

(Spanish safety spiel.)

(Guests board ride vehicles.)

SALLAH (Voiceover)
Are you there? Come in! Splendid. You have only to get your seat straps in. Buckle up tightly now!

(Vehicles begin moving.)

SALLAH
Uh, hello. Hello. Oh, my friends, uh, the brakes may be needing a little adjustment. Easy on the curves.

MARA
You have chosen wisely. This path leads to timeless youth and beauty. You looked into my eyes. Your path now leads to the Gates of Doom!

You seek the future. I will lift the Curtain of Time. It is your destiny. You looked into my eyes! Your destiny now lies beyond the Gates of Doom!

You seek the Treasure of Mara? Glittering gold — it is yours. You looked into my eyes! Your path now leads to the Gates of Doom!

(Vehicles careen toward the Gates of Doom, but INDIANA JONES is pushing them shut.)

INDIANA JONES
Great… I ask for help and they send me tourists. Swerve left — up to the left. Ugh, you had to look, didn’t you? Tourists! You had to look, didn’t you? Oh, we’ve got a problem here. Turn left! Up to the left — and watch it, there’s big steps up there! You looked?! There’s powers here you can’t possibly comprehend. Quick — take the left passage! It’s the only way out. Ugh, ugh, nice driving pal!

(Vehicles turn left and pass through temple chambers and across the bridge. Upon entering the chamber filled with snakes, a giant cobra tries to strike.)

INDIANA JONES
Snakes? You guys are on your own! Careful. Watch out for anything that slithers.

(Vehicles pass through a chamber crawling with rats and then past spear-wielding warriors trying to hit the vehicle. Suddenly, the vehicles approach INDIANA JONES hanging from rope under giant boulder.)

INDIANA JONES
Careful down there. I’ve got a bad feeling about this, ugh. Uh-oh, uh-oh, get me out of here! Hey, it’s dark down here! A rescue — just what I need… Uh-oh, careful! We got company! Sallah, get some light down here! There you are. Let me in! Let me in! Uh-oh, no. Get me out! Get me out! Hey, get a light on down here! You made it! Uh-oh, back up! Back up!

(Vehicles dive under the boulder and narrowly miss getting crushed. Rounding a corner, INDIANA JONES is seen standing next to the cracked boulder.)

INDIANA JONES
Next time, you wear blindfolds, okay?  There. That wasn’t so bad, was it? Tourists! Next time, you’re on your own. Ugh, now, don’t tell me that wasn’t big fun. Tourists, why does it have to be tourists? Not bad — for tourists. Now, stay out of trouble, will ya? You were good. You were very, very good.

(Vehicles return to unload area.)

SALLAH
Ah, welcome back. You entered the Observatory of the Future. In that case, I don’t even have to tell you that we would like you to stay seated until your transport comes to a complete stop.

Friends, I celebrate your arrival! If you drank too much from the Fountain of Youth, we will be happy to assist you with strollers. (Laughs.) But please, stay seated until your transport comes to a complete stop.

Greetings. You will no doubt be having many jewels and coins in your possession. Please, stay seated until the transport comes to a complete stop, then step out carefully with your treasure.

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Dumbo the Flying Elephant (Disneyland)

(Loading area announcements.)

TIMOTHY
Hi there! It’s your friend, Timothy Mouse. As you know, Dumbo is a real high-flyer. So to make your flight a safe one, be sure to stay seated with your seatbelt fastened, keeping your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside. And for all you grownup types, be sure to watch your kids! To make your pachyderm fly higher, just raise the magic lever right in front of you. Okay, Dumbo, let’s get this show on the road!

(Spanish safety spiel.)

(Ride begins.)

TIMOTHY
What a flight! Okay, everybody, time to hold your horses — I mean elephants — until Dumbo comes to a stop. Then yous can walk to the nearest exit. See you soon!

(Ride ends. Guests exit and new guests board.)

TIMOTHY
This is your ringmaster, Timothy Mouse. To make sure your flight’s a safe one, be sure to stay seated with your seatbelt fastened, keeping your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside. And be sure to watch your kids! To make Dumbo fly higher, just raise the magic lever right in front of you. Everybody ready? Then get ready to take off with the world’s only flying elephant — Dumbo!

(Spanish safety spiel.)

(Ride begins.)

TIMOTHY
Looks like we’re comin’ in for a landing, gang. But please stay seated until Dumbo comes to a stop, and then yous can walk to the nearest exit. Thanks for flying with the eighth wonder of the world — Dumbo!

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Kali River Rapids (Disney’s Animal Kingdom)

(Preshow Queue Video.)

MANISHA GURUNG
Hello, my name is Manisha Gurung. I am the founder and manager of Kali Rapids Expeditions. When you board one of our rafts, you can look forward to an exciting, safe, and very wet trip down a Class IV stretch of beautiful river. My team and I believe that our river rides are more than just an exciting adventure. We believe they help spread a message to visitors about preserving wild places — like our forest. All around Anandapur, logging companies in search of tropical hardwood have bitten deep into the jungle. When this happens, the traditional life of village and forest is destroyed forever. I created this river-rafting enterprise to demonstrate there are non-destructive ways to bring revenue to the village. Because the more people like you care, the better chance our jungle has of surviving. Thank you for choosing Kali Rapids Expeditions! We hope your journey will show you a world that is truly worth saving.

(Safety announcement.)

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Hello, my friends. To make sure your expedition is a safe one, stay seated with your seatbelt fastened, keeping your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the raft — and be sure to watch your children! May you have a memorable and exciting journey!

(Spanish safety spiel.)

Greetings friends. There’s some rough water ahead, so for a safe journey, remain seated with your seatbelt fastened. Keep your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the raft — and be sure to watch your children. Thank you, and enjoy your journey!

(Spanish safety spiel.)

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Big Thunder Mountain Railroad (Disneyland)

(Spanish safety spiel.)

SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Howdy partners! For your safety, remain seated with your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the train — and be sure to watch your kids. If any of you folks are wearin’ hats or glasses, best remove ’em — ’cause this here’s the wildest ride in the wilderness!

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O’ Canada! (Epcot)

*Sung lyrics in bold.

(Guests enter theatre and are greeted by announcement from Canadian cast member. The film begins.)

(Blizzard conditions appear on screen.)

NARRATOR
Canada! Big. Wide. And very, very cold.

MARTIN SHORT
What?

NARRATOR
Here in the great white north, it snows 24 hours a day—

MARTIN SHORT
No, no, no…

NARRATOR
Every day of the year.

MARTIN SHORT
Excuse me!

NARRATOR
Its frozen landscape is dotted with igloos—

MARTIN SHORT
Uh, hello!

NARRATOR
Homes for the vast majority of Canadians.

MARTIN SHORT
Would someone please just stop the—

NARRATOR
Penguins and polar bears prowl the permafrost—

MARTIN SHORT
Stop the movie!!

(MARTIN SHORT appears on screen as the NARRATOR’s voice gets cut off.)

MARTIN SHORT
Thank you.

(The snow disappears, coating MARTIN SHORT in the process.)

NARRATOR
Of all the nerve…

MARTIN SHORT
Sorry to interrupt, but everything he said is wrong. (To NARRATOR) You’re completely wrong!

NARRATOR
I am?

MARTIN SHORT
Have you ever been to Canada?

NARRATOR
Mm, technically, no.

MARTIN SHORT
Uh-huh… You know, you know, I think these good people deserve to hear from someone who knows the true Canada — someone who loves Canada, who grew up there.

NARRATOR
Is Celene Dion here?!

MARTIN SHORT
No, Celene Dion is not here. I’m referring to myself — Martin Short. Hello. Raised in Hamilton, Ontario…

NARRATOR
Fine! I’ll just go to the France Pavilion film — where they appreciate an invisible narrator!

MARTIN SHORT
Adieu… That’s French…

(Sound of a door opening and slamming.)

MARTIN SHORT
Now, I can show you the real Canada — my Canada. And there’s lots to see, so let’s go, shall we?

(Scenes from Niagara Falls appear onscreen, with Toronto in the background.)

MARTIN SHORT
First stop, Niagara Falls. Oh, I know what you’re thinking — you’re thinking, “But Martin, those are in America!” And you’d be half right. This half, however, is in Canada: the spectacular Horseshoe Falls.

(Onscreen scene changes to Bay of Fundy.)

MARTIN SHORT
Now, from one natural wonder to another, check out the Bay of Fundy in New Brunswick — the largest tide in the world. Now this is low-tide, obviously, when you can actually walk on the sea floor. But at high-tide, you’d be 50 feet underwater. So time your walks very carefully, okay?

(Scene changes to follow a train passing by mountains.)

MARTIN SHORT
From the East Coast, we zoom across six timezones to the West Coast, so keep your hands and feet inside the country at all times.

(Scene changes to Butchart Gardens.)

MARTIN SHORT
Vancouver Island’s spectacular Butchart Gardens — inspiring visitors from around the world for over 100 years.

(Flowers bloom in fast motion on screen.)

MARTIN SHORT
But if you like your plants a little bigger, take a stroll through nearby Cathedral Grove.

(Scene changes to giant tree trunks of Cathedral Grove.)

MARTIN SHORT
Some of the trees here are more than 800 years old. With sights like these, I’m sure it comes as no surprise that Canadians love the great outdoors.

(Cut to shots of various wildlife, including elk, deer, moose, geese, eagles, wolves, bears, etc.)

MARTIN SHORT
Especially these Canadians!

(Screens all change to show polar bears.)

MARTIN SHORT
I suppose the polar bears are a bit of a giveaway that we do get a little snow in Canada.

(Camera pans over snow-covered mountains.)

MARTIN SHORT
But you know what, it doesn’t slow us down — not one bit.

(Skiers and snowboarders are shown doing various tricks and jumps. Cut to athletes curling.)

MARTIN SHORT
And okay, sometimes I do get a little excited about curling… but who doesn’t?

(MARTIN SHORT appears on screen in curling uniform and throws the stone. He runs after it, waving his arms.)

MARTIN SHORT
Sweep! Sweep! Sweep! Sweep!

(Cut to pedestrians skating down an icy canal.)

MARTIN SHORT
In winter, skating is our favorite form of transportation. Like here on the Rideau Canal in Ottawa.

(Cut to MARTIN SHORT dressed in hockey uniform.)

MARTIN SHORT
I was practically born on skates. In fact, I just happen to have some footage from my glory days in peewee hockey.

(The rest of the screens show a peewee hockey game.)

MARTIN SHORT
Isn’t it great that my parents owned a CircleVision camera?! What are the odds?

SKATING KID
Don’t pass it to Marty!

MARTIN SHORT
Hey, that’s me!

(One of the KIDS passes to YOUNG MARTY, who misses the puck. The KIDS groan.)

SKATING KID
He never scores!

MARTIN SHORT
Well, I think you can clearly see my early potential.

(Cut to a pro hockey game.)

MARTIN SHORT
Sure, I could have gone pro — the dream of every young Canadian.

(One player violently checks another into the wall.)

MARTIN SHORT
But I decided to go into comedy instead.

(Sound of ice cracking, and MARTIN SHORT falls through the ice into the water.)

MARTIN SHORT
(Screams.) Looks like things are warming up.

(Cut to rafters navigating rapids, horses racing, and baseball players.)

MARTIN SHORT
But that’s okay, because when the snow melts, Canadians are just as passionate about warm-weather sports.

(Cut to skateboarder doing a trick and then lacrosse players scoring a goal. Cut to a seaside town.)

MARTIN SHORT
Here in Nova Scotia, our passion is sailing. This is the home of the legendary Bluenose — winner of four international races in her day. We’re so proud of her, we put her image on a coin! Check it out the next time you accidentally get a Canadian dime in your change.

(Boats sail across open water. Camera pans over a bridge and over islands.)

MARTIN SHORT
Yes, Canadians do treasure nature and the great outdoors, and with such colorful small towns as Moosejaw and Medicine Hat, some people might think we’re rustic backwoods folks. But in fact, most Canadians live in cities. C’mon, I’ll show you.

(Cut to wharf in Victoria.)

MARTIN SHORT
Here’s beautiful Victoria, British Columbia. The architecture of this charming city is so inspired by its British heritage, that you would swear you were in England.

(Cut to Vancouver skyline.)

MARTIN SHORT
Victoria’s nearest neighbor is Vancouver. This diverse, cosmopolitan city is nestled between a rainforest, coastal mountains, and the Pacific Ocean. It’s also home to Canada’s exciting film industry — now that’s talent!

(Cut to scenes from Calgary.)

MARTIN SHORT
Next stop is Calgary, gateway to the Rocky Mountains — where sophisticated city living is right around the corner from outdoor adventure. And if you visit in July, don’t forget to pack your chaps and spurs.

(MARTIN SHORT appears on screen in full cowboy regalia.)

MARTIN SHORT
Yee-haw! Haha! The Calgary Stampede — in the saddle since 1912. With buckin’ broncos, wagon races, and bull riding. Let me show you how it’s done. (He uses his lasso to try to catch a passing calf.) Get along, little doggie!

(A bullrider tries to stay atop a bucking bull, wagon races go by, and a cowboy wrestles a cow to the ground. Cut to MARTIN SHORT tied up on the ground in his own rope, while the calf looks on from behind him.)

MARTIN SHORT
From the height of the Rockies to the height of sophistication —Toronto.

(Cut to Toronto skyline.)

MARTIN SHORT
This is a truly creative city, filled with theatres, museums, and nightlife.

(Cut to celebrities and photographers at the Toronto International Film Festival.)

MARTIN SHORT
The highlight of the year is the Toronto International Film Festival, where stars and fans from all over the world arrive for premieres and parties. C’est magnifique. Oh, I know,  you’re probably thinking, “Hey Marty, what’s with the French?”

(Cut to Quebec City skyline.)

MARTIN SHORT
Well, it’s because now we are in Quebec — the cradle of French civilization in North America. Quebec City is the only walled city in Canada.

(Cut to various views of Quebec City attractions and locals. Cut to Montreal skyline.)

MARTIN SHORT
But the largest city in the Provence de Quebec is Montreal. In fact, it’s the largest French-speaking city outside of France. Elle est très belle, non? A little help for the monolinguals in the audience.

(Subtitles read “It is very beautiful, no?”)

MARTIN SHORT
Merci!

(Subtitles read “You’re welcome!” Cut to shots of landmarks from across Montreal.)

MARTIN SHORT
Montreal is the home of a little theatre group you just might be familiar with.

(Cut to scenes performed by Cirque du Soleil. MARTIN SHORT appears on screen atop a ball being help up by an acrobat.)

MARTIN SHORT
Cirque du Soleil was created on the sidewalks of Quebec by street performers in 1984. Today, it has shows all over the world.

(Cut to more acrobatic scenes from Cirque du Soleil.)

MARTIN SHORT
And speaking of talented performers, here are a few other Canadians you might recognize.

(Celebrities appear on screen, including Keanu Reeves, Avril Lavigne, Joni Mitchell, Catherine O’Hara, Matthew Perry, Mike Myers, Dan Ackroyd, William Shatner, k.d. lang, etc.)

MARTIN SHORT
Wait, aren’t we missing the most glamorous one of all?

(All the screens display headshots of MARTIN SHORT.)

MARTIN SHORT
Ah, that’s better. Well, I guess you could say entertainers are Canada’s most important export. But let me introduce you to the real stars of Canada — the people who make up one of the most diverse countries in the world.

(Images of Canadian citizens of all ages start to appear on screen.)

MARTIN SHORT
From our native people to our newest immigrants, we treasure that diversity. But no matter who we are, we’re all proud to be Canadian. This would be the perfect place for a song. I think so, don’t you?

(Music begins for “Canada – You’re a Lifetime Journey.” Cut to mounties forming a long line on horseback. During the song, the camera pans across various scenes from different parts of Canada, focusing on all different landscapes.)

FEMALE SOLOIST
Canada,
My Canada,
You’re a lifetime journey for the traveler.

Canada,
My Canada,
You’re a lifeline of wonder on this planet Earth.

Canada,
You are far too vast and beautiful for words to ever really tell.
Canada,
Ten thousand dawns and sunsets I could see,
And still not know you well.

J’ai suivi la trace de tes oiseaux de neiges dans les forêts,
J’atteins peu à peu ton coeur et je vois
Comme si comme l’enfant.

Canada (Canada),
My Canada (mon Canada),
Aboutissement d’un rêve pour tous les voyageurs.

Canada (Canada),
My Canada (mon Canada),
Sur ta ligne de vie se tracent les miracles de la terre.

Canada,
Comme une odyssée à travers les temps,
Tu es la fleur et la semence.
Canada,
Tes montagnes, tes villes, et tes mers
Sont tout ce que j’aime.

People from around the world have settled in your land.
For their heritage and Canada they stand,
Side by side and hand in hand.

Canada (Canada)
My Canada (mon Canada)
You’re a lifeline of wonder.

(The montage ends in Vancouver, where the camera pans over the Canada Place terminal.)

FEMALE SOLOIST
Ooh, ohh, mmm.

(Cut to Niagara Falls at night.)

MARTIN SHORT
Here we area at Niagara Falls again. We’ve come full-circle, and sadly, our journey has come to an end.

(MARTIN SHORT appears on screen.)

MARTIN SHORT
Well, I just hope you enjoyed your tour of my Canada — but there’s nothing like the real thing. So just walk outside the theatre, hook a left toward that big silver ball, and keep walking due north, you can’t miss it. Just tell them Marty sent you. (He tries to get out of the screen.) Now, how do I get out of here, ’cause I have a FASTPASS for Soarin’… Hate to miss it… (Looking around.) I need help!

(He wanders off screen as the film ends.)

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Walt Disney World Railroad (Magic Kingdom)

(Train stops at Main Street Station.)

NARRATOR
Welcome aboard the Walt Disney World Railroad! We’re about to take a grand circle tour of the Magic Kingdom, with stops along the way at Frontierland and Fantasyland. Just sit tight and keep your hands, arms, feet, and legs well inside the train. We’re leaving Main Street Station right now, so wave goodbye — but if you stay on board long enough, why, sooner or later, you’ll be back.

(Spanish safety spiel.)

For an old conductor like me, there’s no better place to ride the rails than the Magic Kingdom. By the way, we’re traveling on pure steam power. This old locomotive is descended from the mighty trains that powered the golden age of steam. And just like me, it’s a little old-fashioned. Now, where else can you travel from the charm of Main Street, U.S.A. to the untamed jungles of Africa, Asia, and South America? At the Magic Kingdom, anything is possible, and we’re headed straight to the heart of Adventureland. It can get pretty wild in these parts — especially if you run into Captain Jack Sparrow. He’s hidin’ out among those scurrilous Pirates of the Caribbean. But whether you’re boardin’ a boat for the Jungle Cruise or flyin’ on Aladdin’s magic carpets, when you visit Adventureland, bring an extra dose of bravery. As for me, I’ll stay safe and sound right here aboard my train, if ya don’t mind.

(Train whistle sounds.)

We’ve reached the wild west of the Magic Kingdom: Frontierland. Well, this outpost is home to the covered wagons, cowpokes, and Country Bears. And we’ve got our own mountain range of excitin’ adventures. You might catch a runaway mine train at Big Thunder Mountain, or hop on over to Splash Mountain and join Br’er Rabbit for a 50-foot drop straight down into the briar patch. We’ve reached Frontierland Station, everyone, so sit tight until we’ve come to a complete stop. If you’re disembarking here, please carry your strollers all the way off the platform before you unfold ’em. That’ll help make room for the new passengers joinin’ us. Watch your step now — this is Frontierland Station.

(Train stops at Frontierland Station. Train leaves the station.)

Howdy, folks! If you’re just joinin’ us, welcome aboard the Walt Disney World Railroad. We’re headed for Fantasyland and to Main Street, U.S.A. Everybody stay seated, and keep your hands and arms, feet, and legs safely inside the train. And as always, keep an eye on your little ones.

(Spanish safety spiel.)

As we head into the American wilderness, we’ll pass by the dusty desert town of Tumbleweed. Keep your eyes peeled for the runaway mine trains of Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. Runaway trains… now I ask you — is that any way to run a railroad? I feel right at home here in the prairies and forests of the American wilderness. These woods haven’t changed much since the days when settlers started headin’ west! Nowadays, the rails can carry us safely through the wild, and a trip that used to take months can now be made in just a few weeks. There’s plenty of deer, antelope, and elk that feed along the banks of the river. And naturally, plenty of early settlers decided to put down stakes and live here too. Of course, those early settlers weren’t the first to make their home in this wild frontier. These native tribes of Plains Indians were living, hunting, and trading for centuries before we ever came along. They were the first to tame the wild horses of the American plains — long before our big ol’ iron horses started chuggin’ through these parts.

We’re almost out of the woods, folks. We’re comin’ up on the most magical of lands: Fantasyland — a place where any dream can come true! Fly over London with Peter Pan. Set sail on “it’s a small world.” Take a trip under the sea with The Little Mermaid. Be our guest at an enchanted feast in the Beast’s Castle. Or journey into the Seven Dwarfs’ mine, where a million diamonds shine. Whether you’re a pixie, a princess, or just an everyday dreamer, there’s always something special about Fantasyland.

If you’ve been riding trains as long as this old-timer, you may remember the days when the circus would come to town on the local railway. Well, the circus is here, and it’s set up permanent headquarters as the Fantasyland Storybook Circus. This is the place to fly high with Dumbo, or join Goofy on the Barnstormer — a frolicking ride of circus acrobatics and coaster thrills. This station is also your gateway to the rest of Fantasyland and Tomorrowland. Now, please wait until the train has come to a complete stop, gather your belongings, and carry your strollers away from the platform before you start unfoldin’ ’em. That way, we can start loadin’ up for the next leg of our trip. For those of your disembarking, please watch your step, and thanks for traveling with us on the Walt Disney World Railroad. Join us again real soon. If you’re stayin’ aboard, our next stop is Main Street Station.

(Train stops at Fantasyland Station. Train leaves the station.)

Looks like we’re ready to embark on the next leg of our journey! Our destination is Main Street, U.S.A. Now, everyone stay seated, and keep your hands and arms, feet, and legs inside the train at all times. And please, keep an eye on your children.

(Spanish safety spiel.)

There are some who say that this steam train is a little old-fashioned — but for me, it’s the only way to travel. Of course, there are those who prefer to hit the highway, and on the right, you just might spot some pint-sized drivers taking their first spin behind the wheel of a car. Gettin’ from place to place is a big deal in Tomorrowland, where you might board a PeopleMover, zip around on the Astro Orbiter, or book a flight across the galaxy at our busy Starport in Space Mountain. Tomorrowland is truly a world on the move!

Speaking of moving, seems like a whole lot of new neighbors have been migrating in from all corners of the Milky Way. There’s that rascally Experiment 626 — better known as Stitch — always up to his usual antics. Buzz Lightyear is scoutin’ for a few good Space Rangers. Even the monsters of Monstropolis have taken a shine to Tomorrowland. I hear those monsters are pretty funny (they’re sure funny-lookin’).

Yup, the future is here today at the Magic Kingdom — and the future looks like a lot of fun. But after workin’ on the railroad all the live-long day, it’s nice to come home to good old Main Street, U.S.A. Inspired by the small-town dreams of a young Walt Disney, a walk down Main Street is like steppin’ back into the early years of the 20th century. Of course, ours is a Main Street of the imagination, and we’ve got our own hometown hero: Mickey Mouse! Mickey and his friends have gathered at the Town Square Theatre, and they’re always happy to meet their fans!

We’ve made a complete trip around the Magic Kingdom. For those of you who’ve been on board for the whole journey, thanks for puttin’ up with me these last few days. If you’re stayin’ with us, we’ll be headed for Frontierland next. Right now, please stay seated until our train comes to a complete stop. Then pick up your belongings, and carefully step off the train. If you have strollers to unfold, please take ’em all the way beyond the platform so we can safely board passengers for the next leg of our journey. This is Main Street Station — Main Street, U.S.A.

(Train stops at Main Street Station.)

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Fantasmic! (Disneyland)

*Sung lyrics in bold.

NARRATOR
Welcome to Fantasmic! Tonight, our friend and host, Mickey Mouse, uses his vivid imagination to create magical imagery for all to enjoy. Nothing is more wonderful than the imagination — for in a moment, you can experience a beautiful fantasy or an exciting adventure! But beware… nothing is more powerful than the imagination — for it can also expand your greatest fears into an overwhelming nightmare. Are the powers of Mickey’s incredible imagination strong enough and bright enough to withstand the evil forces that invade Mickey’s dream? You are about to find out. For we now invite you to join Mickey and experience Fantasmic! — a journey beyond your wildest imagination.

(Music begins and grows.)

CHORUS
Imagination. (Imagination).
Dream a fantastic dream!

(MICKEY MOUSE appears.)

CHORUS
Use your imagination!

(MICKEY dances and conducts the dancing fountains to the Fantasmic! theme. Mist projection screens show scenes from Fantasia as music changes to “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.” Projections change to flowers as music changes back to main theme.)

FEMALE SOLOIST
See it in your mind,
And you can find
In your imagination,
Mysteries and magic,
Visions fantastic,
Leading to strange and wondrous dreams.

(Large flower dances onstage. Music changes to snake charming theme as large KAA puppet appears onstage and dances around, projecting bright beams of light from his eyes. Music changes to jungle beat. Dancing MONKEYS float by on rafts, including KING LOUIE. Music changes again to a rock version of “Pink Elephants on Parade.” Projection screens show PINK ELEPHANTS dancing.)

CHORUS
Look out!
Look out!

MALE SOLOIST
Pachyderms!

They’re here! They’re there!
Oh no! Look out!
They’re everywhere!

(Music abruptly changes to “I’ve Got No Strings.” PINOCCHIO puppet and DANCING GIRL puppets appear onstage and dance. Music climaxes with a can-can. Lights go out on the puppets and JIMINY CRICKET’s voice calls out as fish appear on projection screens.)

JIMINY CRICKET
(Offscreen.) Pinocchio! We’re down here! (He appears onscreen in a bubble and uses his umbrella to rescue his hat from an adjacent bubble.) Wha? Ho, there! (His bubble fills with water and pops. He notices fish swimming away.) Huh?

(MONSTRO appears on screen and scares away all the fish. Music turns threatening as MONSTRO creates splashes. MICKEY MOUSE appears on screen in the vortex of water created by the brooms in Fantasia.)

MICKEY MOUSE
Help! Whooooaaaa! (He is swallowed up by darkness, and only his eyes are visible on screen.) Uh, hey—what’s going on? Uh-oh!

(Music swells with thunder and lightning on screen. In an abrupt silence, a cannon fires. Lights up on the Sailing Ship Columbia, carrying the cast of Peter Pan.)

LOOKOUT
Peter Pan ahoy!

(PETER PAN crows.)

CAPTAIN HOOK
Swoggle me eyes, it is Pan! Look alive, you swabs!

MR. SMEE
All hands on deck!

(PETER PAN swings down from the crow’s nest as CAPTAIN HOOK goes to meet him.)

WENDY
Oh Peter, do be careful!

CAPTAIN HOOK
Come down, boy, if you’ve a taste for cold steel!

(The two spar. PETER PAN laughs and swings down another rope to the deck of the ship.)

CAPTAIN HOOK
Blast this hook!

PETER PAN
(Laughs.) Whoa, haha!

CAPTAIN HOOK
Scurvy brat!

(PIRATES corner PETER PAN.)

PIRATES
Going somewhere? Let’s string him up! I’m gonna make you walk the plank! I’ll feed you to the sharks!

(PIRATES laugh as and swing their swords at PETER PAN, who jumps on the plank to avoid them.)

CAPTAIN HOOK
Double the powder and shorten the fuse!

MR. SMEE
Shorten the powder, and double the fuse.

(Cannon fires again, causing PIRATE to fall from the ship’s rigging.)

WENDY
Oh how dreadful!

PETER
Watch this, Wendy!

(PETER PAN swings on a rope and bounds and flips through the PIRATES. A PIRATE swings over the side of the ship toward PETER PAN as he balances on the ship’s bow.)

MR. SMEE
Cap’n… Cap’n Hook!

(PIRATES make fighting noises.)

CAPTAIN HOOK
Get up, you idiot!

MR. SMEE
Aye-aye, sir!

CAPTAIN HOOK
I’ll get you for this, Pan, if it’s the last thing I do!

(PIRATES threaten WENDY on deck.)

PIRATES
Get over there! Don’t give us no trouble!

WENDY
Peter!

(PETER PAN flies up to the scaffolding.)

CAPTAIN HOOK
(Advances toward PETER PAN.) I’ve got you this time, Pan! I’ve waited years for this!

PETER PAN
Look, you codfish! Here!

(PETER PAN and CAPTAIN HOOK sword fight amid the ship’s rigging. On deck, WENDY runs to the ship’s stern, followed by PIRATES. They grab her from either side and start a tug of war. She fights them off.)

MR. SMEE
Give it to him, Cap’n! Cleave him to the brisket!

PETER PAN
You’re mine, Hook!

(A gun fires.)

PETER PAN
Say your prayers, Hook!

CAPTAIN HOOK
Let him have it! Blast him!

PETER PAN
Uh-uh-uh.

(Gun fires again, CAPTAIN HOOK screams and falls to the deck.)

WENDY
Fly, Peter!

CAPTAIN HOOK
Oh, you blithering blockheads! That cursed Peter Pan!

PETER PAN
I say, Captain, do you hear something?

(CAPTAIN HOOK notices that the CROCODILE is swimming in the ship’s wake.)

CAPTAIN HOOK
No! Noooo!

PETER PAN
Mr. Crocodile, do you like codfish? You do? (Laughs.)

CAPTAIN HOOK
(Swings behind the ship’s stern on ropes.) Save me, Smee! Save me! Please!

MR. SMEE
I’ll save you, Cap’n!

(CAPTAIN HOOK screams again as he swings back behind the stern.)

MR. SMEE
Oh, dear.

(Lights out on the Columbia. Lights up on barges carrying dancing PRINCES and PRINCESSES.)

FEMALE SOLOIST
See it in your mind,
And you can find
In your imagination,
Tales of enchantment, 
Beauty and romance,
Happily ever after!

(Barge appears, carrying BELLE and THE BEAST. They dance.)

MALE SOLOIST
Tale as old as time,
True as it can be.
Barely even friends,
Then somebody bends,
Unexpectedly.

Certain as the sun,
Rising in the east.

MALE AND FEMALE SOLOISTS
Tale as old as time,
Song as old as rhyme,
Beauty and the Beast.

(Their barge begins to exit, as one carrying ARIEL and PRINCE ERIC comes center.)

FEMALE SOLOIST
What would I give
If I could live
Out of these waters?

MALE SOLOIST
In your imagination!

FEMALE SOLOIST
What would I pay
To spend a day
Warm on the sand?

MALE SOLOIST
Dream a fantastic dream!

FEMALE SOLOIST
Betcha on land,
They understand.
Bet they don’t reprimand their daughters.

MALE AND FEMALE SOLOISTS
Bright young women,
Sick of swimmin’…

FEMALE SOLOIST
Ready to stand!

MALE SOLOIST
Ready to stand!

(Their barge starts to exit. New barge comes center, carrying SNOW WHITE and THE PRINCE, who are also dancing.)

FEMALE SOLOIST
Someday, my prince will come.

MALE AND FEMALE SOLOISTS
Someday, we’ll find true love!

FEMALE SOLOIST
Tale as old as time…

MALE SOLOIST
Song as old as rhyme…

(Music turns ominous as the EVIL QUEEN appears on stage and watches SNOW WHITE’s barge exit.)

EVIL QUEEN
Slave in the magic mirror, come from the farthest space! Through wind and darkness, I summon thee. Speak!

(A crash of thunder, and the MAGIC MIRROR appears on the projection screen.)

EVIL QUEEN
Let me see thy face!

MAGIC MIRROR
Famed is thy beauty, Majesty. But hold: three lovelier maids I see. And here, in Mickey’s imagination, beauty and love will always supplieth.

EVIL QUEEN
No! (Begins casting a spell over her cauldron.) A magic spell in the black of night! With a scream of fright. (A terrible scream is heard.) And a bolt of light! Turn my hair to white.

(EVIL QUEEN transforms into the OLD HAG. She cackles.)

OLD HAG
Now I’ll turn that little mouse’s dream into a nightmare fantasmic! Imagine this! (Cackles.) Magic mirror, on the wall, all the forces of evil I call. (Cackles.) 

(MAGIC MIRROR appears on the projection screen.)

MAGIC MIRROR
You have the power…

(MAGIC MIRROR morphs into OLD HAG.)

OLD HAG
To control his mind!

(She cackles and morphs into URSULA.)

URSULA
Oh yes! How exciting! Let’s do it!

(She cackles. Music swells and then transitions into “Poor Unfortunate Souls.”)

URSULA
Hello!
I admit that in the past, I’ve been a nasty.
They weren’t kidding when they called me, well, a “witch.”
Beluga Sevruga indeed! Ursula will take matters into her own tentacles. Ha! How nice — Mickey Mouse’s mind will be mine! And then I’ll make him writhe… I’ll see him wriggle like a worm on a hook! To belong to me… to obey my every whim! Why not? Let’s do it!

(Music transitions to “Night on Bald Mountain.” CHERNABOG appears on projection screens. He controls skeletons around him. After the climax of the song, the screens disappear to reveal MALEFICENT and MICKEY standing on stage.)

MALEFICENT
Now you will deal with me—and all the powers of my imagination!

MICKEY MOUSE
Oh no!

(MALEFICENT sends spells at MICKEY as she rises into the air cackling maniacally. On the projection screen, images of the DRAGON flicker. The OLD HAG appears on screen again.)

OLD HAG
Imagination! (Cackles.)

(The villains appear again, one by one, laughing evilly. First URSULA, then CHERNABOG, then the silhouette of the DRAGON. As the projection screens clear, a giant animatronic version of the DRAGON has appeared. It breathes fire, which spreads to the water.)

MICKEY MOUSE
Uh, you may think you’re so powerful. (Laughs feebly.) Well, uh, this is my dream!

(MICKEY pulls a sword from a stone. He points the sword at the DRAGON and sparks fly out. MALEFICENT begins screaming as the DRAGON writhes. Scenes appear on the projection screen, showing the villains being defeated one by one: CHERNABOG, then URSULA, then the OLD HAG who transforms back into the EVIL QUEEN. Finally, the DRAGON is vanquished. Lights flash as the music becomes more hopeful.)

(TINKER BELL appears on screen and casts a spell. The Mark Twain Riverboat emerges on the water, piloted by STEAMBOAT WILLIE MICKEY. Other characters dance with ribbons aboard the boat, including ALADDIN, JASMINE, DWARFS, BELLE, THE BEAST, PLUTO, CHIP ‘N’ DALE, ALICE, TWEEDLE-DEE, TWEEDLE-DUM, MAD HATTER, WHITE RABBIT, TIANA, PRINCE NAVEEN, DONALD DUCK, MINNIE MOUSE, GOOFY, MARY POPPINS, BERT, ARIEL, PRINCE ERIC, SNOW WHITE, THE PRINCE, WOODY, JESSIE, BUZZ LIGHTYEAR, and others. Music changes to the Fantasmic! theme.)

CHORUS
See it in your mind,
And you will find,
In your imagination,
Mysteries and magic,
Visions fantastic,
Leading to strange and wondrous dreams!

Dreams are make believe,
But could they all come true ?

Aaah, aaah, aaah,
In your imagination!
Aaah, aaah, aaah,
In your imagination!

Here in your mind,
It’s magic you’ll find.
When out of the night,
Dark forces ignite
To blind you with frightening speed,
You use your might
To brighten the light,
Creating a night of wondrous deeds!

(SORCERER MICKEY appears on the highest level of the stage and conducts the fountains and fireworks. At the climax of the music, he disappears from the top of the mountain and reappears on the main stage, wearing a sparkling version of his main outfit.)

MICKEY MOUSE
Some imagination, huh? (Chuckles.)

(MICKEY disappears again as the music and fireworks perform their finale.)

(Exit music begins.)

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Main Street Electrical Parade (Disneyland)

*Sung lyrics in bold.

(Parade intro music begins.)

TECHNO VOICE
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
Disneyland proudly presents

Our spectacular festival pageant
Of nighttime magic and imagination

In thousands of sparkling lights
And electro-syntho-magnetic musical sounds,

The Main Street Electrical Parade!

(Parade theme, “Baroque Hoedown,” begins.)

(Drum float passes by, carrying GOOFY, MICKEY MOUSE, and MINNIE MOUSE. Spinning bugs pass by. Mushroom float passes by. ALICE IN WONDERLAND float passes by.)

ALICE (Ad lib)
Hello, everyone… It’s lovely to see you all tonight… Oh, Mr. Rabbit — he’s running late, you know… You all have such big smiles, like the Cheshire Cat, etc.

(CATERPILLAR float passes by.)

CATERPILLAR
You there! Girl! Who are you? A-E-I-O-U. Who are you? You there! Snail! You are not spinning correctly! Exactically what is your problem? I shall recite: “How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail, and pour the waters of the Nile on every golden scale?” Who are you? Exactically where are you going? I have something important to ask: who are you? Why are you staring at me?

(MICE dance by. CINDERELLA’s coach float passes by. Lords and ladies dance by. STEPSISTERS float passes by, followed by more dancers. Big Ben float passes by. Pirate ship float passes by with CAPTAIN HOOK and PETER PAN. MR. SMEE rows by in his boat. FAIRIES dance by. TINKER BELL’s float passes by. SEVEN DWARFS mine car float passes by, carrying DOPEY. The other DWARFS and SNOW WHITE dance by. PINOCCHIO and DONKEYS dance by. Pleasure Island float passes by. ELLIOT float passes by with PETE riding atop him.)

PETE (ad lib)
Hello, down there… Have you ever seen a dragon before?… Let’s all shout “razzle dazzle” and see if Elliott disappears!, etc.

(American flag float passes by, flanked by dancing patriots. Bald eagle passes by last.)

TECHNO VOICE
The Main Street Electrical Parade!

(Music swells to finale.)

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Remember… Dreams Come True Fireworks (Disneyland)

*Sung lyrics in bold.

(Pre-show Announcements.)

ANNOUNCER
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls: you’re invited to share a dazzling celebration with us at Disneyland! In just 10 minutes, Tinker Bell will bring the skies above Sleeping Beauty Castle to life as never before. Please join us for the fireworks spectacular Remember… Dreams Come True — presented by Honda. Our breathtaking celebration in the sky begins in just 10 minutes! Thank you.

(Spanish announcement.)

(Music begins with “Wishes” theme.)

JULIE ANDREWS
Good evening, this is Julie Andrews. Once upon a time, there was a Magic Kingdom made of hopes and childhood fantasies. A timeless place, where every land was filled with wonder. A place where everyone who entered its gates would be given the gift of the young at heart — the power to wish upon a star and unlock its magic. Are you ready to wish upon a star? Then it’s time to open your heart and remember… dreams come true.

CHILD SOLOIST
Star light, star bright, 
First star I see tonight. 
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight.
We’ll make a wish, and do as dreamers do.

CHORUS
Do as dreamers do.

CHILD SOLOIST
And all our wishes…

CHORUS
All our wishes…

CHILD SOLOIST
Will come true.

CHORUS
When you wish upon a star,
Makes no difference who you are!
Anything your heart desires will come to you.

JULIE ANDREWS
In 1955, a magical place was born, and in this marvelous kingdom, there lived many delightful friends who made our dreams come true. An enchanting place where storybook heroes and daring adventures waited around every corner.

CHORUS
If your heart is in your dreams…

CINDERELLA
I wish I could go to the ball!

SNOW WHITE
I’m wishing… someday, my prince will come!

CHORUS
No request is too extreme!

ARIEL
(Laughs.) I wish — oh, I wish I could be part of that world!

PETER PAN
I wish we’d never have to grow up. Off to Neverland! Haha!

CHORUS
When you wish upon a star, 
As dreamers do.

PINOCCHIO
Look Jiminy! Someday, I wish I could be a real boy!

ALADDIN
Genie, I wish for your freedom!

CHORUS
Wishes!

JULIE ANDREWS
Tonight, we’re going to share a wonderful dream come true together. In 1955, an amazing man named Walt Disney dreamt of a Magic Kingdom.

(TINKER BELL flies from Matterhorn.)

WALT DISNEY
To all who come to this happy place, welcome! Disneyland is your land. Here age relives fond memories of the past, and here youth may savor the challenge and promise of the future. Disneyland is dedicated to the ideals, the dreams, and the hard facts that have created America, with the hope that it will be a source of joy and inspiration for all the world.

(Train whistle sounds.)

DISNEYLAND ANNOUNCER
Your attention, please! The Disneyland Limited now leaving for a grand circle tour of the Magic Kingdom. Board!

(Music changes to ragtime anthem. Music changes to Main Street Electrical Parade theme.)

ELECTRONIC VOICE
Disneyland’s Main Street Electrical Parade!

(Music changes to Enchanted Tiki Room theme.)

JOSE
Ole! Ole! It’s chowtime!

BIRD CHORUS
In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room,
In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room…

JOSE
All the birds sing words,

MICHAEL
And the flowers croon,

BIRD CHORUS
In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room!

FRITZ
Oh my goodness!

PIERRE
Mon ami!

(Music turns ominous as thunder claps.)

MICHAEL
The gods have been angered by all the celebratin’!

(Music transitions to Indiana Jones Adventure theme. Fire effects.)

CHORUS
Aah! Aah!

SALLAH
As you enter the Chamber of Destiny, do not look into the eyes of the idol!

(Music changes to Indiana Jones theme. Music changes to Haunted Mansion theme.)

GHOST HOST
Welcome, foolish mortals, to the Haunted Mansion. I am your host — your Ghost Host. Is this haunted room actually stretching…

(Perimeter fireworks.)

Or is it your imagination? This chamber has no windows and no doors. (Laughs.) Which offers you this chilling challenge: to find a way out! (Laughs.)

(Perimeter fireworks.)

Of course, there’s always my way.

(Thunder claps. Music changes to “Grim Grinning Ghosts.”)

MADAME LEOTA
Serpents and spiders, tail of a rat, call in the spirits, wherever they’re at! Rap on a table — it’s time to respond. Let there be music from regions beyond!

CHORUS
Ohh, ohh…

LITTLE LEOTA
Hurry back. Hurry back. Be sure to bring your death certificate (Laughs.)

PIRATE VOICE
Dead men tell no tales.

(Music changes to Pirates of the Caribbean theme.)

CAPTAIN BARBOSA
Hike your colors, you bloomin’ cockroaches! Stand by at your guns… Fire at will!

(Cannon fire. Fireworks as the battle continues.)

Avast, you scurvy scum! Hold ’em lads, hold ’em! Ay, that’ll show the bilge rats! Another broadside, and you goes down with the tide! Surrender, you lily-livered lubbers! Put up your white flag!

(Train whistle sounds. “Wishes” theme begins again.)

CHILD CHORUS
Wishes, dream a dream.
Wishes, set them free!

(Music transitions to “Shenandoah.”)

VULTURE (from Splash Mountain)
So, you’re looking for a laughin’ place, eh?

(Sounds of BR’ER FOX, BR’ER BEAR, and BR’ER RABBIT laughing. Music changes to “Everybody’s Got a Laughin’ Place.”)

PETER PAN (from Peter Pan’s Flight)
C’mon, everybody — here we goooooooo!

MAD HATTER AND MARCH HARE (from Alice in Wonderland)
No room! No room! No vacancies! No room!

CASEY JR. (from Casey Jr. Circus Train)
All aboard! Let’s go!

MAD HATTER AND MARCH HARE
A very merry unbirthday to you!

BENNY THE CAB (from Roger Rabbit’s Car Toon Spin)
Holy smokes, Roger — we’ve been dipped!

MAX (from Country Bear Vacation Hoedown)
Just lead the way, Henry!

BUFF
All right!

SKUNK
Wow, showbiz!

TIGGER (from The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh)
Follow the bouncin’ Tigger! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

(Sounds of bouncing.)

Right this way! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

(Music transitions to “Can-Can.” Pinwheels spin.)

WEASEL (from America Sings)
Pop, goes the weasel!

(Music climaxes and goes silent.)

JACK WAGNER (from Matterhorn Bobsleds)
Remain seated, please. Permanecer sentados, por favor.

(Sci-fi sound effects begin.)

MISSION CONTROL VOICE (from Space Mountain)
All personnel, clear the launch platform. (Echoes.)

SUBMARINE TECH (from Submarine Voyage)
Warning light, sir. We’ve reached maximum depth limit.

SUBMARINE CAPTAIN
Ease her back up to 80 fathoms.

SUBMARINE TECH
Eight zero fathoms, aye-aye!

ECHOING VOICE (from Adventure Thru Inner Space)
Magnification!

INNER SPACE NARRATOR
Can I possibly survive?

(Star Tours chime sounds.)

STAR TOURS ANNOUNCER
Star Tours announces the boarding of the Endor Express. All passengers, please prepare for immediate boarding.

(Music changes to Star Wars theme.)

REX
R2 — light speed to Endor!

RED 24
Red-24, I’m going in. Cover me!

(Sounds of blasters and droids. Fireworks and laser effects.)

REX
Hey, sorry folks. I’m sure it’ll go better next time. It was my first flight, and I’m still getting used to my programming!

(Star Tours music climaxes and goes silent. Music changes back to “Wishes” theme.)

JULIE ANDREWS
Today, Walt Disney’s Magic Kingdom has grown to become the “Happiest Place on Earth” to millions the world over. A place where anything is possible — where every dreamer may wish upon a star.

(TINKER BELL flies around the castle.)

CHORUS
Wishes! Dream a dream. (Fate is kind.) 
Wishes! Set it free. (She brings to those who love…) 
Wishes! Trust your heart. (The sweet fulfillment of…) 
Just believe (Their secret longing.) 
Just believe.
Just believe!

Like a bolt out of the blue,
Fate steps in and sees you through!
When you wish upon a star, 
Your dreams come true.

Make a wish, and do as dreamers do.
Just do as dreamers do.

Make a wish! 
Wishes!
Dream a dream! 
Wishes!
Trust your heart! 
And your wish will come true!

JULIE ANDREWS
Remember… dreams come true.

(Fireworks finale.)

(Post-show music begins: “Remember When.”)

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Haunted Mansion (Disneyland)

*Sung lyrics in bold.

(Narration begins when guests enter the Mansion foyer.)

GHOST HOST
When hinges creak in doorless chambers, and strange and frightening sounds echo through the halls. Whenever candlelights flicker where the air is deathly still — that is the time when ghosts are present, practicing their terror with ghoulish delight!

(Guests move into Stretching Room.)

Welcome, foolish mortals, to the Haunted Mansion. I am your host, your ghost host. Kindly step all the way in please, and make room for everyone. There’s no turning back now. Our tour begins here in this gallery, where you see paintings of some of our guests as they appeared in their corruptible, mortal state.

CAST MEMBER (Exact wording varies)
Please drag your bodies away from the walls and into the dead center of the room.

GHOST HOST
Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding, almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis. Is this haunted room actually stretching? Or is it your imagination — hmm? And consider this dismaying observation: this chamber has no windows and no doors… which offers you this chilling challenge: to find a way out! (Laughs.) Of course, there’s always my way.

(Thunder claps, lights go out, someone screams. A body hangs from a noose above the room. Doors begin to open and lights come back on.)

Oh, I didn’t mean to frighten you prematurely. The real chills come later. Now, as they say, “look alive,” and we’ll continue our little tour. And let’s all stay together, please.

(Guests move into hallway.)

There are several prominent ghosts who have retired here from creepy old crypts all over the world. Actually, we have 999 happy haunts here — but there’s room for 1,000. Any volunteers? (Laughs.) If you insist on lagging behind, you may not need to volunteer.

And now, a carriage approaches to take you into the boundless realm of the supernatural.Take your loved ones by the hand, please, and kindly watch your step. Oh yes, and no flash pictures, please. We spirits are frightfully sensitive to bright lights.

(Guests board Doom Buggies.)

Do not pull down on the safety bar, please. I will lower it for you. And heed this warning: the spirits will materialize only if you remain safely seated with your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside. And watch your children, please.

(Spanish safety spiel)

 

(Doom Buggies move into Corridor of Doors.)

GHOST HOST
We find it delightfully unlivable here in this ghostly retreat. Every room has wall-to-wall creeps, and hot and cold running chills. Shhh, listen!

MAN IN COFFIN
Let me out, let me out of here!

(Door knockers clang, clock ticks. Doom Buggies move into Madame Leota’s Room.)

MADAME LEOTA
Serpents and spiders, tail of a rat, call in the spirits, wherever they’re at!

(Sounds of ghosts.)

Rap on a table — it’s time to respond. Send us a message from somewhere beyond…

(Knock on table.)

Goblins and ghoulies from last Halloween, awaken the spirits with your tambourine!

(Sound of a tambourine.)

Creepies and crawlies, toads in a pond, let there be music from regions beyond!

(A brass instrument plays part of “Grim Grinning Ghosts.”)

Wizards and witches, wherever you dwell, give us a hint, by ringing a bell!

(A bell rings.)

(Doom Buggies pass into Ballroom.)

GHOST HOST
The happy haunts have received your sympathetic vibrations and are beginning to materialize. They’re assembling for a swinging wake, and they’ll be expecting me… I’ll see you all a little later.

(Organ plays theme music. Two portraits shoot at each other. Doom Buggies move into Attic.)

BRIDE
In sickness and in… wealth. You may now kiss the bride. We’ll live happily ever after. Till death do us part. Here comes the bride. As long as we both shall live. For better or for… worse. I do. I did.

(Doom Buggies move past Hatbox Ghost, out Attic window, and into Graveyard.)

VARIOUS GHOSTS
When the crypt doors creak and the tombstones quake,
Spooks come out for a swinging wake.
Happy haunts materialize and begin to vocalize.
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize!

Now, don’t close your eyes and don’t try to hide,
For a silly spook may sit by your side.
Shrouded in a daft disguise, they pretend to terrorize.
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize!

As the moon climbs high o’er the dead oak tree,
Spooks arrive for the midnight spree.
Creepy creeps with eerie eyes start to shriek and harmonize.
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize!

When you hear the knell of a requiem bell,
Weird glows gleam where spirits dwell.
Restless bones etherealize, rise as spooks of every size!

(Doom Buggies pass into Hitchhiking Ghosts Corridor.)

GHOST HOST
Ah, there you are! And just in time… there’s a little matter I forgot to mention — beware of hitchhiking ghosts!

(Doom Buggies pass mirrors showing Hitchhiking Ghosts.)

They have selected you to fill our quota, and they’ll haunt you until you return! Now I will raise the safety bar, and a ghost will follow you home! (Laughs.)

FEMALE SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Please exit to your left by stepping away from the cars with your left foot first. Step out and stand on the moving platform.

MALE SAFETY ANNOUNCER
Please exit by stepping away from the cars with your left foot first. Step out and stand on the moving platform, please.

(Guests exit Doom Buggies and stand on moving platform.)

GHOSTS VOICEOVER
If would like to join our jamboree,
There’s a simple rule that’s compulsory.
Mortals pay a token fee;
Rest in peace, the haunting’s free.
So hurry back, we would like your company.

LITTLE LEOTA
Hurry back! Hurry back! Be sure to bring your death certificate… if you decide to join us. Make final arrangements now! We’ve been dying to have you…

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